110: How to be a Content Creator without Wrecking Your Mental Health with Franchesca Ramsey
Today’s episode is a conversation I’ve been wanting to have for awhile, and I’ve found the perfect person for this topic. Franchesca Ramsey is an actor, writer, public speaker, and longtime content creator. She wrote and performed in the web series MTV Decoded, where she tackled race, pop culture, and other uncomfortable topics. Other notable accomplishments include writing for The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore and a nomination for an NAACP award for one of the best books of 2018: Well, That Escalated Quickly: Memoirs and Mistakes of an Accidental Activist. Franchesca shares her expertise and insights on longevity and mental health as a content creator. Join us to learn more!
Show Highlights:
Burnout is real in the content creation world.
Lessons learned about life and authenticity as a content creator, influencer, and vlogger
Are you putting your time and energy in the wrong place?
You have to censor yourself EVERY day!
Impulsive reactions on social media can have severe consequences. Give yourself space to step back.
Prioritizing joy in your content and not reacting with anger
The nature of social media
Strengthening internal boundaries by getting comfortable with being misunderstood
Thoughts on cancel culture and negative backlash
Our conversation is so good that we don’t want it to end. We will continue with Part 2 with Franchesca in next week’s episode!
Resources and Links:
Connect with Franchesca Ramsey: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and book
Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook
Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning
We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.
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KC Davis 0:05
Hello the, sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to struggle. Care. I'm your host, KC Davis, where we talk about all things individual and systemic that affect your mental health, your wellness, and occasionally just things that interest me. And so I am really excited about today's episode. This is a conversation I've been wanting to have for a while. I haven't found the right person to have it with, and so I have Francesca Ramsey with me in the studio. Francesca, thank you for being here. Oh,
Franchesca Ramsey 0:29
thank you for having me. Casey, I'm such a big fan. I've been a longtime fan of yours, so it's long overdue for us to chat. Well, thank
KC Davis 0:36
you. I was so starstruck when you, like, tweeted at me on Twitter. I was like, wait, wait, wait, what?
Speaker 1 0:44
Yeah, I've been following you on Tiktok for a minute at that point. And then, you know, I made, I did this thing where I pulled a video from Tiktok to Twitter, which I'm sure we'll talk about that at some point, when I was like, oh, man, I feel like I should let her know that it was me. If people are starting to get weird so,
KC Davis 1:02
and they did, they always do. If those of you at home don't know who Francesca Ramsey is, let me give you a little breakdown, and then I'll let you also introduce yourself, right? But Francesca's an actor, writer, public speaker, longtime content creator, and you've done lots of stuff. You did the web series MTV decoded. You've been a writer for The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, and you also have an NAACP award for one of the best Amazon books in 2018
Franchesca Ramsey 1:29
Well, I got a nomination. I lost the award to Michelle Obama, which I'm totally okay with, right? I mean, we knew she was gonna win. I knew.
KC Davis 1:39
And you wrote a book called, well, that escalated quickly, and I believe it's memoirs and mistakes of an accidental activist. Okay, so you're the perfect person to have this conversation with, because I want to talk about longevity and mental health and being a content creator. And you've been doing this a long time, and I've been doing this a short time. And in my short time of doing this, I think I started in 2020, and it was totally accidental. I have had to learn a lot of really hard lessons, and I have wanted to quit a few times, and I have watched other content creators quit?
Franchesca Ramsey 2:21
Yeah, burnout is real, and I think especially because this career field is so new, and most of us, you know, you can go online and you can see a lot of people working as content creators, but in your real offline life, do you know a lot of people that are long term content creators, probably not, and so creating community for me has been really important. But I've I've felt myself get burnt out. I've watched other people get burnt out. I started making videos in 2006 so my senior year of college right after YouTube had been founded, there really was no blueprint. And I think for me, the thing that's given me longevity, as I approach almost 20 years, which is bonkers to say, is taking time off. And I think a lot of influencers and creators, they're like, I'm gonna go all in, which is not a bad thing. But when you're self employed, you can essentially work all the time. And when your content, when your life is the content, the lines get blurred between, like, living life and living life for the purpose of creating content. And somehow I just had the foresight to not do that to myself. Yeah, that's actually
KC Davis 3:41
one of the things I wanted to ask you about. Is because I just wanna delve into your brain about, like, the lessons that you've learned. And that is one of them. Because not only do I see people burn out, so I see people like, flame out, burn out. I also see people quit because they're like, it's too much and I can't do it anymore. I also you see people, quote, unquote, get canceled, and then they quit, or they, you know, they just can't recover. And one of the things that I wanted to ask about is this idea of, when it comes to, like, the content creation, influencer, vlogger world, there's this idea of authenticity, where, you know, it's not just the product you're putting out there. It is also you. It's your life, your personality. And there's all this emphasis on authenticity. And I'm curious, like, how you lessons you've learned about boundaries, because I feel like that's where a lot of us get into trouble. It's like there's a difference between authenticity and transparency. And you had a Tiktok recently where you talked about, there was someone talking about their frustrations, learning that white content creators were often paid more than black content creators, and there was this frustration, and you made this Tiktok response where you had said, like, hey, that is like a real issue, and we need to talk about it. And it is valid to be upset about. And one of the things that you see a lot of newer content creators do is we don't have a buffer between experiencing something and then jumping online to talk about it
Franchesca Ramsey 5:14
and turning it into and turning it into content. And it's it is, it's hard. When I made that video, there were a lot of people that were like, there was differing responses to it, where people were like, you know, don't tone police, don't respectability politics, all these things. And I was like, Look, I know these words, and I think you're using them in the wrong way, because I am not saying that you should not be angry if you're not paid fairly. What I'm saying is when something happens. I mean, it could be the smallest grievance ever. I mean, you see influencers do this all the time, where they're like, I ordered something at this restaurant and it didn't come on time, and then they make a video about it, and you're like, Okay, I understand that you're pissed off, but like this becoming content, what is the purpose? And similarly, if you want to talk about pay disparity, which I think we absolutely should, if your goal is to be paid fairly, making a video the minute you find out about it is not the way to do it. And I saw a number of influencers, one in particular that was saying, you know, my manager reps these white creators, and they're making more than me. And I was like, so you should be talking to your manager, not to us, because if your manager is telling you my white clients are getting paid more than you, then Mom, why you my manager earn that 10% but now you come on social media and you tell us about it, and you you look really tone deaf to Your audience, like your audience is like you're complaining about 1000s of dollars for Instagram posts, other brands are thinking, Oh, if the deal's not right, she or he or they are, they gonna go on the internet and argue and talk about it versus talking to us behind the scenes to get it right? They might be too risky. And so I say that from a place of I have made that I have made that mistake I will never forget. I was working on my first TV job was the Nightly Show, and I was really struggling. And one night after that, we, after we taped Larry, my boss sat us in the office to go through. How do we feel about the episode? And he asked me how I was doing, and I was really, I don't remember what I was upset about, but I was really stressing out. And he said, Well, maybe if you weren't on Twitter so much, you wouldn't be stressed. And I had a moment of, oh my God, my boss is seeing me talk shit on Twitter when I'm supposed to be in my office writing jokes for the episode, and now here I am stressed about if I did a good job or not, because I was putting my time and energy into Twitter. And it was a huge perspective shift for me, because even when I was right with who I was arguing with on Twitter, I was putting my time and energy in the wrong place. And I think that's something a lot of creators, they struggle with, that balance your grievances can be absolutely legitimate, but I have to ask myself, what's the result that I'm looking for? What's the purpose of sharing this on the internet? Am I looking for the instant gratification of Yeah, girl, you're right, blah, blah, blah, or do I want a solution to the problem? And you know, I think that can happen. Sometimes you can get both, but I'm of the mind. It's never going to hurt you to just take a moment to calm down before you decide how you want to move forward. It
KC Davis 8:36
seems like it's a hard lesson to learn, and there's not really anybody to tell us when this point comes, but Tiktok is such a different animal than all other social media that we've really been familiar with in the past. Like it used to be that we had our personal Facebooks and our personal Twitters, and then if you uploaded on something on YouTube, there was this understanding that it's like this is cultivated for an audience. And then you used your like, personal, you know, Instagram or Facebook, for your kind of unfiltered reactions to your day, and it was just the people that you knew listening to that, and they knew your intentions and your backgrounds and whatever, whatever. And when Tiktok really started blowing up, I feel like a lot of us started Tiktok just like our facebook, and it was just our friends we were following, and then, like, but as they blew up and as they got big, there has to be this, like, turning point of, like, Oh, this isn't my personal social media in the sense of, like, Facebook anymore. Like, I can't just this isn't just my unfiltered thoughts, or at least if it is going to be be aware that's going to get me in trouble, and I probably can't use this as a career.
Franchesca Ramsey 9:40
Yeah. I think with the thing that a lot of people struggle with, like, when you mention authenticity, I've seen this with a lot of younger creators. And just for context, I turned 40 last year, and not to be like, That's old, but maybe you've had this experience too, where I'm starting to see my 30s and 20s with, like, this different lens, where I'm. Like, Oh my God. I just didn't know there was just so much life I hadn't experienced. And one thing I see a lot of young people saying when it comes to authenticity is, I'm not going to censor myself like I'm just I am who I am. And I think you have to censor yourself every day, like you, you know, if your boss smells like a butthole. You don't say, like, Hey, you smell like a butthole. You just go like, Oh, my boss smells a little funky today. And you go about you. You just don't say everything that comes into your head. It's the same thing with building a brand online. You can be authentic without sharing everything. And some people think, oh, that's being fake. Or, you know, you're playing the game. It's like, well, I mean, maybe a little bit of both, but the same way that when you you know, when Beyonce is doing a meet and greet, you're not getting the Beyonce that's at home without her bra on, you know, like, that's a different Beyonce. I don't know that Beyonce behind closed doors, she's somebody else, but when she's at work, she's this version. And similarly So, when I'm on social media, you're seeing Francesca, but you're not seeing all of Francesca. There's stuff that I save for my friends and my partner and my family and whoever else you know. And so learning how to delineate what is for the audience's consumption? What opinions you maybe should keep to yourself? What drama should maybe be on the internet? If you have drama with someone you actually want to squash, maybe you got to talk to them offline. You have slide in their DMS to your point about the tick tock of it all, that algorithm will pick you up and show you to millions of people, and I've started, or for a while, I've thought about who is the person I don't want to see this content. If I have that person in mind, I shouldn't post it on then or because it could potentially get to them. Yeah,
KC Davis 11:59
and I want to talk about that the drama of it all for a minute, because two of the big things I wanted to hit was like, how you like lessons you've learned in dealing with like online hate, and also like lessons in online drama, like, I feel like when my account was smaller, you know, I would stitch a creator and say, like, I disagree with this person, or like, I find this person fundamentally flawed, or I this value set is ridiculous, right? And I hit a critical mass of followers to where, no matter how right I was or how tactful I was trying to be, it created this huge ripple effect of people like going to that person's page. And then it became about how I was sending my followers. And then it was like, okay, yeah,
Franchesca Ramsey 12:45
and I've even seen you, and I commend you, because I've seen a number of times where you're like, I am not telling anybody to go after this person, but they still do it anyway. And it is that thing of like, you can't unring the bell, and I've learned that lesson many a time. I told a story in my book about someone I don't even remember what exactly I think we were talking about, like victim blaming or something on Twitter, and a girl was in my mentions, and she said something along the lines of, like, Yeah, well, if you get assaulted, then it was probably your fault or something like that. And I ran, like, just reamed her out. I was like, and then, like, a few hours later, when I reread our conversation, I realized she was talking about herself. She was saying that she had been assaulted and that something that she had done had led to it, and by the time I realized it, my followers were just laying into her, and I was I felt so terrible. I DMed her, I deleted the tweet immediately, and I DMed her, and I was like, I misread your comment, and I'm so sorry. You did nothing wrong. And I and she never replied, and I just felt so heartbroken by it, and it reminded it was an eye opening moment for me that the impulsive reaction on my part to be right ended up having severe consequences, and also, because it was a public conversation, despite the fact that I was only replying to her, I didn't quote tweet her. It was still on the internet, and everyone could chime in. And the performance of social media encourages folks to not be thoughtful, not have nuance. It's like, WWE wrestling. It's like, I'm gonna wind up and I'm gonna drop on you, not because that's the right move, but because everyone's gonna see it, and so yeah,
KC Davis 14:41
and I had a few times, more than a few times, where I've made a response video that was snarky or sarcastic or clap back, and would have been a stellar, totally reasonable response, except I misunderstood what the person was saying. In my head, I always hear like, friendly fire, friendly fire, like I ended. Up really just blowing up some poor, vulnerable person, or, like, you know, I end up seeing them as, you know, a full human afterwards who maybe just made a mistake, versus someone who was really trying to be cruel. And those are always the times when I'm like, I need to step back for a minute because I'm now in a state that's so reactive. And typically, that reactivity is because I've gone through an onslaught of hate, of people who are clearly just trying to be cruel, people who are pursuing my suffering, and
Franchesca Ramsey 15:32
then it gets really hard to distinguish. I've had that issue too, where you have so many people asking questions that are not in good faith or misrepresenting what you're saying. So then you get a random comment. And something that I've done is I'm answering so many comments at once that, like I respond to somebody that I meant to respond to somebody else, or I think again, I just like, read too fast or something. And so again, like giving yourself space to step back and say like the internet is not making me feel good right now, I'm getting either a lot of negative feedback or I'm consuming a lot of negative content that's making me feel bad, and I need a break, and I think more influencers, again, need to give themselves space for that, and that's one reason that I always encourage folks to have multiple streams of income. Because, you know, here we are, Tiktok might not be here next year, and that is going to have devastating effects for a number of reasons, but for some people that Tiktok is their bread and butter, it could potentially be really devastating, but even for your own mental health, when you're like, have to make videos. I have to respond to comments. I have to no no, no, no, no. If I'm starting to feel tense, I'm like, I have to take a break. I have to put the phone down to go outside. I have to hang out with my offline friends who don't know anything about social media and live my life, because this is not productive. And, you know, there's been this whole conversation about like content creator versus influencer, which I think is kind of like semantics. But personally, I don't feel like my brain is suited for creating anything when I'm angry or upset, I mean, sometimes, but I'm really trying to prioritize like, joy in my content, and I can't do that if I'm thinking about like, how someone's gonna misinterpret it, or what the haters are gonna say. Like, that's not a good place to create from.
KC Davis 17:38
Yeah, and I find myself sometimes feel like I'm backed into this corner where not responding makes me feel powerless, like makes me feel like a doormat, like I should just sit here and take it, and I have some of my own trauma and my background to where, like when I feel like I'm getting the messaging, just be the bigger person. Just allow yourself just take it. Just take it. Just absorb it. Just absorb it. Yeah, I get to a place where it like clicks off something in me, and I feel really angry about my perception of the expectation that I just sit there and take it, and I lash out, and I clap back, and I feel like I have I'm constantly thinking about the way that I respond to those things, because there's been ways that I've responded where I feel empowered, and then there's ways that I've responded where it feels good for my ego in the moment, and then I end up regretting it. And then there's ways that I respond that I think, okay, all right, that's not some big, huge mistake, but like, what do I want to do differently? And I'm still trying to find that middle ground because it doesn't feel good to become the person that I hate. You know what I mean? Like to just utilize my power to squish you because you've hurt me. But it also doesn't feel good to just like completely ignore all of it, and I'm still trying to find that inner you know, that middle ground of can I Is there a place where I get to stand up for myself, or defend myself or not, have to feel that way that doesn't crush people, and I don't know,
Franchesca Ramsey 19:08
yeah, I mean, I don't have an answer. It's something that I grapple with too. But I will say the first time I encountered your content was when you were making those cards where you were talking about, like, bad faith arguments and like, you know, rhetorical devices and stuff. And I really loved that because, to your point about standing up for yourself, it felt like that's what you were doing in that content. You weren't directing it at one specific person. You were saying, here is something that I've encountered, and I'm going to explain to you why it's bad faith, why it doesn't work, how you can spot it, and you were taking your power back in that way. And that's something that I've been trying to do more than my content, like, if I see a trend in my comments, or I've encountered a certain type of person that is just, you know. Sticking in my craw, instead of giving them the spotlight, how can I take that feeling and turn it into content that makes me feel like I am giving it, like letting go of it, having power over me, but also like doing something that helps my audience? Because if I'm encountering this thing that I know they are and I can, or even sometimes, if I comment on drama, you know, for example, this influencer this conversation about pay disparities, I'm like, I can talk about this without saying the influencers name. I can talk about this without being like, here's why they're wrong and like, what you need to learn. And I can make it about what I've learned, my experience, things that I've encountered, ways that I would do things differently. And I can use that grain of situation as a jumping off point without making it about that. So that if you don't even know about the drama, you're just like, oh, this was really great advice. They don't, they don't, they don't have to know who I'm talking about. And I feel like, to your point about, like, the algorithm and drama and whatever, I also feel like it then you don't get caught up in, like, the discourse wave, where then like, everybody's commenting it. I feel like it attracts like a more authentic audience. Like, I'm like, Oh, this video is not going to go viral because I didn't say this influencers name and this data. But guess what, the comments are a lot better because there's people who actually care and want the information, and they don't want to just like, fight. And when
KC Davis 21:35
you get to actually talk about the subject, like, one of the things that I have noticed happens is that, you know, I'll start out with a commentary or even a criticism or whatever, and that's what I want to talk about. And I have good points and I'm not maybe I didn't say every single word perfectly, or maybe some, you know, in a real conversation, I might say something and you go, Oh, what about this? Will be like, yeah, actually, let me amend that one sentence. But of course, in Tiktok, it's a one snapshot in time, right? So, but what happens when it's a stitch, or when you say the person's name, or when whatever, not that that's always wrong, but really quickly, what becomes the center of the conversation is whether I did it right. And so now I have to defend whether I did it right, whether I said it right, whether I'm being a big old meanie or whether it was okay to say and then the other person, and then everyone feels like they have to take sides, like, well, I'm with this person. Why unfold that person? Why? And I'm really it's like now the conversation and the content and the replies and the videos are about me and whether I did an okay thing and not the actual subject that I wanted to talk about. Yeah,
Franchesca Ramsey 22:39
and I think that that's also just, unfortunately, the nature of social media, like it just doesn't lend itself to giving folks grace. And it is all about the hot take. It's very black and white. It's who's right and wrong, rather than like. And to be fair, there are some instances where like someone is wrong, right? Like someone has harmed someone, someone has broken the law, right? Like someone has, you know, abused someone. Like, those are situations where, like, yes, there is a right and there's a wrong, and then there's a bunch of situations where, like, there's Shades of Gray, where you're like, oh, I don't agree with that, but I can see how you got there. Or Or I've done something similar, and here's how I got to a different place, right? It's just way more nuanced than like, right and wrong. And I'm of the mind that some conversations are just not meant to be had in a one minute video. They're better for a podcast, they're better for an email. Sometimes they're just not suited for a public consumption. I've had a number of offline conversations with influencers and even some celebrities where I just, like, sit in their DMS and I was like, Yo, you getting eaten up right now? I can let you know why, if you want to talk about it, I can let you know I put the ball on the court, I say, like, I know you're getting inundated right now. And I think this is what's helped me, is I say I know people are coming at you left and right. If you want to hear another perspective, I'm here, and we could do it offline. And it doesn't have to be it's not a public conversation. It's totally off the record. Take it or leave it. And I will tell you I've had so many times where people have taken me up on it. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes it didn't, but even when it didn't, it ended in from a place of like, hey, you know, thanks for reaching out. Nobody has done this. Everybody has done it publicly, and you're the first person who seemed to, like, actually care. And for me, I'm like, Yeah, I do. That's why I don't. I don't need it to go viral. I really don't, which is why I've had a number of times where people are like, this is disingenuous, because you're blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, I mean, that's how you feel. But I could tell you for sure, I have people on my inbox that you've seen on TV that are asking me for advice. And guess what? I can offer it to them because I I believe that they want to learn, and I want them to learn. I don't care about going viral. I don't that's not how I pay my bills. That's like a fun bonus. I'm genuinely, like, just very interested in communication and how we learn and mistakes, like all that stuff is just very fascinating to me. The most
KC Davis 25:19
helpful, like internal boundary that I had to strengthen, I think, with having a big platform was being comfortable with being misunderstood.
Franchesca Ramsey 25:31
Say that again,
KC Davis 25:32
I had to get really comfortable with walking away knowing that this person doesn't has misunderstood me, has misunderstood my character has misunderstood my point, because I will fall into the trap of arguing back and forth about, you know, being right, and I just the other boundary that came from that was and it happened recently, because what was it? Oh, I was drinking. I made a joke video, and I had one of those Starbucks drinks that you to the gas station, and very quickly got lit up by people angry that I was drinking Starbucks, because a lot of people are participating in a Starbucks boycott right now. And I had responded in comments like, hey, like, I actually have, like, read a ton about this boycott, and I participated from a union perspective for about six months. And kind of it seemed like it was a little aimless, for my taste, in terms of knowing what to do next. And so I went more for the BDS list of boycotts. And, you know, prefer to do XYZ towards, like, things about I care about with unions. Whatever the point is is, I was like, listen, I wasn't that was not in my thoughts when my husband bought me, like a $2 drink from the gas station. But, of course, like the Tiktok, doesn't do a lot of nuance and but one of the response to that was, as I was telling someone that was, they were like, Yeah, right. Just say that you care more about your creature comforts than you do. You know people's human rights and go or
Franchesca Ramsey 26:54
whatever. They've already decided. They've already
KC Davis 26:57
decided, yeah. And so I just what I said and what I've started to say at that point, instead of arguing, is I say I don't argue about my character and intentions with people like that period in a paragraph, like, I will give you a good faith response if you have an issue. Like, I will explain what I thought, or I don't want people to think the wrong thing, you know, if someone says I haven't seen you post anything about, you know, the Palestinian genocide, and I'll say, Hey, I've done lots of retweets. I actually have an active fundraiser. Like, I'll I'll inform someone, or I'll say, Hey, let me give you some more information. But once we get into well, you're only doing that because of this. Well, you just did that because of the PR. Well, you and it's like, at this point, I'm the only one that knows the truth. You have no way of knowing what my motives or character is, and like, you get to make your decision, but like, this is a hard boundary for me, because you're not going to be convinced. Like, I don't argue about my character. Yeah,
Franchesca Ramsey 27:48
they've already made up their mind. I mean, again, not to be a broken record. But this, I think, is what you explained so brilliantly in your series with those cards. It's like, these are bad faith arguments. The person, when someone says to you, oh, so you doing X, Y and Z, that's not a good faith they have. They are telling you what you did. They're not asking you what you did. They're telling you what you or what they believe that you did. And so at that point, it is a losing game, and I will admit I am someone who loves to have the last word, so it is some and I have learned that the sad in me hates being misunderstood, and especially because I really make an effort to choose my words so carefully. I am a writer. I get paid for my words, for my thoughts, and so it's very frustrating when people one of my biggest pet peeves is when people put quotation marks around something I haven't said, and I often just say, you can't put quotation marks around something that I have not said. That's not how quotes work. That's not how quotes work unless you're using it for sarcasm, like you know, or you know, or you're quoting a specific word. But you can't put a whole sentence together and put slam two quotes on the end of it and say it came from me, because I know it did it. One thing about Francesca, I'm a banker. I love receipts. Show me where I said it. Point on the doll where Francesca said X, Y and Z. You can't so to your point, it's just a waste of your time and energy, and that's just again, a time when you have to step away from the internet. I have to remind myself that we are very loud about the things that we don't like. We're not as loud about the things that we do like, and so it can often feel like everyone is screaming at you, and maybe that's true, but there's also a lot of people who really enjoy your content, who are just passively enjoying it, and they're just not saying anything about it. And then you step away from the internet. And my best girlfriend, I call her my work wife. She and I are exact opposites. She is the most offline person ever, and anytime I will tell her about some drama going on online, she's like, What are you talking. About, like, no one knows who what. And I'm like, Oh, right. Like people in the real world do not know about this. And even, like, a million people saw this video, okay, a million people feels like a lot of people. It's not a lot of people. Like, when you walk out of your front door and you ask someone on the street, Hey, did you see this thing, blah, blah, blah. They're like, No, what are you talking about? But a million people saw it yet. But like, no one on this block saw it, no one at your job probably saw it's like a bubble, you know,
KC Davis 30:38
I have so many of those little tricks it because I feel like it comes down to two things, like not taking the bait, but then when you do accidentally take the bait, it's also, like managing the fight or flight of like I'm being misunderstood. I'm gonna get canceled. People didn't understand what I said. Now they think that I said this horrible thing, blah, blah. And like, one of the funny mind tricks that I do is, like, if I make a video and I say something, and maybe I it was wrong, or maybe it was just off color, or was tone deaf, or whatever was it ever I decided to take it down. And then, you know, to manage that feeling of like, I need to make another video. I need to explain and re explain it over explain it. I'll sometimes, like, look at the video and it's like, okay, 12,000 people saw this video, and I'm getting hundreds and hundreds of comments of how awful I am. Sometimes what I'll do is, I'll look at it and I'll be like, okay, 12,000 people, and then I'll be like, every single person that saw this video unfollowed me for it. How many followers would I still have? And I'm always like, honestly, like, 12,000 compared to 1.6 million. Like, is not that big of a deal if 12,000 people saw a mistake and decided they were done with me for it. And I don't see that to be like, egotistical, or to say that, like, you know that I don't care about the people who follow me, but like, my brain goes to this place where it's like, oh my god, if I don't over explain this mistake I made, my career is over. And just reminding myself like, No, it's not. It really isn't.
Franchesca Ramsey 31:56
No, it's not. I mean, I say this all the time, but cancel culture is not real. And that's not to say that sometimes we don't experience consequences for our words and actions, and sometimes those are rightful consequences, and sometimes they are unjust consequences. That is the world that we live in. But ultimately, negative backlash. It doesn't, unfortunately, more oftentimes than not, it propels people's career, and I see it all the time on Tiktok. Now, people have gotten very wise to the fact that if you put the right words together, and you can get people upset, you can make a nice little check, and you can maybe get a podcast and and start doing public speaking. So again, I care more about maintaining my morals throughout my work, and sometimes that means when you stray, your audience is going to have a negative reaction. And what I can only hope for, and I think that you've done a good job with, is cultivating an audience that feels that they respect you enough to let you know when you fucked up, and cultivating an offline community, which is what I talk about a lot. I think a lot of influencers lack is some people who will really let you know. They will slide in your DMS. They will pull you to the side. You know, I've had times where I was like sub tweeting and just going off, and I'll have a friend text me and say, girl, you Okay? I see you on Twitter. Uh, everything, okay? And I'm like, Oh, I'm going through some online. I'll never forget my friend Angelica Ross, who is an actress, and she has become a good friend of mine, but we met via social media. She did that to me a few times. She said, Girl, come over, turn Twitter off. Let's lay by the pool, just chill. And I was like, wow, I needed that so badly. And when I see people spiraling online, I often think, God, I just they must not have somebody, or maybe they're just not listening to them. But I definitely think some of them are in real time sharing every single thing, because they don't have that group chat that they could say, oh, this thing pissed me off, and they can all tell you, you're right. Don't post that online, though. All right,
KC Davis 34:15
y'all, this conversation is so great, I don't want to end it early, so I'm gonna go ahead and split me and Francesca's conversation into two parts. So stay tuned for next Monday, where I will release the second half of this phenomenal interview. You.