84: Make Friendships Easier with the Six Besties Theory with Hello Hayes

Friendships can be very complicated and fragile while at the same time solid and fulfilling.

Even though our “besties” may come and go across our lifetime, they can each bring something valuable and unique to the friendship table. In this episode, we are taking a closer look at relationships, specifically friendships in all their complex and nuanced forms. My guest is content creator and podcaster, Hello Hayes. She answers questions from her community each week about navigating turbulence in our relationships with each other, work, and ourselves. Our conversation takes a closer look at her intriguing theory of the six different kinds of best friends. Join us!

 

Show Highlights:

●      Hayes’s background as a writer, an empathetic person, an “old soul,” and a good listener

●      The natural shifts in friendships as life changes and phases unfold

●      Hayes’s six besties theory: (based on the premise that we have different friends in life for different purposes)

○      The Good Time Bestie

○      The Dead Body Bestie

○      The Work Bestie

○      The North Star Bestie

○      The OG Bestie

○      The Seasonal Bestie

●      The mental health piece of friendship

●      Practice your self-awareness muscle: Be confident in trusting your gut!

●      The basis for Hayes’s advice to people about their relationships

●      Knowing when it’s time to face a painful heartbreak and move on

●      Having tough conversations with the right words without being accusatory

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Hello Hayes: Hello Hayes podcast, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and email (to submit a question) hellohayesadvice@gmail.com 

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you Sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And today we're going to talk about relationships, friendships, all things complex, nuanced. And I'll just sort of hard to figure out when it comes to relationships, specifically friendships. And I'm here with Hayes from Hello Hayes. She is a content creator, a podcaster. She has a weekly advice column. And I first stumbled on her when it was this tick tock that you did Hayes about your theory about six different kinds of best friends. And so I want to talk about that I want to talk about other things. But first of all, thank you so much for being here.

    Hello Hayes 0:39

    Casey, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. And I don't remember if I said this to you in in our email, but I've been trying to like be on the lookout for signs from the universe that I'm going in the right direction. And I first became I first was introduced to your work, maybe about a year ago from a friend of a friend and former colleague of mine, Pooja Lakshman, women's mental health doc on Instagram, and she I forget how it came up. But she was the one who introduced me to your work, and I thought you were amazing. And then when I saw your name in my inbox, that was a sign from the universe for me that I have in the right direction. So thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Oh,

    KC 1:14

    my gosh, thank you so much. First of all, I think that your advice column, I've watched a few of your answers. And it's so well done. Like how did you get to a place of having all of this nuanced insight into relationships? Like, what's your background?

    Hello Hayes 1:28

    I wish I had a perfect answer for that. I think that from a very, like, from a very young age, I was an old soul. And I've always been a very empathic person who feels and notices everything. And that's probably why I am a writer, and I've always been a writer, it comes where does it come from? I mean, I started go, I my parents got divorced when I was in middle school. And I started seeing a therapist when I was in sixth or seventh grade. And I've had a couple of I've had two really important like, relationships with therapists. And I think that learning how to unpack my feelings and understand my behavior and how my feelings were impacting my behavior, like I started doing that work when I was 1112. And that naturally, I think that loss, my natural gifts as a listener and empathic person and a writer, I think I've just through, you know, a cascade of events have landed me here. Well, I

    KC 2:19

    really relate to the way that you think because it's almost like pattern recognition when it comes to soft sciences, right, and recognizing sort of the logical principles of truth and how they intersect with other logical principles of truth and things like that. And I have to tell you, you know, when I first came across your Tiktok, about the six besties theory, the reason why I thought it was so powerful is because I had had interesting experiences with friendships, right. And it immediately reminded me of a phone call that I got one time. And so I got sober when I was really, really young. And I got sober with a bunch of other girls that were my age, we were like, 1819 at the time, and we ran around like a little pack. I mean, we were like doing everything together. And then we kind of, you know, grew up together five, six years, we eventually all started to kind of get married and have kids and I had a friend, I just started dating someone who would end up being my husband, I had a friend that had gotten married and gotten pregnant and kind of moved to not like far away, but like 45 minutes away, and they're like, our third friend had gotten married. All right, and so I get this phone call one day, and it's her. And she is so angry with me. And she is so heartbroken. And she tells me that she feels like I have just abandoned our friendship. And that, you know, I haven't been there for her and I am that I have not pursued her friendship. And I was totally taken by surprise, because as she described the state of our relationship, I couldn't argue with her. Like, we didn't really talk that much. We didn't ever hang out or really invite each other to hang out. But what was so interesting was how different she experienced that emotionally and how different I did because I felt as though we were having this natural, like, other things are happening, life's happening. And we're just kind of going our own ways. And even though she and I went from like talking every day, well, at one point we were roommates to like not talking that often. Honestly, I still felt like she was my best friend. And she felt like we weren't best friends anymore.

    Hello Hayes 4:21

    Isn't that so interesting? how two people can the same thing can be happening, and you both can be experiencing it so differently. And I wonder sometimes why that is why some people are okay with that natural shift automatically and why some people aren't. And I'm sure there's sort of like we could come at that from the brain angle and how all of our brains look different and that might have something to do with it. But continue on. How did you respond to that phone call? Well, I

    KC 4:46

    kind of got upset with her and was like, Well, I'm not calling you but you're not calling me and like I was sort of operating on good faith and I thought you know that we were fine. And I just thought everybody was starting to have these separate lives and You know, on the other hand, like one of our other really good friends were a similar like, situation where we weren't like talking everyday what but she and I never had that conflict, like we felt fine about it. And then our other friend flat moved to the other end of the world. And we talk once a year. And we're kind of like, well, I guess she's never talking to us again. And yet she feels like we're thick as thieves. And so, you know, we just kind of had to sit down and talk about what we were both feeling and sort of recognize that like, there are these times in life where there is no objective right side of things. It's just like different emotional experiences that are valid. And it had me reflect on this idea that I am someone who has always approached friendships and been fine with like the ebb and flow of them, like I have best friends that were best friends for two years, and I never talked to them again. And so when you were like, listen, sometimes you have a seasonal bestie. I was

    Hello Hayes 5:54

    like, oh, yeah, that happens. Right? You can think of the people in your life. Yeah. And

    KC 5:57

    I go through periods of time where like one friend I'm talking to every day, and they have like daily updates about my life, and then I won't talk to them for months. And it'll be a different friend that I'm like doing the daily things with. And so I like this idea that sometimes we feel like someone's being a bad friend, but we're just on different pages about what our friendship is, or is doing or supposed to be doing. And then sometimes we can have a friend that I mean, for lack of a, you know, more nuanced term is like a bad friend. But in our head, we're like, oh, that's just so and so she's like, so and so. Right. So anyway, so let's get into it. Like, tell me about this theory you have about the different kinds of besties.

    Hello Hayes 6:33

    So the six besties theory is all about the idea that we have different friends in life for different purposes. And I don't mean purpose than like a transactional, every person in your life must fill a role. I don't mean it. In that way. I mean it to really help people. And the theory is designed to support people who are feeling confused about the state of some of their friendships disconnected, or maybe like for people who feel that many of their friendships aren't meeting their expectations, they're feeling disappointed. And I'll get into what the six different besties are. But the whole premise of it is that we cannot expect one person in our life to fulfill every single need we have, every friend, every person you meet, has their own unique gifts and their own limitations. Or maybe limitations isn't even the right word. But not everybody is going to be everything. And I have started to notice in my both consuming content online, and also in the stories people were sending me to my column that a lot of people are feeling disappointed in their friends, because they want the friends to be every single thing. And what I started to observe and reading people's stories is that maybe someone has a friend who they've known for a long time, and the friend is always down to go out to dinner, or go out to drinks do concerts travel, they love the friend, they love spending time with the friend. But when something has happened in the in their own personal life, maybe someone is sick, or they've been going through a season of depression, or you know what not a challenging moment, this friend like didn't support them wasn't able to show up in the way that they think that they would show up for a friend. And this person then might want to write off the friendship, this person actually I'm going to break up with this friend, or maybe they aren't, they don't actually care about me when really, maybe this friend is what I would call a good time bestie and a good time. Bestie is someone who you have a great time with, you know, you love they make you laugh, which is such an important trait and a friend. It's not that they're not a good friend, but they might not have the emotional depth of someone else. And my hope is that in going and having these six different archetypes for friends, we can start to appreciate the people in our life for what they provide, and what they do bring to the table instead of just focusing on their limitation. So the six besties are there's the good time bestie, who you know, as I just described, as you know, there for a good time. But to be clear, the goodtime bestie is not vapid or like empty. They still are a good friend. But they're the person that you I

    KC 8:56

    think you had an example one time where you said like the good time bestie still shows up for you maybe when something bad has happened, but they're like the one that shows up with margaritas. Exactly exactly. Like I'm here to cheer you up. And it's like, but that's maybe not what you need in that moment. And that's okay. It's different than one that's like, oh, wait feelings, nothing. You.

    Hello Hayes 9:14

    Right, right, right, right, right. We're not talking about the person that's like, let's just, let's just avoid that because hard things are not for me. They show up for you with margaritas. I love the way you said that. So there's the good time bestie there's the dead body bestie who is the person that you know, you could even if you haven't spoken to them in years, you could call them up and they would help you fix any problem. Like they're not going to judge you for whatever maths that you have found yourself in and they would never say to you Well, you haven't called me in six months. So why do you think I would help you? There's the work bestie

    KC 9:40

    and that's what that friend was for me? Yeah, because we had kind of grown into separate lives and we continue to after that I moved to a different city. You know, we kind of grew into slightly different people. We didn't have very much in common and we even like visited each other a few times and kind of had this moment of like, Oh, we're really different people now. Oh, and I had a couple more conflicts, and then we'd kind of just like, let it lie we were like, and I wrote her a letter, I remember being like, I love you, I would move a dead body for you. I literally said that up and move a dead body for you. But like, I just don't think we have much to have like a current sort of day to day connection. And she did have tragedy in her life, about a year after that. And I did drop everything and show up the next day hours and hours away, and held her while she cried. And both of us were like, nothing that happened matters. I'm here, and I'm gonna do whatever needs and so that was always such a like, you know, and you're right, like, that looks different than someone who thinks will a best friend to someone you talk to every day and how sad

    Hello Hayes 10:39

    I guess what's been really beautiful for me in my life and expanding my friendships, it like it would be so sad if I thought that a best friend is only somebody I talked to every day because I'd be letting go of all of these wonderful, rich friendships that I've made over 20. I mean, I'm going to be 3120 30 years. I don't talk to everybody every day, but I cherish and love them and appreciate them for who they are. Thank you for sharing that story. I was on work bestie. So work bestie has been is a cute bestie. To me, this can sometimes be a controversial one. Some folks feel like work is not for friendship. As a person who has always really put themselves into their work. I cannot imagine any of my corporate ish jobs without having I worked bestie and some of my work besties have actually become what I call a North Star bestie and a North Star bestie is like the person I describe it as a conversations with them help guide you home, like they are a friend that's a compass. And when you even if you don't speak to them every day, when you do you're just like that made me feel more like myself.

    KC 11:38

    Yeah, and is that usually someone you've known a long time?

    Hello Hayes 11:41

    Not always, sometimes it is. But I have that connection with people who I've met last month. You know, sometimes I think you can meet someone right away. And they just feel like a soul sister. Yeah, yeah, there's also the OG bestie, which is short for the original bestie. And that's someone who like knows your roots, maybe you grew up together and the OG bestie is the bestie that I think a lot of people really struggle with your story about the dead body bestie. I think that could also potentially be considered an OG bestie, I noticed that the trouble often comes up there during a life change, like going to college or starting a job when life is happening. And suddenly your oldest friend who used to talk to you every day, and you had all your classes together, now you're not talking as much I see a lot of people calling for a friendship breakup with an OG bestie, when really, you have to just let some when really life has just happened. And people have more responsibilities, and their lives are being opened up in different ways and have to dedicate their time in different ways. I

    KC 12:36

    think that's so true. Like, particularly around getting married. Like, in my experience, when a friend got married, you didn't really see them much anymore. And when I got married, and particularly when I had kids, it was like, okay, like, everyone kind of circles the wagons in their little like nuclear family. And whether that's right, wrong, good or bad. Like, I think sometimes we do that from a place of kind of self absorption. But I think sometimes we do that from a place of survival. Like, it's hard to, you know, raise a family in today's economy and climate and all this kind of stuff. And, you know, we don't maybe have the the multigenerational support that we would like to have. And so we're just sort of exhausted and don't have much to give outside of that. But I think you're you kind of hit the nail on the head that like that transition is difficult. And I've had OG friends that can swerve and do that too. And then ones that have struggled with that. And the wildest part was that conversation I had with my friend where I had said, like, Hey, I'm not treating you differently than I'm treating the other friends or whatever. Like I thought we were just all going through this. And what she said to me was, but I'm not as close to them as I am to you. And I don't think you realize nobody is as close to each other as we all are to you. Well, and in my head. We were this group of you know, four that we're always like, yeah, sometimes we all hang out all four sometimes it was pairs or three or four or whatever. And that really blew my mind. She was like no like the deepest connections are with you. You're like the one holding the little star together. I was like oh shit.

    Hello Hayes 14:08

    Yeah. Well, you That makes total sense to me even in the few minutes of speaking to you and you know, listening to you speak online. Like it's the what's it called when something is your is your Achilles heel when something is your gift, and it's also the thing that can bring you down like that is not a cost. But what's the I don't know what the word I'm looking for is but it is a ramp. It's a repercussion of being the energy and being a person that people are drawn towards. That's, I can see how that would be a totally mind blowing moment.

    KC 14:37

    Okay, we've got the work bestie the dead body bestie the fun time bestie, the OG bestie, the Northstar bestie, who's the last one or the second toss one seasonal,

    Hello Hayes 14:46

    and the seasonal bestie the seasonal bestie. So the seasonal bestie is really born from like needing to have people in your life who are in the same season as you and we can define a season as you're a new mom. We could define a season at As I'm really into my career right now, so I like need to have people in my life who are in that same career focused mindset. You could be doing intramural volleyball, whatever the thing is, it's someone in your life who can relate to this thing that you're passionate about. Without that person, you could get frustrated with your Northstar bestie, because they can't engage with you about your creative writing projects, because they're not a creative writer, and they don't understand what it means to you know, spend hours a day on your book that might go nowhere. That is,

    KC 15:28

    I always thought I was weird for being like, yeah, I have best friends that I never talked to. And then I have best friends I talked to all the time, but they'll be my best friend for like three years, and then I'll never talk to them again. And then not even because there's like a friend breakup or anything, like if I saw him on the street, I'm sure we'd be happy to see each other, but they just I mean, things just kind of like drift in and out. And for me, that's always felt natural and normal. But I know that that's not true for everyone, like not everyone experiences those like ebbs and flows, like the closeness and like the proximity shifts as normal or as natural or especially I guess, if you're not just like, as I've ebbed away from one, I felt like I was like flowing into another. But that was like the big shift that I had with my friend was she was like, I had never been any I didn't have anybody to ebb into it was just you over there.

    Hello Hayes 16:12

    And that's, I guess, another side effects that I hope what I've seen that the six bestie theory has done for people is that it's helped them see that shifts are normal, and that their feelings about the shift are okay and valid, but that they're not necessarily something to like you shouldn't necessarily allow it to impact your behavior. It's okay if you have a feeling about the shift. But the shift doesn't need to mean anything more than that. So it's I've seen that it's helped people just see what else is out there. It's helped them shift their perspective. What I also hope it does is that I hope it inspires people to continue to build their network of friends, because I do think these shifts are easier to manage when you have more relationships in your life. And I think you can only have more relationships in your life, when you don't put too much pressure on any one of them to be everything's a domino effect. When you create space in your friendships, for people to be who they are, get provide what they can both be valuable to each other. Instead of this one friendship has to be you know, I can only have one best friend and we have to talk every single day and can feel like it's just it can be too tight around your neck when you release the grip a little bit. I think people will be surprised at how much more abundance they have in their relationships.

    KC 17:20

    It is kind of the nice thing. I mean, if you're a person that is monogamous, and when you're in your romantic relationships, it is like one of the things that's highly beneficial about friendships that you're not going to find in your monogamous romantic relationship was like, that's your person. And that's it. It's like, you really don't need everyone to be everything. And I also feel like one of the hardest things for people is that balance between, okay, I don't I know everyone's imperfect, and I don't want to like be too hard on someone or cut somebody off, I want to be gracious, I want to give second chances. But at the same time, like I want to have boundaries. And so there's this weird, like, how do I know when the issue is me? And I'm just not flowing? How I should? Or or I'm just not? How do I know when my expectations are too high? Or how do I know when I'm struggling to stand up for myself? Or when you know how far is too far? Like that's kind of like the crux of what people struggle with. And I feel like your theory is also really helpful for that. Because, you know, it's one thing to be the, I don't know, like, I guess the example from earlier like to be the good time bestie that shows up with margaritas. And it's like, you know, I know if I'm going through a hard time like whether or not I really need margaritas, like I probably don't like maybe sometimes I do but like probably not who I'm calling after a death after that, right? Like and being able to reach out to people that have those strengths, not because they're like better or worse than someone else. And I just wonder how you know, that's just a difficult thing. Like, okay, my friend has done this thing. And it bothers me. What do I do with that?

    Hello Hayes 18:51

    Well, I think part of it bothers me moment is an interesting moment, because it's like, why does it bother me? I want to learn more about what this means for this to bother me. Why does it bother me that their way of showing love is through margaritas? And I don't know what the answer to that is. But I think that piece of self awareness, and like questioning why something bothers you is important.

    KC 19:13

    Yeah. I also think of it in terms like I went to rehab when I was 16. And there was only 16 girls in the rehab. And so we all became extremely close. And you know, then we get out kind of around the same time. And it's like you're very close. And there's this back and forth like reciprocal nature, like so in, you know, I shared with you I'm writing a book about relationships right now. And one of the things that I've been writing about is, you know, how do you make some of those decisions about like, do I want to push away from this relationship? And I don't even say like, end it or cut it off? It's more a question of do I lean into this? Or do I get some space from this or disengaged from this in some way, whether that's like fully disengaged or just emotionally disengaged or rethink my expectations about what can reasonably come from this relationship, right. And I always think about like this dear, dear friend that I had, where, for a long time, we had a really reciprocal relationship, like, sometimes I was in the shit, and I was like, needing to lean on her for a lot. And then you know, she would be in the shit. And she'd be needing to lean on me for a lot. And then like, we got to this period of time, and we we live together all this, like, we got to this period of time, though, where, like, she started to struggle a lot more, and her capacity to be there for me was not as much as my capacity to be there for her. And that's okay. Because we'd always had this sort of, like, you know, one person has a little more needs than the other, and then it flips. And we kind of go back and forth, but like, it went year after year after year, right, and then there's some like, hey, let's hang out, you know, getting ghosted, not getting calls back, you show up, they're not there, and just sort of because of their own sort of like demons that they're facing. And, you know, at some point, you know, you're going, Okay, I love this person, but I have to revisit their ability to be there for me. And it doesn't mean I throw them away. But it does mean that like, if I have needs, I need to go find other relationships to get those needs, taken care of and addressed. And like this is no longer the friend that I can expect to show up for me because they can't, and I can still love them. And I can still like want to be in relationship with them. But I think that's like, the hardest thing is having to rethink, you know, and I mean, obviously, it's different if they're like hurting or harming you, versus just like not being able to show up for you.

    Hello Hayes 21:29

    Yeah, the mental health piece of the conversation, like when a friend is struggling with their mental health to the point where they are either just passive in your relationship, or they are doing things that are actively harming you. It's a whole other complicated layer to this conversation, that six besties theory can sometimes be helpful for, I think, in the example that you're describing when you can, when it's not really hurting you. And you're able to say, Well, I just know I can't go to this person for this type of thing anymore. I think six biases can be helpful there. But when a friend is potentially bringing out the worst in you, or is when we get into impacting your mental health territory, it's a different conversation and a very challenging one that I think about a lot like I get a version of this letter, in my advice column submission a lot, which is like, I have a friend who is terrible to be around because they're struggling, and I feel for them. And I've suggested XYZ, I've done XYZ, but I can't support them. I don't know how to help them. And every time I speak to them, it leaves me feeling empty. What's the strategy there? And I have been thinking about that a lot. And I don't have an answer yet. But it's an important, I do think that conversation is important, too. It's so

    KC 22:37

    hard. But I do think that your six besties theory is helpful in imagining, like I can imagine like, Okay, this friend is now in a different category. And there's this room for different categories. But like the principles of like, non harm, non abuse are still there. Because I think that's what it is we get in our head, like a good friend looks like this. And anyone not looking like this is being a bad friend. And so bad friends, we should, right? And I like the idea of going okay, actually, maybe they're just this different top. And like, I also think of it as like a party, like let's say you throw a party, right, you're gonna have some friends that you invite to the party that like RSVP, and they ask what they can bring, and then they show up with that thing. And then like, they have a great time at the party, and then they help you clean up afterwards. Right? And that's like this, like 100% balanced symbiotic relationship kind of thing, right? And then you'll have, you know, that's like, oh, man, a good friend. And then when people start to struggle with friends, or they're disappointed in their friends, I think it's helpful to recognize whether you're looking at like, and, you know, obviously subordinates be like passive or active problems, because like a friend that maybe didn't RSVP and showed up or said they'd be there and then didn't, is different, or like, shows up, like didn't bring the thing they said they would, that's different than a friend that like shows up and like flips a table over, for sure, for sure. You know what I mean? Like, or that like shows up and like steals money from you when they leave, or, like, starts a fight with another friend, like, which

    Hello Hayes 24:00

    is an actual, it's funny, you use that example, because I was just reading a submission of someone who has a friend who constantly steals things from the house when they have people over. So it's funny that you just said that I know. Do you

    KC 24:11

    what I mean, but like that, to me is different. And like, it could be from the same mental health problems like you know, the reality is is like we have to not only look at like what's causing this but also what the impact to us is because the reality is you know, if you have a friend that like is having like a passive issues like they're just not showing up the way you wish they would that's different than a friend that shows up and actively hurts you actively harms you because like, you can have empathy and say like, I mean, how many times you're gonna invite the same friend to the party that you know is gonna come and steal the money and punch your boyfriend.

    Hello Hayes 24:45

    Right, right. Yeah. And I think that like on the seesaw, this is it me or is it them is a space that a lot of people struggle with of knowing which one it is and I think that part of getting more confident and being able to tell if it's you or if it's them is doing is learning more about yourself and how you react to things and what your own limitations are. That's how I like to separate from friendships I've been, there have been some times over the last year or two where I have ignored my gut. And at the time, when I ignored my gut, I felt my gut. But I was not trusting my gut. I wasn't trusting my gut, I was saying, Well, I wasn't trusting my gut. And I've been trying to be more intentional recently about getting back in touch with myself looking at those situations where I wasn't able to trust my gut. What did those like trigger in me? Why was I feeling not so confident in myself. And as I've been doing that work, I'm now getting more confident again, in trusting my gut. And I think the same thing can happen with friendship, but you have to spend some time looking at yourself noticing what bothers you what triggers you asking other people for feedback, people you trust, whether it's someone you live with a family member, another close friend, like, that's all been really helpful for me outside of friendships, as I tried to figure out when it's a me problem, or when it's a them problem, or where it's somewhere in between that self awareness piece is what I'm really interested in. And that's what I try to bring into my column into any of the content I make is like helping people have helping people practice that self aware muscle so that they can make better informed decisions about their relationships in themselves. When I think

    KC 26:13

    you know, you mentioned, you know, what does this bring out in me? And I think, like the idea of on moralizing, a lot of these thoughts and decisions, because when people write you letters, I noticed that they're often like, they want you to be like the judge about like, who's wrong? Like, am I wrong? Are they wrong? Should I change? Or should they change? Am I reasonable? Are they reasonable? And I only think two things about that. Number one is like, it's not always that black and white. Like, sometimes there's a little truth and everything and everybody's experiences about but like, even if there was one particular right person that doesn't, there's not like a friendship court of law, that that's then going to, like, carry out that sentence like it doesn't that's not gonna, like make a person change, you know, you still have to figure out what to do. Right?

    Hello Hayes 26:52

    Well, you have to decide what you're gonna Yeah, like, even after this thing has happened, where maybe someone was right, maybe someone was wrong, your life is going to continue, things are going to continue. And you have to every experience we have every interaction we have, like we have to decide what we're going to take from it. And I think that I tried to approach my life through like, What can this moment teach me? How can this moment teach me to take better care of myself and protect myself more? And how can this moment teach me how to be a kinder, more generous, compassionate human? How can this moment helped me not take things so personally, because taking things personally has never really served me. And like, there are

    KC 27:29

    other valid things to guide your decision making versus who is right and wrong, because like you said, like, what does this bring out in me is valid. Like, as somebody who had like a past in addiction, like there's only so far that I can really deal with certain issues and very personal, intimate relationships. But there are other issues that like, Man, I could go to the ends of the earth with you on that issue. Like I could hang in forever, no matter how deep no matter how messy but like I'm just equipped differently to be able to handle certain things or certain things like knife, a friend recently that before her father died, like she was really walking through, he was dying, he was an alcoholic, he was kind of verbally abusive to her. And she was having to figure out like, man, do I keep visiting him? Do I not like, what does that mean about me if I do, or if I don't. And one of the like, parts of her decision making that I think people don't give enough of that like validation to is like, what support system she had? Like, is she leaving these moments with her dad so destroyed that she can't function? And she can't show up for her kid? And she can't like get out of bed? Or is she leaving? And yes, it is painful to the bone and it is unfair, and he is wrong. But like she has like the internal skills and the friendships and the support to like, grieve that out in a way where she can remain functional. And like that doesn't have anything to do with whether he does or doesn't deserve a visit? Like that's just a practical like, who are you? What can you handle? What kinds of support do you have? Because like, there really are, yeah, what can I tolerate? And not just like, from the goodness of your heart? Like not just as a person?

    Hello Hayes 29:08

    No, right? That's such an important line of questioning.

    KC 29:13

    Let me ask you this. Do you ever get advice questions about friendships where you think to yourself the answers like you should run away from this person? And do you ever say that because I know when it comes to advice, like you try really hard not to like tell people unnecessarily, you know, you try to not know. Yeah, cuz you don't know everything.

    Hello Hayes 29:32

    Yeah, right. My formula, like there's not a formula, but generally, like, people will tell me their situation, and they think they have option A and B and I try to show an option. See, I think, yes, sometimes people write me a letter, and I'm like, Damn, that sounds terrible. However, those letters often lack self awareness. And when someone writes me a letter where there's no self awareness, I question what the other side is when there is self awareness in The letter though, and they're describing someone else's behavior. Sometimes it's clear to me that that this friendship, you know, isn't it these girls you're talking about don't like you very much. They don't, they don't want to be your friend. And you keep trying and trying and trying. And I think I have answered some questions like that, where I'll say, you know, if XY and Z has happened, it sounds to me like, they don't see you in the way you see them. And there will be other people who see you the way that you are, which is worthy of love and connection. So I'm more drawn to letters like that. Sometimes I get things where it's just someone, you know, listed out all the ways that their friend is terrible, but

    KC 30:34

    that makes you also think like, what's the conundrum here? Then you just gave me a list of all the things you hate about this person? I don't know what you what are you looking for me for?

    Hello Hayes 30:41

    Right, you have your answer. The former, like the ones where, you know, I'll get letters from young women in college who are describing people who just don't seem to want to be their friend, it makes me sad when I receive those letters, when sometimes people a part of like life is being able to notice like, this person just doesn't isn't giving me respect. They don't want to be with me. So I'm going to stop trying to force my way into this friendship. And I've made that I mean, I struggled with that in college, like wanting one person in our friend group to like, love me and be obsessed with me and like be the one that she picked. And it's really painful. And I wish that I could you know, go back in time and tell younger Hey, is like that person not worth you're pining over. And I think that those letters always like breaks something in me a little bit, because I remember what it was like to want a friend to love you. And I looking back on my life. I think those were more painful heartbreaks than like, any heartbreak I had with a boy.

    KC 31:38

    Yeah. And I feel like there's this interesting piece of like, when you get one or two solid loving relationships in your life, it becomes easier to like, for lack of a better term, like raise your standards or to say like, oh, I don't, this person is not acting like they're, like, psyched for me to be here. Or like, Oh, they're not, I'm just gonna move on. But like, I think we've all had a place in our lives where we had no pre existing, stable loving relationships, and we feel desperate for like any scrap of affection we can get because it feels like it's this or it's nothing,

    Hello Hayes 32:11

    right? I know. puts me right back there, man. And it's so, so lonely. But

    KC 32:18

    the hard thing is, it's like if you hold on to the scraps, sometimes you don't have room for the real stable loving friendships that could be making and like thank God for there's like those transitional phases like you struggle in high school often, then after that, it's easier to find your people or like you struggle as a new mom, because everything is so limited. And I remember my friends being like, just wait till they get to school, just wait till they get to school, like your world will open back up like there will be new, you know, people and that I think when it comes to friendships, that has been the hardest thing in my personal life is like at school, I made friends easily. And then you go to college, and then I, you know, had a job. And then I was involved in like recovery groups, it was like there was always this like, literal sort of Town Square community place where I could just show up and do things alongside other people and meet people and have those relationships, like organically happen. And when I became a mom, and then I started staying at home all the sudden it was like, there's no one around, and I got really lonely. And I kept thinking like, I need to make friends. I need to make friends. But nobody prepares you for how like making friends as an adult, where you don't have a lot of natural crossover with other adults feels like dating. Yeah, like you have to, like ask someone for their number, and you have to call them and you have to think about are they going to want to hang out with me? Are they just being nice? And are they gonna want to do that? And then you go and you don't know what to talk about. And then you feel all this pressure around it. And if you realize, oh, I don't think we're gonna be good friends. It's like, but what do I do? Are they gonna dislike me? And it's like, there was nobody to point out like, how am I supposed to make friends now? Anyways, I don't know why I even told that story. But I was just thinking about how like it

    Hello Hayes 34:01

    like, it doesn't really end. It just changes, it shifts, it shifts and all we can hope is that we continue with as life goes on, we continue to like the infrastructure of our confidence will continue to build up so that we are prepared to put ourselves out there. And we have the confidence to know that we can deal with whatever uncomfortable situations may happen because they will continue to happen. Like relationships are tricky. And even if you feel resolved in friendships, there will be other types of relationships maybe with work like you're gonna have to I'm experiencing this now as I like enter this new world of the entertainment business and I'm having conversations with people and I'm talking to all sorts of people where I am back in my younger self wanting people to pick me and it's the feelings that I have in these relationships are very similar to like making friends and wanting that connection with someone. So that's the moral of the story. It never goes away

    KC 34:56

    all right. I have one more question for you. Which is I feel like it Here's one of the things that I've liked about the times I've heard you give advice to people is that sometimes I feel like the topic of like boundaries will go trending on social media, and I'm gonna throw my own people under the bus. But like therapists will make videos about, like, how to be honest with the people in your life, like when something's bothering you, but we will make these like stilted, weird monologues where it's like, I'll never forget the one where this lady was talking about how to, like, end a friendship. And she was like, you know, I think our season of friendship has come to an end. And I just feel as though you know, what we need synergetic Lee like, is coming from different places, and it wasn't, you know what I mean? Or were there like, you

    Hello Hayes 35:42

    know, thrown in this energetically? Oh, god. Yeah. And

    KC 35:45

    it's just like, very, it's very HR is what I always thought it was like, hey, I need to give you some feedback about the way you came to the party. And it's like, oh, my gosh, and even I feel like I've been guilty of it. And I feel like you do a good job of like, okay, it doesn't have to be feeling as though like a therapist has set you down for an HR meeting. But it also doesn't have to be okay. Say nothing to your friend. Like, because they've like, how do you do that and not be a weirdo? I guess is my question like, because I see you give a lot of advice about that. Well, I

    Hello Hayes 36:19

    feel like, uh, about what to say, Yeah, I think it's funny you bring that this is like a big question that I have in my content creation in my work right now, like the full length advice column. And then these like shorter videos about what to say, because a piece of feedback I will get sometimes is like, Why do you have to tell your friends? Why do people need to be told how to talk to their friends, and I hear that criticism, or I hear that thought, and a lot of people really struggle with what to say. And I think about like my friendships, sometimes when I have to have a tough conversation with someone, I will text my friends. And I'll be like, can you help me write this email? How does this sound? Can I practice saying this with you? And that's like, a real valuable thing to have in a friend. So I do want to provide that to people online. And I want to be careful not to sound like HR. And it's hard. I mean, I'll go through this. I think my answer to this question is like that of a writer, you know, I'll sit and I'll practice I'll say, okay, Alexandria, like, how would you actually practice just like, how would you actually say this in your most casual way, I might do it in my voice recorder, my voice notes, or I'll just like, write it down. And then I'll read it again. And I'll say, Does this sound too formal? What are some small language tweaks, like I approach it as a writer, and then I'll practice saying it out loud, I workshop it, I'll say it to my husband. And sometimes he's like, that sounds too formal or like that sounds too, that could be interpreted as passive aggressive. And it's hard. It is writing something like when you're telling someone how to have a conversation, you're writing them dialogue, in the same way that you would like write dialogue in a book or a movie, you want it to sound real. Sometimes when someone criticizes what I am suggesting, you say, what they're criticizing is my writing. Or

    KC 37:47

    like, I've had people criticize me about it. And I'm like, they're just criticizing my acting like the words would be fine. But like, I don't know how to act it in a way that I'm not just like saying it at the camera, but like, you could say this in your own way. That wouldn't seem this weird.

    Hello Hayes 38:01

    Exactly, exactly. Like there's still a piece of it. That's like content, you know, like, some of it is still just content and like my own skill, writing dialogue that is both real and effective. And sounds real, you know? Well, on

    KC 38:14

    the actual, like, friendship skill, there isn't so much like finding the right words, as much as it is like how like learning how to tolerate how uncomfortable it is to like, kind of do like the record scratch in the middle of a friendship and be like, hey, like, can we talk about that for a second? And I find that like, sometimes that anxiety over getting the right words is thinking that if you got the right words, it wouldn't feel like you wanted to crawl into your skin. And I'm like, I mean, sometimes you just still do. Yeah,

    Hello Hayes 38:44

    no, of 100% 100% even learning how to say in the moment, like, I'm having a reaction to what you just said, can we talk about this, like, that's a really helpful one to have in your pocket when someone says something like, I'm having a reaction to that. I'm not sure why. But I'm having a reaction to that. When I've said that to people that I care about, like, it's always it's been uncomfortable, but it's resulted in me feeling seen be understanding more what they intended to say, like, we always can get on the same page.

    KC 39:10

    You know, the other one that has always been helpful to me is I'm telling myself, like, if I feel like somebody has kind of like said something to me, and I was and I'm thinking like, do they mean that to be like, mean, or are they trying to say they don't want me here? Like, you know what I mean, like, depending on how close the friend is, like, I feel like if you say like, Hey, I'm really upset because you actually like, he didn't want me to be here. But sometimes if I can say like, Hey, can we like you said this, but what I'm telling myself is that like, you think maybe I've stayed too long or like and that way like creates a little bit of space where I'm not like I'm not accusing my friend. And I'm not like creating like this big thing, but I'm giving that space of like, Hey, I'm willing to like hold this as a I'm not sure that I read it right or like this kind of hurt my feelings. And I'm not saying that you did something wrong, but like there's been like a little bit of a rupture. Like can we revisit it for a second? totally

    Hello Hayes 40:00

    a huge part of all of this is that the way we would have that conversation with someone we trust, and we feel as a good friend is different than the way we'd have a conversation with someone who is objectively like not a good person in our life. You know, like, there are different rules with people not right, there are different rules for how you communicate with safe people and Unsafe people. And I think that sometimes people will like see a video when they're like, well, that's people pleasing. And it's like, well, actually, this is just being considerate of a person that I trust, and I love, I would maybe be more direct with someone who isn't a safe person.

    KC 40:33

    I made a new friend one time. And at the very, very early stages, something happened where I was like, Oh, this is not the friend for me. And I remember calling like a couple of my friends that were therapists also being like, hey, like, what do I do? And I was like, thinking, because I have so much therapy background, I mean, like, being in therapy, where everything was very, like, you just got to be honest, you know, honestly, like at this pedestal, isation of like, being honest and direct. And I was like, How do I tell her that like, I just don't think and literally to a man, every single one of them was like, oh, no, honey, you just fade away. She's and I'm not there. Like, I'm not saying to do that, because you're like to like, you know, cowardly to tell her but like, it's the kind thing to do just like fade away, just like be busy. And you know, and I did that. And basically what, you know, I had two or three friends that were like no less than the kind thing to do is like to do the quiet fade. And most people will read that. And if she doesn't, then you'll have to be honest with her. Like, you can't just like string someone along forever and ever and ever. But like, give it two three weeks of quiet fade to three times of like, Oh, I'm busy. Nope, can't nope, whatever. And then I got the Hey, is something going on because you keep not wanting to hang out, man. I was like shit, okay, I gotta I gotta be honest. And I was but I was not prepared for that to be like the healthy advice, the slow fade. I was like, Wait, not everything has to be a big meeting. Not

    Hello Hayes 41:50

    everything has to be a big meeting. Not everything has to be I've been. I've like joked about having a whole series called say nothing. Because a lot of the time like when I read things, my answer is saying nothing, do nothing. And sometimes saying and doing nothing is actually the best thing for everybody involved and good on

    KC 42:05

    her for being like, I'm not reading, I know people are listening, but are like, wait every time now that my friends are busy. I'm gonna wonder if they're trying to do the slow fade. And it's like, yeah, like, not everybody maybe speaks the same nonverbals or like, has the same understanding of like, what those kinds of social cues are, but I still think it's okay, because there's always room for someone to go, Hey, I don't know if I'm understanding. Right? And she did. She was like, Listen, I don't know that. I'm picking up what you're putting down here. Like, are you just busy? And you want me to get and I have done that with friends too. Like,

    Hello Hayes 42:33

    I'm telling myself like, yeah, like, I've

    KC 42:35

    done that with friends where I have called them and I can't get a hold of them. Like, we're kind of like, I have one right now that like she just went through a big thing. She's going through a divorce. And she's not like calling me back and like, I will check in with her and be like, Hey, I you know, I know you're really stressed right now. Do you want me to keep trying? Or do you want some space? And she was able to say like, don't keep trying, please like at some point I'll pick up because I'll be there. I just don't I'm too overwhelmed to answer back. And like, I do think that sometimes like the things that we feel like we need to make explicit or like the huge conversations, when in reality, sometimes the more important things to make explicit are just like those small moments. They really and they build, they're vulnerable, but they actually like build a lot of intimacy about like, Hey, I've called you three times and I don't I have that with a lot of acquaintances to where I've like asked them if they want to be on the podcast, or if they wanted to, like project together and they don't answer and then I'm like, okay, are they not answering because they're not interested? And that's just like, the polite way to not answer or are they really busy and they really want to end like, I've found that it's okay to just ask again, and then be very explicit about like, Hey, I'm offering this again, because I'm not sure if you are just busy or if it's not a good fit, if it's not a good fit totally fine, just let me know I'll leave you alone. And so it's just been interesting as I've grown where the actual like vulnerability and work of like kind of being feeling and you're on the same page with friends is not those big HR conversations. It's like those little moments. I

    Hello Hayes 43:55

    love that so much. That's so powerful. Do you want me to keep calling or do you need some space right now? I'm good with both Oh, so powerful anyways,

    KC 44:03

    well listen, I don't want to take too much more of your time because we're at the top of the hour but I really appreciate you coming on here and talking about your six besties theory tell me where people can find you if they want to follow you if they want to hear your advice column where online can they get you so

    Hello Hayes 44:17

    my podcasts on wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube is called Hello haze. I mean, if you search Hello haze on Tik Tok podcast YouTube, you'll find it and my Instagram is a F haze a as an Alexandra Fez and Francis Hayes, because Hello has was taken on Instagram and my if you want to submit my submission email is Hello Hayes. advice@gmail.com and Casey, this was such a treat. I needed this little connection today. And I'm going to make you be my friend now if you want. Okay.

    KC 44:43

    Yeah. That is often how I make you have one conversation at the end. You're like, I'd like to submit an application. Yeah,

    Hello Hayes 44:50

    exactly. Exactly. You're such a wonderful host. And it was just great to be in conversation with you today. So thank you for having me. Thank you. Do

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
83: Beyond Fragility: An Anti-Racism Guide by Women of Color Psychologists with Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton and Dr. Yara Mekawi

This episode is powerful. I’m honored to have two of the three authors of the book, Beyond Fragility with me today. Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton and Dr. Yara Mekawi, along with Danielle Dawson, have written truly the best anti-racism resource I’ve ever encountered. As a white person and a clinician, it is powerful to hear this perspective of what we need to do psychologically to get to a place of anti-racism. Drs. Natalie and Yara are researchers, educators, writers, and the co-founders of DEAR, the Dialectical Engagement and Anti-Racism Project. Join us to learn more about this timely and important topic!

 

Show Highlights:

●      The origins of DEAR and Beyond Fragility as an outgrowth of Yara’s Medium article, How to not be a “Karen”: Managing the tensions of anti-racism allyship

●      The differences between DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and traditional talk therapy

●      Systemic racism, emotions, and “whiteness”

●      The goal of Beyond Fragility: to teach hard truths and skills that are necessary for a society that isn’t harmful to people of color

●      The DBT skill of effectiveness as a decision-guiding principle

●      A perspective on furthering anti-racism instead of placing blame

●      Barriers to anti-racism work

●      Anti-racism skills covered in the book, like accept, feel, detect, etc.

●      “Fight or flight” responses–and how they show up in anti-racism

●      Anti-racist repair and apologies

●      Skills to use in calling out racist missteps: (CALL) clarify what happened, acknowledge intentions, lay out the reasons, and list possible solutions; (OUT) observing, using humility, and tolerating resistance

●      The DEI calculator–and how to use it to ask for other perspectives

●      An example of anti-racism tools and skills in action with racial marginalization

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Natalie, Dr. Yara, and The DEAR Project: Website, Instagram,

and Facebook, LinkedIn

Beyond Fragility: A Skills-Based Guide to Effective Anti-Racist Allyship by Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton, Dr. Yara Mekawi, and Danielle Dawson

Also mentioned in this episode: White Fragility by Dr. Robin DiAngelo

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you Sentient ball of Stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And today I want to talk about the book Beyond fragility. I actually have two of the three authors in the studio with me. I have Dr. Natalie Watson singleton and Dr. Yara McCauley, we don't have Danielle Dawson with us who is a PhD candidate so soon to be Dr. But I did want to start by just saying that this is truly the best anti racism resource that I have ever read or encountered. Yeah, high praise.

    Truly, I mean that as a white person. And I mean that as a clinician, it's so powerful to have women who are psychologists who are clinicians who have this like, very advanced level of research and learning marry together this idea of anti racism and psychologically like, what do we need to do to get to that place? So let's start with this. Will you guys just introduce yourselves? Yes, absolutely. Well,

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 1:05

    first of all, thank you so much for having us. We're so excited to be here. I am Dr. Yara Makai. I'm a psychology professor and my research and my teaching really focuses on racism and anti racism. And I'm also a co founder of the dialectical engagement and anti racism project or the deer project. Yeah.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 1:22

    And I'm Dr. Natalie Watson Singleton. Also happy to be here, a psychology professor, licensed clinical psychologist and co founder of deer. And my research focuses on understanding racism and racism related disparities that impact the lives of African Americans.

    KC 1:41

    And then can you give us a synopsis about Danielle? Sure, I

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 1:44

    think Danielle also is interested in understanding health disparities in black populations. And there's some really cool stuff even around like technology based interventions.

    KC 1:54

    Awesome. So that this is like the best book I've read. And it is set apart for me because of your kind of unique backgrounds and what you brought to the table around that. Can you tell me like, how did your organization start, first of all, and then how did it become this book? Great question.

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 2:09

    So it all started in the the dark year of 2020. So it was after the murders of breonna, Taylor and George Floyd. And you know, I don't know if you recall, but that was kind of the time where a lot of white folks were waking up to the reality of racism, there were a lot of Facebook groups about ally ship, I was in one of them. And I will never forget, there was a white person who, you know, she was doing her best. But she kind of was going on this brand where she was where she was just like, you know, I give up, you just can't win. You know, one second, I'm being told us your voice speak up. And then I'm doing that. And then people are criticizing me and telling me to stay in my lane, or to not center myself, like, you know, what are you supposed to do. And you know, she was clearly kind of in that process of just, you know, throwing her hands, you can't see my hands at the podcast, but I'm throwing them up theatrically. And I remember just taking a screenshot and sending it to Natalie, and then later sending it to Danielle, and just saying I think white allies need dialectics, I think that is what's going on because they are getting really stuck in this either or thinking and I can see the consequences with my own eyes of kind of pulling back. And so they both agreed, they both loved dialectical behavior therapy as much as I do, which we'll talk about more later, hopefully, but we got together. And we wrote a medium article called How to not be a Karen managing the tensions of antiracist ally ship, and that really marked the birth of deer. And so it really started with this idea of dialectics and that one article, and then we started to realize that more was needed beyond just dialectics. And that's kind of how the whole enterprise of skills were created. And I think because

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 3:51

    we're academics, we naturally have ideas and then share them by writing and I remember having a conversation with Yara and Danielle and being like, and we need if we're going to talk about skills being so important. We also need opportunities to train white allies in skill building. And so I think that's how the organization continued to grow.

    KC 4:11

    So one question that I have if you could sort of for like the lay people listening who are going dialectics DBT, like maybe they've heard that idea of DBT therapy before, can you give us a synopsis of what that is and how it might be different from like traditional talk therapy that people have experienced?

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 4:30

    Yeah, so DBT Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is an evidence based psychotherapy approach that incorporates cognitive behavioral approaches. So thinking about our thoughts, thinking about our behaviors, it also incorporate some mindfulness and acceptance based strategies, and dialectic, how I like to describe it is just a fancy way of talking about balance balancing things that often feel in opposition of each other. And so from a DBT perspective, you're trying to balance excess I've done some change, it would seem counterintuitive that you would both accept and change things. And so DBT has a set of skills that support folks in accepting really difficult emotions, accepting things that we can't change, but also working to change the things that we can, perhaps improving our relationships, improving our ability to manage our emotions. And we felt that that provided a really nice framework for antiracism. Granted, we also pull from other approaches, but really leaned into this idea of supporting folks with managing difficult emotions, knowing when to tolerate them, when to change them, becoming more aware of their thoughts, becoming more aware of their behaviors and how those things were either moving them in the direction of anti racism are getting in the way. Right.

    KC 5:50

    And you know, when I first heard the title of the book, beyond fragility, obviously what came to mind was Dr. Robin D'Angelo, his book, right, you know, white fragility. And so was that on purpose for those titles to almost talk to each other?

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 6:03

    Absolutely. And that in a respectful way, right, so it's not contentious Dr. Robin D'Angelo has also endorsed the book. And what we appreciated about white fragility and the popularity of white fragility is that it really woke folks up to racism and white privilege in the ways that Yarra had mentioned earlier. And white fragility, like a lot of other anti racism resources are very knowledge base. So teaching people about what racism is and what anti racism is. And our book is about going beyond just acquiring knowledge, to actually acquiring the skills needed to apply that knowledge and really show up as anti racist allies.

    KC 6:45

    One of the things I loved about the book is that you systematically go through like all of the different barriers, like internal barriers, the emotional barriers, the cognitive barriers, like the behavioral barriers, like all of these barriers that I know, I have felt as a white person. And I remember and they aren't like you, they're not like specific anti racism, or they're not only anti racism skills, right? Like, I'm reading this. And as a therapist, I'm going like, these are emotional regulation skills. These are, you know, CBT skills, these are cognitive skills, these are flexibility skills, these are widening your window of tolerance, like these are the skills and remember, you know, in 2020, shortly after the murder of George Floyd and breonna, Taylor, I joined an anti racism cohort. And it was a very interactive, you know, there were parts that we were learning, but there were also parts where we were being challenged, and we were sharing and, you know, the woman who was leading would directly challenge as we were talking, you know, hey, you just said it this way. Have you ever asked yourself why you said that, hey, I'm hearing this belief under that, like, where did that come from. And as we were doing that, it almost had some similar fields as not, it wasn't like a group therapy session, but it's that similar like, not just sitting back and learning, not lecturing, right. And when we watched each other struggle, and when I struggled in it, one of the things that I thought the whole time was like, Damn, I'm not saying that. I'm like, a super great anti racist, white person. But all I could think about was how I felt very advantaged by the fact that I had gone to rehab for 18 months, and they spent so much time building ego strength, like I had to sit there and rehab and listen to people be like, when you do this, it has a negative impact on me. And that I think might be a shitty part about you. And I had to learn to like, listen to that, and regulate my emotions and tolerate that and go, oh, that didn't feel good. But where's the truth in it without jumping to be defensive? And having you know, in denial about my own things, and and but do it with the kind of like, self compassion so that I wouldn't like crumble under like, Oh, I'm so bad. And I would remember looking around and being like, man, you really can't do that this work without those skills. Like some of these people, their issue isn't that they're unwilling to be anti racist. It's that nobody ever taught them those emotional regulation skills, like when someone says, Hey, that was racist, and my whole body tenses up and I go, Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, I don't want to be racist. I don't want to be racist. I don't think I was racist. But maybe everyone thinks I'm racist, and everything kind of starts to spin out of control like that. That's where the work is. It seems like

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 9:20

    absolutely, and I as you were talking, I think it brings up a really important point that we talked about in the book, which is sometimes it can feel a little confusing, you know, especially to like sociologists, and anyone who thinks about racism as being or understands how systemic racism can be and thinking about emotions can feel so small, but I think like you're saying, at the end of the day, even when you think about systemic processes, they're still maintained by encouraged by individual people. Like I was just emailing the Kentucky Senate yesterday about some anti di bills, and it was just really interesting to read some of the things that people are so worried about, and you know, one of those things similar to what's been passed in Florida was like, you know, like, you can't basically it's like, this is obviously not what they say. But the implication is like, you can't make people feel bad. And my email to these state senators, I was saying, you know, I've been teaching about this stuff for a decade and like people can learn to cope with emotions, if I am teaching someone about the history of the United States are just talking about specific things and they feel shame, that's completely normal. It's non pathological, and it's not harmful to feel those emotions. And it's not because of their race. It's because it's normal to feel that way when you hear about those things, right. And, and I think that people have a hard time coping with it and then don't even want to expose people to the information so that there's no need for that to even develop. And so I think all of the kind of individual cultural systemic things are really linked. I was

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 10:50

    just gonna say, you know, Yara is point to made me think about one of our skills, the facts scale, which is kind of connected to DBT. Checking the facts, right. Just because I feel bad doesn't mean something bad is happening to me, or learning about di or anti racism is bad. And so one of our skills where it really supports people in disentangling the stories that we tell ourselves when we're emotionally activated, isn't it

    KC 11:15

    ironic, like just as a tangent, that the people who want to dismantle dei and historically accurate teachings about our country and the enslavement of black people, and the resulting oppression are the same people that like to proudly pronounce that, like facts don't care about your feelings? Like they'll say horrendously phobic shit, and they'll be like, I'm just saying the truth. It's not my fault. Feelings? Like, where did that line of thinking suddenly not apply to you? Because you don't want to feel bad? Right. You know, I also wanted to say that one of the reasons I think that this book was so man, like, I feel like my love language is like, just like intellectual discourse, I feel like I interjected into my veins, but not just the lofty stuff like this stuff that has like such practical implications. And this is another tangent, I'm sorry, we have such a beautiful outline for this episode. And the Vyvanse is kick in. And I feel so excited to have you guys here that I just want to share. So actually, the middle of writing my own book about relationships, it's basically like a little handbook for when you struggle with relationships, platonic, romantic, familial, all of these, and specifically, this idea that, you know, how do we have better relationships? And how do you read a book about all of those and not accidentally, like, tell someone to stay when they shouldn't leave when they shouldn't, you know, all these kinds of things. But one of the biggest things in the relationship book that I've been writing about is there's this concept called the vulnerability cycle, about how like it was made for marriage therapy about like how interpersonal conflict happens, and how like our own vulnerabilities and sensitivities get triggered, and we respond in a certain way. And we kind of spiral out and get activated in the fight or flight and how like, the most important skill you can have for having better relationships is the skill of emotional regulation. And it was something that I used to teach a lot when I did workshops for Drug Rehabs. And so it was so interesting to be in the process of that in my own book, and then to read yours and be like, Yes, this is it. Like this is the key to like, all to unlocking all of these skills. And you say about the book, that it is a book for white people that does not center whiteness, and I certainly felt that, but I'd love to hear from you guys. Like what you mean by that? Yeah.

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 13:29

    I mean, I think that at the end of the day, you know, when you think about what whiteness means, and what whiteness does, there's a lot of centering of emotions, there's a lot of prioritizing the comfort of white folks, even within anti racist spaces, you know, you know, how do you say things in a way that people aren't going to be offended? You know, there's all this like, tiptoeing and desire for white comfort. And that is not what we are about in this book. And so it's not designed to make white people feel good and comfortable. And it's really about the end goal of doing effective anti racist work. And so even though it's a book for white people, centers, people of color, and that the end goal is a society that's no longer harmful to people of color. And yet

    KC 14:14

    the book when I read it, I felt like I was talking to a therapist that had unconditional positive regard for me, do you know what I mean? Like, I felt like I was listening to someone that was very safe for both reasons, it felt safe, because it did not feel like your goal was for me to feel bad. But it also didn't feel like your goal was for me to feel good either. Like, your goal was to tell me the truth and to understand why those truths may be hard, and then teach me the skills to deal with that hardness so that I could walk forward in the truth. I

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 14:48

    was gonna say, I'm just really happy to hear you say that because I think it's really consistent with our goal and also, you know, aligned with the fact that you know, that we are therapists and you know, we knew kind of our long long term goal, which we're now doing is to provide, you know, like CEE workshops to their business. So that's always kind of been our framing like it's we don't have that kind of approach of yelling, shaming, I think we don't think that's effective, and at the same time, not coddling. So it's really great to hear it being received the way that we intended. And so

    KC 15:19

    the book talks about 16 different skills. And I loved that they were all acronyms.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 15:24

    That's yeah, that's all. Yeah.

    KC 15:28

    That's, I love that so much. And you also mentioned like, I want to get into the skills and some of the examples, but one of the reasons you say that you're uniquely positioned to write this book. And I think that does have to do with being clinical community psychologists, like you're trained to think about people a societal level, at an individual level with this really practical, what works?

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 15:51

    Absolutely, I think our therapeutic training, working with a diverse array of clients really supported us and to think about these skills. And I can't also ignore sort of our lived experience as three women of color who have been on the receiving end of a lot of ineffectiveness, thinking about if this situation, thinking about that situation that I encountered, how could I have wanted a white person to show up? How would I have wanted this to play out differently. And so I think it really is a reflection of our lived experiences, our clinical training, our research, which also made it a joy to write.

    KC 16:32

    One of the things I also really loved and felt convicted by as I read it, or kind of like UI is that you teach all these skills and then but you also teach, like, one of the skills you teach is like how to call out like fellow white people, and you teach it and we'll get into it later. But you teach it in this specific way that really puts a gut check on like, how do you say this? Like, this isn't your time to power trip, which I think is one of the biggest temptations, right? You get that like Dunning Kruger like, Okay, I know a little bit. And now I see somebody quote unquote, doing it wrong. And we can do what we think we're being told to do. But you really give us those like, step by step, not only like, what am I saying it, but like, what's going on inside of me when I'm addressing this? And how can I be effective? And I just, I just love that. Okay, so one thing that I really I got instant clarity, which is, you said that there's this like North Star principle that's supposed to guide all of our decisions, and it is the DBT skill of effectiveness. So can you talk about that for a second? Yeah, I

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 17:35

    think kind of, you know, some of what we've been talking about already is effectiveness is about really thinking about what works. So not getting caught up in what you think should happen, what feels right or fair to you, right. So not getting stuck up, like getting sort of stuck on those components, but really thinking about what works, which we know is a pivotal shift, because it's easy to get attached to this particular way of doing and one of the things that we've noticed, even in when we offer these trainings, people really struggle with not having a checklist, like okay, but no, tell us what the list is in terms of how to be an ally that's going to work in every situation. And it's like, well, that's not the reality of anti racism, it really requires thinking critically about what is it that I'm trying to accomplish that's aligned with my anti racism values, and what's going to move me

    KC 18:30

    forward, it immediately brought to mind like one of my early experiences on Tik Tok, when I first started my channel, and there was this trend going around where it was like people who kind of like, quote, unquote, looked like career people or professional people. And then they would do this sort of, like, nobody knows that, like I used to be and then like, you know, the scruffy little whatever's and mine was like, nobody would expect that I used to be this like little hippie with dreadlocks, and that was the only part of whatever and there was a woman of color who got really upset and was like, you know, I don't like how you made the fact that you engage in cultural appropriation as this like teehee moment and so there was silence some back and forth in the comments. And I remember thinking like, Well, that wasn't what I meant to do but like I guess I'm sorry if it happened or whatever, but it kind of like created its own little Firestorm controversy, whatever, whatever. And there was a lot of hounding around like okay, you need to take accountability take accountability, take it I remember thinking like accountable to who like I didn't hurt you. I'm not I don't have them. Now, I don't have that. And I was trying to do like the intellectual like, here's what I know about anti racism, but like, this isn't plugging into that. Like, I've done it. I followed the script, I did the things you're not allowed to be mad at me anymore. Like, this isn't fair. It's not fair. And so you open this book by giving this example of a head of school that just started and gets a letter from students of color saying like, here are the things in the school that like we think are like, you know, oppressive or discriminating. And she gets really defensive about like, I just got here, I didn't do these things. And I immediately thought of that tic tock of me being like, this isn't fair, this isn't fair, I did what I was supposed to do, I did the apology, I did the whatever, I don't have to keep bending over backwards, just because every single person doesn't like voicing those things out loud. And then there's this line that just shoots you through the heart where you say, instead of focusing on what you think is fair, ask yourself, what is the most effective thing to do in this situation to advance anti racism? And that to me was like, this book's gonna be different, right? Like this is the shift. It's not about are you right or wrong necessarily? Or is this fair? Or are you being misunderstood? Or, you know, you have to do this just because of that it is, what next steps could I take? Because then even if I think I'm wrong, that question applies, even if I think I'm right, or I've been misunderstood, or whatever, it still applies like that, the literal question of how I can dissenter myself there is still a way to handle the situation where I can engage in like my own anti racism and further anti racism or, and isn't that the truth? Like a lot of times, it's like the way we as white people are responding to whatever has been pointed out, that's where we like, go wrong, for lack of a better term.

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 21:20

    100%. I mean, that's why the whole repair chapter exists. And I think one of the things that came up for me, as you were sharing that story was even, you know, in the repair, you know, one of the letters is has to do with an apology. And part of what we encourage and think is really important is noting that even if you apologize, you can't demand forgiveness, right. And so in addition to doing what's effective, I think even when you engage in in as best as you can as a repair process, and kind of knowing that people might still be upset, and it's not helpful to then be mad at them for not accepting your apology.

    KC 22:03

    So you have you opened up with talking about like barriers to anti racism work. And I thought these were really insightful. You talked about cognitive barriers, and I want to read a couple of these for the audience. You talked about okay, so have you ever wondered why people kept hanging on to racism and that racism was a thing in the past? Have you ever gotten stuck trying to figure out the right way to be an ally? Have you ever believed that not seeing race was the best way to overcome racial prejudice? And then you have the emotional barriers, the fear of being perceived as a bad ally, the unbearable guilt of having unearned privilege Oh, and that's the other thing is I feel like you know, for a lot of us that maybe have done the work around some of these ones about like not seeing race and racism is a thing of the past and we're into that like no, I'm all in it's definitely a problem. It's definitely this there's this like second wave of barriers that you discover in yourself after you've bought in that you are specifically speaking to right frustration that you're anti racism efforts have gone unnoticed, powerlessness, about your ability to make a difference anxiety that you might say something or do something to make the situation worse. Oh, I felt like you were reading like my journal. And then you talk about interpersonal barriers. Have you ever been unsure about what to say to bipoc peers following a racist incident hesitant to call out a racist remark enacted by a colleague or family member uncertain about how to apologize after making a racist misstep? I also I'd love that you called it a misstep. Was that intentional? The word misstep as opposed to where it's like mistake, like as opposed to mistake or wrong or screw up or lie, there was just something so like, powerful in what it implied and didn't imply in the way that it was? It's like, okay, it might be my fault. Or it might be a mistake, or it might have been a truly like a, what am I trying to say like an honest mistake, but like, either way, a misstep is my responsibility

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 23:57

    in response to you know, is it intentional? I would say based on the fact that we probably met for hundreds and hundreds of hours about every little detail in the book. Everything was intentional, every single word. And and I think, you know, throughout, we have a lot of kind of analogies and metaphors about journeys and paths. And so I think missteps is kind of consistent with that way of thinking of going on a path and is also kind of general enough to encompass a lot of different things. And so that's, that would be my, my post hoc guests for why we were intentional about that one.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 24:32

    I was just gonna say I think we are also trying to we're clear that we don't understand these barriers is like moral failings or like character flaws there. They exist because of lack of skills, like you've talked about previously. And none of us showed up with this kind of innate essence on how to be an ally. We have to learn how to do it. And so I think that tone and tenor is really reflected in the book.

    KC 24:59

    Yeah, I feel like what it does is it helps me avoid like the shame trap. Like it's not trying to necessarily make me feel comfortable. But like the quickest way for me to center myself at this stage for me is when I start to feel a lot of shame over having done a misstep, but then I fall into that hole of what do people think, are people going to like me? How am I going to fix this? Oh, I'm such a bad ally. Like, that's how it all of a sudden, I become the gravitational pull of the whole issue. And misstep neutralizes that a little bit for me. And I

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 25:27

    think some of what we talked about in that section of the book is people get really hung up on their intentions and trying to argue what they intended to do or not intended to. And I think part of using that neutral language makes it clear that in some ways, we're agnostic about what you intended to do, it really is about the impact and how to and how to continue to respond effectively,

    KC 25:48

    it's going into these skills, you discuss a lot of DBT skills, specifically in the book and ways that they can be used and anti racism work. And even though DBT wasn't created specifically for anti racism work, it really does seem to like perfectly apply. And so I want to talk about when you talk about cognitive skills, there's a lot of them. But there's one specific one, one of the ways that you address moving through like cognitive barriers is this skill set you refer to as tapping into your best self. And I want to read just this little excerpt tapping into your best self means reminding yourself of your motivation for engaging in this work, it is the difference between saying, Wow, I made a racist comment, and now everybody will think I'm a horrible person. And I made a racist misstep. And I know I can do better talk to me about the skill, because I feel it strikes me as doing like several things at once this shift to like that inner talk.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 26:36

    Yeah, and I think because our skills are acronyms, they all require you to do multiple things, at the same time to address a particular issue. And so that tapping into your best self is a part of the Accept skill, which was designed to help people move from denying racism to accepting or acknowledging the reality of racism. And so tapping into your best self is about reminding yourself why you're engaged in this work, getting caught up on whether or not you endorsed a worldview, that supported racism or maintain racism, like arguing or trying to maintain this belief is not helpful in moving forward. So reminding yourself, why are you here? Why are you engaged in this work? And are you willing to let go of these beliefs to do this work meaningfully, also reminding yourself of your values, right? Like if you're very much about connecting with your anti racist values, that's going to require you to let go beliefs or worldviews like, I don't see color, right, or I don't see race to do this work. Effectively,

    KC 27:45

    it strikes me as very self soothing, because part of what happens is like we have this whole construct around, I can't be loved or accepted unless I'm seen as a good person. And so when racism is pointed out to me, like I have this tailspin of I really need you to know I'm a good person, I really need you to know. And I think you laid out kind of perfectly in the book like why that is not an effective response. Like it might be an understandable response. But it is not an effective response. And it will harm people in the process. And so there's something very self soothing about going what is important here, right? Is it important? And one of the things that that I did the last time that I had that moment that was really helpful taken exactly from this right was I asked myself, is it important to me that everyone knows I'm doing like, what am I trying to do? Am I trying to make sure that everyone knows I'm doing the right thing? Or am I trying to make sure I'm doing the right thing? And that small flip of like, you know, what can I do next to advance anti racism or like my old cohort used to put it in context of like, which next step will best serve the cause of black liberation? And so there's, I just think you did that brilliantly. It's like, it's not about me saying, you're okay. It doesn't matter. You're still a good person. It's like, that's not even a question.

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 29:09

    That's not what this is about.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 29:11

    And I appreciate you know, what it also made me think about going back to Jerez point earlier about this is a book that's for white folks, but that doesn't center whiteness, if we think about, you know, a movement toward black liberation, it's a lot to ask black folks to Pat white allies on the back when they're trying to maintain their own survival. Right. And so part of divesting from this idea that you want to be seen from a good SBC as a good ally is about letting go of the need for I think Yara talks about it as like the ally cook right or the pat on the back. No folks of color are too busy trying to survive to slow down and give you praise or affirmation. Even though we understand the desire for praise and affirmation for doing the work that allies say they're committed to doing

    KC 29:56

    when it reminded me of like, you know, thinking about these as human skills But like everyone experiences that feeling of threat, that feeling of fight or flight, that feeling of dysregulation when there's conflict and things like that. And that if you are someone who has been directly harmed, or you're you are of the same group that is being talked about in a harmful way, in that moment, it's not as if you aren't having to do internal work in that moment yourselves around that fear and that wounding and that anger and that, like you're having to regulate yourself. And so it's like you said, like, it's not like, it's not understandable to like, need affirmation, but like, I can't, like I don't need the affirmation for someone who is trying to like, you don't need to do your work and my work. So this idea of going from the black and white thinking to the using that skill of and right, I'm doing my best, and I can do better. It reminded me of Well, nevermind, that's a tangent. Okay, speaking of fight or flight, what does fight this was so powerful in your but what does fight or flight have to do with anti racism?

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 30:58

    Yeah, I think what we're, again, trying to take a non judgmental approach is helping people understand why they're having the reactions that they are right. Some of it is connected to our belief system, some of it is connected to our socialization, and some of it is very much connected to our physiology. Right? We are physiologically hardwired, to respond to threatening information to maintain our survival. What happens though, is, you know, having a bear walk across your path, which is an immediate threat is not the same as someone thinking you are racist. However, physiologically, folks can have the same reaction. And so it was about helping people understand the physiological hardwiring, why they're having those these reactions, and also being able to take a step back and say, even though my body is telling me that I am unsafe, or that there is a threat is a social threat, right or being perceived as racist, an actual like threat to my immediate safety? And if not, how does that influence how I then show up because when we are physiologically aroused again, fight or flight, what do we want to do fight back, defend ourselves, which is not oftentimes an effective anti racist response, or we want to flee. So disengage and avoid, and whether you're coming off defensive defensively or disengaging from the work, it's not helpful to sustain anti racist work,

    KC 32:32

    you know, you talked about writing the article about how not to be a Karen. And many times when I watched those interactions, that is always what it's like, that is a person in full blown fight or flight. And that's not to excuse their behavior, but just from a psychological perspective, being like that person is in fight or flight. And I remember being in rehab, and we had to do these like confrontation meetings where people would tell you what was wrong with you, like the shitty ways you were showing up in the world, and you would like you would go into full blown fight or flight and we had this rule that when you were confronted, you were not allowed to say anything, but okay to like, make you sit with that feeling. And one of the things that I was thinking about as I was writing through this idea of reading through your fight or flight kind of chapter is that you describe it as like the your body telling you you're not safe. But even that, like it took a shift for me to realize that that's what the signal was saying. Because I always thought that that signal was saying, You're right, you're right. You're right. And not you're right, as I'm like, I should win the argument. But like, I'm the victim right now. I am correct. You are coming against me. But no, I'm right. And I remember that little thing of having to just say, okay, it was the hardest part for me, and I understood the rule, and I kept breaking it, because I would literally feel almost like a narrative like, okay, no, no, no, I understand. I shouldn't respond. But like in this one instance, I actually am like if you had more information if you needed to, and so like it was like that the first shift was having to go from realizing that that feeling, isn't actually saying I'm right. It's just saying that I'm not safe. And like you said, just because it feels not safe doesn't mean that I'm not safe,

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 34:10

    right that in this moment, I am encountering a threat but is it an actual threat to safety? Or is it a perceived threat? Because it calls into question my perceived standing as a good ally, and

    KC 34:22

    like the powerful knowledge that like our brain doesn't actually know the difference between physical threat an emotional threat. So you have that one read a little excerpt that when you say you say the idea that you are a good person quotes has been threatened activating your fight or flight response when situations like this occur, you have a choice to resist the unpleasant emotions or willingly engage with the discomfort for many people the initial impulses to turn away while this may feel better in the moment, resisting difficult emotions makes it difficult for you to reflect on your missteps and consider the source of bias that may have led to these missteps and I think most white people if we were really honest with ourselves, when we watch Karen and counters of somebody dysregulated and dissolving and whatever. I think if we were really honest, we would recognize that many versions of that is what's happening inside of us in these moments when we feel challenged when we feel called out when we feel like I'm not sure about that. And you talk about how like, we can reframe the negative self talk with more helpful things. And your suggestion is, I'm feeling ashamed, because I think others may believe I'm a horrible person for the offhand comment I made, how can I move forward in a way that is consistent with my anti racist values. And so like you said, this doesn't disengage you from the discomfort, but it saves you from the shame trap, right, that you'll kind of like fall down the rabbit hole. And this is all about me. And I'll have to just think about myself and write like, I still write. And I think that's really interesting, like when we start this journey, and we see everything through the lens of whiteness, and everything is white, and white is the default. And white is the important part. And white is the whatever. And we're always thinking about ourselves. And sometimes we can go through a lot of anti racist education, but not get rid of that same framing. And now in every encounter, instead of thinking about what I deserve, I'm thinking about how I'm screwing up as like, I haven't actually disengaged from centering whiteness in that way. Okay, next question. One of the things that really hit me as a therapist is this idea that you can't do the effective anti racist work outside of your window of tolerance. And for anyone who doesn't know what window of tolerance is, it just means that there's this certain window of stress that you can experience and cope with fairly easily. And then as you move outside of your window of tolerance, either because something is really stressful to you, you become less effective at regulating your emotions and your behavior. And if you continue to escalate, you'll go right into that fight or flight stance. And this idea that emotional regulation skills or anti racist skills, I think, is what makes your book so unique and powerful. And one of the skills that you offer about emotional regulation is called feel. And so I wanted to highlight that one for the episode. Can you talk to me about feel? Yeah,

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 37:03

    so feel, obviously, like all the other scales is an acronym. And it really is about it's a distress tolerance skill, right. So it's designed to help you tolerate difficult emotions, which I appreciate what you said earlier about, like these skills being human skills regard, whether it's anti racism or not, we all have to encounter difficult moments where we can immediately change the situation, the context or what we're feeling. And so we have to learn how to tolerate that. And so we have to find our center. So allowing, giving ourselves space free from distractions to really check in with the body being able to embody a non judgmental stance, so approaching how we're feeling with a sense of curiosity rather than judgment, right? And then allowing ourselves the opportunity to check in with our senses to ground ourselves. So noticing what we might be smelling, at the moment, seeing in the moment, tasting in the moment, again, as an opportunity to self soothe. And really also recognizing that difficult emotions and experiencing difficult emotions are what make us human right? Again, you are not a bad ally, because you're feeling shame or feeling guilt. You're not a bad person, because you may even be feeling anger, right? You're not a weak person, because you're feeling these emotions are part of the human

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 38:25

    experience. Yeah. And I think just to add on to what I'm not only saying, I think that's why the Detect skill about figuring out what the emotion even is and then followed by feel, that was really intentional, because you really kind of need to master those and kind of develop that emotion literacy to then do more advanced skills, like with the reframing that you were referring to earlier, like with the facts skill, which is, you know, really the closest I think skill to like traditional CBT, where it's challenging that interpretation, which is what actually leads to the emotion and kind of fact checking yourself. And so mastering field is really necessary for that to happen. And, you know, you were talking about the Karen's and I just, you know, I remember the central park one that was like the first one that always comes to mind. And I always just kind of imagine, like, what would it have been like for these white women to, you know, pause and do the Detect, scale and do the field scale? Like, I wonder if, if they had tried that for just a moment, they would have then figured out that they needed to do a little bit more checking of what's going on within themselves, maybe they would have done the facts skill, and eventually kind of would lead to the conclusion that they are not being threatened in this situation, that there is a possibility that bias is interpreting their behavior, and maybe there is some more kind of consideration of what it means for them to make the decision to call the police in a situation like that, and then the whole thing can be prevented. So that's always what I think about when I see those instances,

    KC 39:57

    and you're right that like all of these skills are they have to like work together, it's like they have to, you can't there's no like this one first, really, because and it really honors that fact that like, you kind of have those three different areas of the brain, you know, you have your prefrontal cortex doing the thinking and the logic and you have your limbic system doing the emotions, and you have that brainstem, kicking off that fight or flight and your tools. It's not like one of them kicks off the other. It's not like a domino effect. It's more like a symphony, like at all parts of the brain are talking to each other and affecting each other. And then there's, it's like a big feedback loop. And so you know, you have these skills that are like some of them are a little more geared towards calming down, you know, the brainstem and the fight or flight and some of them are specifically towards, you know, speaking to that emotional brain and bringing that like cognitive section back online. So you can think and not just react and I appreciate it, like it really is a holistic, you have to kind of have them all. Okay, next question. Sidenote, and I'll edit this out, but Are you guys okay to go about 15 minutes past the hour? Okay, that I was sending an email to my next meeting. So I was like, wait, I haven't gotten everything in this is important. Okay. All right, you have a chapter about anti racist repair and making apologies. And you say in the book that you actually specifically put this chapter after the emotional regulation Chapter. Why is that? Yes,

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 41:11

    another one of those intentional decisions. And I think it's because an effective repair requires a lot of emotion regulation, right? Without emotional regulation skills that can become so easy for a repair effort to become about you, you know, when you were talking about the gravitational pole comment, I really appreciated that when you said that earlier. And I think and it's not just like the sitting with distress, it's there's like the willingness to be vulnerable, that's really important. And you know, part of repairs, kind of really being thoughtful about next steps, and actually doing what's effective, and you can't engage in thoughtful, meaningful, intentional conversation, if you're still in that panicked state, and being really concerned about how you're being perceived, you know, being mad that someone's recording the incident, or, you know, or whatever. And so those really need to be I mean, I wouldn't say mastered, I don't know, if anyone ever really like Masters is but having some practice in them, I think is really helpful before engaging that, especially because evaluating your emotions is part of, of repair the skill.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 42:19

    And I think also, one of the things that came up a lot for us in our early trainings, is people really wanting to jump into the well. But what do I do? Like, what do they do for other people without the slowing down to attend to the internal work? That's also very much a part of this process, like, Okay, well, what do I say, What do I do, and again, in this way, that felt very checklist it without, again, really having to attend to the difficult internal work, that's part of this process,

    KC 42:49

    it makes me wonder to like, you know, when we first as white people, we first wake up to Oh, my God, this is the reality, we're also having to feel pain in a way that we didn't before because we weren't connected to the reality of it. And I wonder sometimes if like my early urgency to like, run into, like, what do I do? How do I make a difference? How do I like how much of that it's both right? Like, it's both and but like, some of that was this empathy and this conviction from my values. But I wonder too, like, how much of us what's driving us is, I don't know how to tolerate the pain that I feel being open to this. And I certainly don't know how to tolerate the powerlessness that I can't fix it. So what can I do? What can I do? What can I do so that I don't have to feel powerless anymore, and we can lose the step of making sure what we're doing is effective, and making sure that we are effective before we rush into, you know, whatever we're trying to do. And that's something that I thought about a lot while I was reading your book. Yeah. And

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 43:55

    you know, if you think about that, like rushing to what can I do? The other thing that a lot of antiracist scholars also talk about is like stamina building, when we just jump into the what do I do, then you have sort of the burn out or nothing I do works, right this, which then leads people back to the other extreme of disengaging. And so acquiring the emotion regulation skills of distress tolerance skills, we also see as again, necessary internal work, but also stamina building skills. And

    KC 44:25

    when I'm not talking about a lot of them in this one, but I want the audience to know like your use of examples is so helpful. You use so many examples in our personal examples about people at work people with friends, I appreciated that you use examples of somebody making online content because there are no resources for okay, if you are somebody with an online platform, how because there's some nuances there that you're like, I'm trying to apply what I know but I've never seen anybody kind of outline what that's supposed to look like here. I thought that was really helpful. You have this chapter on how to call out other white people when they make racist missteps and That's one that I thought we could go over to briefly. It's the acronym is call out. Can you walk us through that? Yeah. So

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 45:06

    at its core, you know, calling out racism is about identifying and challenging instances of racist behavior, language attitudes that you witness, whether it's a colleague, whether it's a family member, or a friend. And one of the things that we also know in the book that I think is important to say, I know that there's some debate in the anti racist space about whether we should be calling out or calling in, we use that language of call out flexibly, right, that allows people to make decisions given the context at hand, like whether it's done publicly or privately, we sort of trust individuals to take in the necessary contextual information to decide that and so call owl is, in a lot of ways similar to the BTS, dear man acronym, which is about what to say, when you want to make a request? Or what to say, if you want to say no, and then how to say it for us, we take that same kind of framing of what to say and how to say it with how to respond to a racist incident. And so for C, right, it's to clarify what happened. And this is really about getting everybody on the same page, right? So if you witness a colleague saying a microaggression, say, Hey, I noticed that you know, you gave so and so a compliment that they're really articulate as a way again, reminding us or getting everybody on the same page about what happened, acknowledge possible intentions. So I know when you said that, perhaps it was meant as a compliment. Or you were really just trying to praise how they describe something, because one of the things that we recognized is people oftentimes, understandably, so get so hung up on what they met, as opposed to the impact of what they did. And so in an effort to kind of short circuit some of the defensiveness that could come up, like acknowledging it almost like giving the person the benefit of the doubt, we know there are people who intentionally want to be racist, but let's assume that this was coming perhaps not from a racist place, or that they didn't mean it in that way, and then laying out the reasons, it's racist, not assuming that everybody has the same education that you have about why calling a person of color articulate is a microaggression, to say, oh, you know, when you do that, it presumes that you didn't expect them to speak English well, or to speak it properly, which may be making assumptions about their intellect, perhaps inferiority, or maybe their nation of origin, and then list possible solutions, right. So providing the person with information for how they can prevent making this misstep again, you know, like, when I went to this training, I learned that calling a person of color articulate is a microaggression, perhaps you can attend that training today, or the next time you want to compliment that co worker, maybe talk about their task, not a personal attribute, right, because it gives people a clear direction. And then the out acronym is about how you do it. So making sure that you're observing your internal reactions, using humility. I know Casey, you kind of brought this up earlier, this is not your opportunity to try to one up the person you're calling out, or to show how you're the good ally with all the information. But really remembering what it was like for you the last time you were called out or made a misstep, and trying to bring that same humility to this interaction, and then tolerating resistance. One of the things that we've also noticed or observed with some allies is anytime they get any kind of pushback, they disengage. So even if the co worker is like, well, you know, you're being too sensitive. I didn't mean it like that reassert, why it's racist, why it's problematic. This is not an invitation to go into an ineffective back and forth, right. You also have to know when it's time to disengage, but it doesn't mean that at the first sign of tension, you have permission to walk away.

    KC 49:07

    I love that when you were talking about like, this isn't the chance to like one up, you know, whatever. And I just, this is so dumb, but my friends and I that are content creators, we call it the white white woman woke off. And we had to recognize it in ourselves first, but now like, sometimes we'll text each other and we'll be like somebody in my comments trying to get me to do a white woman woke off.

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 49:32

    Don't take the bait.

    KC 49:33

    Don't take the bait. Okay, well, I love that. And I wanted to also clarify for the audience that this is for white people calling out other white people. This is not for you to critique how a person of color is calling you out. Absolutely. Yes. Okay. And then one thing I loved in the book because of how practical it was, is your dei calculator as someone who has written a book and is writing a new one that wants input from people of color that wants to make sure I don't just sort of accidentally write from just my own perspective. You know, I want to reach out and ask my colleagues or people that I know or people that I know of, you know, hey, what do you think of this? Or, you know, can you collaborate with me on this? And but there is this fear of like, will that be offensive? Will they think like, oh, you're just asking me because I'm black? Or, you know, you know, if I have a question about something, it's like, well, I don't want to call my friend and have her feel like I just call her because she's black. And so you have this like, very cool calculator about when you're working on a project, and you want to elicit the viewpoints or participation or contribution of a person of color, like how to decide how to do that. So will you guys talk about that calculator for a second? Yeah,

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 50:43

    absolutely. Um, you know, I think there are a lot of situations where asking people of color, and especially women of color for di related labor could make sense. And there are a lot of times where it really doesn't make sense. And I think this skill really came from the many, many experiences that we've had, where it did not make sense, and it did not feel good and was frustrating. And, you know, I think the calculator is probably our longest skill, right? Natalie has probably the most letters compared to all of them, which I think really captures how complex of a task unit you just think it's so easy, like, I would really just ask this person, but it really is quite complicated. And that's kind of where it came from. And I'll try to keep this brief and de identified, but I think one of the examples that where it's like, okay, it's deeper than that was a few years ago and a in a previous job after kind of like a racist incident, there was kind of this, you know, that organizational kind of desire for anti racism and kind of a discussion of like, okay, you know, what do we do when there was a request from my boss to Okay, well, you know, Yara, you can make like, an anti racism resource list. And, you know, notably, wasn't part of my job. But to be fair, you know, they knew that that was an interest of mine. And, of course, I'm happy to create an anti racism resource list. And at the same time, I'm like, Okay, I really think the way to go here would be like a anti racism or D AI needs assessment in this organization, especially because I knew a lot of the issues that people of color were having in this organization. And I'm like, this is the perfect opportunity to go through, do an honest self assessment, and then make decisions and make goals, specifically based on the issues that are happening within this organization. And I found the tools gave them to the supervisors. And they and it was very clear that they were not interested in doing that work. They, they're just like, oh, yeah, that sounds good. But they didn't want to do it, they didn't want to sit with the difficult process of really assessing how the organization is doing in terms of anti racism, and that, therefore made that request for spending hours creating this resource lists feel so worthless, it's like, what's this for? I'm not doing this. For me, it doesn't really sound like y'all are gonna use it that much, right? Like the commitment to anti racism was really weak, and it wasn't contributing to a long term strategic anti racism plan. It was just, it was like a little BandAid fixing, like an ambiguous wound that potentially didn't like what problem is an anti racism resource list actually solving in this organization, nothing. And so so I just remember being really, really frustrated by that and thinking about, you know, years later, had they gone through the DI calculator skill, they would have realized that this wasn't a good ask. And so as you go through the calculator, you gain what we refer to as equity bucks. And the more equity bucks you have, the more acceptable it is to ask a person of color for di related labor. And the outcomes are basically red, yellow, and green that refer to kind of intensity with which to ask the request. And you know, going back, I was kind of going through that I'm like, okay, they probably would have had two bucks max. And that is very clearly in the red zone, they should not have asked that. Importantly, we talked about how there are ways to move into the yellow and green zone like there are contextual things that you can change about your request to make it more appropriate. So it's not like you're in the redzone never ask, you're on your own. It's like really think think about how to make this sustainable and not exploitative. And I will

    KC 54:23

    say, you know, I didn't mention it before now. But I want the audience to know that I found this not only a helpful book for just me as a individual person, but also I'm so impressed that it also is a helpful book for me as a business owner me as a part of a an organization like an organization could use this to be a better anti racist organization. Like there's tools in there that apply to thinking about things in that way. Not just me thinking as an individual. So I wanted to kind of land the plane here with maybe one last question if you guys would be open to it. There's this one line in the book that I found myself having an emotional reaction to and feeling a resistance to. And I'm curious if we could use this as like an example of I can share with you what I was feeling. And you can maybe share with me like what tools in the book, you know, if I was your friend and I called you up and was like, This is what I'm feeling, what tools in the book would be my next step for like how to move through that. So there's a part of the book where you're talking about white supremacy, culture and this tool of self preservation and how, you know, we feel like we have a right to comfort and we feel like the threat that we feel when we're being called a racist it like, in that moment, it almost feels as important as the threat that a person of color would feel by the actual racism. Anyways, the point is, there's this line that says, however, for white people, unencumbered by the weight of marginalization, that act of self preservation is rarely if ever necessary. And so I found myself feeling resistance to this and as a specifically as a woman, and I think there's this interesting thing that happens as a white woman where there, I feel like I have this experience of needing to engage in self preservation constantly in my role as a woman, but not necessarily in my role as a white person. And I felt that pull of but wait, but wait part part of it, is even when I look at Karen's, I'm like, yeah, like, yes, Karen is entitled, but part of it is that like, she is so shit on by her own like, patriarchal situation that she is like squeezed to the brink. And then she gets in a situation where she perceives just even more disrespect, right? It with her, and you marry that with a racism of like, these people are beneath me, and they're disrespected. It's like, she already gets so much of that from men, that it just like pops. And so I felt this like, wait a second, no, like, as a woman, I engage in self preservation. So if that was kind of where I was, and I didn't know what to do with that feeling, what are the tools in your book? That would be like my next step right there?

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 57:02

    I think it's such a complex question. And I think, you know, and specifically, what we're referring to is the weight of racial marginalization as it's kind of implied, but not clearly stated there. So I just wanted to clarify that and also say, I mean, I think immediately My mind went to the field skill and sitting with it. And then I and then my mind personally, I'm curious, Natalie, what our reliability on this would be, but it's kind of going to the fact scale and really asking yourself, like, if we had more time, I would like ask you these questions now. But just really asking yourself, like, what are the interpretations that are happening? I think sometimes, especially when you get into talking about intersectionality and intersecting systems of oppression, there can be a misunderstanding among white women that the system of sexism is not real, or because you're a white woman, you don't experience sexism, which is of course, not what intersectionality is about at all. So that would kind of be one of the things I would be curious about is what are the interpretations? Is there an assumption of invalidation? Other things and then really kind of questioning that like, is that invalidation actually happening? And kind of going through the process of checking the facts?

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 58:13

    Yeah, I was thinking feel as well. I was also thinking about detect, and I think you're you kind of named it detect, like, what I'm noticing resistance. I'm curious about what the emotion is, what's getting activated? Perhaps that provides some insight. It also made me think about the Accept skill that also has the worldview assessment attached to it right? Does this resistance reveal some worldviews that I have about my positionality as a white woman that are being threatened? Does it raise questions for me to around my divestment from whiteness, right? And thinking about what the function is, if I lean into the gender marginalization, but not really sit with the racial privilege, like what's the function of that? It also makes me think about the and skill, right, can we hold both? Right that I've benefited from whiteness, and I may experience marginalization in light of these other social identities, but what's the function of me trying to play up or lean into the other types of marginalization that quote unquote may let me off the hook in terms of my anti racism work so I think there's a lot there that's

    KC 59:31

    it's just so cool, because I feel like you know, I've had so many brilliant mostly black women but some black men as well and non binary folks like kind of walk through what to do with that process. But you guys are the first ones that wrote it down in a step by step by like this idea of like, okay, sit with the feelings, feel the feelings get grounded past the panic. Look into some of these cognitive like, is that even what they said? What am I is there's this fear, what's the fear? Oh, there's this invalidation. This invalidation. Okay? Well, that's where you know, I'm wanting to really address my invalidation. But like, where are we? What are we thinking about? What's the Northstar? Like, what's the next step for advancing? Antiracism? Like, is it really, you know, needing these people in front of me to validate this thing of me or like, maybe it's my job to validate that, like, that's real and hold those hands and like, moving forward. And I just think that is my favorite part of the book is how practical it is, and that roadmap that you guys have given. And so I just wanted to say, again, that I really, really love the book. I appreciate the book. When does the book come out? By the way? April, April? 2024? Yes, excellent. All right. Well, that's wonderful. Where can they go? If they want to do GupS have a preorder sale? Where will it be available?

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 1:00:42

    Oh, I was just gonna say it's available everywhere. So on Amazon, apparently, even on Walmart. But also, we're trying to get into more local bookstores. But yeah, if you just search beyond fragility, a skills based guide to effective anti racist allyship, that's how you can find it.

    KC 1:00:58

    Awesome. And if they wanted to follow your organization, where would they learn more about that? Yeah,

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 1:01:03

    we have a website. We also have Instagram, Yara, do you want to give the website information? Yeah,

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 1:01:09

    so the dub website is www dot the deer project.com. And on there, we have all of our information about our socials, we also have information about our workshops. There's also our information, more information about the book, some of the lovely endorsements that we have received.

    Dr. Natalie Watson-Singleton 1:01:26

    And our Instagram is the period deer period project. We're also on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter,

    KC 1:01:32

    and that's D AR. We'll put all that in the show notes. But just for those listening, awesome. Well, thank you guys. This has been a wonderful conversation. And I really appreciate your time, and I appreciate the book. Thank you. Thank

    Dr. Yara Mekawi 1:01:42

    you so much. It was such a pleasure to be here and we really appreciate your support. I think validation and encouragement. It really does mean so much to us. So thank you so much.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
82: IEPs and Educating Our Disabled Children with Dr. Lesley Cook and Kim Kizito

Hello, World!

If you have a child with a disability in the public school system, you are familiar with the language of special education, IEPs, and 504 Plans. If it’s new to you, stick around for today’s conversation because I’m joined by two trusted experts in the thick of the IEP world. We begin with Dr. Lesley Cook, a clinical psychologist and repeat guest on the show, as she explains what parents need to know to be prepared and informed ahead of IEP meetings. My second guest is Kim Kizito, a fierce advocate who meets with families and consults with them as they navigate the public school system to get educational services for their children with various disabilities. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

From Dr. Lesley: 

●      Dr. Lesley’s path to becoming a trusted expert witness in due process cases dealing with neuropsych assessments

●      Understanding IEPs–individual education programs for students who have a diagnosis that interferes with their education

●      The difference between bad goals and good goals in an IEP

●      Dr. Lesley’s advice to watch out for the word “comply” in an IEP goal

●      Turning bad goals into better goals that are affirming and realistic

●      Considerations around behavioral disorders, PTSD, and triggering environments

●      3 kinds of interventions and supports that should be included in IEPs

●      A look at the intense pressure that parents feel in the IEP process–and why the law regards them as equal members in the process

●      Examples of common accommodations that parents can ask for

●      The problem with color charts as a behavior management tool

●      Dr. Lesley’s tips for parents and guardians who want to be more informed and prepared for IEP meetings

 

From Kim: 

●      Most parents don’t realize what services are available for children ages 0-3 through ECI (Early Childhood Intervention)

●      The importance of a special education advocate in helping families

●      Understanding the difference between a 504 Plan and an IEP

●      The three-pronged process for a child to qualify for an IEP

●      Lightning round questions for Kim about the excuses schools give to parents

●      Kim’s strategy to “get through” to the school to get evaluations and services for a child

●      Top tips for parents in protecting their child’s educational rights

●      A manifestation determination hearing—when it is appropriate and what it means

 

Resources and Links:

 Connect with Dr. Lesley Cook: TikTok

 Mentioned by Dr. Lesley: www.understood.org

 Connect with Kim Kizito: Website, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok

 Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello you Sentient ball of stardust. Welcome back to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And today we are talking about special education. IEPs Vibo fours. If you have a child with a disability in the public school system, you'll know what we're talking about. And if you don't well, listen on, we're going to explain it. Leslie, I've got Dr. Leslie cook in the studio again with me today. Leslie, thank you for being here.

    Lesley PsyD 0:28

    Thanks. As always, I love being here.

    KC 0:29

    So Leslie, I wanted to bring you on. I think it's so funny that you and I have been friends for a while, and the things that you don't know about your friends sometimes. So, you know, both of my kids have had what's called like early childhood intervention assessments where like, you see some of their, like, milestones and things and and maybe they miss a milestone and you know, call the state or the school district and they come out and do a little assessment, and then they tell you like, yada yada, yada, so but what was funny was when we moved to this new school district, and I called to ask them to do an evaluation on my three year old, and they told me like, Okay, that'll be nine to 12 months, but like, I just was like, oh, okay, make sense. That sucks. And I literally just happened to have texted you and said that, and I wasn't like asking anything. I was just like venting to you. And that's when you disclose to me that you are apparently a freaking expert at this, please tell me your background in this area, because your immediate response to me was like, oh, no, they're not allowed to do that.

    Lesley PsyD 1:30

    My I came at this part of the field by accident, actually, I was doing rotations as a neuropsychologist early on. So my training was much more in some learning disorders, but a lot of brain injury and developmental difference. But what I found was in the clinic, this is way early in my training in the clinic, we were getting more and more and more kids coming in for Neuro psych assessments because of lapses in their educational supports. And so as I got more clients, that way, I got more referred to me. And eventually, that's what I basically started doing almost exclusively. And that led me to becoming an expert witness in due process cases, in cases where the civil rights of students were violated. So we'll use the term expert, you know, gingerly because I'm an expert in a very narrow window. But yeah, this is an area that I spent a lot of time and still do in my career. And in my personal life,

    KC 2:22

    you were the one that told me first, hey, there is by law, like a timeline, they have to follow. And it is most certainly not nine months. And that was super helpful that kicked off us being able to advocate and I had no idea like how little information I knew, and how like the people who were trying their best, but were constrained by a budget and staffing and things like they weren't volunteering the information that they were out of compliance or that I had rights that I was unaware of. And so, you know, long story short, we ended up having to file a complaint with the Texas Education Authority, and then suddenly, we got a spot quickly. And so at the end of all of this, like you get your assessment, and then they come back and they give you the evaluation. And then we get to this step called the IEP. And I can never remember what it stands for. When I was talking to him. I was like the independent education balls. Like I said something ridiculous. But can you like in layman's terms? Can you explain what an IEP is?

    Lesley PsyD 3:18

    Sure, so any child who has a diagnosis that the result of that is interfering with their education, so it's making it difficult for a child to like fully benefit from what's happening in the classroom might qualify for a program of study, which is called an IEP. It's an individualized educational program, a lot of people think that the P stands for plan, but the plan, the paper is just a part of it. So the program is supports that you can have in place for your child, like extra time on tests, or maybe they can sit closer to the board, but it's also intervention. So your child might need to receive occupational therapy at school to help them with their fine motor skills or speech therapy to help them interact more in their environment. And then they also might have services that take place outside of the classroom. So they might meet one on one with a reading specialist. And all of that goes together to create this program of study that is free. If you're in a public school, this is provided to you free and then it also when you have an IEP, it means I need to track your child's progress over time. So it's pretty comprehensive. So

    KC 4:16

    I appreciate that breakdown. And when you say they have to have a diagnosis, do you mean that they have to have been previously diagnosed by a doctor or a clinician? Or are you just saying like they have to have some sort of disability? Yes.

    Lesley PsyD 4:29

    So they have to have some sort of disability. This is kind of thinking about this as like the IEP, once it's done is this land of majesty, but there's many roads to get there. So sometimes a child will come in with a diagnosis. Maybe you got an ADHD diagnosis for your child and then you're taking that to the school and you're saying, okay, school, I want to bring this diagnosis to you. But many times the child doesn't need to have any diagnosis at all, just a suspected disability or someone said something's in the way here, and if that happens, you can actually request for the school to do anybody ovation for the very first time, you don't have to see a doctor outside of the school first.

    KC 5:03

    Okay. So when we're sitting down and we're doing an IEP, what it looked like for our daughter is that, you know, they came to us and they were like, okay, here are the goals. And here are like, the ways we're going to get to those goals. Like I think every state is different, but they basically are similar and that you have these goals. And then somewhere underneath the goal, they have to specify like, what kind of interventions are they going to use to get to these goals. And I wasn't super pleased at the first goals that came back. And I'm not going to get into super details just for my own daughter's privacy. But I thought maybe you and I could talk for a minute about like, what are some goals that you see on IEPs that you think are bad goals? Like what kind of things could parents look for and consider when they're looking at these goals?

    Lesley PsyD 5:53

    Yeah, I think it's easier sometimes for me to think of the bad goals, unfortunately. So any goal that states a symptom of the disorder that your child has, and then says that they're going to eliminate that. So one of the classic ones is little Suzy, who has ADHD will remain seated with her hands in lap for more than 50% of class. So that would be an unreasonable goal. Because we know that sitting still is not something that's going to come easy for a child with ADHD. So anything that is related to being quiet, or being compliant child will comply with all stated adult directions, 80% of the time, that's that kind of flavor that we're looking at. We don't like that we don't want our children to have compliance as a goal. We want them to be able to speak up for themselves and advocate.

    KC 6:36

    That was one of the most helpful things you said to me when you said that you never allow the word comply to be in an IEP goal. Yeah, absolutely. And so this would be something like if you have an autistic child, and they have a goal that your child will make eye contact, you know, 70% of the time, is that what you're talking

    Lesley PsyD 6:53

    about, right? Because that lack of eye contact is one of our differences in eye contact as a part of autism. So we're not going to set a goal to remove a part of autism. If you do see that goal, though it is a good opportunity to ask the teacher What do you mean, what is getting in the way? And maybe it turns out that what's happening is your child is missing the instructions because they're presenting the instructions visually. So suddenly, now we have an opportunity to say, well, what is it actually that you're looking at? Well, we want her to be able to know that there's an instruction and follow it. Now we have a goal wasn't really about eye contact at all, it was about her not being able to find the information,

    KC 7:30

    or like a lot of times I feel like it's about like attention. And that's a helpful process of like, what is it we want this child to get from the situation like starting there instead of what is the behavior we want to see. Right? So like, if we want if like the are asking like what the problem is Susie doesn't pay attention, like, okay, but is eye contact the only way to pay attention? Like, wouldn't it be better for the goal to be like, how would you turn that into a goal about attention that you think would be like affirming? Yeah,

    Lesley PsyD 7:59

    well, first, I want to know what they mean. So a lot of these walls or barriers are opportunities to find out what does that look like, tell me what it looks like when she's not paying attention? Or how do you know she's not paying attention? And they might say something like, well, she gets up and walks around the room. And I would say, oh, okay, so the issue here maybe isn't attention said she needs more movement. So that might be something that we shift to? Or it might be I know that she's not paying attention? Because when I go to her desk, because she's just doodling? And then I might ask, did she understand the instruction? So we might need to collect more data or talk more, or the teachers might just have to pay a little bit closer attention to figure out what is it exactly.

    KC 8:36

    Okay. So if we did all this investigation, and we found out that maybe the teacher says something like, Well, the problem is, is that like, I don't know if she has understood? If she's not looking at me, sometimes she does. Sometimes she doesn't. And I don't know, like how to help her. If I don't have like signals from her that she has understood, then like what kind of goal like if you just wouldn't make one up? Sure, then

    Lesley PsyD 9:00

    I would say then the teacher's goal would be that at least eight out of 10 times during the week that with a prompt, she will demonstrate that she has understood the instruction. And that sounds very clinical. But let me explain what that means. So in this situation, we're setting it up where she will always have a reminder. So part of the goal is that when I remind her and we can talk about how to do that, she will show that she has understood that is a much more realistic goal than she will just pay attention on her own.

    KC 9:28

    Okay, I like that. So you said it can't be like a symptom of the disability. But what about when we get into like conduct disorders? Like if like, couldn't I say, Well, my kid taking a swing and another kid is a manifestation of their, you know, conduct disorder, or even manifestation of their PTSD or manifestation of their anxiety, you know, is it reasonable to have a goal that like, Johnny will not take a swing at people three out of five times or like, how do you address those kinds of behaviors?

    Lesley PsyD 9:58

    Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of different ways Just to answer that, one is that those are behavioral disorders are a little bit different because those aren't necessarily built into a child like an autism or ADHD is part of them. So those things are developmental, but a conduct disorder or PTSD. These are things that happen when certain things are triggering in the environment. But aside from that, I think one of the best goals that I've seen on an IEP was Johnny will remain safe to himself and others in his classroom. And the reason that it was so broad is that then underneath the goal, there were all of these strategies that were put in place, because sometimes when we focus on just getting rid of his behavior, or not focusing on, well, why is the behavior happening. So for instance, if Johnny is being prompted with demands every 30 seconds or something, sit down hands in your lap pay attention, then a part of the goal might be to reduce the frequency that he's being asked to do things and allow him more freedom to move in the room. So it's a really individualized process to kind of figure out what's at the root of all these behaviors. But in general, and answer to your question, it's not unreasonable to say that the goal in that case is he won't hit himself or others. That's an okay goal to have.

    KC 11:13

    Okay, it sounds like a lot of these interventions are like once you get on, it's like the goal is about the child. But once you get into the interventions, it's like very much heavy on like, what the adults in the room are supposed to be changing? Yes,

    Lesley PsyD 11:29

    there's actually three kinds of interventions or supports that I usually see on IEP. And we find that when all three are present, it's best. So the first one is what we typically think of which is skills. And we do want to have skill based goals on there, because we want to teach our kids so if a child is becoming inattentive, because they're so distracted, because they can't move may be a part of a goal is that we're going to teach them the skill of self advocating, can I get up? Can I walk around? Can I have the wiggle seat? Can I have my fidget that might be a skill based intervention. And then there's other types called supports. And these are things we're putting in the environment that have nothing to do the child does not have to advocate for them. So a support might be you know, every 30 minutes, the paraprofessional in the room might ask, do you want to get up and walk around or if they noticed that they're spacing out or the becoming an attentive, offer them a fidget. So that's different than a skill because other people are implementing. And then there's also therapies, so things like a pullout to occupational therapy, because if they're able to coordinate their hand better, they'll be able to write and they won't be as distracted. So those three you want to see skills, supports and therapies. So

    KC 12:35

    when I was younger, I was diagnosed with auditory processing disorder. And one of the main ways that that showed up was that it's difficult for me to hear people when I can't see their mouths, and I went to a private school. So I didn't have an IEP, but they did extend like accommodations. And as you're explaining these categories, I'm kind of like thinking about these different accommodations. And one was like, they moved me to the front row and all of my classes, like I didn't have to advocate for that, that was just like a change that they made. And then the second one was that the teacher wasn't supposed to turn around and talk while she was facing the Blackboard. So that's kind of interesting to like, think back on my own. And then I remember like the there's like a girl in my class that had dyslexia who was allowed to use a laptop, and kids that got pulled out because they got extra time on tests.

    Lesley PsyD 13:21

    Yep, and all of these, we want to think of an IEP, or a program for someone with a disability as like a garden. So if you plant I don't know, if you you garden, I don't know if anybody else gardens, but if you garden, if you plant a whole area of garden with one type of seed, and that's it, it's fine. But it's not as healthy as if you get a whole bunch of different types of plants in there. So if you've got one plant that's going to draw the right kind of B, that's going to help pollinate this other plant. And that works together. That's why in these programs, we really want to see representation of all of those things. So yes, we want to provide supports, but we also do want kids to increase their skill. So maybe one of the skills we want to increase is for the child to notice when they're feeling upset. So they can ask for a chill pass or a break before they escalate to hitting that we can't really accomplish with a support we have to work with the child to build their ability to know Oh, I'm about to blow my stack, I need to take a break. So I

    KC 14:16

    know in my process with designing this IEP, it did not feel as though I was expected to like challenge what the IEP said like it very much felt to me like they came Yeah, they did the evaluation, they gave it to me I signed it, they went away and then they came back with an IEP and they were like okay, here's the IEP like sign it let us know if you like have anything that you want to say about it and then like this is it and even though they were technically saying like go over it let us know if you have any questions or like go over it let us know if we think we missed anything. I think that had I not been connected with like people like you and like Kim like it very much would have felt to me like Like, okay, they're the experts. Like they're telling me what the goals need to be. And I'm not really supposed to like say, No, I don't like that goal, or I want that goal to be different, or I don't think that goal is appropriate. And I think, but you're saying that we are supposed to do that. Yeah, or we are allowed to do that.

    Lesley PsyD 15:16

    Absolutely. And I think this is a case where we can do two things at once we can look at the system and why the system is set up against parents, and also not necessarily blame individual teachers or schools, because there's downward pressure on schools to do these plans fast. They don't provide teachers and school psychologists and all those other folks in that meeting with enough support to do it, either with pay or time or training. So there's a lot of pressure on them to get it done. And we feel a pressure to comply and be grateful. And you know, thank you for helping with my child. And so there's a lot of pressure from different angles. But it's important to know as a parent that the law regards you as an equal member. So the principal of the school who is in that meeting, sometimes, and the school psychologists are equal to you, either one of you could say, I don't like this school, I'm proposing that we change it, and you have no less legal authority than the school. Now, that's easier, you know, to say, I've been in these meetings my whole life. And I know, it doesn't often feel that way. The other thing that

    KC 16:18

    was hard about this process is that there's not like, especially if your child has just been diagnosed, there's not like a bank of accommodations, like I didn't even know what was possible. So when they would ask like, how does this look? It was kind of like, I mean, I guess it looks good. But like, I don't even know what kinds of things I could be asking for. And I think that's especially difficult in situations where the school is pushing back a little bit and saying, like, well, we don't have the money, we don't have the staff. And you know, you kind of feel like, you don't even know what you're allowed to ask for. Can you share, like some accommodations that you've seen maybe some creative ones, or some good ones or like, so people kind of get a sense of like, how much is possible?

    Lesley PsyD 17:04

    Sure. And I think another good resource to is understood.org. And I'm not paid by them, I don't work with them. I like them, a lot of use them my whole career. That's a great website for parents to look at a whole bunch of ideas for accommodations, the best way that I think of when I'm thinking about my own children, who two of the three of us have been on IEP s is to say, what's the issue? And what is the barrier? So if x was happening, they would be successful? What is the x? And then I just ask, I tell parents all the time, ask for the moon. If you think that your child could really benefit from having a one on one aid all day, just ask because even if the school says well, they don't meet criteria for that. Now you can say, Okay, well, then what else would accomplish that goal?

    KC 17:46

    Or like, oh, what's the criteria?

    Lesley PsyD 17:48

    Yeah, can you show me where that is in the law. That's one of my other favorite things to say in these meetings. But creative solutions can be something as simple as George will be the line leader, if George is having behavioral issues in class, but man, he loves to be the line leader that can be one of the accommodations is that he's allowed to be the line leader. I don't know any little kids named George, by the way, but I don't know why I'm pulling these older names. They can be other things like, you know, making sure that your child is allowed to have a fidget at their desk, like taking apart a pen and putting it back together something as simple as that. They could be things including that your child could have preferential seating based on where they want to sit not based on lack of distraction. Because, as you probably know, a lot of ADHD kids, if you put us in the corner where there's no distractions, that's when we're most distracted. So it really needs to be dependent upon your individual child's like strengths and what would benefit them in the class.

    KC 18:44

    So what about I feel like whenever we talk about accommodations, we're frequently discussing like ADHD and autism, which I totally get, and I even mentioned some about dyslexia or whatever. One of the things that I wasn't as familiar about until I joined this Facebook group. And it was like about IEP s and five oh fours, and they had this like master document where everyone put the accommodations that their children were receiving, so you could go and browse by topic, and I'll try to find this Facebook group and put in the show notes for anybody that wants to check it out. But like what kind of blew my mind was like the accommodations for anxiety. Oh, yeah. Yep. The accommodations for depression. The accommodations for OCD, like the accommodations about like, this child will be allowed to bring their and some of them are like little little kids like this child is allowed to bring a Lavie to school. This child is not required to lay down a nap, this child is allowed to call their parent anytime they want.

    Lesley PsyD 19:38

    Absolutely. Yep. Other ones that I've seen like that or this child and their family will be notified prior to fire drills. So if we have a child with a trauma reaction to a siren, maybe they had survived the fire you can have them have pre warning for things. The Chill pass is something that I've seen a lot for anxiety growing and growing in popularity. Now. They even have digital chill passes. So that If your child, if they need to step out for a moment, doesn't even have to identify themselves, they can send a text through this app to their teacher, and they have an identified location like they're not wandering the school for a specific amount of time. So a child who has frequent panic attacks, for example, knows, should I ever feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack, I have a complete plan, and I can return to my education, you know, as quickly as possible. I love the idea of a master document. I know lots of different Facebook pages. And I find that the most beneficial way to connect is exactly what you did a local group in your area, because they're going to know better, what tends to get passed through more quickly, there

    KC 20:37

    was another one that I thought of that I thought was really interesting. I'm trying to remember what it was, oh, for anxiety, social anxiety and other types of disabilities, one of the ones was like, you can have it written into their IEP as an accommodation or something like that, that like they can't be called on and like put on the spot, or made to read out loud.

    Lesley PsyD 20:54

    Yeah, we see that a lot. I write that a lot for dyslexic kids. So if they're early in their reading journey, there's no reason they need to be reading aloud, they can read aloud in their one on ones they can read aloud next year, they can read aloud later in the year. But you can absolutely, basically you can ask for anything that's going to benefit your child. So if you think about a child who says who has like school avoidance, they're anxious every morning, they don't want to go to school every morning. And then you find out it's because when they come in, they are forced to wait in the big cafeteria, and all they're doing is just sitting there being anxious with all that noise, you can actually write into their IEP that they can go to a designated area, they don't even have to do that. And that's not You're not going to find that necessarily in a manual. You can just ask for what your child needs. Yeah,

    KC 21:38

    having lunch at the nurse's station having What about safety issues? You know, let's say that you have an autistic child that elopes or runs away, or any of these kinds of things like what kind of goals and interventions can you write into an IEP?

    Lesley PsyD 21:55

    Yeah, in that case, there's so many and you would really want to know, what are the triggers are the things that happen right before an elopement, which is just a fancy word for a kid running, you'd want to know if the child is running away from the school or if they're just running because sometimes it can be misinterpreted children, especially those who are young and autistic, and don't have verbal speech yet, might just want to run. So you could actually have it in your IEP, that, you know, when given permission from the teacher, or when it's an appropriate time that they can run to a specific location like to the sensory room and go on the swing, I often will see for safety reasons, you know, the child will be within eyesight of at all times. And that might not seem like something you'd have to write in an IEP. But you might be surprised if the child is running like every single day at recess, you might want to say they need an alternate recess plan or more supervision during recess.

    KC 22:49

    Yeah. And I think about things like you know, if they ride the bus, like being shot, like supervised, walked to the bus, if they go on field trips, if they you know, any of those sort of things. What about like AAC devices? You know, what kind of goals if you have a child that's non speaking, and you want to introduce a an AAC device? Like, what are those kinds of goals look like? This

    Lesley PsyD 23:09

    is an area that is really exploding in terms of research and in terms of like implementation, and I could not be more excited about almost anything that's happening. So AAC devices, our range of devices, there are actually an older system that you can carry with you. That's like a book and you can exchange things. There's also the on a tablet, one of the biggest accommodations that I right.

    KC 23:33

    Oh, and what sorry, will you say what they are? Because I realized I didn't and people may not know Oh, sure.

    Lesley PsyD 23:37

    So there's a system called pecs that is a little bit older and is falling into less use as these other AC programs are coming into more use. And that's the like the physical one that you would have with a book. There's other systems like Proloquo to go and now I'm forgetting

    KC 23:52

    the other one. But like literally what do we mean when we say AAC? Oh, so an AAC

    Lesley PsyD 23:57

    is an augmentative communication device, it's an iPad, basically, it's carrying around so you'll have a small iPad on on a strap usually, and that is the child's voice. So it is a program of pictures that will produce spoken language. And that is how the child can interface with the world.

    KC 24:16

    So you can have it written into the AAC for example, that the child will always have access to their

    Lesley PsyD 24:20

    AAC correct. And I would say any child that's using any communication system must have a goal that it is not to be withheld. It is not to be used as a bribe or a reward that that is their voice. Also, another thing to remember when you have kids with augmentative communication devices is that they may use words that are unsavory, and that's okay too, because that's part of how we speak so we can't do things like take the word no off or I don't want to they have to have full access to all of their words at all times.

    KC 24:52

    Now, here's an interesting question. If your child is can I say like when I know that I can because I've done it, but like, you know, if I see something that the school maybe does by policy, especially by way of like discipline or teaching, and I don't feel like that is going to be beneficial to my kid or I feel like that's going to be harmful to my kid, like, how do I help right in like, because you know, there's there's the goals and the interventions. But there's also this piece at the end, where it literally just listed accommodations, where I was able to say like, I don't want you to do this intervention, right? Like my, I don't want you to use this type of discipline.

    Lesley PsyD 25:31

    Yeah, my absolute favorite one to recommend that you talk about anyone with an IEP is color charts. So it's a very common behavioral management tool that and that works different ways. But basically, when you're exhibiting the behavior that the teacher wants, your color changes, or your clip goes up, or your number goes up, or your dojo points goes up, and then when you're not, they go down, I wish we would ban them. For all children, they are largely ineffective for children with disabilities. In fact, for most children with disabilities, these charts are damaging, or they make behavior worse, because they can't be implemented in a way that would be beneficial. So let's say for instance, your child is having an outburst every single day at two o'clock, because that's when they find out if they got their reward, or their clip moved, you can write into that last section, my child will not participate in behavioral management tools, including and then you can list the specific system, okay,

    KC 26:25

    that's really helpful is are there any other like tips that you would give a parent who or a guardian that's walking into one of these meetings that you think is important? Yes,

    Lesley PsyD 26:35

    so many always go in with a spirit of collaboration first, you know, prepare for things to be challenging, because they often are. But try to remember that all of these people around the table very likely are trying their best to do their jobs in a very difficult system. So come in with a spirit of collaboration however.dot.if, anything ever sounds funny, unnerving doesn't make sense to you don't pass by it. It's okay to say to the meeting, stop telling me that again. So I can write that down. You're not expected to know everything. So that's appropriate for you to say, I'm confused. Why did we do that? Can you explain to me again, where do you see that in the law? So go nice and slow. And then the last thing I would say, well, two last things, never listen to a team that tells you well, we only have these last 15 minutes. And then we have to just stop and leave the document as it is the timelines for the system or not the timelines for parents, you don't have to abide by those. If the documents not done or it's not right, then they need to continue it. So don't

    KC 27:40

    ever basically, Don't sign it until you know that it's exactly what you feel like it should be

    Lesley PsyD 27:46

    yes. Don't sign it until you know that it is something that feels right for you. And if you get home after you sign it, and it's not right, you can call another meeting. It's never finished.

    KC 27:57

    And I would say be sure that it says all the things you talked about because I there were things that were really important to me. And by way of accommodations and modifications that we would like discuss, and they'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, sure. And then like, I got the IP and it wasn't written down anywhere. Yeah, which can bite you in the butt. Because then later you find out it happened. And you're like, Oh, you're not supposed to do that. And they're like, well, it doesn't say it. Correct.

    Lesley PsyD 28:18

    So a lot happens during these meetings. So if we want to give the benefit of the doubt, we could say it's probably because it got missed. In actuality, a lot of times, they're not missed, they're omitted. So be careful. Read it over, have someone else read it over. I've also found that it's really effective in the meeting to keep using your child's name. Don't necessarily say I want to talk about goal two, I would say I want to talk about how Emma is going to accomplish goal two, I'm worried that that's going to be hard for Emma, keep reminding that team that this is your child, this is a real human being. Don't let them think about your job as a piece of paper.

    KC 28:51

    That's really beneficial. Well, Leslie, thank you so much. This has been super helpful. Thank you for having me as always, where can people find you if they want to follow you online?

    Lesley PsyD 28:59

    I am doing some of this work on the tick tock at Leslie sidey, Le s l EY. P. S. yd.

    KC 29:11

    Hello, my sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, Casey Davis. And today we're going to be talking about i e PS if you don't know what that is, basically, we're gonna be talking about special education, education for disabled children in the United States of America. And I'm here with Kim because Ito Hello, Kim. Hello, Casey. Thank you so much. Kim is an advocate that meets with families and consults with them trying to navigate the public school system and trying to get education and services for their children that have various disabilities. So my first question Kim is let's say that someone is listening right now. And they have like a baby, right? Like an 18 month old, a two year old and they're starting to notice maybe they're missing some mile stones, maybe there's some things going on What do most parents not know about the public education system in the United States, when it comes to disabilities, even at that age,

    Kim Kizito 30:11

    most parents don't realize that there are services in every state that are free of charge under various names for kids aged zero to three, and it's called Early Intervention. In some states, it's called zero to three. In other states, it's a there's just various different names for it. And a lot of people just kind of they listen are real. And they also don't realize what is considered behind, you know, a lot of people will, it might be their first child, like our situation, I wasn't sure what was behind and you know, what wasn't behind. And so a lot of times, the doctor, pediatricians aren't necessarily going to pick up on things as quickly as maybe you might, as a parent, I hate to say it like that, some do. But sometimes those visits are pretty quick. And so they're asking you, you know, they're not necessarily watching what a baby can do, oh, you know, how's he doing and you know, a parent, baby, just say, Oh, the kids doing fine when the kid is behind. And so I tell parents this all the time, that it's not, you're not labeling your child, you're not signing up to be afraid of anything, but it cannot hurt if you feel like there is an issue to contact your foot prior for a zero to three, you would want to contact your early intervention, it's usually through your Department of Health and Human Services. And they will come out and do an assessment to see if your kid is behind and behind enough that they require services. So a lot of people don't realize I didn't realize that.

    KC 31:36

    I didn't either. And I'm in Texas, and for a state that is not big on, like welfare programs and social services, I was stunned that we had this service in our state, because with both of my kids, we ended up getting an ECI. And it was wild. I mean, they came to our house and spent like four hours with my kids and tested will tell the folks what ECI Oh, yeah, ECI is early childhood intervention and spent hours with them and gave me this full report about the different dimensions of their life and kind of where they were, if they were ahead, if they were on track, if they were behind. And then you know, there was like a cut off, or if you're a certain amount behind, and then they offered us services. I mean, there was speech therapy, there was occupational therapy, there was physical therapy, there was all sorts and they come in here, they came to our house to do them.

    Kim Kizito 32:25

    Yeah. And there's programs that well, two things one there, the percentage or amount behind varies by state, which doesn't always make sense. And but the big, the nice thing is that they come to your home, you know, they don't they want to see your child in their natural environment. And they're doing this as difficult for parent, a lot of times, they won't let you be in the same room all the time. And you just kind of want to jump in and say, Oh, Johnny, Johnny, you know, he usually does this or whatever. But the result is really helpful. If your child has that percentage behind them, they can get they can get services. If not, then you have that. Okay, well, maybe there's not I don't need to worry about anything. So

    KC 33:04

    and then, you know, that kind of takes us into the special education in schools. And the question that I want to ask, and then I'm going to ask, like, in terms of a story is that, you know, when people hear like a special education advocate, like, what does that mean? And why would a parent need that? And I want to kind of almost like, give my answer to that, that I want you to give your answer. It's just this personal story that when we moved into the the county that we're in, we wanted one of our kids to get assessed so that, you know, she could potentially start preschool, they offer preschool here for kids with disabilities. And you know, we moved, we call them and they said, Okay, well, you know, we're really behind, we have a long waiting list, you know, we should be able to get to her to make an assessment, you know, in the next nine to 12 months, and I'm thinking, Well, okay, I knew that like the waiting lists for assessments to the hospital were a year like I knew to expect that. And so that, to me, seemed like, reasonable, like, yeah, gosh, there's a lot of kids and their, whatever, whatever. And thankfully, I knew you I knew a couple of other people that really knew the system. And immediately they were like, oh, no, they're not allowed to do that. And this was my first entryway into this system for children that is supposed to be collaborative, but many times is adversarial.

    Kim Kizito 34:22

    And so yeah, and so what you're saying I tell parents is a lot of times the our legal system has deadlines for these things, your medical insurance does not so if you're calling a doctor saying hey, I think my kid may be autistic or I think my kid may have dyslexia or something like that. There may be a wait, you know, whereas when you go through this process through the school, or even through early intervention, so from you know, zero to graduation, the idea which is the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, which is the law that kind of is the where I EPS go required. are that these things be happening within 60 days now? It's varies by state, the state can't go over 60 days. But until I think Texas is less than six, I don't remember. But

    KC 35:13

    well, I know. And sometimes like state by state, it depends on whether those 60 days are school days, like whether the weekends and the holidays count and things like that. Yeah,

    Kim Kizito 35:22

    that's the tricky thing. Yeah. And but they have a deadline, so they can't tell you so if it if someone tells me Oh, they said it's gonna be nine months? Yeah, absolutely not. I know, it's not nine months, like I'm in North Carolina, for instance. And where federal law tells you one thing, if federal law is unclear, then that's where the state can step in. So this federal law says 60 days, and it doesn't say when that 60 days starts. So here in North Carolina, it is 90 days. So in federal law, it's 60 days to determine eligibility. 30 days after eligibility is determined to create an IEP, North Carolina, it is 90 full days. So if I sent an email today asking for Kimberly to be evaluated, this would start the timeline. Federal law does not define what a day is. North Carolina defines days and special ed has calendar days, that includes holidays, weekends, everything Texas may say school days, which includes everything every day that the kid is in school, so if the kids not at school, Martin Luther King's Day, that doesn't count, you know, and so what's interesting about North Carolina is the 90 days is until the from the from the date that I send in my request till the IEP is written. So technically, it's the same as federal law. 30 plus 60. Yeah,

    KC 36:39

    well, and you can already see like, why a parent would need an advocate, because, you know, I had no idea, any of that, right. And so I get, you know, you guys are like, No, there's absolutely a time clock, they absolutely have to do within that time. So I email them back. And I say, hey, actually, this law states, you must be done at this amount of time. And so I get a response. And it's, yeah, listen, we're not going to make it like we don't have the people. We are 12 months behind, we'll get to when we get to you. And you're like, okay, and I am fortunate enough that my husband is an attorney, and he researched like, what do we do next? I mean, he's getting ready to sue the school district. And in our state, you know, the next move that you have to do is file a complaint with the Texas Education Authority. And Michael spends all night drafting and it has to be exactly exactly right, like otherwise will reject,

    Kim Kizito 37:31

    or else they'll send it back.

    KC 37:32

    Yep, yeah. And so he writes up this complaint, and he sends it in. And literally, within a couple of days of this complaint being received, we get a phone call that says, you know, what, we suddenly there's some availability that is opened up for your daughter next Thursday in their vaults. And when Michael wrote the complaint, he wrote it for our daughter, and all such children similarly affected in our county. And they came back and told us that, hey, you can only the only person that can actually file a report on behalf of a child is the guardian. However, we had tipped, we had given enough information that they then were like, however, we would like some more information about how many children are behind in this county.

    Speaker 1 38:22

    Okay, I was gonna say, Yeah, cuz you could file a systemic complaint, especially if they're saying they're 12 months behind, that doesn't mean that this obviously shows that they have a backlog. So

    KC 38:31

    and so, you know, we wanted to help make the systemic change, not just, you know, help our kid and so it's wild to me that you have to have the knowledge or connections of an attorney to get your children's rights. And so and

    Kim Kizito 38:47

    it's very frustrating, because you think about the one the kids that didn't have this information, and we're just, you know, it's, oh, it's nine months, so Well, you know, I'm not I have to sit here and go without services.

    KC 38:57

    That's a full year that they could have been in preschool than it could have been getting services. And we found this drum of how important the early services are. So once a kid is in school, we've mentioned the term IEP a few times, which stands for individualized education program. So there's two kinds, let's just say for making it really basic for somebody, let's say you have a kid in class, and they have ADHD, or they have dyslexia or even they have a medical condition. Maybe there are laws that basically say that child deserves accommodations and modifications so that they can have access to education and be successful.

    Kim Kizito 39:32

    Yep, just like everyone else that may not have a disability.

    KC 39:35

    Yeah. And there's two kinds of like, quote unquote, plans that exist. Can you explain to us the difference between a 504 plan and an IEP?

    Kim Kizito 39:46

    This is a very common question. IEP stands for individualized education program, and it is housed if you will, under the Office of Education in good old Washington, right. So if we think about it in terms of umbrella, we've got the office of Education and then our Department of Education. And then underneath that little umbrella is the Office of Special Education. And then within that umbrella is idea, which is the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. And inside that act is all of the information that we need to know about an IEP idea is a grant statute, meaning that at some point, some fogies in Congress are going to vote about how much money they're going to put into the idea. And that money will be disseminated amongst all 50 states and territories and such like that. And so an IEP is designed to protect the free appropriate public education of a child who has a identified disability classification. And when I'm being very particular about that, because a child does not have to have any sort of medical or educational diagnosis outside of the school, in order to qualify for an IEP, we just need a suspicion. And so when you are a parent who has been faced with a, the doctor has a nine month waiting list or something like that, that does not stop you from being able to get services through the school, it may keep you from getting that diagnosis, but you can still get services to the school. And so IEPs are set to provide a child with that education, a special education in functional and academic ways. So by functional I mean, potty training, standing in line attending, blah, blah, blah, academics and reading, writing arithmetic, right. And so it outlines how that child's education will be provided. And along with that, when I speak about education, special education in the idea is legally defined as a specially designed instruction. So you'll hear that term SDI specially designed instruction, I interchange those when I'm talking about an IEP, if I say IEP, special education or specially designed instruction, I'm usually talking about the same thing. Now, here's where we can get a little bit controversial. Section 504 has a completely different section of Government Department of Health and Human Services. And it is a is not a state grant statute. It is a civil rights law. And it's under the Rehabilitation Act. And so back in 1974, basically, the it is a anti discrimination act, and it is not there's no grant attached to it. So and I'm talking about 504 now, so there's no money under a 504. It basically just outlines how a person who has a disability cannot be discriminated against mainly in places that receive funds from our federal government. And so a school will tell you that the main difference between an IEP and a 504 and a 504 is a plan just like an IEP is that a Bible for provides accommodations only accommodations change how a child receives their education. And if we think about that, it's like, okay, I might need to go and get a test in a small room. Or if I have a wheelchair, I might need access by getting being in a room that has wider aisles so that I can get down or sitting at a table that's a little bit lower. And but the school will tell you that those accommodations are Bible for only or only provides accommodations, whereas an IEP can provide accommodations and specially designed instruction. Here's where I get into fights all the time. Because section 504 has a vape requirement or a faith clause vape is free appropriate public education. So both section 504 and IEP provide a free appropriate public education, what people don't know about section 504. And it's just one little section, the section that pertains to public school between K to 12 also says that the child has a right to special education and related services. So what I do all the time is if a child is on a 504, I say they can get special education on a 504. And then the schools want to fight me and then I just pull up this little clause and I say guess what, it's right here. So in my opinion, and I haven't had to fight this in any sort of due process case or having the attorneys go against me. But the way I read and understand 504 is a child can get pretty much the same thing in terms of special education on a 504 as they cannot an IEP is just not being paid for by the federal government. So

    KC 44:34

    is when we talk about getting like an assessment through the school district. And then being told whether you qualify and then you get an IEP, do you get a 504 plan on the same path, like you contact the district and they come out and they do an assessment and then they come back and say hey, we're either going to do an IEP or a 504 Well,

    Kim Kizito 44:54

    I'm gonna make you regret this because I you know, how you get you know so much about something that you get really particular Everything okay, well, I'll give you the answer about what a school will tell you. And then I'll also give you the answer about what I know because I do deep dives on this. So a school will tell you if you are looking for a 504. So what schools typically will tell you is we'll go ahead and try the kid on a 504. Why do they do that? Because there is cheaper. That is what it is, you know. And if the kid is usually is not having any sort of academic issues or anything like that, they'll say, well, let's just let's take a look at the 504. And provide those types of accommodations to see if it helps the child and then they'll say, Well, it's not helping let's go to an IEP. So you will see that, or I will see where a child is being evaluated for an IEP does not qualify. And then they say, Well, let's try a 504, which I say is not a constellation play consolation prize, but sometimes they give it as a consolation prize. So I think it's important for parents to understand that there's a three process in order for a child to qualify for an IEP, the first prong is to have a qualifying disability. So there are 14 disabilities and their disability categories, because there's disabilities that don't even have a name, you know, we can't necessarily put a name to them. And so when I talk about disability categories, many of them are what I could call umbrella categories, where a lot of different diagnoses kind of fall within but like autism is one category. and of itself, there's another category called Other health impairment, which includes ADHD could include anxiety could include bipolar just depends on so that child would need to qualify or need to be identified as either has that disability because a doctor diagnosed it, but like I said, you don't need a diagnosis or the school suspect disability, right. And so your teachers are smart, they know out of the 20 kids that they have this one over here, if I think about my kid is over here doing her own thing. She's not following anybody else. She's not answering to her name, this might be autism, you know, that's so they can understand that. So that's the first part. And there's 14 different categories, or classifications. And then the second part is, does that classification impede their education? Does it affect how they're learning? And by learning I mean, not just academics, reading, writing arithmetic, yeah, sure kid who cannot read by fourth grade possibly has a disability, or maybe they just never went to school, whatever. Also, when I talk about impeding education, I'm talking about academic and function. And so let's talk about my daughter, again, my daughter does not have any academic issues, but she's autistic. So and by function, I usually try to break that down by social, emotional and behavioral, she may have issues with emotional regulation, she may have issues with anxiety, just you know, some kids have issues with being potty trained later than other kids. And so both of those things together, or one of those things, functional or academic could be impeded because of that disability. So if the answer to numbers one and two are yes, then number three is if that child that has those suspected disability, that disability is impairing their education, either functionally or academically, do they in turn need special education and or related services? If the answers to all three of those are yes, then boom, you get an IEP, you get an IEP. And so a lot of times with the 504 laws, they get those passes first, too, but then the school thinks that they don't need specially designed instruction. And so they'll say, Well, you know, the it's impeding their learning, but we can help this kid by providing some accommodations. So I have a few questions.

    KC 48:31

    One thing that you have mentioned before that I thought was interesting, when you tried to describe, you know, if you have a diagnosed disability, or a, you know, suspected disability, you know, suspicion or identified, and when you use the example of say, a fourth grader that can't read, I thought that was an interesting example, because you specifically said maybe they can't read because of a learning disability like dyslexia, maybe they can't read because they just transferred him from another school and they were passing them along the grades, even though they couldn't read. But regardless, are you saying that it like a child who can't read in fourth grade, it doesn't have to be because of a medical disability, if like, the functional impact of the delay or the, you know, whatever the struggle or the challenge is, like a similar impact that a disability would have, like that child would be able to get special education services,

    Kim Kizito 49:28

    I'm saying when I say that I am typically thinking of the one off kid who was kidnapped and sitting in a basement, you know, for 10 years, and then they come. So I the reason I say that, like if a kid has gotten to fourth grade and cannot read, I'm instantly thinking there's some sort of missed disability but what schools have to they have to go through this checklist could this child not be reading because they miss school so you have kids that are in foster care that are going to you know, that are parents just don't don't or maybe they homeschooled and they didn't Pick up those things. And that's typically what I mean, they have to decide. And then I think about a client I think about her often who was adopted from a different country. And it was a war torn country. And she probably did not get much fundamental education. And the school came, she was speaking one language and came here and but her English was probably just as good as I think was French, her French language and but just was not doing well at all. And the school just chalked it up to a language barrier, as opposed to what it turned out to be, which was trauma from living in this war torn country and being she was in an orphanage and other country and just not getting a right you know, a good education. But schools have to check off check boxes for every evaluation to determine this is not because the child missed school, or because of a language barrier, or any of those other things that could look like a disability. And so, but you know, if you're coming to me and your kids in fourth grade, and they're not reading, I'm going to say, Well, what happened, I'm going to pull records, and I'm going to make sure I do have kids and miss a lot of school, and maybe they're not progressing or something like that. And the parent is telling me everything, but the fact that the kid has missed 56 out of 57 days.

    KC 51:15

    Okay, let me ask you a lightning round. So I'm going to give like a reason. And you tell me true or false, because I've been around a lot of other parents now, who are trying to get services for their kid for struggles, disabilities, things like that. And the various things that said, Okay, so can a school tell you that you can't have that accommodation? Because they can't afford it? Can a school

    Kim Kizito 51:38

    tell you they just need yes or no,

    KC 51:41

    let's do a lightning round first, and then we'll talk and then I'll ask, okay, can a school tell you? We can't give your kid that accommodation? Because we don't have enough staff? Can a school tell you, your child doesn't qualify because a doctor hasn't diagnosed them? Can a school tell you? Your kid doesn't qualify for special education services? Because they're not failing any classes? So these are like the top ones? Do you have any to add like ones that you hear a lot like things that schools will tell parents that oh, well, they can't get it because that was the last one. The last one was like they're not failing in school, or they haven't been diagnosed, or we don't have the money, we don't have the staff,

    Speaker 1 52:23

    I have a whole bunch of ones. They don't look autistic, they don't. But those are those are the top ones pretty much yeah, where they will try to what we call a delay or denying services. And what I say to parents all the time is you have all 50 states are the same. Okay, your state might be slightly different in terms of how it is that you request the services and things like that I always say put it in writing does not have to be a letter come in email, as long as you have a copy. But all states try to once you send this letter off saying, Hey, I think Kimberly is autistic, or I think I usually tell a parent, if you don't have a diagnosis, don't name the disability, just name, you know, just Google all the symptoms and just, you know, put all symptoms in there. Because the school you know, gets all well we can't diagnose and then they get you know, they get all semantics. But the school will at some point meet with you or discuss something with you to determine whether or not we're going to evaluate, right, so we do the letter here, North Carolina, you'd send out an email I think you'd really like be had, she's bouncing all over the place. You've called me five times in the past two weeks, you know, she's got suspended blah, blah, blah, I'd like to have her evaluated. Okay, Miss, because you don't we're gonna meet with you. We meet with me. And we go over all of the information. That is the meeting to talk about how to evaluate the child, the way you're talking and the way some of the things that you said, a lot of these teams use that meeting as the eligibility meeting. That is not an eligibility meeting. And eligibility meeting happens after a legal legally done evaluation. So if I'm sitting in a group of people, and usually it's a teacher, or a general education teacher, special education teacher or psychologist, maybe a speech therapist, and we're all talking about Kim, here in North Carolina, there's now each state's going to be different. Some states will say, okay, come on, in, let's find the documentation. Let's just go but a lot of states will want to have a meeting, you'll have a meeting, everybody will talk about it. And what I like to say is, look, I appreciate your professional opinion, because you're a teacher, or you are a psychologist or you are an occupational therapist or speech therapist or whatever. And you may have before we had the meeting, maybe you went and sat in the school in the building and you took a look at Kimberly, but this is not an eligibility meeting. This is a meeting to discuss the fact that hey, I just brought you an ADHD diagnosis. Therefore, that first prong does my child have a disability? Yes, you know, and we need to determine what types of evaluations To do so I see a lot of parents getting turned away because the school is using that meeting as an eligibility meeting when it's not. And so, the look, your professional opinion is one prong of the eligibility process. So if the speech therapist is telling me after my two week, you know, I would like to have my child evaluated looking, I sat in there and watch Kimberly and her articulation is fine or whatever, great, I appreciate that I still am entitled to a full comprehensive evaluation done. And so that's, you know, 60 days from now let's sign the paperwork, let's get it done. And I find when I am like, if someone needs me as an advocate, and they'll do a console with me, I'll let them know, look, let me let me save you some money. You know, I love money, just like everybody else, but I'm not gonna take it just, like, try this first, you know, and then if you're not getting anywhere, you know, maybe you need to bring me in. But usually it comes down to saying, Look, this is can't determine eligibility based on us just having a meeting, and you guys saying you don't see anything? And if they do, a lot of times they will do it. I'm gonna say not legally, but they won't be in compliance. So if I have a meeting with the team, and we haven't done any sort of evaluations, and they're just making the decision, well, you know, Casey's grades are fine. And then we look at Casey and I know that her grades are fine, because they're grading on participation and not actual work or, you know, whatever. There's all these other things that you know, grades are subjective. And they say, so we're not going to evaluate, well, if they don't they they're supposed to send you something called a prior written notice, which is a legal document that details all the reasons why, and also says, What are the evaluations? What's the information that you use to determine why you're not going to follow through with this? And a lot of times, I find that they don't do that, they'll just say no, and then the parent doesn't realize that they were supposed to follow a whole process. And so what I usually will say, if I'm consulting with someone, look, try this first try, you know, if they're telling you no, just say, Okay, could you please document that in a prior written notice? And that kind of puts the school a little bit on those, oh, this person knows what they're doing. And if they do that, then they are essentially saying and the prior written notice should be detailed. If they're saying that, that yeah, we conducted an evaluation, then you can say I disagree with the evaluation and then get somebody to pay for it. That's a whole different thing. But there's ways around that. And I say this knowing that there are teachers and people that say, you know, we just do not, we're just strapped, we don't have the resources. We don't have what I care about that. And I understand that however, the law has not changed. And so until the law changes, I'm just going to continue to advocate for these things to be handled the way the law says they will.

    KC 57:42

    Yeah, what I when I was talking to my husband about, you know, them talking about like, oh, we just don't have enough assessor. So it's taking a year. And I was actually he was like, that's not an answer. That's not an answer. And one of the things that we sort of talked about amongst ourselves is like, sometimes people will be like, Well, what do you want us to do? What do you want us to do? There's literally no this, that and the other. And I think it can be helpful to put this in the metaphor of a child that doesn't have a disability for people to truly understand how unacceptable of an answer it is, it would be like if your child just turned five, they're supposed to start kindergarten in you know, in August, and you got a letter in the mail that said, hey, just so you know, we're really short staffed of teachers this year. And so we're not actually going to be able to provide kindergarten to your town like Sorry, like your you know, if you're if you're east of Main Street, those children don't get to come to school because we don't have enough teachers now all are all across the country. You know, we don't support teachers and teachers are quitting and we're not paying teachers enough. And there are there are teacher shortages everywhere. But you you have never heard of a school district going I know will just refuse to educate a portion of our kids. And that is exactly what's happening when a school district tells you we can't give your child services that they need to access fair education. We don't have the budget this the same thing. Yeah. And

    Kim Kizito 59:11

    what I do a lot of the times if this hasn't happened with any of my clients recently, but if they're telling you Look Mrs. Johnson in the speech therapists, they had a car accident she's gonna be out for six weeks and we don't have anybody to service your child and so I want to know what's the plan What about Mr. Mahoney over at the other school or wherever and if they keep telling me that they're not going to be able to provide it that I'm giving them 10 days notice and this is something I would suggest if you're going to do that you this context of advocate or like me or attorney 10 days notice Okay, I'm gonna turn my camera off to you because I'm getting a note but 10 days notice to the school will say look, I'm going to get to go to ABC private speech to make up with my kids getting you know, not getting the speech that they need, and you're telling me it's gonna be six weeks the kids three they need these services, they're going to regress a lot of times say, well, we'll make it up in the summer, that's not good enough. In some circumstances, in some circumstances, it's fine. Kids may not need something immediately, but in a lot of circumstances is not. And so I would be contacting ABC private speech, hey, you know, Walnut Creek Elementary over here is not able to provide speech services, I would like to bring my child in on Saturdays. Currently, they're getting to 30 minute speech sessions a week, I'd like to bring them on Saturdays for an hour. And I want you to build a school. And sometimes that makes things happen.

    KC 1:00:33

    Yeah, all this all of a sudden, they found somebody. Yeah, are they paying for

    Kim Kizito 1:00:37

    it? You know, and so and then. So a lot of times, I'll say to parents, that evaluation that you have on your child is extremely helpful, I look at it that I say this to all of my clients. And I feel like I am not a gatekeeper, probably because I'm getting to that age where I'm gonna retire at some point. So I was given away all the secrets. But the evaluation is like the foundation of a house, you know, it's that evaluation where they're looking at all areas of need for your child, you want it to be solid, you want it to be correct. You don't want to have any issues with it. If you're pouring a foundation, and you're brand new house, and you drive by Oh, honey, let's go see our foundation of our house and you look and there's like a brick missing over here. And it's cracked on this end, and the builder happens to drive by and they're just like, hey, Mr. Mrs. Davis, we're gonna build your house tomorrow, you guys are gonna say the heck you're not there's a brick missing, it's cracked over here. So it's the same thing with an IEP. If that evaluation is not complete, or you disagree with it, or it's not solid, you need to get that straight before you continue to build from it build the IEP. And so I'm going off on tangents I know. But I want parents to fully understand that so that when they get to the IEP, and if there's any issues, for instance, Miss Johnson going on maternity leave, or got in a car accident and is out for six weeks, that evaluation has shown that your child needs intense speech regularly, and they're getting ready to tell you Look, we're not going to be able to do it for at least six weeks. And if you know what if she doesn't come back, and so on and so forth. And so you have something that that is documented need that you can say, Look, my kid can't go without this, because the evaluation says they can't. And therefore I'm gonna go over here to ABC private speech, before school twice a week to get this speech done. And I'm gonna, you know, I expect you guys to pay me don't reimburse it either reimburse or pay them directly.

    KC 1:02:34

    So if a parent is entering this process, can you give like, what would be your top tips for how a parent can best protect their children's rights through this process, like something that you think that every parent should be aware of as they start this process?

    Kim Kizito 1:02:50

    So let's talk about school age, okay, because zero to three is a slightly different process. I mean, it's the same process, but I feel like you're gonna you will get a lot of support was there because they're coming in your home, but when the Vonzell kid is in school, so say the kid is in school, the first thing that I tell all parents to do is every time you sit, if you sneeze or breathe IEP, the school is supposed to send you something called procedural safeguards. The term in and of itself makes no sense. But basically it is what are your rights as a parent, right? And so every state has these every single state, most of them are very similar. However, yours may have slight differences in terms of deadlines, things like that. So I tell parents when they say, Well, do you want a copy of your procedural safeguards? I asked. Yes, at least once a year, they require to offer to you at least once a year, but if they ask you at the medic opposite, yes, send it to me. And I look at the cover and conviction and I look to see if it's the same one that I had before the year is different. But I tell parents sit down with a glass of what you like to drink, I'm not going to judge and a highlighter and sit down and read that thing and go through it. And somewhere in those procedural safeguards. So it tells you about your rights, like what to do if you disagree how many days you may have, if you want to mediate meaning, you know, you want to have a impartial mediator, what type of rights you have, if you disagree with an evaluation, what happens you know,

    KC 1:04:18

    I conveniently had to ask for that piece of paper after I like I had told them not to violation Yeah, and I had told them like I want to get my kid assessed we had exchanged several emails about well, it's gonna be too long Well, it can't be too long we're gonna wait till I finally had to email with the statute and said You are required to send me the procedural safeguards within these amount of days and then I had them but it is something that it seems like you know, you shouldn't wait for them to give it to you. Yeah,

    Kim Kizito 1:04:45

    yeah, they kind of brush it I mean, and you know, again, I'm I have an 18 year old so back in the day wasn't an online thing. A lot of times it's online, but I used to sit and they would have this thing and we talked about it being wallpaper but they acted like it wasn't that big of a deal to read. It's not you know, and I I have clients from all walks of life, some have a, you know, advanced education, some didn't graduate high school. And so somewhere on there, it says, if you need help interpreting this, it's usually calling someone at the district and they can go over it with you. I have no problem with a parent doing that. And I think it should be done. I think all parents should understand their rights. Sometimes during the IEP meeting, they will ask, do you want us to go over the right? Yes. Just so you understand. So that that's the one big thing I want parents to understand their rights. The second thing I say to parents, especially if you don't want to bring an advocate with you, or you kind of want to do this on your own DIY advocacy, so to speak is with that same highlighter, and that same drink coffee, whenever get a highlighter, you are going through that evaluation, it is a difficult thing to do. Because let us just swallow whatever we're drinking and realize that it this was a document that's telling us all of the things that are quote unquote, wrong with our child, we don't like to say there's anything wrong with our child, but as well as so I put it in quotes, but all of the areas where your child has a need. And so it's hard to read, but you're going through that evaluation, and this is exactly what I do as the IEP strategist, I go through evaluations, I do it online, but I mean, go through it with a highlighter, and I highlight every area that shows that the child has a knee, every part of that evaluation. And once you understand that, and you agree with it, because if you're just like, you know, they completely forgot that he's six, and he's not potty trained or something. And then I might make notes, okay, well, they forgot this. Or, gosh, you know, he plugs his ears a lot. And they didn't do an occupational therapy evaluation. And I want to know how they're going to dress. So I might add those things on a piece of paper and say, you know, what, about this, this and this, so I have that. And then when I'm looking at an IEP say your child already has had an IEP for six years or whatever. And you're looking at a reevaluation, you're taking your highlight out, you're highlighting all of those deficits, then go over to the IEP, I expect all of the deficits from the evaluation to carry over to the section of the IEP called the present levels, and the present levels was just what's the kid doing now? How's he doing and all the areas of need. So if you did doesn't have any math issues, you probably won't see anything of any math section in the IEP. But say your kid has math issues. So if the evaluation says that the child is on a third grade level for math and your child is in fourth grade, then we expect that area of the evaluation would carry over as a deficit to the IEP present levels in math. Right. And so I just kind of match it up. Okay. The IEP says the kids not potty trained. Is that somewhere? I mean, the evaluation said that kids not potty trained. Is that somewhere on the IEP? Yes. Is the evaluation says the kids articulation is not at the age where it's supposed to be is that somewhere on the IEP? Yes, so I just did go through a match. I don't do it as meticulous as I'm explaining to you anymore. Because I've been doing this for 15 years, I kind of remember it, you know. And then I expect, though, that the present level section of the IEP, that section feeds, if you will, the goals. So every area of in the present levels, it tells you some of the strengths of the child, which is fine, but I tell clients all time, I'm not concerned with the child's strengths just yet, I'm just looking for all of the areas of need. And those areas of need should go from the present level. So the goal so anywhere, there is an area of need, I expect to see either a goal to address it. So if the kid is behind in math, and I want to see a math goal to help that kid, get to help fill in that gap or help strengthen that child in that area. Or maybe an accommodation. So if a child is showing that a child has is not sitting still, or has behavioral issues, I have kids that self harm. So like right now, I just looked it up before now I just looked at an evaluation for the child is hitting himself in the head, I see a little bit of everything. And I have a kid that well, let's see, I don't want to get this on the radio, but not a radio podcast. But I've kids that do you know things with body parts, you know that during the day that are you know, not things that you necessarily want to see in a classroom. And those are behaviors that may or may not require any sort of specially designed instruction. So I would expect to see any deficit on the in the present levels or any area of need, addressed in a goal or an accommodation or a modification, the difference being a modification is going to change what the child is learning. Usually that's academic. So if we have a child that has a significant cognitive delay, and may not be able to be on grade level with the other fifth graders in the class, maybe they're learning at a first grade level, we need to have modifications in the IEP to modify the work, we're not going to throw the kid in first grade, we're keeping the fifth grade, but we're going to modify the worst. So those are the things that I'm looking for. And then once I finished, I tell the parent, okay, all of those deficits need to be somewhere as a goal or an accommodation or a modification. If they aren't, then you know, we're making a little checklist to bring it up at the IEP meeting. And then that next section is the services and so that's pretty much it those services every goal that I see should be okay. companied by a service. So just to go over it again, the evaluation shows the deficits, deficits goes over to the IEP, which is where I see the present levels, present level shows us all the areas of need the present levels, feed the goals, the goals, feed the services. So if I have five goals, one for speech two for math, two for behavior, then I will look at the Services section of the IEP to see who is going to provide the services to meet the math goal, who's going to provide the services to meet the speech goal, who's going to provide the services to meet the behavior goal, how much services isn't that good a person gonna get? So if I've got two behavior goals, I expect that I'm probably going to have more in terms of services for that child, and maybe the one math goal, maybe not, I don't know. And then I'm going to see who's providing those goals. I'm always asking, Where did you come up with this number? What we're going to do 30 minutes of speech twice a week? How did you determine that? Well, you know, that's what we always start off at? Well, no. I want some a good answer would be this is what the evaluation dictates, you know. So those are the types of things that I look for. So that's what I tell parents, that is like IEP one on one? And if the SEC did, so that was kind of like a loaded. Second thing. The third thing I say is, if it's confusing, and it doesn't make sense to you, it's likely because it's being made to be confusing. Now, sometimes it's confusing, because it's you just a lot to read and everything. And you usually my parents understand, okay, this is just a lot, I don't understand what this number means. There's nothing like that. But if common sense tells you that your child needs speech services, and they've only got them in speech, 10 minutes, you know, once a week or something that just doesn't make sense to you, then you are likely correct. And I want the parents to sit there and look, I don't care. If a team thinks I'm an idiot for asking the question 30 different ways, I'm going to continue to ask the question until I understand or until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about, which usually doesn't happen. But I really want parents to feel empowered to continue to ask questions, and to not feel like they're being rushed through this process. This is your child. A lot of times the schools will just oh, well, we've only got an hour today. Okay, great. Well, let's set up another meeting, because I'm not done. So I really want parents to feel to understand that we are creating these little humans out here that we want to make sure that these kids are growing up and to be adults, and to be productive members of society. And sometimes the school is focusing just on that day or just on that year. And it's not it should be a bigger process than that.

    KC 1:12:36

    So would you suggest this is just like you'll me being the daughter of lawyers, but would you suggest to parents that they do all the communication that they can and writing? I mean, I know you can't necessarily do that in meetings.

    Kim Kizito 1:12:50

    Well, so you know, I record all my IEP meetings in states that are, so I'm in all 50 states. So in states that are one party recording states, then I record those, I'd let every state to know that I'm recording. But in one party recording states, I don't have to ask for permission in a two party recording state, I usually ask the parent to ask the team to record the meeting, parents that don't want to get up and sit through a meeting. And remember everything you can upload that recording to a private YouTube to have it it'll transcribe it for free. Now, I may not transcribe everything perfectly, but But you know, we'll transcribe that. And then you can say, okay, now I have a transcription, I can look and see what everything was said. But I really do prefer to have everything in writing. And so when I'm dealing with a team, unfortunately, if there is any sort of contention issues areas, somebody's mad suspension, whatever, a lot of times the team, the schools will want to deal with the parents verbally. And so they may catch in the car line, or call you on the phone really quickly, or things like that. In those cases, I'll tell the parent, just follow up with an email and you don't you know, you don't have to be that quote, unquote, problem parent. And you shouldn't have to explain why you're following up with an email. But you'd say, Hey, I just want to put this in writing. So I can remember what was said, you said that Johnny was kicked by Susie in the shins, and he had to go to the office and then he got out and he punches in the head and now he's suspended or whatever. And so I expect that at some point, I'm gonna get the documentation, you know, the the report for that, but thank you for talking to me. I cannot tell you the number of times the parent told me something and then it comes out in the IEP meeting that oh, you know, you might have misunderstood that. I didn't say it like that, but I met was this and so that's why I really prefer to have parents do have things in writing and record if you're, you're able, I never want a parent to secretly record I just, you know, in many states, it's illegal, first of all, but secondly, I really, you know, I'm not about trying to surprise teams. I don't think anybody goes into education to hurt kids. There's certainly no money in it. I think that we are in a lot of cities. patients where we just don't have those resources. But and sometimes parents get really mad because of what's happening with their kids. But I do think that, you know, trying to work with the team, as much as possible is going to help a parent in the end. And so you said, Your daughter of attorneys, I sit in some of these due process due process is like court for school for people that don't understand if you're suing the school because of some special education. So sometimes I've testified or I am the advocate that the attorney will hire to help in these things. And the judges want to see proof that you have tried to work through the system, the judges don't want to see you in court. And they really go above and beyond, especially with former Special Ed perspective anyway, to try to keep you from getting to the point where a judge needs to decide the case. And a lot of times, I mean, they do if you were to file due process, there's a process you have to go through a resolution meeting, which is just basically another IEP meeting, you have to process where you can determine that you have mediation, where and this is all before you actually go in front of an administrative law judge if it gets to that point. So if you are the parents like, well, I didn't, you know, I didn't want to talk to them anymore, or I take them without my without them knowing and that kind of thing, a judge is going to look at that as well. You didn't even try to work with a school, even if you know, you have proof that the teacher is the worst one in the world. And the principal kicks everybody and steals everyone's lunches and all these horrible things, you know, a judge is still going to want to see that you follow the proper chain of command that you you know, went and met with them and that you have lots of proof that look, I did try to talk to them. I did I volunteered I'm the treasurer of the PTA you know, all of these things, and I still wasn't getting anywhere. And so you don't want to I see on Tik Tok and things all the time was like, oh, service school, so the school attorney is not even gonna take your case. And I turned to the site, and this case

    KC 1:16:53

    isn't ready. There's things that you definitely have to do before you can sue a school anyways. So let me ask you this, if this comes up a lot in circles that I'm in have parents of disabled children is a school allowed to call you and make you come pick up your kid because of XYZ, they should

    Kim Kizito 1:17:11

    call you if your child is suspended. But what I see all the time is, you know, Kimberly is all over the place. And she you know, called the teacher the B word and she knocked over Jose's lunch. And so we need you to come pick her up, well, is she getting suspended? Because so what kids what schools should not do is send a child home due to any sort of disciplinary things without suspending. And so the short answer is no, I want if I want for the record, I want the child to be suspended. And a lot of times a school will try to get a parent to say to just pick up the child. And that's not an intervention.

    KC 1:17:53

    Why is it so important that the child be officially suspended because

    Kim Kizito 1:17:57

    the child who has a disability or this is a disability, meaning the child has a 504 has an IEP, or the school knows that the child has a disability. So maybe the kid has ADHD and takes medication every day and the parent has to send him a doctor's note or if the school knows has a kid, the kid has a disability, but they don't have an IEP or 504 Yet those children have a layer of protection, the layer of protection is not that they can't be suspended. Any kid can be suspended if they you know, clock, the teacher upside the head or wherever or break any sort of code of conduct. But a child that has a disability cannot be suspended beyond 10 days without having something called a manifestation determination hearing. And those days don't have to be consecutive. So if you're getting a call every other week to pick up Jr. And it's been nine weeks and you're on week nine or when they call you to week 10. But they're not posting or they're not coding it as a suspension, then they can just continue to call you but if that child gets to the 11th suspension, and this is this does not have to be a whole day. It can be the last hour of school, whatever it is, they're calling you to pick him up due to a disciplinary issue. Then the fingers turned back to the school in a manifestation determination hearing a manifestation determination hearing and it sounds more official than it is it's a hearing but it's kind of like an IEP meeting. It's basically anybody that was involved let's say Jose got in a fight and they had been they'd called Jose's mom eight other times to pick him up from school and didn't code those suspension now, whether they call it those suspensions or not there's still suspension so if they're calling me I'm like, you know, I don't care if they put it in suspension or not, it's still suspension and he actually hit somebody and he's gonna get some actually suspended for three days. Well, that brings our total to past 10. We need to have a manifestation determination hearing that manifestation determination hearing is to determine is this behavior that caused this suspension that goes over the 10 days due to the child's disability a manifestation of the child's disability Now, that doesn't mean we're excusing it, we're just trying to determine was this kid you know that this kid whatever happened? Was it due to the kids disability? And or is that behavior due to the failure and this harm is failure? I'm not making it up. It's a legal term failure of the IEP team to follow the IEP. And a yes to either or both of those questions means the fingers term back to the school, the child cannot be suspended beyond 10 days, and the school has to get together and figure out how are we going to service this child? How are we going to help this child a little bit more. So what I see is schools do not want to count these days, because they know at some point, if they get past 10, the spotlight will be on them. And it makes

    KC 1:20:47

    sense, right? Because if a child is being sent home over and over as and I've had this happen to a friend of mine, I mean, they were calling every day come get Johnny calm, get Johnny Johnny's too much Johnny's having a meltdown, Johnny through a pencil, and but they were also at the same time, like not providing enough services to support Johnny and they weren't coding them as suspensions. And so your recommendation is, you know, if you get a call and they say, you know, you need to come pick up Johnny that I need to ask, is Johnny being suspended? And if they say no, yep.

    Kim Kizito 1:21:17

    Is Johnny being suspended? If the answer is no, then I'll pick up Johnny when school is over.

    KC 1:21:22

    So they can't make me come get Johnny unless they're suspending him. If he's not like, medically ill, I

    Kim Kizito 1:21:27

    guess. Yeah, yeah. And so now, here's the situation. And again, I always want people to get an advocate in these types of situations. And I know you have some probably some sort of disclaimer with the show. But you know, I've seen schools do this. So they'll call the police because the police are not a police are not bound by an IEP. So I've had kids get handcuffs I've had kicked it, hogtied. I can I really have seen a little bit of everything. Because the police don't they don't have to follow an IEP. And so they might say, but what I typically see happen is the parent coming to the school saying look as Johnny suspended or have picked the school up, put pick the kid up, and then later after they've talked to me, I'm like, Look, we need to call that a suspension. The principal comes back. Well, we were just asking you to come help calm them down. You didn't have to take them you voluntarily signed him out. So it is not a suspect. In which case, I kind of jumped out I'm like, Yes, it is. But yeah,

    KC 1:22:18

    okay, so I'm really trying to protect myself and my family, my kid, it's not maybe necessarily the best thing you know, you know, your kid, you know, your your school to say, I'm not coming, but to make sure that you have some documentation that they did, in fact, ask you to take him home. So if I say you're asking me to take him home, it's not a suspension. Okay. Can you email that to me? I want that in writing. Yeah.

    Kim Kizito 1:22:41

    And if they won't, I'm going to email them. And I'll email everybody on the team. Johnny, you guys want the I have asked you sent Johnny through a pencil, you want me to come pick him up for the fifth time. This is the fifth time this is where I want parents to make sure that they're writing all this stuff down or keeping records of this for the fifth time. And I've asked whether or not he's suspended, you have said no. And so therefore, I don't need to pick him up. I want to understand that I do not need to pick him up. And then you're calling me instead? Because the question is, well, why are you calling me that? Well, you know, we think that you can help calm them down. I know, I can help calm them down. However, I would like for you guys, if you don't, guys don't know what to do to calm him down. And we need to discuss how to train you to get someone to calm him down. And I also want to say for the record, I do not want the police call. Now, that doesn't mean they're not going to call the police. But I'm pretty proactive with these types of things. I do not want the police to be used, I don't want to emergency psychiatric team to be used. I do want to be called however, if you're not going to suspend my child, and all you need is for me to come and calm my child down. I think the bigger issue is I am not supposed to be the intervention for my child during the school day, you got them six and a half hours a day, I'll take care of the other times. And so as they get in a way that to not make the school feel like they have their hands tied, but to offer them solutions to help with my kid because I am not, quite frankly, I'm not always able to come, I may not be able to get off work. I have people that work in areas where they can't even be reached by phone or parents that aren't you know, necessarily stay at home, stay my job, stay home, I could get up and go if I needed to. But not everybody can do that. And so

    KC 1:24:25

    and if we point it back to the IEP, we can point it back to you know, here is an issue that is impeding Johnny's ability to access fair education, which means we need an effective intervention. And like the IEP needs to have an effective intervention either, you know, and it can't be mom comes up to the school every day, right like so either the you don't have an intervention or the interventions are effective. Either way, like let's get together and be collaborative and find an intervention that works. I think that's really helpful because I think that's a spot that a lot of parents find themselves in.

    Kim Kizito 1:24:57

    Yeah, and sometimes what I say to parents Long time, we have enough guilt, okay, and a lot of times this is a mom, a lot of times it's a dad, we have enough guilt as parents, when our kids have disabilities feeling as if we did something wrong, when quite frankly, a lot of this is genetic, or it's, you know, the, it's a, it's something that we really didn't have a lot of control over. But unfortunately, our guilt becomes the low hanging fruit that is used against us to make us feel bad for you know, whatever it is our child is doing that is not quote unquote, considered normal. And therefore, we're going to bend over backwards to try to help our kid it's hard when you're a parent, especially if your child has like, I've got a kid in Texas, that is really frustrated, get very frustrated, if things do not go, the way they're supposed to go is because of his disability. But the parent feels horrible about, you know, and not trying to hurt anyone else people have gotten in the way before. And so the parent wants to be there for the child. Well, I get that. But that is a very short term solution, we've got to figure out how to get the team on board to figure out ways to help the child and there are ways out there, it's just a matter of recognizing that one, it's hard to it costs money, three, we have to figure out where to get that money from we shouldn't be getting some of it from the idea, but we you know, it comes down to who you're voting on your school board, how are they determined about how they're going to allocate funds? Are they hiring a six football coach and not providing, you know, a sensory room? So it just depends. And so it's a huge issue that I think a lot of parents don't see. And a lot of times the schools, unfortunately, are good with playing the parents against the teachers when we should all be on the same team. Yeah,

    KC 1:26:44

    Kim, thank you so much for your wealth of knowledge and where can people find you online if they want to follow you or if they're interested in advocacy, or they need an advocate for themselves?

    Kim Kizito 1:26:56

    I am the IEP strategist everywhere. So it's at the IEP strategist on Instagram, Facebook and Tik Tok, and then my website is the IEP strategist.com

    KC 1:27:08

    Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
81: Accessible Dance with Heather Stockton

Dance is about more than just moving your body. With today’s technology, it’s easy to layer other elements in addition to movement to create a product of expression. Dance is all about expression, it is for everyone, and it shouldn’t be limited to specific people who “fit the mold.” I’m joined today by Heather Stockton, a content creator and dance teacher who I recently discovered on TikTok. We are discussing accessible dance. Join us!

Show Highlights:

●      Heather’s background with dance as the “true love” of her life overriding everything as she grew up

●      How Heather discovered in college that dance can be a means of communication, storytelling, and expressiveness

●      How body issues affected Heather’s first experience of dance not being accessible

●      Why Heather’s mission in life is to make dance accessible and inclusive for ALL bodies and break down the stigma that connects it to just one body type

●      Heather’s job today as a dance educator in an elementary school and a dance program developer whose work is based on accessibility and inclusion

●      How Heather teaches through multiple modalities that apply to every gen ed and special ed student in her classes

●      How dance provides multiple benefits for both physical and mental health

●      How dance for adults can heal their inner child, provide community, and allow them to be curious, playful, and expressive

●      Heather leads us through a BrainDance exercise (developed by Anne Green Gilbert) that can be done by people of any age, from very young children to elderly adults

Resources and Links:

Connect with Heather Stockton: Website, TikTok, and Instagram

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:00

    Hello you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis and I am here in the studio today with Heather Stockton, who is a content creator, a dance teacher and we are here to talk about accessible dance. And Heather, thank you so much for being here.

    Heather Stockton 0:20

    Oh, it's absolutely my pleasure. Thank you for having a conversation with me. So

    KC 0:25

    I want to hear some more about your background. But before I ask that, I just wanted to tell the world kind of how I found you on Tik Tok. Okay, I was like scrolling my FYP and one of your dance videos came on? Oh, and you were doing like, I'm gonna I'm gonna show my ignorance of like dance. But it was almost like a it was like really sped up. It was like a pop and lock looking situation. Is that close to accurate? Sure. Yeah. And it was so cool. And it was so entertaining. And in like it, it was a response video, because somebody had commented, you're not really moving that fast. You sped up the video or something. And you made a response video where you were like, Yeah, that wasn't a secret. Like, I'm not trying to pull one over on you. And you talked about how like, that's the medium. Yeah. And I thought that was so interesting. This idea that like in today's world, dance is about more than just what your body does in that moment. It's also these combinations of it's also about expression, and that you can layer other things like technology onto it, to create this product of expression that is, in fact, still authentic dance. And I thought that that was kind of an interesting segue into what we're talking about today. So tell me a little bit about your background.

    Heather Stockton 1:47

    Okay. Well, you know, I'm thinking about this morning, thinking about our conversation today and dance is really has really been the true love of my life. It's been like, my lifetime partner. My dad said that I started choreographing dances when I was three in my mom's backyard, and I just was always dancing at school. During recess, I made my best friend Marissa make up dances with me during recess, I started traditionally training at a dance studio when I was four, and continued with in that route until I was 17. So competitive dance studio dancer on my high school team, and really found a sense of belonging and community. And the dance team that I didn't really feel and the competitive studio route, we can talk about why not later, but I guess I was on a quest to feel that sense of belonging. And when I went into college, I discovered the art form of dance and how dance can be a means of communication, storytelling, expressiveness. And the craft of choreography, just really kind of grabbed my heart in an exciting way, when you know, we're first entering college and the whole world is at our feet. And I decided that in there that I wanted to be choreographer for the rest of my life and be an advocate for dance. I auditioned for a private arts college didn't get in, because I think what the letter said was, you know, Heather, technically, artistically, spiritually, you have everything we're looking for in this dance program, but it's because of your excessive weight that we cannot allow you in. And that, you know, it wasn't my first time feeling discrimination because of my body size. I remember, when I was eight years old, I was told I couldn't dance with my friends in this specific dance because I was too chubby, and I needed to lose weight. And when I received that rejection from the pirate arts college, it just kind of compounded this feeling of like, why not me, I love dancing with every fiber of my being. And I know that I could be right for this program. But just because of my weight, which could be argued, you know, for someone who may be underweight that is,

    KC 3:55

    well, and we know that that happens all the time in the dance world. And so I always find it interesting that the line of like, when people talk about it being about health, it's like, is it because I've seen some pretty unhealthy weights in the other direction, like of women that are not eating and men that are not eating? Heather, that that's such a powerful story. As an aside, I'm going to ask a question, you don't have to answer it. I'm actually asking it so that I can go back and splice it in between your answer just to really emphasize your answers. So you teach we're going to talk about accessible dancing, but I want in your own personal story. What was kind of your first experience with dance not being accessible?

    Heather Stockton 4:36

    Such a good question, and it's

    KC 4:39

    okay, you don't have to answer it. I'm going to splice your really powerful answer. acceptance letter. Do you have anything else that you want to say about it like Well, it's true like I think off the dome like it's totally at least in a professional sense, not accessible to people that don't have the specific body type that dancing places are looking for. Right? I

    Heather Stockton 4:59

    think that that is As I think that is the biggest misconception, because who gets to decide, you know, who has access to dance, right? And it could really go back to systemic problems that I feel like all funnel into Weiss's site, white supremacist cultural norms. And really dance belongs to everyone dances in every form of culture. And oftentimes, those who are gatekeeping, you know, are trying to withhold this, this idea of dance as this elite art form, which, to me is so much more, it's a given right for every body for every person. It's interesting,

    KC 5:39

    because I so I have a theater degree. And when I was in college, you know, the theater department and the dance department were like, ARM and ARM, you know what I mean? Like, they were separate, they had their separate classes, but like, they overlapped a lot, you know, and, you know, dance students often would audition for shows, especially if there's a lot of dance involved. And I worked in the costume department, we would often costume the dancers. And one of the things that I think so interesting is that when it comes to theater, it's like we had white kids, black kids, Pakistani kids, you know, we had men, women, we had skinny kids, fat kids, we had kids in between, we had kids that were able bodied, we had kids that were disabled, we had like, it was like, there was a space and I don't think theater is great at this. I'm just saying in comparison, it was like we had lots of different types of people and types of bodies, because plays were about the real world. Right? So you needed old people and young people. And this, that and the other Right? Like, you know, we did a show that featured a disabled lead like so it was like you would it's okay to source the way that people actually look in the world, because plays are about actual people, even if they're fictional. And it's interesting to me looking over at the dance department where it's like, is dance not supposed to be doing the same as dance not supposed to be about the real world, right? Like, it's this one, only this one body type that we want expressing very human things that dance is intended to expression, I always thought that was interesting. That

    Heather Stockton 7:11

    is my mission, in my case is making dance accessible and inclusive for all bodies, everybody can dance and breaking down those the stigma that's connected to it, that it's just one body type. And, you know, going back to tick tock, that's one of the many beauties of a tick tock community is that you get to actually see all bodies dancing, and celebrated and celebrating each other. And it's been so powerful to be a part of that community and just see beyond, you know, what has been kind of our limited visibility of dance in the States and around but as I've like, expanded my own possibility of dance, of course, like I see so many versions, and so many different ways of building community and having all bodies represented and feel like they have access. And going back to when I got denied from the private arts college, my partner got into college. So we did end up moving to that state. And within five years, I had opened doors for myself made things happen for myself. And as a graduate from the private arts college I was doing, basically everything that a professional choreographer and dancer could do at that time without having the degree or the access that college would have given me because I demanded it for myself. And I put myself out there and audition for dance companies and let my passion and my talent really speak for itself. Rather than like saying, I shouldn't do this because I look a certain way or you know, that's bullshit. So

    KC 8:47

    and that kind of leads us to do today. So tell us about your job now?

    Heather Stockton 8:51

    Yeah, yes. So I am a dance educator. I've worked at the same elementary school for the last seven years. And I came to the elementary school because I was in partnership with the nonprofit organization I worked at called Luna dance institute. I am no longer with the organization as I have been hired full time by the elementary school because the teachers and the administrative staff really advocated for me to be hired on as one of their full time teachers. And what I've done is developed a fully fledged dance program, one of only two in Oakland, California. And what that means basically is that every child at the school has dance. And the school is a historically black school majority black students, and a third of the school population is special ed, or special needs community. And really what I have been developing for the last seven years with this dance program is access and inclusion and instead of teaching a traditional dance style, I prefer to really embed radical pedagogy into my curriculum, which means that every child has a right to freedom and liberty education through creativity and constructivism learning through play. So to break down dance, basically, it's moving your body through space with a sense of time, rhythm, and energy and expression. And I,

    KC 10:13

    that's really powerful. I don't think I've ever heard someone give a definition of dance. And I certainly have never heard someone give a definition of dance that was universal, like that made me feel like I could do it. Or that anybody can do it. I mean, I assume that the students in your school that are disabled, that it's a range of disabilities, that there's physical disabilities, mental emotional disabilities, probably some kids that are neurodivergent. And, you know, I was sort of reflecting on my experience in the like theater arts when it comes to disability. And like, we had this one class called movement, where we would learn all sorts of things, how to move basically. So there's like some juggling stuff there some like stage fighting, how to fall and not hurt yourself. And there was a young man in our class that had a mobility disability. And so he was in a wheelchair. And there was this real effort to make the class inclusive for him, even though he couldn't do some of the physical moves we did. But what I found was interesting was that the inclusion was basically you're going to participate in everything to the degree you can, and we're going to, like, the modification wasn't creative. It was like, Okay, if we're throwing someone over our shoulder onto the ground, well, you can do the exact same move, but he won't go over your shoulder, he'll just go in front of you, since you're sitting in your wheelchair. And it was like, Okay, so we're like, halfway there, right? Like we're including, but it was almost like, we'll just pretend like it's really happening when you're looking at it, and you're like, but we could never actually put this on stage. It doesn't look real. It doesn't, you know, there's no like inclusion to the point where I just I hate when it feels like, okay, we're letting the disabled students do it. And they can't really do it. But we're pretending like they can do the free throw, and then we'll all cheer. Right?

    Heather Stockton 12:03

    You know, that frustrates me so much, because, for me, in my experience of teaching, all you have to do is ask them, it's as simple as that is, how would you do this? How would you like to do this, and when I'm teaching, I don't differentiate my curriculum from you know, special needs to Gen Ed, I teach in a way that's universal design for learning. So that through multiple modalities through instruction through like modeling, and writing and visual resources, hopefully every student can find an entry point. And I teach in a way where I give them options, like I'll say, like, Oh, can you find a twisty shaky dance with your upper body? So I'm not saying like, Okay, do this specific movement that, you know, I can do is giving opportunities for every student to say, like, well, maybe I don't have an arm, maybe it doesn't feel good for me to move my upper body like that. So I'm gonna find a different way to do it. And when you're just like doing it for the children, when you're just like, kind of imposing, you know, this is the way that it should be, you're taking away their agency to find out for themselves. And through constructive learning, they really need to figure out these ways of creating and learning how to relate to each other in ways that are building their self confidence and agency and learning for themselves and intrinsic motivation. And if in teaching and traditional curriculum and academics, I feel like there's this sense of only one way of being smart. And with dance with the arts, you there's an expanded range of possibility of so many different ways to show your intelligence. And that's through discovery of your own intelligence. Does that make

    KC 13:45

    sense? Yeah. And you mentioned universal design, in case someone's listening that doesn't know what that means. It's really this concept that, you know, if we design for everyone, including people who are disabled, it will actually make the design better for everyone, like it will benefit everyone, right. So as simple as like, if a building is inclusive to a disabled person to get in, it actually makes it more accessible for even someone that is not disabled. Like it makes it easier. It makes products better, it makes systems better. And I mean, you're I'm listening to you talk about it. And I think about how many kids that don't have a diagnosis, but have a form of disability and even kids that don't have a disability. I mean, I'm just thinking about myself, like I'm so painfully Caucasian when it comes to dance that it was always I was always embarrassed to participate in dance because I am not flexible. I hear rhythm really well. But I don't necessarily like I didn't have early childhood experiences with dance where I like know how to make my can't like think of a way to move my body and make my body do it. You know what I mean? And I always wished that I had because like when I would watch all of the students that were in the dance department, it just looks like it feels good. And it Oh, always wanted to do it. But I always felt like I missed the boat. Like, I can't be a beginner at my age. And if I am I certainly don't want anyone to see me beginning and I wouldn't know how to start. And if I did, I don't think I could do the like the right moves.

    Heather Stockton 15:13

    I hear you, Casey. And I think that that is how so many people feel, you know, and, and I hear I mean, a lot of my comments on tick tock are saying what you just said that you don't feel like you could belong, or that you don't feel like you would know where the entry point is, or that you're a beginner at your age. And that's really what I'm trying to just like break through to people is that like, no, everybody can dance and dance has so many benefits for your mental health, for your physical health for your whole being really. And speaking of early childhood, I know that in California, right now, I live in California, there's, you know, advocates statewide are really trying to get dance into every early childhood program on top of Elementary and Secondary Education, just so that children can have those embodied experiences at such a important time developmentally, but I want to say to you that, oh, you can just start with putting out some music and just like feeling what feels good for you like figuring out what does dance feel like for you, and what really gets you going and find, you know, try to find a community that you can feel safe and expressing and trying it for yourself.

    KC 16:29

    I wish that like it not just with dance, but with everything. But I think there's something about the arts in particular, I wish that there were places that were more explicit about entry points for adults, because it's not hard to find a beginner's dance class for a child. And but if you go to like dance studios for adults, like yeah, maybe you can find a beginner class, but like, what is beginner me? Yep, you know what I mean? Like beginner, meaning like, I've been dancing, tap my whole life, and I'm gonna try beginner ballet or lay, I have never danced a day in my life, because it is. So the embarrassment of like, not knowing how to do something is really hard to get over, especially when you walk into a place and you go Can't really I want to learn how to do this, but I don't know where to begin. There's nothing worse than like starting a class and you can't keep up. Or you don't understand the basics. And you're right. Like there's not a lot of people that will talk about, you know, how do I find my way? And one of the things that I talked about in my book is this idea that like, movement in childhood, like started out as joyful. Yeah, right, like playing tag running after your dog. Like it was play. And then like, at some point, I mean, I blame PE class, which is what I say in my book, right, which is like, we took a bunch of kids that love to run around and play games. And we were like run laps, do push ups and add all of the like social dynamics into that of how like ashamed you feel about your body or your ability with all your peers. And like it stripped the joy away. And I feel like now we have all these adults that like movement is a chore, right? It's exercise. It's go to the gym, it's do this. And it's like how do we begin to get curious about how to get joy back into movement as an adult? Yes,

    Heather Stockton 18:16

    that part? Yeah. So when I'm teaching and I'm not just talking about elementary now, I also teach at a studio here in Oakland, that is my main value as a teacher is to center joy for everyone in the room, right? And joy can be different for everyone, you know, everyone's coming in with their own experiences. But if you create or hope to create a community in a space where the individual is seen, as well as the whole, it goes into like, okay, well what are your community building practices? Like? How are you building trust in the space? And how are you helping to get people in a place where they can feel embodied and actually feel like they are ready to have fun with it again, and to be playful and have a sense of curiosity around it and i always break down my classes in a way that it's like, okay, you come in we meet each other you know, get to know who's in this space, we go through the brain dance a warm up, we explore different movement possibilities, and then we improvise with those possibilities. So then that brings them like kind of problem solving and curiosity and then there's a create aspect to class where you're creating and expressing and you share it with everyone and then there's the connection of like, oh, this is what I saw you do so you feel seen you feel celebrated and hopefully you feel like you had a joyful experience with dance.

    KC 19:47

    Gosh, that is such a different it sounds like such a different experience than anything I've ever experienced where you walk in and it's like warm up stretch your muscles. Here are the moves. were memorizing these moves and there's an objective like right way to do the move and wrong way to do the move. But like when you first told me about this, when you say like, you know, I'm not teaching technique, I'm teaching expression. And I thought, okay, so like, even then I had an individualistic idea of it, right? Because like, there were times in theater where we'd be in movement class, and they'd be like, Okay, I'm gonna put on some music. Everyone just move how they feel. Right? Right, like, okay, great, that's fine, I'll do that. But when you talk about marrying this idea of not just individual expression, but like the idea that you would present a problem, and we would talk about the way the movement feels, or what we want to express, and that there's this interacting with each other, that builds the dance. I mean, that sounds like something I would really love to experience.

    Heather Stockton 20:47

    Yeah, you know, I've heard after classes from adults, that they feel like they're healing their inner child and connect, connecting with each other and creating with each other, it really gives this experience of I just did something for myself, but also found a sense of community.

    KC 21:05

    And there's learning to it. Like, I feel like in my mind, okay, if I go to this modern dance class, I can learn these techniques, but it's also very rigid. Whereas, like, when I think of, oh, we're just teaching expression, I think of like, not a lot of room for growth, because like, Sure, I can do that. Like, I can put music on and be like, Okay, this is like how it feels to move. Okay, here I am moving. But how do you introduce challenge and growth? And like, how can this one way I feel like moving turn into something else? And then how can I pair it with other ways of moving? And then how can I put it together in a way that, you know, is interesting to me visually, not just the way it feels? And it occurs to me that I don't think I've ever heard someone lay that out. It's not just one or the other, right? It's not just we all learn the moves. And we've created a piece or loosey goosey just like move how you feel? But like, how would you you know what I mean? Like making that and a growth experience, where you're like getting outside of the bounds of just what you're doing in that moment, right?

    Heather Stockton 22:05

    There's a science behind it. There's structure behind it, you know, actually, if you're open, could I lead you through a little brain dance? Okay, cool. So the brain dance was designed and created by Aaron green Gilbert. And she worked with neuroscientists to develop this foundation of moving that replicates the developmental patterns from infancy to three years old of how you're basically moving and discovering the world around you. And basically, she broke down all those developmental patterns and made it a sequence. So that early childhood all the way up to you know, elders can do this and immediately find a way to ground themselves have a sense of embodiment, clarity, improved cognition, and also expression. And so I do this as a warm up for every class, okay, so it always starts with breath comes back to breath. So let's just both take a moment and take a deep, inhale, fill your lungs up with air and a long, slow breath out. I like to put my hands on my belly to really feel my belly rise and fall. Inhale, belly rises. Exhale. Fall can even put your hands on the side of your ribcage and feel your ribs expand and contract on the inhale. Inhale, expand. Exhale to contract. Getting some oxygen to our brain into our respiratory system. The next part is tactile touch. So go ahead and give your whole body a squeeze your arms, your fingers, the top of your head, temples, any place that you feel like might need a little extra love. And I'm sure you know this but tactile sensation is really grounding way to locate your body and space. It's those proprioceptors firing. You can also move on to padding so padding. Choose your pressure can be light, or hard, whatever you need today. Don't forget about your lower body. In the backside, I always forget about the backside. And then we go into core distal. So stretching out from our core. I like to say you're stretching out like a starfish. So really reaching out through those limbs, your fingers, your legs, your toes all the way out as far as you can stretch and then you're gonna contract and curl up around your core kind of protecting it. So you're reaching out opening opening opening. This is like a baby be discovering the world around them. And then contract curling into your core and learning how to protect yourself and having a sense of your core. And then we'll go into head tail. So this is activating the spine is a simple way that you could do that is doing the snake, you know, the 90 snake where you're moving your head, and then the tail follows side to side. So imagine your spine looking like a snake moving side to side. Another way you could do this is with cat cow arching and curving your back and your spine. So really finding that head tail connection and opening up the juices, the spinal juices, all right, after we get our spine moving, we're gonna go into the upper lower parts of our body. So upper body, this is what we use for our main means of expression. So let's see, find a point in your room to focus on and then reach towards it really slowly. Could be with your head, it could be with your arm could be with your chin, your shoulder, just find a sense of reaching towards something nice, yes. And then find a different point and a different body part to reach toward it slowly reaching, feeling that sense of stretch and opposition. Alright, now let's take it up shaking, shaking, shaking your hands, find a different body parts shake your upper body and change to a different body parts of shake. Shaking is so important. It helps us release whatever we're holding in our muscles, all those emotions and feelings, literally moves, moves it through our body gets it out. And then last, let's find a wave. A wave with your upper body could be slow waves could be fast waves, squiggly lines, just a sense of undulation moving and coursing through your upper body. And then going down to the lower body. So lower body is all about grounding into the earth, transporting through the world. And I like to find circles in my lower body. So circling my ankles, circling my knees, finding a rotation a circle in my hips. And then bringing down the shaking to your lower body to so shaking, you're shaking your feet, shaking one leg, shaking both legs, shaking your hips, shaking your knees. And I'm sitting down right now. But I'm bending my knees just finding kind of like a way to access those quad muscles or like those big strong leg muscles just like giving them some love and letting the blood flow a little more strongly. So that's upper lower. The next part is body side. So thinking that you're dissecting your body with a zipper vertically. And just focusing on one side of your body. This is a way that we can connect the different hemp the two hemispheres of our brain. So think of maybe just spelling your name with your right side of your body any way you want. Could be your arms and your legs, spilling them in tandem. Just getting away to get that right side of the body moving. And then moving over to the left side. You can shake, you can carve. You can make slashing movements gets a different kind of energy dynamic in it. Or wiggle. All right, that's body side. Now we're gonna go into cross lateral. And this is really helpful for my kids because it helps kids learn how to read because it connects those the hemispheres of the brain and works with tracking so that kids can really learn to cross over their body. So take your right hand shake it, cross over and give your Glee's your left ear squeeze, and then take your left hand, reach over your body cross over give your right ear squeeze. And then just keep doing that for yourself however you want crossing over the body in different ways with your arms with your legs, just crossing over that medium plumb line allowing your brain to connect. And then the last one is my favorite is vestibular. I call it Dizzy time for my kids. And basically, you're just going to try to get as dizzy as you can to really set off your vestibular of their brain. And you can do if you're sitting down, you can shake, shake, shake as hard as you can, you can go upside down, I like to turn or roll my body around. But just give your body a nice little dizzying practice. However, whatever that means to you. Just try to get as dizzy as possible. And then when you're done, you'll feel that kind of fizzy, Dizzy feeling of your body literally recalibrating, and centering. Because sometimes we gotta get off balance to remember what it feels like to be on balance. Right. Let's just take one last breath together

    KC 31:14

    I feel so energized. Yay. That's the hope. That's the right dance. Oh my gosh, I feel like I haven't. I truly feel like I have not moved my body in that many ways all at once since college.

    Speaker 1 31:33

    Oh, we all got to do it. Love it.

    KC 31:38

    I might start doing that every morning.

    Heather Stockton 31:40

    Great. I do it every morning. And it really helps me start the day off with a clear mind and, you know, being in my body and yeah, I'm so glad.

    KC 31:49

    That's awesome. And it's such a different focus and warming up than stretching, right, like just the canticle of making your muscles work.

    Heather Stockton 31:57

    Which you know, you can you know lay in stretching as a part of like the lower body movements and I do for my kids. It's really a practice of meeting yourself wherever you are that day and whatever truly feels good at the moment in a structured way. Well,

    KC 32:11

    Heather, this was really compelling and I had no idea I was gonna get a mini lesson so I really appreciate that. But can you tell people where they can find you online if they want to watch you dance?

    Heather Stockton 32:24

    Sure, you can find me on Tik Tok with mix piggies dance club MX underscore piccies underscore dance underscore club could find me on Instagram at double underscore have h e t h double underscore my website is dancing with has h e t h.com. I teach at flow house in Oakland, California and at Grass Valley Elementary in Oakland Unified School District and I am co director of Lex poets Dance Company and sweet and sour productions.

    KC 33:00

    Amazing. Well Heather, thank you so much and I hope you have a great rest of your day. Thank you so much can see

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
80: Zoe, The Leftist Prepper

There is no bigger struggle than surviving a post-disaster scenario or perhaps the anxiety we feel about an impending disaster. Joining me today is Zoe Higgins, The Leftist Prepper, from TikTok. You’ll learn what it means to be a prepper, how and why Zoe became a prepper, why the “disaster myth” of movies is not reality, and how to keep your family safe in a disastrous event. 

 

Show Highlights:

●      What it means to be a prepper—and how it started for Zoe in 2017

●      The difference between doomsday preppers and realistic preppers

●      What leftist prepping is all about

●      Zoe’s Hurricane Ida experience in 2021, and how communities came together

●      What the “disaster myth” is—and why it isn’t true

●      How fundamental Christian narratives play into alt-right prepper views

●      How doomsday preppers incorporate racism, ableism, and fat shaming into their rhetoric

●      Where to start in becoming a prepper

●      What to know about prepping with canned food, freeze-dried food, and stored water

●      Why a hand-crank emergency radio is a necessity

●      How to prep for extreme temperatures in a disaster scenario

●      What to think about in your 72-hour kit beyond food and water: niche gadgets, first aid/medical supplies, maps, chargers, batteries, and printed information

●      What to consider for a go-bag, bug-out bag, etc.

●      Safety issues to think about in a disaster scenario

●      Zoe’s takeaway thoughts about anxiety and prepping

 

Resources and Links:

 Connect with Zoe: TikTok and How People Behave After Disasters information sheet

 

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:00

    Okay Hello you sentient balls of stardust. This is struggle care. I'm your host, Casey Davis. And there is no bigger struggle than the struggle we experience post disaster, and perhaps the struggle that we experience before an impending disaster when we feel anxious. And so today I want to talk to Zoey Higgins, who is the person behind the tech talk the leftist prepper. And I want to talk about emergency preparedness. I want to talk about what it means to be a leftist. prepper that we thank you so much for being here.

    Zoe Higgins 0:34

    Yeah, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I love your podcast so much.

    KC 0:38

    So let's start with this. What is prepping? Because I did occurs to me that somebody might go well, what does that mean to be a prepper?

    Zoe Higgins 0:45

    Right? So prepping when I talk about prepping and I just use the term prepping. And I'm referring to emergency preparedness. So preparing for power outages, job loss. For me, I live in New Orleans, so I prepare for hurricanes, extreme weather events, that sort of thing. So prepping is talking about the act of being prepared for such events

    KC 1:06

    and what got you into prepping?

    Zoe Higgins 1:08

    I moved to New Orleans in 2017. And prepping is essentially part of your welcome gift. When you move to New Orleans. They say welcome to the City get a 72 hour kit because hurricanes happen. And so I started off very small. I had a tiny little Tupperware box with some candles and some Chef Boyardee. And that is where I started.

    KC 1:30

    So I want to sort of start by you know, I've been following you for a while I myself am a bit of a prepper. And I came to it the same way that you did. I moved to Houston, Texas, the year after Hurricane Harvey and I had a baby a five month old baby that was on formula. And my greatest fear was what if we are in a hurricane and we don't have access to clean water, my baby can't eat. And so I started looking for I asked some people online, you know, okay, how do I prepare for a hurricane? How do I make sure and I started looking online or like resources and other people that were talking about prepping and people ask you all the time, you know, why do you have to say leftist? prepper? Why do you make it political? And I can say that, when I first started to look into prepping and like googling the word prepping? I understand completely why you had to specify leftists?

    Zoe Higgins 2:18

    Yes, the online community up until recently was the online community of preppers was mostly 99%. All right, people and their politics, were stepping stuff with prepping. And I quickly realized because I did the same thing. When I moved to New Orleans and gotten to prepping I'm online, I'm finding communities and I immediately felt left out and like I didn't belong there. Because we were also prepping for very different things. A lot of alt right preppers are also Doomsday Preppers and they are prepping for apocalyptic scenarios that I am not I am a realistic prepper. And I stay grounded in reality as much as I can. And yeah, I felt very distanced from those communities. And so I've just made a tick tock one day showing like my little prep gear, my fun stuff. And I was shocked. I got tons of views and people being like, be like, I'm not a doomsday prepper like, I don't why is this on my free page? And I'm like, Well, I'm not either. And within that I found this like awesome community of other leftists who are preppers

    KC 3:22

    Yeah, when I do I occasionally do videos and long form short form about prepping for disaster. And a comment that I get a lot is that's not going to help you if you know the we get attacked, or you know, like Apocalypse happens. And I always respond with like, hey, hot take, I'm not trying to survive the apocalypse. I don't know that I want to survive nuclear fallout,

    Zoe Higgins 3:43

    though. Like, I've just tried to survive like a three day power outage, you know, basic stuff. And it's one of those things where prepping is also about staying comfortable during those experiences, you know, like, You're unlikely the average person is unlikely to totally die during a three day power outage. But what can we do to be comfortable during that time? Yeah.

    KC 4:03

    And for me, I know coming in after Harvey, I kind of got like an extreme start. So I asked people online like, hey, like, what should I do to prepare? And I think had I asked any other year, I would have gotten a very different response. Absolutely. The whole of Houston was very much traumatized by Harvey if you don't know the story of hurricane Harvey, part of the reason it was so much more of a disaster than expected, like we expected a hurricane. We expected, you know, this hurricane, but there were some last minute weather shifts that made the hurricane stall over Houston.

    Zoe Higgins 4:38

    I remember that I was watching the news very carefully. And I remember that it just stopped and

    KC 4:44

    that was what we weren't prepared. And so everybody that was prepared for these three day power outage all the sudden was going three weeks and the daily had a great episode about a couple who's you know, his wife had just had surgery and the water is rising in their home. And he continues to call and say I need rescue. I need rescue, but they were just overwhelmed. Like the city services were overwhelmed. And so when people gave me their list, it didn't stop it like, Oh, you just need to send it to our kid. Just be reasonable. It was like, right, you're gonna get a boat. Like literally everyone was like, if I had to do it again, I would have a boat, like I would have a blow up raft. At the minimum, I would have an air mattress, because if I have to walk through floodwaters, and I have children, or I have pets, or I want to keep something dry, I want to be able to pull something behind. Yes. And so it was like, whoa, okay, so it was another one was someone saying, Get glowsticks? Because in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, people started going door to door to get supplies. And I'm not talking about like marauders right not like I'm coming in, you know, Walking Dead style with bad intentions to like start my own government and rob you. This was simply people going to empty homes, because okay, I don't have any more batteries, I don't have any more food, there's nobody in this home, I'm gonna go in and get some canned goods. And she said, we would hang the glow sticks in our windows to tell people someone is living here. Because without lights, you can't tell who's living there who's not. And so it was just an interesting, it was an interesting thing you've talked before about part of the reason why you specify leftist, is this idea that it's like an individual preparedness versus a community preparedness. So talk to me about how you got into prepping like your personal story about like, you know, starting with this little kit, and then kind of looking around at your community. So

    Zoe Higgins 6:30

    I started with my little kit, and I quickly was looking at my friends and realizing very few of them were prepared. And to this day, none of them are as prepared as I am. But it is my special interest. It is my hobby at this point. And for me, I've evolved to the point where I believe leftist prepping is about centering community building efforts at the core of all disaster preparedness efforts. And we can look at studies that show how communities weather after storms and how they measure the resilience of the community. And part of that is how engaged the community is with one another. So I started being on like my local groups talking about prepping, seeing if people are interested. And everybody's like, Well, yeah, we prep live because it's New Orleans, but I now center my efforts on being community minded. And one reason is because we got hurricane Ida in 2021. And hurricane Ida, it hit us but it took a last minute turn. So we were going to get more than expected and intensified as hurricanes often do, like the last few hours. And we were going to stay we kept planning on staying. But we had a really elderly dog at the time who could not deal with you know the temperatures after Hurricane that's your real danger. Along with floodwaters is that intense heat. So we decided noon to evacuate, we left at 1am. And in that time I got my family together, I secured our storm shutters, all of that and we evacuated to my family in Tennessee. And I have never felt more anxiety Casey than when I was watching the weather channel as they're showing it to descending on the city. And I had friends who stayed and they said it was the most terrifying experience of their life, just hours of hearing everything knocking against your walls and windows and wondering if it's going to sustain. So the day after the hurricane, I'm on Facebook and I'm in a mutual aid group for New Orleans and I see so many people posting that they're out of batteries already. They're out of diapers, they're almost out of formula and all of the Walmart's all the stores in New Orleans are either closed or completely sold out of everything. There is nothing in South Louisiana as far as resources and the National Guard was coming in, but people had other needs than what the National Guard was provided. So I realized the Walmart's near me and Tennessee are fully staffed. So I posted the mutual aid and I said, I'm coming down tomorrow, let me know what people need. The amount of comments I was not prepared for. I got about like 50 comments, probably more of people being like we urgently need batteries, we have no way to stay cool. I'm staying in my elderly mother, people reaching out for disabled family who were stuck. And so I posted on my little Instagram at the time, and I was not making content really at the time. So this was I didn't really have a platform yet. And I said my husband and I are going to be able to give you know a few $100 to these efforts. But if you feel that to donate, we're going to Walmart tonight within a few hours people had sent me over $1,000 And so I was able to get so many supplies to really meet the needs of 15 different families we were able to fully stocked with non perishable food batteries, cooling fans, and then countless other families that just needed like rabbit food, right things like that. And that experience changed forever how I looked at prepping that it was about the community coming together. and surviving together.

    KC 10:01

    You know what's interesting about that is that so I live in a neighborhood we just moved last year. And this last Halloween, we lost power, just like a weird freak thing with the power grid, one of the Transformers blew. And so we're like, everyone's kind of like, okay, we're going to trick or treat, we're not Trick or treat. Well, a lot of people in my neighborhood have online generators. So like generators that they have on their house to power and not all of them. But like a good I mean, between a third and a half problem. So we're going around with trick or treating, and we kind of roll up to the house. Basically, the houses that have generators are still trick or treating, right, handing out candy. And so I struck up a conversation with someone about like, gosh, I've really got to get a generator and are and for anyone who doesn't know, like, I hear this a lot online. Like, why don't everyone just gonna generate generators are so expensive? They're like, $16,000, right? Or, I mean, it's bizarre how expensive they are. So I'm striking up this conversation. And she brings up that the last time there was a freeze, we had a really, really bad freeze in I think, 2021 in Texas. And she tells me about so wonderful to have a generator because they became this hub of the community. They said, You know, they set up a like, for lack of a better term, like a soup kitchen, a food place at the elementary school, but they quickly ran out of room she's like, so we became the second place. My neighbors came over, we cooked from sunup to sundown, and handed out food to our neighbors. We had people in our beds, on our couches, laying on our floors. I mean, we maxed it out, we took care of this neighborhood, I love that so much, is I'm kind of getting emotional, because, you know, she was like, I mean, that's what it's about. And that's what happened. And I think what's so interesting is the amount of people who talk about like, what happens after a disaster, you know, some people get on to you, and they even get on to me like, why would you make videos about prepping? Now everybody knows what you have. And they'll say the first thing that's going to happen at a disaster, especially because we're women is that somebody's going to come and take off your stuff. And people especially as we move farther, right? Have this idea, this narrative that after a disaster, it's going to dissolve into Lord of the Flies, and we'll all be on our own. And you have to self sustain. And I'm curious, like how you handle those types of comments.

    Zoe Higgins 12:13

    I went down a deep rabbit hole. But I started getting a lot of those comments last year. And I did a lot of reading and a lot of research. And I actually just made a video about this other day. But that is feeding into what is known by scholars as the disaster myth, the disaster myth being there's this idea that communities dissolve into crime, chaos, there's no humanity, there is just survival and they'll stab you if you get in the way. That kind of idea. It's a disaster myth. It's not true. There's all these studies that show what actually happens in communities in rural communities, cities doesn't matter. And it also is extends the bounds of the US this happens around the world that communities come together and act extremely pro socially, after a disaster. Very few people are acting selfishly, you will always find people even when the world is normal, being selfish. But that is by far not the majority of people after disaster. And also I love to debunk about the disaster myth because the disaster myth feeds into narratives that counteract the needs of survivors. And that that's we witnessed that with Hurricane Katrina with false media speculation about this rampant crime in the city like do these people deserve rescue? Because look what they're doing, they're ravaging themselves. And that ultimately hurts survivors, and it counteracts efforts to intervene and provide humanitarian aid.

    KC 13:42

    It also seems, I mean, not to mention the racial component there, certainly with Katrina, and somewhat with Harvey as well. But not to mention that there's also this like, backwards like self fulfilling prophecy, which is like, yes, decent people can become desperate enough to be driven to kind of desperate measures, whether that be violence or manipulative or whatever. But again, that's driven by a life or death, desperation. And if a community was preparing in such a way that they were coming together and trying to take care of each other, even if not everybody had exactly what they needed. But there was this sense that we're trying as hard as we can to take care of each other. That seems like that would counteract any kind of like human temptation towards desperation, because I'm only going to resort to that kind of last ditch effort. If I feel like this is the only way to keep my family alive. But if families are coming together and demonstrating this idea that hey, we're gonna get through this for most people that's going to soothe that sort of last ditch fight or flight temptation.

    Zoe Higgins 14:45

    100% I couldn't agree more. And another reason why I distinguish myself as a leftist prepper because it is about that community and about supporting one another, whereas like, there's an alt right prepper in his basement with tons of food and zero company and no have interest in supporting their communities. And that's just that just isn't what it's about and the study is in the data shows that it is about community and supporting that as much as possible.

    KC 15:15

    One of the things that I find interesting when I look at the alt right movement with preppers, kind of those Doomsday Preppers those you know, I have this an my cache of guns so I can shoot anybody that tries to get my stuff. It's almost like there's this ideological fantasy that they're like, hoping they get to live out. You know what I mean? Like that. It's almost like there's this weird like, are you hoping for a Mad Max situation like there's this I don't know what it is or where it comes from, but it's

    Zoe Higgins 15:42

    bizarre. It's this rugged individualism that I think combined with gun love, because they are in my comments every single day, Casey telling me like, Oh, I'm gonna come to the blue state when the apocalypse hits and just take all your stuff. Yes. And like vague threats that like don't really mean anything. Like they aren't personally going to come after me. But like threats nonetheless. And it i It baffles me, I'm like, even if you don't like me, because I'm a leftist. And that's the only reason for not liking me fine. But like, don't you want to listen to like the data like, Don't you like care about the old granny next door who like may need help opening her cans, I just I don't get it. And it's really far from how I prepare for things,

    KC 16:24

    I would be so curious to deep dive into how like fundamentalist Christian revelation narratives play into outright preppers. This idea that, like, they're going to get vindicated as like the important ones and the right ones and like, and I'll tell you, as somebody who went to seminary, someone who studied under, frankly, conservative, biblical scholars, even conservative biblical scholars, none of them interpret revelation as like a rapture. Like none of them think the rapture is real. None of them think that rep. Oh, yeah, people really know what they're talking about, even in like very conservative places. That's true, actually, I would think so. Like they tell you revelation was not yes, it's a prophecy, but also it's highly symbolic. And most of them will tell you it was probably it probably has already happened, like not the Jesus coming back part and they do think that will happen. But they think that most of what's written there was describing the things that the person who wrote it was seeing around them and this idea that you're going to see the signs and it's all going to come crumbling and there's going to be this bit like most of them do not think that most of them do not believe in the rapture. And so it's interesting to me because it truly is this like little branch of like, misinterpreted Biblical stuff meets like it's like the worst of that religion, meats, like the worst of USA, individualism, culture, meats, like the worst of misogyny, and like toxic masculinity of like, I've been daydreaming all my years that I'm gonna have like a weird like John Wayne moment or something,

    Zoe Higgins 17:58

    literally, that's like how they talk the way they get so high up in my comments, or if somebody stitches me who has a conservative take on prepping the way they are, in my comments, essentially, just saying, it's going to be a free for all. I'm like, you want that to happen? Don't you look forward to that, which is wild? Well,

    KC 18:17

    I wonder how much of that is also powered by the racism that they experience when they watch Fox News say, oh, after Katrina, everybody was looting, right? That kind of feeds that. So, you know, we talked about like, I don't want to survive the apocalypse. You don't want to survive the apocalypse. Like I want to survive a three week, you know, disaster, basically. And you know, there's a lot of issues in prepping. I think we've touched on some of the individualism, some of the racism, a lot of ableism as well. I mean, people love to kind of laugh at the south when we talk about disasters, particularly anyone in like Texas when we talk about the freeze, so we just had a freeze. So we're talking on on Monday, January 22, right now and Texas just got done with their like three day freeze, and it was fine. There was literally not no, but what people don't appreciate is that we get kind of shit on for preparing a lot like, oh, you can't handle cold, but we also get shit on on the back end of the of a disaster if we didn't prepare. Absolutely. And people don't appreciate that, like we go through a hurricane a year, a tornado watch a year, a freeze a year and 90% of the time we're all fine, which is why when that one sneaks up on you that maybe it seems like it's gonna be fine. We also have a lot of problems with like local weather people overhyping things for ratings. And so you know, you do this sort of like prepare prepare, oh, nothing prepare, prepare, oh, nothing that you kind of get lacks, and then the big one hits, right, your 500 year flood or whatever. And we're all scrambling and I think that when people laugh at people over preparing, they don't realize that like it's not about over preparing, it's not about living in fear. It's about the fact that an eight year old die and 2021 in His manufactured home, he froze to death, right? It's really happened. And I think that every time someone laughs like it's so real and there will absolute whether it's cold or heat or lack of water or lack of power, like there are people that are on respirators, there are people on oxygen, there are people with mobility issues like there's this real sense of like, if you want to take care of the vulnerable in our community, we can't stop at thinking before we think about disasters.

    Zoe Higgins 20:27

    Oh, absolutely. And that's like another thing I have a big issue with doomsday prepper rhetoric is there's so much racism in there too. And there's so much ableism. And one of the things Doomsday Preppers are always telling me to do is to make sure I'm in great physical shape. So there's like fat phobia, too. They're like, You need to be prepared to run for miles. Like, I am not going to do that. And I don't

    KC 20:49

    that's so funny. Yeah. Oh, constantly. That's so weird and random. If anything, you need to be prepared to eat your own fat reserves for three weeks. Like, listen, my husband and I are obsessed with the show on Netflix called alone. Have you seen it? No, I have it. It's this contest where they take these people who are like outdoorsy, survivalists, and they give them a camera, oh, I have seen this do this. It's so it's our comfort show. It's so soothing for some reason. And they send them all out, like somewhere in Canada, or Alaska, or whatever. And they have to survive for 100 days. And they can only bring like 10 things with them to hunt their own food, find their own water, build their own shelter, and they'll drop out, you know, and whoever's left gets a bunch of money. But one of the things that happens because it's on like the seventh season, right, and they'll tell you how much weight people are losing because either like finding their own food is that now at this point, people will lose 3040 5060 pounds. This point, though, when people find out that they're selected for the show, they spend the rest of their time gaining weight, like they will purposefully put on 35 pounds. Isn't that interesting? Because they know the first thing that's going to happen, even if they're hunting every day, even if they're really good, survivalists. They're not going to have enough food. So I find that so funny that people love to be like, Oh, you're gonna need to be fit, you're gonna do me this. And so you know what else happens? This is so funny to me. The first ones to drop out are the big men who are like, Jack, because they're the ones that need like, 5000 calories to survive the day. Right?

    Zoe Higgins 22:15

    They need that. It's, I've have seen that show.

    KC 22:18

    And then this like, small woman who needs like, a couple 1000 calories,

    Zoe Higgins 22:22

    right? Oh, yeah, there was somebody was in my comments literally last week telling me like, well, the best thing you need to do me you is to get in really good shape. And I'm like, what scenario? Am I going to have to be running for miles again? Because I guarantee it's not during the hurricane. Like I guarantee you it's not during the power outage, because I know

    KC 22:41

    well, and people love to do that. Like why didn't you just evacuate because I was thinking like, the only time I would need to walk or run for miles is if I get stuck on the highway. And I have to get out of my car and start walking. And people don't realize that like we have this system here. And I'm sure you guys too. You'll see the signs as you go. There's only like a few major interstates out of Houston. When there's a hurricane, they backflow it meaning they turn the north and south sides both into northbound lanes going out. And still when that happens, it comes to a screeching halt. There was a lot of the mayor of Houston came under fire after Harvey of like why didn't he evacuate? Right? I remember that. And you know, because it was so bad. And yet there were a lot of experts that came in and said no, he did the right thing. Had he tried to evacuate more people would have died because so many people die trying to get out. So many people die being swept away on roads getting trapped in their cars and extreme weather. And so people don't appreciate that it's not as simple as just evacuate, especially if you have people that are medically complex or vulnerable, or you have your animals. It's crazy. So let's do that. That's exactly

    Zoe Higgins 23:50

    why we evacuated at 1am for hurricane Ida is because we knew everybody was waking up the next day and getting on the road and it still was filled with traffic. But yeah, and

    KC 24:01

    the classism aspect, like people don't realize that evacuating is a privilege and they don't realize how many people were still being told they had to come into work.

    Zoe Higgins 24:10

    Oh 100% You're at risk for losing income and evacuating costs hundreds of dollars if we're fortunate that we can drive it's still eight hours to Tennessee and have free lodging, but not everybody has us some families. They all live here. That's if you can get the gas to like if you can get the gas there's not enough gas in a gas in like all the gas stations in Houston to fill every single car if they all decided to go at once. And that's if the guy who operates the gas station didn't evacuate, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay,

    KC 24:41

    so let's shift a little bit and start talking about you know, if somebody wanted to start preparing, yes, like, where do we start? Because I know that when people watch my videos, I'm sure when they want your videos, the first thing they think is oh my god, this is 1000s of dollars of Oh yeah, like equipment and supplies. And so Where does someone start? If they want to start preparing do they have to spend tons and tons of money?

    Zoe Higgins 25:04

    I say you spend what you're comfortable with. I think first you start really small. You think about what are things that everybody can prepare for power outages, financial hardship, job loss and severe weather events in your area. What are you most like? Like I don't prep for blizzards. I'm in New Orleans. I prep for like a hard freeze that last two days, but I'm not going to prep for Blizzard I'm not going to spend money on that. So I say start super small start with it can be as simple as buying just one extra can of beans when you're at the grocery store, and then start doing your research. start deciding where you want to put your money. So I went from buying extra cans to be like, Okay, I need ways to cook this food. So I get my outdoor stove, camping stove, I mean, and fuel for that. And then I'm like, well, these cans of beans are like really gross. So what can I look into that I'm into freeze dried meals, which are actually like much more cost efficient than any food you get at the grocery store amazingly. And so I'm looking there. I also tell people to always try the food before you buy a bunch of it right 10 out of 10 recommended always have spices in your 72 Hour Kit. I think starting with a 72 hour kit is the key like That's step one. So

    KC 26:21

    what would I need to live for 72 hours if I ran out of food, water and power is that what it is?

    Zoe Higgins 26:27

    Yes, you need one gallon of water per person per day you need more if you have pets food, I prefer freeze dried food. And you also need if you go freeze dried, make sure you have enough water for cooking that food I've lost count how many gallons I have stored up I just have a lot and

    KC 26:46

    water is interesting too, because it's not as simple as throwing a 12 pack of plastic bottled water in your in your garage. And then forgetting about it for nine years, right like people don't realize that water does expire not because the water itself expires, but because the plastic begins to break down and leach into your water. So one of the things that we did when we moved to Houston was we bought hand water specifically, it's called emergency Canned Water, that they take all of the minerals out of the water, and then can it so that it is shelf stable for up to five years. And so we always have a bit of those off hand. The other thing is that we have these water containers called Aqua packs. And we have we have four of them. So one for each person. And they're great because they're these big blue containers. And anytime we know a freezer or a storm or something is coming like we just fill them up and stick them to the side. And then you know from there, like that's kind of like your basics. And then you can kind of move into the more niche stuff. If you have other things covered. So like then I got a LifeStraw then I got some iodine tablets, then I have that right like

    Zoe Higgins 27:51

    what I call the fun part of prepping is I love when I save up or get like a new little gadget to go with my prep. Also, people need a hand crank emergency radio there, you can get them on Amazon, you can get them in a lot of places. Usually you can charge them beforehand, but they also have that hand crank and make sure it has a channel called Web for WeatherBug. And that's the furthest right on the dial of any WeatherBug thing is your local station. And that's how we get weather updates during a power outage. And also what people don't realize is during a lot of these kinds of disasters is cellphone towers aren't super reliable and they do go down not every time but like they went down during Ida when we came back to the city we had very little way to communicate. One of

    KC 28:38

    the other things when we just going back to the water is that I like to have the canned water on hand and I like to have my Aqua packs because if there's a run on the grocery store, I can't rely on being able to go get bottled water from the grocery store. The other thing is so we talked about water we talked about food. What about extreme temperature like what would be the basics that you would want in a kit for extreme temperature.

    Zoe Higgins 29:01

    I know how to prepare for extreme heat New Orleans after Hurricane it can feel like 120 degrees outside and it's going to feel comparable inside because of that I recommend you always get ahead by staying really hydrated staying in the shade as much as possible. Battery Powered fans are great what's even better are those cooling towels they have like the froggy brand makes some thoughts of brands do and you don't have to use cold water to make them cool just plain water room temperature water makes them cool. The National Guard in New Orleans during Hurricane Ida gave out packs of ice as many as you wanted if pulled through. And so that was handy. We put a fan on top to suck the cold air into our room that was helpful but really not pushing yourself during high heat. Like there's no reason we need to go out and do a three mile walk for funsies. There is none of that also our water was still running. It wasn't safe for drinking but I was just constantly taking showers Just constantly just staying as cool as you can. Yeah, wet hair,

    KC 30:03

    Gillette hair, wet shirts. My sister lived in Boston when they had a heatwave, and she would sleep in a wet t shirt every night, which was helpful out. The other thing is now this is niche, but it's fun to have to know. So I spent a lot of time in Mexico, and then you could Tom Peninsula. And one of the things down there is that they are actually a culture that sleeps in hammocks quite a bit. And they have beds, but in the heat, they sleep in a hammock. And it's because it's so much cooler to sleep. Yeah, and not the hot not like a solid material. But like a kneaded hammock, if you just look up that type of hammock is really interesting. Now I'm in Texas, and so we prepare for the heat, but because of our electric grid not being very reliable. And because of our freezes, we also prepare for freezes. And the reason we do is because our infrastructure won't take care of us as well as it would somewhere else. So in our 72 Hour Kit, we have emergency blankets, and that's that, like they look like tin foil that you see kind of on movies and stuff. They're very cheap to buy. And you can throw those in there for very little money. I think that would be like a basics for a 72 hour kit, if you were to build off of that. Some other things that we have done, we have a couple of those like, you know, hot hands, yes,

    Zoe Higgins 31:15

    I actually just bought a massive pack of them. And they make blankets

    KC 31:18

    to like they're called lap warmers. And so I got that because I have little kids. And I thought, well, if I have to throw that on them, you know, I'm going to do that. Also, depending on what if you have backup power sources, that one of our sort of splurge buys for like 1000 bucks was called an eco flow battery. So this is kind of that midway between, we don't have a full generator, but we have this huge battery. And it has 99 hours of battery depending on what you use for it. And we got that because now we can run a fan. Now we can charge our phones. Now we can even run like I bought a cheap DVD player because I was like I can run a DVD on like a small screen, right? Yeah, I can run that I can also run a heating pad, or an electric blanket, I can run a space heater, although electric blankets going to I think take less. So those are some things we do for heat. The other thing we did getting beyond the 72 hour but just for whatever is that we bought a tent one the great multi-use Because if you go camping, you do whatever. But if you're truly going to go days and days and days and very, very, very cold temperature, getting all of your family and pets inside of a tent inside of a room of maximizes the body heat that stays inside that I've heard

    Zoe Higgins 32:25

    that before. I've heard people doing that during that Big Freeze y'all had a few years ago. And

    KC 32:30

    there's some other interesting things like people talk about like making little terracotta stoves over a pot or various things. Which brings us to a thing that I think a lot of people don't think about, which is information like in your 72 Hour Kit is information because like you said, you may not have access to the internet. So you're going to be sitting there because I also know because I went through a training once about that you can use a little bit of bleach to purify water. You can also put water in clear bottles and throw them up on your roof and let the sun do it over a certain amount of time. Oh, that's interesting. Here's the thing. Yeah, I'm not going to remember exactly what the time I'm not trying to mess up a dilution. Yeah, dilution poison your family. And we're so used to oh, just Google it, that all doesn't usually get there. Right. And so I think printing things off. And you know, sticking them in your little box is a huge part of it. So okay, we got food, water, we talked a little bit about power information, those little solar banks for a phone can be really helpful. Yes,

    Zoe Higgins 33:29

    I have so many of those little portable chargers, just whenever I have an extra 30 bucks, I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna get another one. I have so many and that I have a massive big battery, like the ecoflo and those are going to be like huge assets. So it's like require saving up little more than a few $100. But if you're able to and be able to save for that, I really recommend doing that. At the very least those handcrank emergency radios also have an output for charging a device and you

    KC 33:59

    can also charge your ego flow with your car. Oh, that's cool. There's a there's a cord to do that too. And then light right. Little lanterns and things like that. One thing that I didn't know for a long time is that you should not store your batteries inside of your equipment because yes, I learned that the hard way. I did too. I opened up a lantern and it was crumbled and eroding inside corroded

    Zoe Higgins 34:21

    Yes yes. And make sure if you're not using like a battery daddy I don't have a battery daddy. I know a lot of people do they're very cool but I have rent like plastic containers whole batteries. Make sure that the ends of the batteries are never touching because it'll drain batteries if they're touching just right so don't just throw them in a plastic bag.

    KC 34:41

    The other thing is to now so I think that's a pretty good basics kit let's talk about some of our like fun things our niche things so this is it I actually eventually bought a I have a gas turned off know about you guys but where we are you can't turn your gas off yourself like the the gas company has to come out to do it. But I have now the big key so that I can turn my own gas on Cool,

    Zoe Higgins 35:00

    that's really handy. That's I like that. I also have multiple manual can openers, because I have so much freeze dried food and number tin cans, which are the extra large ones. And can openers, I don't know, if you have experience they break like it's. So I have multiple manual can openers, I also want to stress for building any kind of prep kit, that redundancy is key, like you're not going to, it's really hard to like overdo it or prepping. And it's one of those things where you may feel like oh, we don't need more water. But then if you get that extra water, you're gonna feel really good that you have if you need it. So redundancy, oh, you

    KC 35:40

    know what we forgot first aid kit. Yes, first aid kit. And you can do a basic one, I eventually upgraded to a field kit, which means that I not only have first aid stuff, but I also have like if I need to build a tourniquet, you know, bleeding, stopping, things like that, and they can get expensive. So just starting small as is the important part. One of the other things that I have in my kit, which is not only for my family, but also community oriented building is that so one of my past life as an Evangelical, I have since deconstructed no longer consider myself an Evangelical, but I went to work for a church in Guatemala City, they had invited me down to work to help institute like a new ministry that our church had written, but that kind of cross cultural work is still considered missionary work in the church. And so they sent me to like missionary training. And it was like five weeks and most of it was about like having cultural humility. But there was a part of it that was about like some basic survival because a lot of people were going to places that weren't as like developed or resourced. And so they taught us how to like build composting toilets and things like that. But but one of the things that they gave us while we were there is this book called where there is no doctor, and it's basically a village medical handbook. It's written for the Layperson. It has lots of pictures and drawings. But this is everything from how to address a cut to what to do if someone gets infection, too. Literally, there's a chapter on how to birth Yes, and it also has some of the things that that we may not be as familiar with about like malaria and cholera and things that happen when you don't have as great water treatment. So there's that. The other thing is, and we don't have this but if you are going to get like really into like blurting is there is a company that you can actually purchase antibiotics from

    Zoe Higgins 37:24

    Oh, yeah, I've heard of that company. I haven't done it because it's expensive, and they have a short shelf life, but it's good to look into

    KC 37:31

    Yeah, so we don't have any for that reason. Let me ask you this. What's your most like the one piece of like supplies that you've really geeked out on that you think is so cool, probably.

    Zoe Higgins 37:38

    Oh, gosh, that's so hard. My portable battery by power smart. I'm obsessed with I love that I just have like 100 hours of battery when I need it. I did purchase two storage cabinets from Home Depot. And now in our back room, I have like a prep area like it used to always just be like under the bed or in closets, shoving it where I could. But now I have like a label maker and I've labeled everything I really like I know you asked for one but they're giving you multiple in my first aid. I have everything labeled for like what kind of illness I have like the tummy troubles bag and colds, respiratory illnesses. So everything is separate. It's the only thing in my house crazy organized. Also, one of my favorite things that people don't think of is to have board games or a deck of cards in your kid. Yep, it's easy to get bored.

    KC 38:30

    Coloring stuff for your kids that reminded me of one other thing. Oh,

    Zoe Higgins 38:34

    whistles, yes, whistles. FEMA lists that on their website for 72 hour kits that you should have a whistle. I think

    KC 38:41

    even the CDC, they're like you can go on to some of the USA government. I'm sure other governments have it too. They have a pretty good list of 72 hour kits. Alright, so let's talk about things that people may not think to include because I have a big one, which is a map of your state. Yes. Because if you lose GPS, do you know how to get anywhere?

    Zoe Higgins 39:00

    Do you know how to know the answer is? Absolutely not.

    KC 39:03

    Especially if you you know, okay, I have family in the next city. But it's like, I wouldn't know how to get there. If I didn't have like a roadmap, a literal roadmap, and most of us don't have those anymore.

    Zoe Higgins 39:12

    And even like practice looking at it, like making your bathroom reading for a week where you look at it and say okay, I would take this and this because a lot of us I remember my parents using maps back when we were kids, but I have not picked up a physical map and like mapped around in ages. So become familiar with your supplies in general as well as looking at maps, you know, know if you have a special kind of can opener the first time you use it should not be when you need it most.

    KC 39:41

    The other thing I think is good to have is if you don't have access to phones or anything like that is to have printouts of something that basically is like a note to your neighbors and a bonus if you can laminate it that basically says like, Hey, we're at this address I don't know you know if you need something come to us let's whatever you If something happens, you can quickly go and sort of drop that into or under, you know, put that on somebody's as a way of pulling together, I'm gonna steal that that's

    Zoe Higgins 40:08

    a great idea.

    KC 40:09

    And for that reason, we have radios to like, if you have, we have a friend that lives a mile away. And we don't have this yet, but we're like, you know, we should invest in like long radio like walkie talkie so that we could like contact each other. That's

    Zoe Higgins 40:21

    my next investment actually, that's what I'm researching which one to get now while I save up, but like a good communication system when cell phones are down.

    KC 40:31

    And speaking of like, affording these things, one of the things that my mom and I did for a really long time is like this was our Christmas gift to each other for years, especially when I got to the point my adulthood where I was like, Okay, I don't I'm going to be okay if I don't use Christmas as a way to get like my basic needs. Right? Totally. But he kind of got to the point was like, I don't need more stuff like more like random things. And so my mom and I would give each other emergency supplies stuff and so it was like a way of using that budget to do that. And that was still fun. What about go bags? What's a go bag? What's a bug out bag? Like what is that? What how should that be different? Where should that be?

    Zoe Higgins 41:07

    Bug Out Bag is essentially the bag that you have. If you're told Okay, we got to evacuate right now. And you have minutes to do it. Your bug out bag has copies hard copies of all your important documents, it has a lot of what would be in a 72 hour kit maybe a little smaller depends on if you also have a separate like I have a go bag in my car at all times that has stuff specific to being stuck in my car. Your go bag is when you have to evacuate with not much time at all. And it's what you grab and you know everything's in there camping stove. Camping meals are great, portable way to transport food instead of having to shove a bunch of cans in your bag. And they're super lightweight.

    KC 41:46

    Yeah, I have a go bag in my car as well. I think my biggest splurge was the boat. I have a four person inflatable boat, we have a foot you know thing. So you know, but that would take like hours. But that's one of the things that we would use our emergency battery for is we have an electric pump, but it is a full on or person raft with oars. And part of the reason we have that is not necessarily like I can't imagine a scenario where we would need to actually like evacuate via boat. But there absolutely have been scenarios where you need to go get your neighbor that's

    Zoe Higgins 42:21

    exactly what I was gonna say or if you can't use your boat, there's somebody doing rescue efforts that can use your boat and that's another free way to prep I always tell people like if you have no money to put towards your prep, start getting invested in your mutual aid group your local mutual aid group start talking to your neighbors make sure you have each other's numbers that you have a friendly I give all my I've chickens so I give my neighbor's eggs to stay with good rapport and apologize for the sounds of chickens all the time. And just keeping up that rapport with each other so like I know the first thing if we get a hurricane I'm texting Judy next door to see if they got everything they need. And I'm also talking to the elderly man next door to make sure he doesn't need me to go to Walmart for him. You know stuff like that.

    KC 43:04

    Let's round it out with talking about some safety things that people may not know when prepping the first I want to start off with is that fire should be your last ditch effort and you should truly be choosing between freezing to death and starting a fire because every time there is a severe weather incident around cold especially in the south, people die from setting their homes on fire because they are so desperate to get warm happened in 2021 It happens every single time

    Zoe Higgins 43:36

    yes and in the same vein, be really aware of co2 poisoning and specifically having co2 alarms that are powered by batteries so they aren't linked to your electrical wiring if that's down make sure that those constantly up fresh batteries for like a big freezer somewhere where you might want to be using a gas stove indoors or something like that. I always will I'm also like dealing with high heat so I always use our camping stove outside I know that you can technically use them indoors It freaks me out if I'm able to cook outside I'm going to be doing it outside

    KC 44:12

    Yeah well I'm because we have a gas fireplace and a gas stove we have co2 anyways but my fear would be like what if there's a rupture or you know, especially if you're in a place with with earthquakes, you want to be able to be alerted to that you want to be careful with your space heaters. space heaters are one of those things that start fires a lot. So you don't want to put them in an enclosed area necessarily don't put them inside of a tent don't put them they really need a lot of space around them and we have space heaters but we specifically have this type of space heater that has a this thing on the bottom that when it's depressed it turns on but if it ever becomes undepressed Like if it gets knocked out,

    Zoe Higgins 44:49

    oh my does the same. It'll turn itself off.

    KC 44:51

    Right and then we talked about water having an expiration date. I think that's important just so that everybody knows if you do have a generator you have to Run your generator outside, you can not run it in your garage. In fact, you're supposed to run it at least 16 feet away from your house, they

    Zoe Higgins 45:08

    emit so many fumes and contribute to deaths every single time there's an extended power outage and most

    KC 45:15

    of them take gas. And people may not know that gas is not something you can just throw into your garage and forget about

    Zoe Higgins 45:23

    oh, yeah, no, it does expire quicker than water even.

    KC 45:27

    And you have to keep it in a special container. Yes,

    Zoe Higgins 45:30

    I also think people should just be aware of the signs of co2 poisoning. Like if you all are running something in your house, or maybe you're not, there's a leak and you don't know it. If everybody in your family is having a headache, go outside and assess. It's not the time for everybody to take a nap. That's it's time to be suspicious. There was a gas leak in one of the college houses when I went to college. And these students were so smart, literally one of them got a headache, and just decided to tell somebody else in the house. And he was like, I have a headache too. And they all put it together, they had headaches and they went outside. And I was like I don't know, if I would have been that smart, I might have just kept it to myself and gone and taken. Now the other

    KC 46:08

    thing with extreme heat to be aware of is that some of the homes in Houston and probably other places, even if it's not a huge home, like I was on a 200 square foot home and it was a three story home we have two different thermostats so one unit, but two thermostats. And then some bigger homes will have two units where like one is powering the upstairs, one is powering the downstairs. And tragically there have been instances where the upstairs unit shorts out but the downstairs unit doesn't. And there's a child sleep or a baby sleeping upstairs while the parents are actually sleeping downstairs and they don't realize that the temperature is skyrocketing upstairs. So in normal day to day stuff, you know you can get like eco bees and things like that you can even get these there look like little pucks that will alert your phone to high heat like detection. Oh, I have those in my chicken coop. But it is just something to be aware of. If you're going into a storm, you know, you might lose power. You know, you don't want something weird to happen where the top shorts out. But the bottom doesn't wear the top shorts out first or heats up first. That's certainly important. Along the lines of water, one of the big things that you hear especially for just sort of like the lay person who maybe isn't like over prepped when it comes to water is people will say fill your tubs fill your bathtubs, this is a great way to stock up on water for bathing. For flushing toilets. That's a big one. But one of the things to be aware of is that having a tub full of water can be very dangerous. If you have small children that might walk in and go oh, bath time and get into the bath. You know, you want to be very careful. And so some things that people have done to get around that. One is that sometimes people will just put probably the cheapest thing is just put a latch lock at the top of a bathroom door so they can lock the bathroom door up high so that their children can't get into it. And then some people will go and actually splurge for there's a thing called a a water blob. And it's like a big huge bladder that you can put in the bathtub and then use the bathtub to fill it out. But it's like a bladder like you can't write you know what I mean? You can't get into it. It's closed and we don't have one of those but I do I am aware like one of the reasons why we don't fill bathtubs in my home is because I have small kids one of whom is autistic and loves water and it totally totally does. So anyways, in conclusion Zoey, the leftist prepper Do you have any like lasting thoughts? Especially I wonder around like anxiety because I feel like there's probably people listening who now have so much anxiety off the charts, you know, how do you go about this kind of hobby or this kind of maybe passion project without getting into sort of anxiety, desperation? Fear.

    Zoe Higgins 48:48

    I love that you asked that because when I started it was out of anxiety. It was my first tropical storm was coming in. I never weathered something like that. And I'm frantic, you know, and I think starting really small and reminding yourself the world is not ending the world isn't ending we are okay. And unless there's an extenuating circumstance, nothing bad is gonna happen tomorrow, likely it's just going to be a normal day, I always felt best knowing that even just like an extra two cans of food a week, I was still preparing, I still had something and I also started with my cheapest supplies as opposed to going right out the door investing in like a $600 power storage thing. And that was made it doable for me and that made it accessible for me just remind yourself the world isn't ending that we're just starting small and we're doing what we can I also think

    KC 49:43

    that if you live in a place where you have close neighbors or your own apartment complex and you know people in your complex, it's okay to split up some of those things of hey, like, I'll care I'll do some extra water you do some extra food you pick up some extra flashlights.

    Zoe Higgins 49:58

    I love that. I think that That's ideal. Like I think if you're able to do that and you are able to build those kinds of relationships, that is ideal because like my lasting thing I want to leave people with is the reminder that community is at the core of any successful preparation. There is no such thing as surviving a disaster a lone wolf and even if you do survive it might be pretty miserable. Well, thank you

    KC 50:21

    Zoe. Just because this is actually important and I forgot to say it in our safety ones don't ever hide in your attic against floodwaters. You will get stuck there and not be able to have

    Zoe Higgins 50:31

    a hatchet even though people say to keep here they tell you to keep a hatchet in your attic to hatch through. Have you tried to hatch it something lately?

    KC 50:40

    I promise you I couldn't do it.

    Zoe Higgins 50:41

    I couldn't do it. No, it's best to get out. The other

    KC 50:44

    thing that's really important and I always see these on tick tock do not go into floodwater if you can help it like unless it's really really necessary for your survival. Do not go out and flood water do not walk in floodwater. floodwater is not regular water. floodwater is toxic. It has gotten into your sewer system, like your sewer system and various bodies of water like think of all the bodies of water like you have your sewer system. You have stagnant lakes would brain eating amoeba in it like it's a lot of people after Harvey got very sick from the floodwater, and sometimes you can't help it you have to go out to survive. You have to write but every time I see tic TOCs of people like playing in water after a flood, I'm always like, Ah, don't do it. Right. Okay, well, thank you so much. So we tell people where they can find you on Tik Tok.

    Zoe Higgins 51:35

    I am at tick tock at quarantine, ya know, and it's so we left just preffer thank you so much, Casey.

    KC 51:41

    Thank you

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
79: Yoga Sucks (but does it have to?) with Emily Anderson

We are discussing an intriguing topic today: accessible yoga. I want to know more about it, so I’ve invited Emily Anderson to join me. She’s been a yoga teacher since 2018 and is focusing her work this year on yoga therapy, the application of yogic modalities and philosophies in caring for people based on their unique medical and emotional needs and in collaboration with a person’s medical team. Emily does yoga therapy through her virtual studio, All Bodies Welcome Yoga. She firmly believes that anyone can come through her virtual doors and feel comfortable and welcome, which is not always the case in mainstream, fitness-based yoga studios in the US. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

●      Why it is important to Emily to have equity and inclusion in the yoga classroom

●      Why common conceptions about yoga are a “tricky blur” between self-help, mind/body connection, and spirituality

●      How different yoga positions are beneficial to the body and emotions

●      How people feel health shame and sometimes associate movement with pain, punishment, or discipline

●      How yoga helps reconnect us to the ways our bodies enjoy movement and give us feedback about sensations

●      How Emily works with clients around pushing themselves when things are challenging and empowering themselves with options and autonomy

●      Why much teaching around exercise and movement are fear-based

●      How Emily conducts virtual yoga classes

●      How to look for accessible yoga classes in your community

Resources and Links:

Connect with Emily Anderson and All Bodies Welcome Yoga: Website, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, and The Softness Meditation Podcast

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:00

    Oh hello, you Sentient ball of stardust Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And in the studio with me today I have Emily Anderson, there's going to talk to us about accessible yoga, which is interesting to me. Tell me a little bit about yourself and tell me about this idea of all bodies. Welcome. Okay. Yeah,

    Emily Anderson 0:22

    my name is Emily Anderson, I use she her pronouns. And I've been a yoga teacher since 2018. And this year, I decided to get into a field that's called yoga therapy. So yoga therapy is the application of yogic modalities and yogic philosophy in caring for individuals and small groups kind of based on their, what they may have going on medically or emotionally, and working in tangent, sometimes with their medical teams or their care teams, and all bodies. Welcome. Yoga is the name of my virtual studio that I teach out of. And that really started for me as wanting to create a space where anyone could come in the virtual doors and feel comfortable and feel welcome. Because a lot of mainstream yoga studios, especially in America, I don't feel that way. For a lot of people, they're a little bit more fitness based. And they tend to hold a lot of ideals. And I don't think those are necessarily rooted in yoga, and like the in yoga philosophy, and I wanted to make sure that there was a place where people knew that it was intentional, that they would have their needs met, that there will be equity in the yoga classroom, I am a plus sized person, I like to use the word fat. That's not for everyone. But I've been a fat person my whole life. And I know what it's like to live with people's assumptions about your bodies, and also sometimes having your body's needs overlooked. So that was my first motivator. But I found that people of all different sizes are interested in this kind of yoga, people recovering from eating disorders, folks who are amputees folks with chronic illnesses or chronic pain. So it's not a practice that either everyone likes, right, I mean, I don't have to my practice have to be for everyone, but everyone is welcome to try it is that's kind of my outlook on how I teach.

    KC 2:13

    That's so great. Yeah, I definitely think that like when you say yoga teacher, or going to yoga, there's like a specific type of body that comes to mind. It's very, like wealthy white woman coded. It's very, like Portlandia you know, it's very, it's either like the consumeristic side of like, I don't have to work because I'm so privileged. I'm just gonna go to yoga and all of my like, very expensive clothes, or it's very, like white hippie to me. Yeah. You don't I mean, like, I'm gonna go in here and somebody's gonna hit me with some spirituality.

    Emily Anderson 2:47

    Yes, and it's yoga so interesting, because there is a spiritual aspect to it, of course, because it is like, you are sourcing some of that philosophy from things like the Bhagavad Gita and the apana shots but it doesn't mean that everyone needs you know, it's not for everyone to like pick up that spirituality I think that some people pick up that spirituality as set dressing, unfortunately. And you know, there's

    KC 3:11

    like it isn't even really that spirituality. It's just like, random wellness woowoo stuff that they think makes it spiritual if they talk about it in the yoga space. Yes.

    Emily Anderson 3:22

    And I mean, it is a tricky blur between like self like, you know, the self help and the yoga because part of yoga is about connecting the mind and the body and even like in like the pain science field, which is one of the fields I'm interested in we're also talking to like bio psychosocial and spiritual write me because there is a component of everyone has some kind of spiritual wellness. But But yes, I think that people tend to maybe misuse sometimes that those good vibes only the spiritual bypassing and just that sense of picking out some things that make it maybe seem more esoteric, or mystical or transformational in a capitalist way, like the consumerist way that you mentioned, where they're trying to attract people like this is the secret and I don't think that there is a secret to it.

    KC 4:16

    Well, I've always struggled with yoga, and I've had some exposure to it throughout my life. And my struggle was always like, I'm extremely inflexible person, and it's just the way my body is like, I remember being in cheerleading in the eighth grade and not being able to do the things that you know, till your hips till you and I'm like, I literally cannot This is as far as they go. You know, I did even like private coaching for like months and months to learn how to do a back handspring. Never could my body literally doesn't bend that way. Yeah. And so the times that I was in a yoga class, every position was really discomfort, not just uncomfortable, but not painful, but like discomfort, and I couldn't do any of the things that seemed like they were even basic. And a lot of times, I felt like nobody ever really explained how hard it was supposed to be all just doing the same posture. And so because it's hard for me, I feel like I'm failing at it, or I must just be lazy, or I must be so out of shape. Or you know what I mean? Like, there's this health shame that comes with it. And I don't know, is this hard for everyone? Or is it me? Am I just you know what, like, it's interesting, because I don't think that somebody would think that I would necessarily look out of place in a yoga studio, but I've just never been able to feel any benefit from it. Because of those things.

    Emily Anderson 5:43

    Yeah. And, you know, it's one of those things where I think like, attracts like, and so there's a certain population of very bendy, even maybe hyper mobile, people who excel at yoga, yo XL, I'm saying in quotes of like, the idea of performing these certain postures, and they're like, oh, I can do this, they can do it. So they like keep her pet, yo, they're going more and more, and then you're the person in the room who's not hyper mobile, and you're looking around like everyone in this room can do this. But it's just like the way like swimmers often have a certain body type, right? Like the people who are excelling at this, like physical demonstration of advanced postures, it's because anatomy and genetics are on their side, most of the time, I feel really confident saying that I'm not particularly flexible. There's a lot of postures in even like a mainstream yoga studio that I don't do very often because I don't find them comfortable either. And there are so many other ways to get the benefits of those postures than looking like the person at the front of the room or the most stretchy person in the

    KC 6:47

    room. So what is the benefit of the postures? I don't even think I've ever known that.

    Emily Anderson 6:51

    Yeah, well, so I love that question. Because each posture has a variety of benefits and they're connected to physical benefits, they're corrected not that's not just stretching, that could be things that are benefits for your organs, like a twist is great for digestion, it also stretches your side body, and then getting more into like the nervous system twists are great for helping, you know, calm your sympathetic nervous system and raise the flexibility and activity of your sympathetic nervous system. And then you could get even more into the energetic modalities of yoga and kind of going beyond physical into the emotional benefits of a pose. So there are like layers to the poses. And that reflects yoga philosophy as well, because yoga philosophy believes in we have layers to ourselves, from our physical body and to our mental body and to our emotional body. So the poses when you are studying them holistically, they have multiple layers, but all that to say downward facing dog, I think is a such a well known pose. Even for someone who's never done yoga probably can picture someone doing it in a movie, you know, that pose is great for stretching the hamstrings and building strength and then go into the benefits from there. But you can also do downward facing dog in a chair, you could do it standing at a wall with your hands against the wall. And it's like you're flipping the orientation of gravity. And there are so many ways that you could take downward dog and find those physical benefits or beyond that don't have to look like a vinyasa yoga class, like in a Bougie strip mall.

    KC 8:23

    Yeah. And I mean, I just don't think I've ever had the guts to speak up and say like, is there a way to do this differently? Because again, it's also I mean, I wonder if a part of it is like movement has been so disconnected from joy or peace, like our bodies are so kind of disconnected that like, movement has always meant pain when it comes to exercise,

    Emily Anderson 8:54

    right, like punishment or discipline. Yeah, like it's

    KC 8:58

    supposed to hurt when you're pumping iron and not like acute pain, but like you're supposed to push yourself past being comfortable and you're supposed to, you know, running is really hard. It's like it's all supposed to be really hard. So I don't know how hard it's supposed to be. When am I allowed to ask for an accommodation? Or when am I just being a big fat baby?

    Emily Anderson 9:20

    I know and also, like a mainstream yoga class is not set up for that, right? Like when you go to like a vinyasa yoga class, the instructor is usually at the front of the room. Maybe they're walking around, but they're talking the whole time. It's not a class that invites questions, right. It's not it's not a sharing time, unfortunately. And that's it kind of borrows from things like Jazzercise and other fitness classes whereas a traditional non western application of yoga was done from like teacher to student as a conversation, and that gave people the opportunity to understand their bodies and their reactions better. So it is kind of hard because I think these are posts Is that are meant to be applied with a broad brush, because our bodies are also different. There are anatomical reasons that we can't you know that I can't do certain poses. Some of them are body size, some of them are just like the shape of my bones and the length of my bones. I'm quite short. So like, there's a lot of things I can't reach on a, you know, that someone with much longer limbs could do with a lot of ease. And that question of ease, right, and what you're saying about punishment is I totally agree that we have been divorced from the joy of movement in so many ways. And we look at little kids and being told to sit still, and being told that there's only certain ways that are okay to express, right, there's only certain ways to express happiness that are okay, there's no ways to express anger that are okay for little kids, I would say in most schools, and, you know, traditional ways that they want children, there's very few ways to express sadness. And I think it starts with kids, because like, our body is essential for expressing emotions. And when we remove the body from expressing our emotions, and we only let it be some that we can do for a goal, like weight loss, or a goal like shredding for the wedding, or whatever reasons people kind of bring up that exercise is valuable, then exercise becomes a chore at best or miserable punishment, you know, at worst, and so then we start avoiding movement. But really, we could be moving our bodies all the time in ways that feel intuitive and attuned, and doesn't need to be disruptive to going about society. But I mean, I think of like, if you're like walking around a city street, and you see like a runner, doing some like crazy steps, like high steps or something to stretch around, that's okay, because they're exercising, but you know, you could walk around and swing your arms around too. And that would just be really soothing or enjoyable, or just a good way of dispersing a little stress after you come out of a meeting. But we kind of have lost that connection. And I think yoga is a really valuable way, when you're experiencing in a way that's not teacher down to student but in a way that invites a little bit more intuitive experience that you can start to reconnect with those ways that your body helps you enjoy things and also helps you process challenging things.

    KC 12:12

    So what do you like? Like, what do you enjoy about, like, the moment that you're in a posture, because one of the things that I really struggle with when it comes to movement, or exercise or yoga, or any of it is that like, I feel like everyone's always telling me that I should do it for the benefits. And the benefits are always like, what it's going to do to me later, or what it's going to do to me that I've been not like feeling in the moment. And I really struggle to find movement that is enjoyable, in and of itself. And I feel like I'm nearly not going to be able to stick to like a movement discipline, if the only thing that draws me to it is like, I guess I'll just be miserable for an hour so that I can have these benefits later. You're like, oh, like, what is it like, like, doing the actual yoga,

    Emily Anderson 13:00

    so I can only speak for myself. For me, I think the first thing for me is that like I look at all as an experiment, like and I'm getting real time feedback from my body. And and I enjoy like the observation of like, what am I feeling right now. And so like, if I'm like sitting up and I'm maybe making a circle with my upper body, I like to be like, Oh, as I lean back to the right, I feel well pinchy you know, if I lean forward, I'm feeling sensation, and like my lower pelvis. And so I like that kind of mapping of the body that happens through movement. And for me, I find yoga, very calming, generally, there's also opportunities for it to be really energizing. And also, beyond the postures, there's things in yoga, like breath work and visualizations. And I use breath work a lot, not just in class time. But before sitting down to to meet with you, I did a little energizing breathwork, just to kind of get in the zone. So kind of seeing how my body is reacting in real time is one of the things I enjoy the most. And so I think it starts in sensations. But that can be really hard for people who maybe aren't having enjoyable sensations and a class like you are and also for folks who feel very disconnected from their bodies and might say I don't feel anything which is so common, like so much more common than I think, you know, individuals realize is that there are a lot people who feel very numb in their bodies. And that's there's nothing wrong with them. It's you know, there's nothing wrong with that, if that's a process, I would feel very numb on my body four or five years ago. So there have been times where I've shared that numbness. And

    KC 14:37

    I think also like if you feel like your body is wrong, or if you've been told a lot that your body is wrong. Like I think that's one of the things that happened for me is like it's the struggle to do certain things in the class is just this reminder, my body isn't right or that it's not good enough, which I think is difficult. So I interviewed a dance teacher recently and she walked like on the podcast. She walked me through dislike, she called it a brain dance, you know, where we just work, we're moving our bodies. And I felt it was like a really enjoyable experience. And then afterwards, I felt really good and really energized. And it really got me thinking about sort of this idea of, I always go back to this, like, how hard is something supposed to be because like, there's so much benefit to pushing yourself and you know, growing and you know, we don't get stronger. Unless we push a little we don't get flexible unless we push a little. And we don't, you know, even with our emotions, like we have to allow ourselves to get into that uncomfortable space to learn and grow. And I know that our bodies are the same. But like, I always wonder if, or I don't even know if you have an answer. Like if I'm in a yoga class, and I'm doing a pose, and like, the yoga teacher always has like, a certain amount of time that we're supposed to be holding the pose before she's gonna say, Okay, let's go. And so like when I get to the point of like, okay, this is now hard for me, how long after that? Am I supposed to be doing it? Right? Like, I don't want to just quit right then. Because I do want to learn and grow and get better. But I also don't want to, like, hold it so long that it's discouraging, or it's damaging, or it really like saps my, like motivation to even keep doing it. And like not enjoyable anymore. Like, I don't really know what the answer is there. Oh,

    Emily Anderson 16:17

    man, that's a great question. And I totally agree with you. I have OCD and I just finished exposure therapy, like a year of exposure therapy. So I'm right there with you with like, the value of pushing yourself right into those places that you can kind of prove to yourself, I can handle this, that's also a big part of working with people in chronic pain is creating a sense of safety, and then giving them opportunities to move into their pain a little bit more. And then they get to decide, you know, do I want to keep going or not? And I think that for your question, there's two parts to it, I would say that part of it is I would never encourage someone to push themselves into a place where they start to feel like they have to like they're stressing themselves so much. They're kind of leaving their body, that disassociation, I would always suggest staying in something to the point where you still feel present in your body. And I just had this experience because I sat in on someone's power yoga class where it was like, boom, boom, boom, like one pose, move, move. And I started leaving my body like I was like, I'm still doing these, you know, these poses at their behest, but I was no longer present in my body, I was out in the parking lot. And I had to reel myself back in and be like, okay, following this person's instructions is no longer a good fit for me. And that sense of autonomy, I think is really essential for people to be making informed decisions about how they want to push themselves. And that can be a conflict, sometimes in certain yoga classes if the teacher isn't giving you options. So if you're holding a pose, and that teacher is not empowering you that you can stop whenever you want to, and that there's no you know, it's not good or bad. If you hold the pose for five breaths, or 15 breaths, or 50 breaths, that's all morally neutral, how long you hold that pose for that gives you as a student more autonomy. And that way you can stay present in your body until you're like I've had enough. And then you feel empowered to have you know that you've had enough when someone is giving you instructions, and it feels like it is passed or fail that you hold this post or they say you're done. And that's a power dynamic that also can be really uncomfortable for people. So and people also need structure. So like in my classes, sometimes I'll say we're going to hold this pose for up to three breaths. But I also will be give them options like you can move in and out of the pose for those three breaths, you can do one breath, and then take a rest. Or you can use props, which a lot of yoga classes are not super prop savvy, so they don't know how to recommend props in the moment. And so giving people a lot of options is how you can empower them that they're in charge of their bodies, not the teacher, because at the end of the day, it should be you making those choices for your body.

    KC 18:59

    That's a really helpful like paradigm shift. Because you're right, it is like the whole time, all I'm thinking about is what is everyone in the class doing? When am I going to look silly? If I stop? Am I doing it right? And it's not me being in my body. And so I appreciate that shift of like, it's not necessarily about like getting the right answer like that. There's an objective moment where you're supposed to stop as much as like, if you can let go of the idea that there's a right and wrong or there's an objective or that like just be in your body and when the discomfort starts to take you out of that or whatever, like then you can just make a morally neutral choice one way or the other.

    Emily Anderson 19:38

    Yes. It's much more morally neutral. All of movement is much more morally neutral. Then like the conflict the current language around movement is right and so much of our like literature on Exercise and Movement is also like fear based in my opinion. If you're not walking 75 minutes a day, you're going to die. We're all going to die. And I think sometimes, you know, the language around movement and exercise gets caught up on this idea that we will somehow evade misfortune. And unfortunately, we can't guarantee that we're going to miss, you know, evade misfortune if we go for a run every morning, before 6am. So when we kind of take the stakes out of it, in my opinion, these high stakes is pass or fail, it lets people engage with movement in a way that's so much more natural and more individual centered. And I love powerlifting, I go to a personal trainer once a week, and those things are really great for me. And I love to having chances to push new weights and you know, try something different. But also, at the end of the day, like, if I can't lift as much as I did another day before, I don't think of myself as a failure. I don't think of myself as backsliding. It's just how I was in this moment that day. And so that's where I kind of seek my push these days, yoga is a little bit more of a down regulator for me, but there's other people where yoga is where they want to push. And for those people out, that's what I would suggest is it starts within you. It doesn't start with what the person who's leading the class is dictating.

    KC 21:09

    So I would love to hear a little bit more about what your classes online or like, and then I would also love to hear like if someone's listening, and they're going okay, like, then maybe I am willing to give yoga a try, like, what would I look for in a class? If I were to Google something? If I were to look, you know, walk by a studio, like what would I be looking for to find something that would be a good fit for this philosophy? Yeah,

    Emily Anderson 21:32

    so my classes, I teach online on Zoom for group classes, and then I also see private clients through yoga therapy online, my big tenants are that we should be having fun, we should have patience and compassion for ourselves. And that movement should be enjoyable, first and foremost. So my classes are not typically like a, you know, a push up class, my classes are like, literally called gentle all of them, you know, they have gentle in the title. And so even like in a class, like we have a gentle strength class, we might be doing a couple movements there or have opportunities to be more intense. But I also am always modeling the opportunities that are more grounding and relaxing as well. And my classes are mixed use chair and mat. So I have some students who are taking the classes in a chair or sitting on an exercise ball, I have some students who are on a mat. So I go back and forth between modeling the two. And it's a little bit different for people because I'm not always doing the exact same thing that maybe they're doing, if they're standing, I might be in a chair. But it's also a great way that people can learn to experiment. And that's a big part of my classes. Like I mentioned before, I love experimenting. And I think experimenting takes out that fear of failure, you can't do an experiment wrong, all you do is get new data from it. So the classes are in here, they're an invitation to be curious. And they're rooted in accessible yoga, which is not like a certain style of yoga, but it is a yoga training that I took and you could look up accessible yoga, it's really cool what they're doing. So it's making sure everyone's having an equitable experience in class, I'm never going to say if you can't do this, then just sit there and watch, which sometimes happens in a, you know, a mainstream yoga studio, they'll be like, if you can't do this, just take Child's pose

    KC 23:16

    that does happen. If you can't do this, go ahead and take the shame pose. Yeah,

    Emily Anderson 23:22

    go ahead and put your head on the floor. Don't look at anyone. And also like Child's Pose isn't restful for a lot of people, because it's also a very big stretch. So now you're uncomfortable and your knees hurt.

    KC 23:34

    Do people have their cameras on during your class?

    Emily Anderson 23:38

    It's a myth. There's some people I've been teaching for years. And I don't know what they look like.

    KC 23:44

    I will say like, that is such a huge difference maker. Like we got a peloton during the pandemic that we wrote a lot. And one of the things that I realized was like I'm in I don't actually do well with exercise, unless I'm in a class like I like the class environment. There's other people there as a teacher, there's this that the other but unless I'm already good at something, it's really intimidating to be in a class environment because everyone's at a different level. And I had this like moment of epiphany of like, This is so great, because I can go to a class but nobody can see me. Nobody can see if I have to stop. Nobody can see if I quit early. Nobody see if I'm like sweating through, you know, while they don't even break a sweat like so I really love that freedom to have your camera on or off because you're still with other people. You're still getting instruction. There's still like some structure around it. But I don't have to be perceived if I don't want to be no

    Emily Anderson 24:39

    and it makes it also I think so much easier for people like that if their partners or spouses or kids are coming through the room that they don't have to worry about like being distracting or keeping the square, perfectly pristine or peaceful and it's a very relaxed environment. I'm a relaxed, chatty person. My pets wander through class all the time. Sometimes my husband winds up wandering through because for some reason, so it's laid back. And it's really focused on making sure people are having an enjoyable experience. Like, truly at the end of the day, like, life is so stressful. I don't want yoga to be stressful for people. I want people to leave a class and be like, my favorite feedback ever was 120. They felt that they got a full body massage after class. That's my dream. For people,

    KC 25:25

    so where we'll put it in the links, but where do we find your class? If somebody wanted to try it? Yeah,

    Emily Anderson 25:31

    all bodies, welcome yoga.com. That's my website. And I have my like class schedule on there and bookings. And I also have a YouTube channel with free videos that I've made. They're not great quality, I learned it all on my own. So they're not yoga bite with Adrienne level quality by any means. But they have side by side chair and standing versions for most poses, so that everyone can join the class and doesn't have to feel like you have to be standing for them. Yeah. And it's also really fun to see like how the poses can be the same and look a little different. from chair to standing. I'm a firm believer that you can teach any pose in a chair, including crazy inversions, like headstand. And there's a way to bring those qualities into a seated position. So I'm really passionate about that. And

    KC 26:19

    if somebody wanted to look for something in their community, like what I look

    Emily Anderson 26:23

    for, yeah, and that's a great question. It's hard, because a lot of people use the term beginner's yoga or gentle yoga. And that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be an accessible class. So I always suggest checking out the accessible yoga website, that's kind of my go to and Googling accessible yoga in your city or town, because that will usually find someone who might be accessible yoga certified, also looking for people, like teachers who have additional certifications, like a chair yoga certification, also a trauma informed certification, which is kind of a big deal in the yoga community. It's kind of grown in the last 10 years, I would say that people are becoming more aware of traumas or you know, trauma informed care, because trauma informed, I think, lends itself to that idea of agency for the student. And that's a big part of trauma certification. So looking for individual teachers at studios, even if it's like a power yoga studio, they might have a teacher there with those with that background. So it does require a little bit of digging, but accessible yoga, inclusive Yoga, you can also check for chair yoga, and that teacher might teach other classes. And even if you don't want to do chair yoga, necessarily, you'll be with someone who is a little bit more adept at making adaptive classes.

    KC 27:38

    Awesome. Well, Emily, thank you so much. If somebody wants to follow you on social media, where would they do that? Yeah,

    Emily Anderson 27:45

    I'm at all bodies. Welcome yoga on Instagram, and I do have a Tiktok and I have an occasional meditation podcast called The softness. So those are always that I'm trying to share a gentler, a gentler, more peaceful form of yoga for folks. Awesome. Well, thank you for having me.

    KC 28:04

    Thank you.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
78: Western Therapy Doesn’t Work on Eastern Minds

Looking at the diverse aspects of mental health from different angles is part of what this show is about. Today’s episode features Soo Jin Lee and Linda Yoon, who are clinicians, therapists, Asian Americans, and the co-authors of Where I Belong: Healing Trauma and Embracing Asian American Identity. Join us to learn more about mental health and the Asian American community!

 

Show Highlights: 

●      How Soo Jin Lee and Linda Yoon met while working in a community health setting mainly with Asian immigrants and refugees in the US

●      Why Asian clients generally experience big stigma and shame around mental health care

●      Why there are common barriers to treatment for Asian Americans, including intergenerational trauma, racial trauma, migration trauma, and invisibility

●      Why therapists have to approach identity issues and family dynamics differently with children of immigrants

●      Soo Jin’s story of the extreme effects of growing up as an undocumented immigrant

●      How Soo Jin’s mother experienced “functional PTSD”---which led to intergenerational trauma in the family

●      How Linda experienced different kinds of intergenerational trauma, mainly due to domestic violence and abuse in her family

●      What is involved in breaking intergenerational family trauma

●      How their book addresses a community perspective on emotions and mental health

●      How practices like yoga and Tai Chi help create a somatic connection between trauma therapy and movement

●      Why everyone, including non-Asians, can benefit from reading their book

 

Resources and Links:

 Connect with Soo Jin Lee and Linda Yoon: Yellow Chair Collective Website, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook

 **Get the book, Where I Belong

 Mentioned in this episode: Teaching the Invisible Race by Tony DelaRosa

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust, welcome to struggle care, the podcast where I talk about mental health and self help and self care and wellness in general, but in a way that doesn't make me want to bother, because I sometimes don't like those concepts and when they get to the pop psychology level, so we'd like to dig into I always say we, I don't know why I've decided it's the royal we I like to dig into these topics from different angles. And I'm here today with Su Jin Lee and Linda Yun, both clinicians, therapists, Asian Americans, and we're going to talk today about their book where I belong, healing trauma and embracing Asian American identity, y'all, thank you so much for being here.

    Soo Jin Lee 0:45

    Thank you for having us. Thank you so much for having us.

    KC 0:47

    Tell me first how you guys met.

    Soo Jin Lee 0:50

    So we met working together at community mental health setting. And this was before we were a licensed clinician. And we were just working trying to achieve our licensure and community mental health setting that we met, we were working with majority of immigrants and refugee from the Asian community. And we started talking about the ways in which this system of health care in general, but mental health care specifically was not equipped to be able to serve the people that we were asked to serve. It wasn't well received. And what wasn't well received about it the way that psychology is presented in general, where the mind and body is completely separated. And we're just trying to talk about what are you feeling? What are you thinking was not a way that was very receivable for the clients that we were working with at the time. And then we also realized that the sense of community and that sense of belonging was really important for these refugees and immigrants that we were working with, and that portions were not being addressed through the individual therapy work that we were doing. And so it was really important. And we saw people come to light, like their mental and emotional well being was coming to light when we would host a community event actually. And when we would share food, when we can naturally talk about what they're eating at home and what they're doing at home. How are they having conversations with their children or their grandchildren, the language barriers, right, and these are all mental health issues that can be brought up in a more natural way that is more receivable for them. However, in a traditional very, very traditional sense, therapeutic work does not involve any of that eating even together with a client can be a little bit of a taboo subject. Right. And so then then i We're just having a lot of conversations around like, what are we not doing here? Right, let me pass it on to Linda and see if she has anything to add.

    Linda 2:48

    Yeah, I mean, traditional therapy models that was very Western and what we are taught in grad school, trying to do CBT on a client who's severely traumatized from the war, you know, back home, and there are children who had been affected by parents dissociating, it just wasn't working, that we just couldn't talk out their way through healing. Right. So and also big stigmatize big stigma around mental health care. So a lot of especially immigrant clients, or their immigrant clients, it took them so long to even get there. And they're coming with so much shame about their symptoms, what they have went through, even though it's not their fault, like what happened to them was not their fault. And we just have to figure out, like, we just cannot make them talk, they don't want to talk. And I cannot tell them to think differently. Because you know, what happened to them was just tragic, horrible. We just cannot talk our way out of it. So we start to look into like, works for them, what gets them, like what gets them to talk about their life a little bit more naturally, rather than like, feeling like they have to be forced, you know, being in one on one set? Yeah, cuz

    KC 3:58

    like traditional therapy, there's a lot of pressure. I mean, you're sitting across from someone and making eye contact with them. Typically, like as a therapist, we're not, you know, we might talk some, but we're just like sitting in a waiting room, and what's the trauma? And tell me the details? And what is it about, right? I mean, even therapists that are trying to do like somatic work with the body are still very individualized in this country, right, like, so this idea that the therapy process has to shift to include just bringing people in a community together to have a meal is seems so simple, and yet it's so profound. Exactly.

    Soo Jin Lee 4:36

    One of the things that you know, we're doing a lot and working a lot with is this concept of intergenerational trauma. And one powerful moment that I remember was this grandmother who was talking about her recipe and the way that her vegetables that she farmed back home just tasted so I'm different from the vegetables that she's mine here at the stores and being able to tell that story to her grandchild for the first time. And that moment, to me, it was like this is the definition of like wellness and the healing of intergenerational trauma. And so yeah, that moment just stayed with me. And those are the moments that we want to create more of

    KC 5:22

    facilitating that conversation between family members, is really different than just sort of eliciting that piece of information in a private therapy session where you know, you hear it and go, Oh, that must be hard, right? You don't like gray, that's a very individualistic killing. But there's something so healing on both sides about facilitating a conversation like that. Is it hard to work around some of the like, Western components of therapy, like, you know, confidentiality and boundary, you know, you brought up like, oh, eating with clients, or showing up in this casual way, and professionalism and all this kind of stuff? Like, have you run into barriers there? Or are there barriers you've had to break,

    Speaker 1 6:01

    I think we've had to have a little bit of flexibility, when it comes to trying to get a little bit creative, especially doing the community work. And being that ourselves, we acknowledge that we're part of the community too. And so that's also a conversation that we like to have with our clients initially, too, is I know that, you know, when we do get together in this space that we're creating together, the intention is that we might share a little bit more about ourselves than we would in just a traditional one on one therapy setting outside of this space that we're creating the confidentiality still stands, you know, the comfort level in which that you would like to engage with me outside of this space, right, this therapeutic space, it's still relevant until we talk about that as well. And what it means if we run into them, because we are in the same community, right? Like if I run into you at a friend's family's cousin's party.

    KC 6:54

    Interesting, and one of the things that, you know, as you write about intergenerational trauma, and you talk about racial trauma, and you know, racism and racial trauma is something that I have been learning more about in the past few years. But I'll admit, it's primarily something that I've been learning about in the context of the black community and the racism that people from the black community experience. What is it that is unique about the way that many Asian and Asian American communities experienced racism that we may not know or that might be kind of different?

    Linda 7:27

    Yeah. First of all, it's hard to just say, this is the experience. Of course, Asian Americans were not monolith. And it was very diverse. But the common theme that has been around for Asian community members has been invisibility. There's actually a book called Invisible race teaching invisible race in education, how to acknowledge and validate Asian American students in educational setting and the invisibility we actually almost named our book almost, you're not invisible. Our editor really like has like don't papel resonating title because Asians have resonated feeling like we were invisible, and it has many layers to it for longest time, especially for East Asians, but also south east and south Asians being impacted by model minority myth. We're expected to assimilate, put our heads down, follow the rules work hard, and not complain that model minority model citizen that put us to, you know, different level different light than other races in America, right. And that made us who even seem like there isn't racism, even though there were like, because Asians work hard. Asians not achieved like that kind of narrative that kind of their type have made Asian people feel like there is no racism or other races looking at Asian people, right. And like, there's no racism like if definitely have her like, oh, Asians, like honorary white people. So which also ignores a history of discrimination and marginalization that Asian community has to experience. And there's also diversity within Asian communities and different socio economic status to and what really brought the racism that does exist towards Asian American in modern day has been pandemic right COVID-19 And the nervous around like Asian people being bearers and there's a lot of anti Asian crimes and policies that we're trying to come out at a time that really, I don't think that was not new, that was always there. But it really just came out like up front become more blood racism that may have been more polite racism in some ways, or microaggression, or something that was ignored because of the stereotypes that we have Asian American communities have experienced. It's interesting to

    KC 9:48

    think about a prejudice and racism that's always there, but that is just brought more visible by certain you know, events because I do think that for a lot lot of people, they might have that impression of wow, you know, the pandemic really brought on a lot of anti Asian discrimination and racism. But as you talk about, you know, for those of us in those communities like we have always known that those attitudes were there, it sort of reminded me of, you know, post 911, when there was a lot of Islamophobia. And it wasn't, it's not that event made people hateful and racist, it's that it's almost like it gave people permission to start being more loud and visible and unapologetic, but it's not like those attitudes weren't affecting the way they were treating people before. One of the things that you also discuss about some differences is like migration, trauma. And being a war refugee, can you talk about what are you have this example that we talked about, I think it was Cambodia, and people who were refugees, and they messages that were passed on from generation to generation, and how unique of an experience that can be?

    Speaker 1 10:59

    Yeah, of course, you know, every cultural group under the umbrella of Asian and Asian American is so diverse. And this one example that came up for us, because we were like I said, Linda and I worked a lot with immigrants and refugees at the time. And one of the primarily huge group of people that we were working with at the time was from Cambodia. And we noticed that they were a first generation refugees that have come from Cambodia, and have experienced firsthand experience of the Khmer Rouge. Some of them are very young, like children at the time that they were experiencing what was going on historically, and they talk about all that they've been taken away from their family, their identity, even right and how their parents have to be in hiding, specially if they were educated, because they had to assimilate into be farmers. But the huge part of hiding their identity was part of the survival and to hide who they are associated with, even as family members, that was part of their survival during that time of war. And so that carried on with them as refugees, that to them, it felt really important that they continue to hide who they are, and then to be put into a place of practice in a therapeutic sense, where they're constantly prone to, to be asked to talk about themselves. That was a huge barrier in the mental health wellness journey that we were trying to guide them through.

    KC 12:26

    Yeah, and it's interesting how, you know, I could also see that if those were your parents, even though maybe you didn't firsthand experience, you know, war time and having to hide your identity. But if your parents did, and that sort of value becomes ingrained in the way they live, that comes also through and the way that you are raised. And so just some people have values like this, they maybe don't even know where they came from, but that are barriers to the way that we're trying to deliver, like mental health services in our country.

    Soo Jin Lee 12:57

    Yeah, for sure. One of the things that we are currently working a lot with our children of immigrants and the identity portion of who am I is a question that comes up a lot. I mean, I know who I am, like, I know who my parents are, I know where I was born, a lot of them also have been born in the state, but this identity portion of what I know who I think I am, however, historically, there's a lot of missing gaps of my family history and the way that my parents are acting or behaving, or have beliefs around certain things. And I really can't relate or understand where that is coming from. And that creates a lot of uncertainty and conflicts within the family dynamics. And so trying to understand that is part of the therapeutic work for a lot of children to immigrants want to

    Linda 13:45

    add. Susan has a very personal story that really illustrates no like what a lot of our clients also go through. Do you like to hear? Yeah.

    KC 13:56

    Not to put you on the spot. But

    Soo Jin Lee 13:59

    yeah, so for me, I grew up as undocumented immigrant actually. And that's another whole underrepresented community within Asian American community in particular, no, as you might see, in the media, the way that undocumented immigrants are portrayed tends to be, you know, they're violent, they're criminals. They're also a lot of them from like South America or Mexico cross trying to cross the border, right. That's what's been seen in the media. And so when I talk about my journey as an undocumented immigrant, the first reaction that I get, typically is what, wait, there are Asians that are also undocumented. And then there's curiosity that follows anyways. So the way that I was brought up also had a lot to do with surviving and hiding my identity, a part of my identity undocumented immigrant growing up in that family household meant that if I had mentioned anything to do with our legal status or portrayed that we were not school having any kind of status in any way, then that put my entire family at risk for being deported anytime of the day. And so I talked about this in the book to have like I purposefully had like dated a boyfriend that had a car so that he could drag me around in high school, because I couldn't get a driver's license, things of that nature that we try to get around. But this was this hidden secret this hidden what we like to call hidden ghost in the family that kind of lived with us and was weighing down in the way that I was interacting with my family. And they in turn, also interacted with me, my mom had a lot of trauma. And my mom had a lot of anxiety that had developed from this and she was displaying them in a very somatic sense, she would have a lot of pains in her body, she would have a lot of aches, she would have very severe insomnia, I would hear her in the middle of the night screaming and waking up because of her PTSD, too. But all of that I thought was actually very typical. Like I thought that was in many household. I thought moms are just supposed to not get enough sleep. I thought moms just have a lot of aches, because they give birth because they're always cooking. You know, they're always standing. I thought that was just part of what it means to be a mom. Well,

    KC 16:19

    and I mean, there are societal messages about that. That would totally make you think like, oh, yeah, overworked mom stressed neurotic. Like that's yeah, that's motherhood, yeah, drink a glass of wine.

    Soo Jin Lee 16:32

    Exactly. pour a glass of soda if you're Korean, like my mom. So, I as a teenager, I actually also started developing insomnia. And I also started developing some pains and aches, and I started hiding a lot of my emotions when I was in social settings. And I thought that was just everyone too. And I didn't know that that was what now I can say it's an intergenerational trauma.

    KC 16:57

    What's so interesting, as I listen to your story is reflecting back on things that we've already talked about, about how the western approach to therapy is not an appropriate fit, but also just our western conceptualization of disorder and disease. I mean, right down to, you know, the DSM definition of PTSD, you have to have first hand experience with death, dismemberment, or some near death experience, or you had to have seen it. And maybe you're a firefighter at the Twin Towers, like there's this qualifying about like, even if you have all the symptoms of PTSD, if you didn't experience this very narrowly defined, like definition of traumas, you don't qualify for the diagnosis. And it's really interesting for me to listen, especially. And I was thinking that even before you got to the part in your story where you said, and then I developed insomnia, and then I developed the anxiety, and then I'd write and yet, to the degree that it is helpful for there to be these like validating labels or these labels that can go oh, this is happening. And so these treatments might be helpful, or, you know, insurance might cover this treatment or whatever. It's interesting. How you, I mean, you absolutely are describing PTSD, if not complex PTSD. Exactly,

    Soo Jin Lee 18:14

    yes. And not only is it the what you mentioned, of like witnessing the or having, you know, experience near death experiences as part of the criteria, but also quote, unquote, like the functioning level, right has to be impacted, functioning, daily functioning has to be impacted. The thing is, in my story, my mom, even though she suffered insomnia, and had would get up in the middle of the night screaming, she would still get up in the morning and go to work, she would still cook for her family that was just part of her day to day still right. And in a quote unquote, functioning sense. She was very functional. Right in this society, like she still contributed to society, she still contributed to family, she still had relationships with us and her friends in a very minimal sense. But she did. And that's a pass to not have PTSD.

    KC 19:03

    I mean, how much of that is, though, like a person's ability to get up in the morning and keep functioning? Like, how much of that is? Oh, okay, so they must like be okay. But there's probably also a level there of even like a cultural prescription of No, I have to I have to hold it together. You know, we have to keep going. We have to sort of shut down some of these internal systems to keep going because the buck stops here, just from past trauma and things like that. So I mean, this is like a great example. And thank you so much for sharing that story. Because I feel like you can hear about what intergenerational trauma is, but I don't think even I had crystal clarity about what that looks like. Until you describe that story. I feel like that's a story you would like read in a textbook because someone is like, let me think of like, the perfect example of what this is, you know what I mean? Okay, so it makes sense to me then why? First of all, it makes sense that therapy in and of itself in the Western sense would be chromatic to someone who had gone through that, who was experiencing that. It's like if somebody said, you know, I'm really, really afraid of the dentist and I want to work on this phobia and you're like, oh, there's actually someone that works on that phobia. They're called dentists. It's like, wait, you just Yeah,

    Soo Jin Lee 20:15

    I absolutely love the way that you just describe that. Because I think for the longest time, Linda and I were avoiding calling certain models of therapeutic, you know, settings to be traumatic, because that would be going against what they were actually trying to do. But I love that you were able to just say outright that, you know, what we are doing can be traumatic to our clients. Yeah.

    KC 20:38

    And I'm thinking about, you know, some of the things we know about trauma being stored in the body and our brain system. And like the part of our brain, I know, y'all know this, but for the audience, the part of our brain that senses threat is different than the part of our brain that does like reasoning and logic and things like this. And when your brain is sensing threat, like information is delivered to your brainstem to that part of your brain that does fight or flight like fractions of a millisecond earlier than they hit like the thinking parts of your brain. And so like, it doesn't matter that you intellectually know that you are sitting in a therapists room in Kentucky, right, wherever you are at the time. But if somebody's questioning who you are, and who your family is, is something that has happened to you in a traumatic context. Like if you tell us who you are, your family will be in danger. If you reveal, you know, what you really think and who you really associate with? I mean, how is sitting in a therapist office being asked questions about yourself somatically feel any different than someone stopping you on the side of the road, you know, in wartime and saying, Who are you? What do you do? Who do you associate

    Linda 21:51

    with, and it doesn't even have to be like, more time to like, for me my story is a little different, where we have domestic violence, family violence that we experience, mainly because mainly from my father, who also been abused generationally just been passed down, right. And then my mother's side, watch her mom, and then my grandma's mom, you know, like woman have watched on their side being beat up and their kids being beaten up. So something that we immigrated, I didn't know that was something that not supposed to happen. I didn't know that was an abuse growing up, because that's what I live with. I hope all families secretly went through all this somehow, I thought it was normal, but also knew that it's not something you're supposed to talk about, right like this is going on. And I think this is no more because that's my experience. And that's all I know. But we also know like, just like Suzy mentioned earlier, it's like a ghost, you just don't talk about it, it happens. We don't talk about it, we pretend it didn't happen. And we will just never talk about it to other people. Because somehow I still know that I cannot talk about it. And it's terrible thing. And that's like a part of identity in some way. Part of my experience that I knew I wasn't allowed to share, especially after we immigrated to America, there was really, unfortunately, my dad have used our immigration status as like, hey, that I think that was the first time we actually talked about it, actually, that some kind of acknowledgement that there was abuse going on that he knows what he's doing that if we talk about him acting that way that we could be deported, you know, we will never have life in America that like we actually were loving and then really getting adjusted to and then that we will never have future in Korea, because at the time, though, is very competitive. And we were struggling in Korea. So in that way, it's just kind of a passing down on and that I have to hide and people asked me like, oh, what's going on? You know, what is that bruise? I have to kind of hide that and pretend it just didn't happen, just thinking that people will just get it without me saying it. Right. So like thing on that little bit.

    KC 23:49

    Gosh, and what I listened to that story, you know, so one of the things I think I shared with you guys is like I'm right in the middle of writing this book about relationships. And part of what the book is talking about is this struggle that we sometimes have balancing information that we know about trauma and mental health and wanting to be you know, understanding with the reality that when you have harm happening, it's not as simple as that person is good or bad. Sometimes it's not as simple as people who do harmful things are just morally wrong. You know, a lot of times somebody engaging in harm has themselves experienced so much trauma, and suddenly it gets really difficult to parse. Okay, so what does that mean about fault and responsibility and right and wrong and all these things, and, you know, a lot of what we've talked about is how the impact of how like a lot of the trauma is specifically a cultural trauma, something about war or immigration or these things, but there's also the kinds of trauma that you might see in any therapist office of any background, but it's cocooned in this cultural context and there to know, like, right, wrong, good or bad about the cultural influences, but it's a very unique thing to unravel. And it makes sense that if you didn't appreciate those things, or know those things, or know how to create an environment for someone to explore those, how difficult it would be to engage in a therapy process. Yeah,

    Linda 25:19

    definitely. Like my story definitely took a long time to impact whether it was in therapeutic setting or community setting, start talking about it, like am I even allowed to talk about it, or people don't just know this is happening. And there has been a lot more talks, even in Korea, like sometimes I look at Korean community news online, and that there has been a lot of Korean drama about like violence, they may experience in families and school setting. So things are being addressed and that things are changing in back in my native country. But when immigrants emigrate timecard stops here a little bit. And we have to figure out like, how do we process because the country may be progressing, but you're coming with whatever you brought it at that time you emigrated, and that you also tried to assimilate a culture rate. Right. I did talk about, you know, what you'd mentioned in the book about my process, I don't think it's done. I have process a lot. But I don't think it's done right how to really make sense out of all that, like, I also felt loved by my Father, like he did. He was a provider, he had a very strong sense that he had to give us the best education. And he was things that he never had, because he grew up really own impoverished household. And his father was really abusive to him, too. And to the point that he had gained some physical disability, because of due to that, in some ways, like, it's hard to say, because there was one point we did talk, my mom was able to talk to him about, like, hey, like, what you're doing is actually wrong, like after, after many years, and this conversation happened when we were adult, and this cycle of violence was still trying to happen. And he was trying to control us. And we were like, Okay, this is not okay anymore, like I'm an adult, and we're able to kind of gain like, where he was from how he was justifying it very confused in his state that he's like, but I'm better than my father. Right? I mean, and I remember things like, you know, just because your parents didn't break all the generational trauma doesn't mean they didn't break any. I mean, he could have definitely done more, like an abuse is never okay. Right. But like, in some way, he was trying, right. And he has no health therapy was stigmatized, mental health stigmatized, he buried all his emotions, all his pain, talked to nobody in just anger management has been a big issue because he didn't know how to process right. And it just generationally that kind of passed down on to there, there's a lot to unpack, because I know abuse was not okay. And that was not Aktobe love, but I also have really great memory where I know he cared for me and he still want, if something happens, he will come and then you know, help me, right? It's like really trying to figure out like, what is it is and it can be very confusing, but we know that things can coexist, even though it's very hard. Yeah, holding

    KC 28:06

    those two, they seem like they're opposing, right, but like holding those two truths of maybe they did break a lot of generational sort of traumas. And also, maybe they didn't break it off. Right. And the impact that that had isn't okay, or justified. And, you know, what do we I think about that a lot. I mean, I have my own family experiences about I've looked sometimes into people who have had an experience with abuse, where like, the person was just like, 100% malicious when 100% Just sociopathic wanting to hurt people, right? And I remember thinking like, even as a younger kid, not like, oh, that's like a better situation or a worse situation, or it wasn't that it was, at least there's is simple, like, there's a simple way to understand what happened to you, which is like a bad horrible thing happened from a bad, horrible person. And there's a simplicity to understanding that, you know, if you do experience abuse in the context of a person where you're going, okay, like, they loved me, and they hurt me. And they did a lot better than their parents, but they probably didn't do enough, but look how much they had to go through. And well, that doesn't justify it. And I love them. But I'm so upset with them. And it's like that. I mean, as you have just said, like you end up in adulthood going I don't know what to do with all these pieces. So let me ask you guys some more about the book. You talk about this process of moving from like an individual perspective to a community perspective. So what kind of things do you talk about in the book with that?

    Soo Jin Lee 29:37

    I think one of the things that is really important to us is community building, because there's not enough community I think that is meant for spaces to be able to openly talk about emotions and mental health. There's enough spaces where people can gather. And that's great. There's not enough spaces where those gatherings can make a safe net to have discussion about the things that actually are hurting us, though. And I think that's not just our Asian culture, I think that's just all across many other cultures as well. And so those are things that we like to talk about in the book of developing our own journey of individual identity journey. And then how do we create those spaces together so that we can create those safety nets, not just as therapists, but just as a member of a community, because I think those are things that are really important in our culture, to be able to continue to have healing is that we take on the ownership of saying, You know what, I've suffered this and I understand where their suffering is coming from, and I want to be able to talk about it together with all their people that have gone through this journey. Speaking

    KC 30:43

    of like, community oriented things, I remember that you mentioned bringing in yoga, as like you said, something that was really stuck with me, you were referring to I don't know what group of people were you were working with at that moment. But you said what they lost was very somatic. You talk about that, because that to me was such a powerful sentence, especially in the context of thinking about, oh, we'll just put somebody in our office and let them talk about it.

    Soo Jin Lee 31:09

    There is a lot of I've been thinking a lot about this. I've been reflecting a lot about somatic and movement in our bodies recently, and the way in which what Linda had mentioned about, particularly with immigrants and refugees, once that migration happens, they tend to be stuck in that period of time or that space, like that mindset. And we know that as therapists and psychologists that that's coming from this space of trauma, right, you get stuck in that space, You're reliving that time and space over and over again. And I've been thinking about how to create movement out of that stuckness. And working with people, especially elderly that have been in that stuckness for such a long period of time, how do we create movement out of that space, and talking wasn't going to be doing it. And I realized, there's so much that we're developing to learn that mind body connection, and the movement of body needs to happen in order for the mind to get unstuck as well. And so Yoga and Tai Chi was one of the things that we had introduced in this wellness retreat that Linda and I had put together for our nonprofit. And that space was to create intergenerational conversations internally and externally as well. And we started the setting with either people being able to choose yoga or tai chi. And it was really great, because the younger generation was saying, I've been curious about tai chi, and I see it in the parks. Like if you're in the San Gabriel Valley in the LA area or something, you'll see Tai Chi happening all over these parks with elderly ease, and really amazing because they have this flow of movement that feels so natural to our body. And yet we've lost that ability even to allow ourselves the permission to do that to free flow in a way and to regain that understanding where how Taichi is taught, but also to go through that movement together. intergenerationally, right. There were elderly folks and younger and children that were participating in this together and to create that space was so healing just for me to even watch. So who would you say this book

    Linda 33:26

    is for? I will say everyone we did write this specifically speaking to and centering Asian Asian American voices in the US. However, we also have been hearing from people who are not ancient, whether there are educators, therapists or community leaders reading the book, and letting us know how much they have learned how much perspective they have gained. And they feel more prepared to work with their students, their clients who are of Asian diaspora, and it gives them more content understanding about them, too. So that's why I would like to say everyone can benefit from reading the book,

    KC 34:04

    I love the way that you've done that where you've said, this book is going to give some frameworks to help the individual like work through and move through these frameworks and concepts. And it will inform like you said, therapists and leaders and anyone who wants to be better in their jobs, like

    Soo Jin Lee 34:23

    there's a lot of comprising factors in the book. And we made sure that there's something for everyone. And so even if you're not interested in perhaps in the psycho educational portion of the Book, even if you're just reading through those stories, individual stories, those are ways that you can still learn so much and gained so much out of the book and understanding our community.

    KC 34:47

    So let me ask you one last question, because I want to be respectful of your time when you were writing the book, what kinds of things were you considering? Because this could have been written as a textbook, right? Like you could have done it in that sort of like Western psychology book approach, but you guys have, obviously personally and professionally, your whole journey is about recognizing how that's not working. So how did that inform how you wrote the book and how you're presenting the information, we

    Linda 35:15

    wanted to create a resource for general public, especially for Asian and Asian American individuals and communities, but also people who are interested in learning more and understanding more our diaspora experiences to in there are textbooks out there. And we didn't want to be a textbook, we want to make it accessible. What we were looking for was that we couldn't find ourself I like something general papalii trauma book for Asian Asian American experiences, there wasn't any. And it's actually the first book that is written for that. And to do that we couldn't make this as the textbook and Susan and I were just not a textbook people either. I'm sorry, to all the textbook writers out there.

    KC 36:04

    Like, yeah, love, yeah, couldn't be me. And

    Linda 36:07

    also, we want to make this as experience as if you're going through one of our community groups that are being in the community, healing with the community reading other people's stories here, you know, being shared and also sharing your story. There are journal prompts, reflective questions, mindfulness exercises, you can gain, and we wanted it to be like you are in our community group that we have received so many feedback about, like how valuable that experience was, and we want to make that accessible in a book format. The vulnerability

    Soo Jin Lee 36:38

    of being able to go through the journey of healing means that I have to be able to be willing to open up to myself first about what that trauma looks like, my parents trauma looks like what my grandparents trauma looks like. And to do that, with that we witnessed that people are able to get to that place if other people's stories are being reflected of their own. And so then we're able to actually see ourselves in other people's stories. And so that is why we wrote the book in the way that it gives you that journey of other people's vulnerability being displayed. And you can see yourself being reflected in other people's stories. And then we hold that space through exercises and journal prompts so that you can go through whatever healing looks like for you.

    KC 37:30

    That's wonderful. Well, thank you all so much, and I know the book is on Amazon, I'm sure that it is also hitting bookstores and you know tell people where they can where they can follow you and if they want to learn more about you and then I will just plug one more time the book is where I belong healing trauma and embracing Asian American identity Okay, where can they find you guys

    Linda 37:48

    so the book information can be found where I belong the book.com it has all the information of the bookstores you can purchase book from and our book tour that we are currently on. We may be in the city near you will love to see you and other informations as well. And for our practice our practices call it yellow chair collective. You can follow us on Instagram tick tock or Facebook or yellow chair collected calm.

    KC 38:15

    Wonderful. Thank you all so much.

    Soo Jin Lee 38:17

    Thank you so much for having us.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
77: ND Like Me with Frances

My guest today is content creator, Frances, from TikTok. She most often covers topics related to Black maternal health and mental health, but today we venture into her personal experience in being a neurodivergent Black woman. Join us!

 Show Highlights: 

●      How Frances is affected by neurodivergent issues like dyslexia, sensory processing disorder, and stimming (There is much more to neurodivergence beyond ADHD and autism!)

●      How a knowledgeable teacher caught Frances’ problems early in elementary school

●      How differences in cultures play out in the ways neurodivergence might be manifested

●      Why there are many shortfalls in identifying learning disabilities because too many teachers assume the problems are behavioral

●      Why it is difficult as the parent of a neurodivergent child to find balance in privacy, protection, and sharing information with others

●      Frances’ opinions on her childhood accommodations that were most impactful and least impactful for her

●      How Frances functions with accommodations in the workplace as an adult

 Resources and Links:

Connect with Frances: TikTok

 Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:04

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And today we are talking with content creator, Francis. She usually talks about black maternal health and mental health on her page. But today we're going to talk about her personal experience with being neurodivergent. Francis, thank you so much for being here.

    Frances 0:21

    Thank you for having me, Casey.

    KC 0:24

    First off, if anybody wants to follow you and hear your awesome conversations about your experience with black maternal mental health, that's like such an alliteration term for me. So to like, slow down when I say Where can they follow you.

    Frances 0:37

    So she's having a baby on Tik Tok, and YouTube, Instagram, and she's having a baby everywhere. And I would love for you to come by and learn some more about that if you're interested.

    KC 0:48

    And not just mental health, but like physical health as well. You talk about maternal health, maternal

    Frances 0:52

    health, like prenatal labor and delivery, how to advocate for yourself for you and your infant, how to build community while you're pregnant. And then the disparities for black woman in particular. So it's good stuff over there.

    KC 1:05

    Okay. So I want to jump in by saying that when you and I first talked about, hey, let's talk about like my personal experience being neurodivergent. And I out the gate was like, So when did you get your ADHD diagnosis, which I think is funny because you don't have ADHD. And you're not autistic? Ah, but like, that's right, where our brains go. When we think neurodivergent when someone says neurodivergent, we automatically think of those two things, even though I know full well that there's more than just that, but that's still kind of where our minds go. So tell me what your diagnoses are.

    Frances 1:38

    Okay, so I have a couple. So I have dyslexia. And I would say, that impacts my daily life, the most having dyslexia. And then I have sensory processing disorder, which is had different names with that's what it's called. Now, those are the two that impacted me the most. And then I have, it's also my, it's a stem, so I stem a lot with my hands, but I have a lot of like loss in my fingertips, like feeling loss. And I've had that since I was an infant. And so I definitely it's feeling things and I'm very sensitive to certain like sensory, so a lot of like sensory processing, things I don't want there. But dyslexia is definitely the one that impacts my daily life the most.

    KC 2:21

    That's so interesting, because I also have dyslexia, most people know that I have ADHD, but a lot of people don't know that I also have dyslexia, dis calcula, and auditory processing disorder. And I would say that like of my little jumble bag, dyslexia probably affects me the least. So I just think it's interesting that people can be different, you know, if for like, their experience with whatever neurodivergent diagnosis they have. So tell me when you were diagnosed with all of those, I was

    Frances 2:49

    diagnosed, they the dyslexia was picked up, like officially with like an IEP. And like on paper in third grade. Again, it was so disabling for me and held me back so much in learning, they originally assumed that I couldn't see, like, she can see, I literally cannot process the information from paper in my head, and then put it back on paper, like that just wasn't working at all. And when you are in elementary school, that's pretty much all you're doing is you're copying you're reading, and then you're like putting it in your brain, and then you're putting it back down on paper. So I got that diagnosis, and third grade, and sixth grade, I got the sensory processing disorder, like written into the IEP, which obviously also affects like how I'm getting the information, like if the teacher is talking, how I'm consuming the information and kind of having let the readers rotate it back out that I cannot do that. If words are involved. It has to be one or the other. So I have to either be able to see the person's mouth, and listen to what they're saying. Or I can be reading on the paper, but I cannot do both like that fill in the blank. Nope. Not gonna happen. And

    KC 3:58

    so they picked up on those things. It's interesting. Those were the early ones. For me, it was the dyslexia, disk calculation and auditory processing disorder. Those were the ones that were caught in early elementary school for me too, because they are so directly related to your like immediate performance and writing and reading and all those sorts of things. So what kind of, well, you have a kind of an interesting story, I think about how they got caught, because it's just sort of known if you look at some of the research and things that young black children are less likely to have their learning disabilities caught and are more likely to get labeled with behavioral disorders, right. And so whether they have ADHD or they have autism, or they have dysgraphia, dyslexia, all those like they are less likely to be accurately identified as having those diagnoses when they do often get slammed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or some other conduct disorder.

    Frances 4:54

    Absolutely. I would not have gotten diagnosed if my teacher specifically one was in getting her master's in identifying and treating learning disabilities and neurodivergent disorders that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella. So I could have gotten our school separated you by teacher by last name, so I could have got any teacher, but I happen to get a teacher who was actually actively studying that was interested in that and caught it. So it wasn't a parent, it wasn't like anything like that it wasn't like a pediatrician. Or it was literally like I was in the right class at the right time with the right teacher getting her master's and as a millennial look goal for at least in my experience, as a black child with learning disabilities, the goal seems to be passing and disciplining us, like, okay, like, You're not acting like all the other kids like you're not acting like all the other kids in class, this has to be behavioral. This has to because your home life this has to be because you don't understand. There's no way that your brain works differently. And so I'm very lucky. And I've never actually met another black neurodivergent person that was diagnosed before they hit puberty. So normally, it's like, oh, I got a diagnosis at 15. Or I got a diagnosis at 14, I got a diagnosis at 30. But I've never met a nother dark skinned black female that was diagnosed so young. I've never,

    KC 6:24

    it's scary to think how much of your childhood your future like comes down to the luck of coming across someone that knows what that looks like. Like, that's not something that is like well baked into our school system. That's not like like the school that my kid goes to. There's like a screening process that all the kindergarteners go through for I know at least for like gifted and talented where they're trying to go through and go like, okay, these kids need to be in gifted and talented, these kids might need something remedial. And then they kind of drill down on are they're learning disorders, or they're like there's a process there. Right? When you go to the pediatrician, at least for autism, there's a process baked in, you have a certain screening every child at 18 months gets a screening with their pediatrician. I mean, it's just it's baked in there are so many of these things that are like I think about like fishing nets, basically, like we just drag the whole population and see who we catch. But there are so many, I think, because of the history of learning about certain neurodivergent sees and how we've so historically concentrated on what they look like in white males. And to a slightly lesser degree, but more than everybody else, white females, you know, we don't have good system wide approaches for actually identifying children of color. No.

    Frances 7:43

    And I think sometimes people will think that they have like an expertise in treating or cues for every race when it's really just a race. So it's like maybe you studied in a certain region of the United States, and you grew up in a Korean neighborhood, and you also speak Korean, and you're married to someone who's Korean. So like, you know, the nuances of the language and the culture, but then that person might try to get a job and a historical black neighborhood and a predominantly black elementary school and think they're equipped. And knowing all the nuances in the black culture. And I see that a lot. And educators who diagnose learning disabilities under an emergency, it's like, it's not a catch all. Like there's so many diverse, so different. And I think there's just like, just with diagnosing lots of times, just like boxes that they're checking, it's like, okay, when you're talking about diagnosing and treating and noticing neurodivergent see in others, that can also look different, because our cultures are different.

    KC 8:49

    Even just thinking about like autism and eye contact, and we know that not every autistic child avoids eye contact. But if you think about like, even with your example, like a lot of Asian cultures treat eye contact very differently. And so you can't just be looking for eye contact differences, right? You can't just be looking for, you know, does this person interrupt? Oh, that might be ADHD because certain cultures are more interrupting cultures, right. And I'm also thinking about like, one of the things that's really in the headlines right now is how far behind a lot of our kids in the US are in reading. I don't know if you've seen this is like news story after news story on like, okay, and they'll interview a teacher, like alive have fifth graders and they're reading a third grade level, and it's like, poised as this crisis. And I can imagine that if you're a teacher that teaches students and you're having a lot of them be behind in reading that it might be really difficult. Like if you're a kid that's dyslexic to slip through the cracks, because you just get lumped in with Oh, yeah, all these kids are behind these parents aren't reading to them that COVID really messed everything up and it's really easy to just go Oh, yeah, they can't read.

    Frances 9:55

    Absolutely. It also reminded me someone told me this and it's never left my brain. They were like White kids who are a homeschool get are easily getting diagnosed with nerd emergency than black kids in public school. And I never forgot that. And it just shows there's that assumption of like, you don't want to listen or aren't trying, or there's other factors that or contribute to this not like, you know what, let's go ahead and see if we can get an evaluation. And I just that's never left my head. And

    KC 10:24

    there's so much to be said about, like, the different ways that all of those like different neurodivergent diagnoses can express themselves. Like you can have a kid with ADHD that is really, really sensitive, that is maybe quiet, because there's a lot of daydreaming and distraction that maybe struggles with some perfectionism is really hard on themselves. And that is easier to see as something that needs help. Versus a kid who has ADHD is expressing, as you know, not paying attention and throwing spitballs and, you know, scribbling on their paper, and it's like, that's annoying, and so much of this, right. And not to mention that if you have a kid that can't read because of dyslexia, but they're a child, and they don't know that that's why they can't read, they just know they can't do it. And maybe that's embarrassing, or maybe that's frustrating. Nobody likes to do something they can't do. And they don't know why they can't do it. They just know they can't do it. So there might even be behavioral issues that come from that and being able to figure out, is the behavioral thing, the issue? Or is that just a child's reaction to a real and a learning disability? That's happening? Absolutely.

    Frances 11:34

    And I think this is a part also about getting a diagnosis young that can be that I don't really hear a lot of people talk about is, it can kind of feel embarrassing, because, you know, nowadays, I feel like there's a lot more sensitivity around just like privacy and not making kids feel singled out. But I remember like specific instances in school where they would have me sit at a different table by myself, because I was taking the test different. And I remember just feeling so bad about myself during those times it feeling like I was a bad kid. Because when do you normally have to sit by yourself

    KC 12:13

    when you're being bad? When you're being punished? Yeah, though,

    Frances 12:16

    I felt so bad about it. So now they're not really doing that anymore. They're not like, Okay, if you have dyslexia stand up.

    KC 12:25

    Give up got the weird brain, we're gonna put you in this other class. Yes.

    Frances 12:29

    So I'm so grateful that they're not doing that anymore. But I think sometimes with there's almost this like honor and pride in people who are like late diagnosed neurodivergent adults, it's like, like, the stars are lining. And I think for some of us that are adults who've been living with our diagnosis our whole life. There's an awful lot of trauma there. And I think sometimes parents and adults think, Oh, well, everything would have been great if I had this diagnosis early. Which Yes, there are so many tools, like your life could look very different. But there's so much trauma with that early diagnosis for Millennials and Boomers. Because it was during a time where there was no sense of autonomy and privacy and like gentleness to

    KC 13:16

    it. I'm so glad you said that. Because you're right. I talked to a lot of people who are late diagnosed, and I myself late diagnosed my ADHD and there is this grief of like, How could my life have been different if I had had the help I needed early? Right. And one of the things I did a lot of interviews of autistic adults. And at the end, I always asked them, you know, what would you tell a parent that feels hesitant about getting their child a diagnosis, and every single one of them said, Oh, my God, please get your child a diagnosis, please let them afford them a diagnosis like it would have changed everything for me, you know, I would have avoided so much trauma, if I had this diagnosis, I really appreciate you bringing up that point. Because that's something that I've thought about too, where it's like, you know, getting an early diagnosis doesn't necessarily mean you're not going to have trauma, it just means it's going to be different trauma. And not everybody who's neurodivergent is going to be traumatized by it, that we're not saying that. But like at the end of the day, I think sometimes it's easier to be angry that you could have had it different, you could have had a different than to sit with the real grief of actually no matter what, it's really hard to have a different brain in this society. It's like maybe would have struggled no matter what maybe you would have struggled worse, maybe better, maybe the same, but just in a different way. And that I think is hard.

    Frances 14:30

    It is. And I think also when we look at when people are like, Oh, my life could have been better. It could have been different, especially when you're talking to someone who doesn't have a diagnosis or isn't neurodivergent at all, like you know, it doesn't make sense to me when parents don't get a diagnosis or like it doesn't make sense. It's like okay, you're also assuming that your parent is going to accept your diagnosis my family didn't accept might still have it still has not accept that my brain works differently and I'm a grown up with children and several college degrees. And still, I'm having the conversation of like, that doesn't work for me what you want me to do, my brain cannot do that in the speed in which you want me to do it. I'm sorry, it's not going to work. So it's not to take away I do believe in early diagnosing. I think it's really important. I do also think we make this assumption that parents are going to accept that early diagnosis. And when I say except, I mean, not try to cure you, because that's the other end of it, right? So you get early diagnosis, and your parents may say, Okay, I want to get my child accommodated. I want to make sure that I take classes and I see you, and I give you all the things and do all the things right. I'm your number one cheerleader, we're number one advocate. And then you have premarital go the other way that are like, Okay, well, then I want to share this, I need them to stop swimming. I just want them to stop doing what they're doing with their hands be normal. Yes. And then you have other parents who are just like, that's a school problem. I'm gonna feed you, I don't want to mess anything up. So I just want everyone to just take it easy on themselves. Like, just try to take it easy. I think

    KC 16:02

    there's some relief in you know, maybe you weren't, maybe you weren't robbed of some better life. Like maybe life is just hard sometimes. And you know, it's that's like sad and relieving. Sometimes weirdly, at the same time. And I think like as a parent of neurodivergent children, like, even when you're trying to do it, right, there is no handbook because like, what I find myself in this situation, it's like, okay, I hear autistic adults, and adult ADHD or like talk about, I wish that my parents would have recognized that I was different. And so that I didn't feel weird and sort of like hidden and that I didn't understand, like, I wish that it would have just, it wouldn't have been like a dirty word, it wouldn't been talking to whisper. So it's like, oh, okay, so we want to be open about this, we want to talk about this from a young age, we want to recognize that you are different and bring in those accommodations, at the same time you're going okay, but like, I also don't want to create this situation where a child feels like they're everything is about their diagnosis, or that mom has to tell every passerby on the street about their diagnosis. You know what I mean? Like, even with babysitters, here's like a good example. So like, my children are three and five. And my daughter, many people who interact with her for a couple of hours, especially if they're not super knowledgeable about autism may not pick up that she's autistic people that know about autism do but like, you're gonna get what I'm saying. And so, when we get a new babysitter, especially one that maybe is just going to be there for a couple of hours, while I'm home, there's always this like, do I tell them because on one hand, I want them to know that she's autistic. And so you know, if she seems like she's not responding to you in the way that you're used to? That's what that is, on the other hand, is that like, what is the impact of that, where it's like, this is my daughter, she's autistic. This is my daughter, she's autistic, like this needs to be front and center all the time, all the time, all the time. And so as a parent, like finding that balance of like, it's not hidden. It's not a bad word, we celebrate this thing about you and sort of this, what can be like this icky? Let me tell everybody your medical information. There's no guidebook to how to do that, right.

    Frances 18:08

    It's hard because especially in the age of, and I was actually really grateful. I had one of my followers on Tiktok messaged me, and she has a son who is an adult with autism, and he's nonverbal. And she was like, I really want to share my story, but I don't want to overshare and she sent me this, like a novel about like, her concerns and everything. And I said, Okay, do you want me to respond to you this as a fellow content creator? Or do you want me to respond to this as like a very protective parent? Like, how do you want me to receive this? And she's like, Oh, well, that was like, Oh, okay. I said, I'm gonna be honest with you. There is not a lack of information on autism on the internet. I do not think you sharing videos of how your adult child processes the day I go, but one thing I do know is that now everyone is seeing their moment everyone is seeing their story. I said, I don't think there's anything wrong. If you want to share how you organize doctor appointments, or maybe how like you spend time alone to decompress that night like that is I would love to know how you decompress that night. Like that is fine. And I think that's the tricky part, especially as millennials is that we're having this very real conversation about privacy for ourselves and for our children. But then at the same time, you want to make sure that you're protecting them and you almost don't want to feel like you're setting your child up like Well, Mom, why didn't you mom? Right?

    KC 19:38

    I even feel weird like mentioning it right now. Like I don't know how she's gonna feel about her diagnosis her neurodiverse like do I like is it weird and then I would think about my other kid like is my other kids gonna grow up and read my content be like shit mom, you ever talked about me? Right? You always talked about the other one and I don't want the other one. Be like you only talked about me when you were saying I was autistic. It's like I'm sorry. I don't know, man. We're all doing the best. We You can, it's so tricky,

    Frances 20:01

    but the beautiful thing about it, and I will just like say this like off cuff. And this is what I ended what I told her, I said, I should not recognize your child in public, if you truly want it to be privacy if your concern is privacy, and I do think is also a little different. When you're talking about an adult who doesn't use the internet and can't verbally consent, I said, I should not recognize your child in public if the goal is ultimate privacy. And I was like, That's my rule of thumb. I didn't want anyone to be able to recognize my family and public, maybe me, but not my family. And that's just for safety. And I tell people, you have to do what everything is best for you and your family. But in the last five years, we've moved four times, we're a military family, I'm constantly moving, I don't have a big network and safety net where I physically AM. So for me, privacy is very important for also just my safety. So everyone has to do what's different for them. But I understand being diagnosed and being a parent of a child getting a diagnosis, especially when it's new. And at the beginning stages is the loneliest place on earth. It's lonely. So the instinct to want to reach out and build community or the instinct to be like, if I would have known this five years ago, what is like helped me so much. I want other parents to know, there is nothing wrong with that desire. That's called being a human being wanting to see other people when it's called being a human wanting to help someone avoid heartache is called being a human.

    KC 21:27

    You're right that like there are ways that we can do that locally. Yes, with families in our community. Even if it is online. Having a closed group of online mothers or fathers supporting each other is different than making tic tock videos that every Sam dick and Sally it can like scroll upon. Yeah, that's really good. I don't want to miss, I want to definitely get to these other questions that I have for you. Because I think it's interesting to hear, you know, it's not sorry, thing. Okay, I love the tangent. But I want to get into talking about the kinds of accommodations that you had as a child, because a lot of people, especially if they're later diagnosed, don't even know what kind of accommodations are out there. And I think also a lot of parents go, well, what's the point of this diagnosis? What are they going to do about it? Right? So tell me some of the accommodations that you had as a kid,

    Frances 22:13

    okay, I will tell you about go from most impactful to least impactful. You think that's okay, being able to walk. So I had a little book, little notebook, and all I had to do is raise my hand. And that just meant okay. She just needs gonna walk. So I would walk from one classroom to the other. So they had a teacher at one end of the hall that knew I was able to walk the hall, I would leave my class walk down the hall knock on the window of the other class. So then that that let the teacher know I did a three knock, then they Oh, okay, Francis is on a walk. She needs to she's overstimulated. She just needs to go on a stroll. That was huge. That was life changing tests. And quizzes for me, were very hard. When I was in it a timed environment with my dyslexia and trying to process information, I almost felt like the room was getting smaller and smaller and smaller when it was timed. And this also helped with I could never do Scantron. So that's the second thing. So the walks not having to use Scantrons. I think a lot of times people get scared when they hear there's something their child just can't do instead of okay, but what can you do, right? Like at the grand scheme of things doesn't matter if you can use a scantron like, does it really matter? Yeah, but that I didn't realize how for me disabling that was like, I'm looking at the tests. I'm looking at the quiz the answers A and having to keep my eyes level number one is a and keeping the lines in order. I was doing bad on exams when I did need to so that accommodation, if I didn't have that combination, I probably wouldn't have gotten a college that followed me even to the LSAT. And through college, I did not use Scantron test anything that had to take it from one paper to the other. I did not do

    KC 24:05

    so you just got to circle it on the paper itself on the paper.

    Frances 24:09

    If there was something where they were like, Oh, you got an essay, you got to write it in a blue book. I did not do that either. I verbal it I did it verbally to the professors. At the end of it like end of the day. So I had a scheduled time with my professors where I would go there was the like secretary for the different departments. They would give me my exams in college and I would verbally give them the answer. That's so cool. No writing, couldn't do it. Never got to do it. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. At its second grade. Couldn't do it in sixth grade. Couldn't do it in eighth grade. I have my bachelor's in history. I spent an hour verbalizing my thesis wasn't going to happen. It wasn't gonna happen. So those two modifications changed my life.

    KC 24:51

    That's so cool. There was a girl so I had dyslexia and I ended up being in like a summer remedial program. Okay, where You know, you go and you have to do like a lot of workbooks with one on one with like this person, and then you get like points and then you get stuffed animals for like doing this schoolwork in the summer, whatever. That was really revolutionary for me. But I remember there was this other girl in my class that has dyslexia. And I mean, you have to remember, for those of you listening, this was maybe early 90s, right? Like early to mid 90s. Okay, so like laptops are not a thing, right? That's not a thing. Okay? The internet has not been invented yet. Now, don't get me wrong, laptops exist. But it's like a very rare thing to see one. They're a very like, expensive thing. However, the one girl in my class that had dyslexia, they would always bring in a laptop for her for tests, because her accommodation was that if there was writing, she got to type it. Because when she wrote there was a you know, like, the actual letters and flipping and all this stuff. And so, but they didn't show up when she was typing. And I mean, they were so rare to see that that's why it like stuck in my head, because everyone was like, Why do you have a computer?

    Frances 26:03

    Right? What is it? That's it's modifications are good thing. accommodations, and modifications are a good thing. And I wish more people understood that. Did

    KC 26:11

    you get moved? Like did you have like a special seat in class at all?

    Frances 26:16

    No, if there was a class that I had teasing in, I do remember a few times where I would be to use for like doing things different. And I noticed that when that would happen, they would move me towards the back. And like the teaser towards the front. And I think that was just because I least Millennials well done, they can't see you. Yeah, we can't see what I'm doing. Got it. And then also, I think for like millennials, at least for us, the teacher's desk was typically in the front of the class. And so the back is kind of like where you got to like kick it and like pass notes and eat candy. It was kind of like a punishment to be in the front. So if I was like, teased, or whatever, they would move the dish like the whoever was teasing me towards the front of the class, which was in my IEP, that I have very real emotional reactions to being singled out and teasing. So that is something that was in my IEP by fourth grade, which I'm very grateful for, because I thought it's amazing. I spent almost all the third grade not talking because I got teased for writing my I wrote my name, I misspelled my name, I was so distracted by like this exam I was doing and I was like, so nervous about messing things up. I like, forgot the arm like it was I spelled my name wrong. And I was teased for it. And I was like, done, not talking, not participating, not trying, I just destroyed me. So have there's nothing wrong with recognizing that your child has big feelings when it comes to their diagnosis. And just like think about it, there are adults who can't go through the workday if their phone dies, or they leave their phone at home. So do expect your child to be at school for eight hours, and feel different, and then have to have the maturity to handle feeling different. And also people sing that they're different is a lot to put on just like a little heart and a little brain. So I would encourage anyone that if you are getting modifications and accommodations to your child's IEP, the goal should just be educational, and be just for them to assimilate, I definitely encourage you to just make sure that you're checking for their mental well being as well. And that can simply look like okay, if there is a disruption in class, my child doesn't like to be stood up for in front of an audience. So if there's, if they're getting picked on because of their neurodivergent, see, or whatever it is, it's better. If you talk to this student, that's being mean to my child, talk to them in private, but if you stop the whole class to be like, No, don't make fun of Francis, like that is going to cause a lot of emotional distress. That should be an IEP that should be

    KC 28:53

    in there. Yeah, for sure. Did you have did your school do a lot of reading out loud, like, you know, when they call I think they call it like popcorn reading where each kid would have to like read. And then you didn't have to do that I

    Frances 29:02

    didn't have to do that they for what winds up happening is third, fourth and fifth grade. They tried to make me and then I got to sixth grade. And I just had a conference. And I just broke down and I was like I can't we had a substitute teacher. I'll never forget it. I refused to read. So she made me stand for the rest of the class. And I was so traumatized. And I was so embarrassed. I just stopped doing schoolwork at school like I just refused to participate at like in that class. And then it finally came out in a little like conference meeting and I just started and my teacher was surprised like I've never seen you cry before and I was just like so excited like she made me stand. Oh, and I'm so grateful because this teacher took it seriously that substitute teacher was no longer allowed to substitute any classes I was in they took it very seriously and yeah, I just they were like, once they got to the root Why didn't want to read out loud. They also came to the conclusion once I did aren't reading out loud. All I was doing was causing me pain and embarrassment. And it wasn't learning anything. Like, we can just get her she can just read to herself or by herself or read at home, there's really not what is a 10 year old really learning from reading out loud. with dyslexia, with such a strong emotional reaction to being embarrassed while reading out loud. I knew the words, I was passing my spelling test, I was at the appropriate reading level. So this was just an exercise that was causing me trauma. So they stopped making me do it. And you know, I can read, I'm fine. I made it through.

    KC 30:37

    Okay, so moving past school age, what kind of accommodations did you get when you moved into a professional workplace,

    Frances 30:44

    I would say probably the biggest accommodations? Well, we'll get to that. If you do have a diagnosis. If you go to your state vocational rehabilitation, voc rehab, they will give you a letter. And that letter says that you have a recognize disability under the ADEA. What that does, is you don't have to give to your employee for don't want to. But what that does is it meets the criteria for hiring disabled people's for your employer, and then also kind of non verbally gives that signal, I might be needing some modifications without having to be like, Hey, I have the it's not always comfortable to talk about what you have going on. So one big thing for me in the professional world is I get asked for all deadlines to be given to me in written form. If you see me walking to get a cup of coffee, and you go, Hey, I need that, you know, a day early, I'm not going to remember that I need changes and deadlines to be in written form as they should be. I've also noticed that most of the modifications I have in the professional world are just common courtesy, but verbal or written form changes in deadlights. That's very important. Another modification because I know for me, I have a very emotional reaction to being singled out as well as because of the IEPs. At such a young age, I do think there's like regular reviews, and like sitting down I kind of get into that like IEP spit headspace, like health focusing on me, and it can make me really nervous. So something I asked for is at least two business days of what we're going to discuss in any performance reviews, it is not helpful to go in because one, I'm dyslexic, so sometimes a lot of times of performance review. So like Okay, now let's go to this slide. But oh my god. So if you give it to me two days ahead, I can read what the performance review says. And I can more easily concentrate. Because in performance reviews, typically they're doing two things telling you how you're doing. And they're kind of like either aggressively or passively tell you what you need to change. That is a lot when you have any type of neurodivergent T to handle. And I don't care what it is, it's just a lot. So that is something that has been very helpful is I needed a writing. Like if we're going to talk about my performance, if we're going to have a whole meeting, and you're going to hand me a piece of paper, I needed to see it beforehand. If you want me to actively verbally participate, if you just want me to sit there and be quiet fine. If I need to participate in a meeting, whether it's a business meeting, peer review, I need the content at Advanced and writing not bulletins of what we might go. If you need me to verbally participate. I need the subjects in writing that has been an accommodation that people don't necessarily love, but it's also the law. So

    KC 33:32

    get over it. I love that. Well, Francis, thank you so much. We're out of time but I really appreciate our conversation and it's always really a delight to talk to you when you tell people one more time where they can find you online if they want to follow you.

    Frances 33:45

    You go find me at she's having a baby on Tik Tok and on YouTube and all the things and Casey I adore. You can also see me in cases comment section all the time. Hopefully Casey, you're doing such great work. I love your podcast. So this is really fun. Thank you

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
76: The Plague of Puritanism with Rev. Lizzie

A big part of the discussion around mental health, wellness, and self-care is not to overlook the factors that may have contributed to some form of religious trauma in your life. If you are someone who has a religious background and might be deconstructing from a religion (Christianity, in particular), today’s conversation will help you navigate that journey. I’m joined by Rev. Lizzie, an Episcopal priest who is based in Austin, Texas, where she is the founding planter of Jubilee Episcopal Church. There is something inspiring and comforting in this conversation for everyone, no matter your relationship with religion. Join us!

 

Show Highlights:

●      Shocker: “Cleanliness is next to godliness” is not in the Bible, so you are not morally sinful if your sink is full of dirty dishes.

●      Why Christianity can be comforting to us in our feelings of brokenness and unworthiness

●      Where the phrase about cleanliness and godliness originated–as a way to teach that our “inside” is a more important focus than our outward appearance

●      The danger of misunderstanding “God commands” and “God cares”

●      Why much of what people “think” is Christianity is a misunderstanding of God’s grace and love for our souls

●      Why the vastness of God cannot be contained solely within the bounds of scripture

●      How we each have a “canon within a canon” of the scriptures that we hold the most sacred and important

●      What Rev. Lizzie wants us to understand about the word “jubilee” and what it means about freedom, justice, and joy

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Rev. Lizzie: TikTok, Instagram, and And Also With You Podcast

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:04

    Hello, you've sent me a ball of stardust, this is struggle care. I'm your host, Kc Davis. And we talk about all things mental health, wellness, self care. And a big part of that is talking about the things that have contributed to what perhaps might be religious trauma in your life. Or maybe you're someone who has been religious, and you are deconstructing from Christianity in particular, and you're navigating what that means for you. And so what I want to do today is I'm here in the studio with Reverend Lizzie, and I'm gonna let you introduce yourself here in a second, we're going to talk about some ways that puritanism in particular has influenced Western culture in ways that are not so great to your mental health, to put it mildly, to put it mildly. So whether you're someone who is deconstructing and you are, this will be helpful on your deconstructing journey when figuring out what to keep and what to throw out whether you are someone who is of the Christian faith, and you want to think critically about some of the cultural messages that you've gotten, or maybe you're someone who is not a Christian at all, and you're not interested at all in religion or Christianity in particular, this is also for you, because again, why would you want to hang on to beliefs that hurt your mental health that originated from a religion that you don't even want to be a part right, so this is a podcast episode for everyone? And with that, Reverend Lizzy, will you introduce yourself, please?

    Rev. Lizzie 1:33

    Yeah, oh my gosh, I was totally geeking out I listen to involve Stardust in the flesh. I friends with Lizzie I use she her pronouns. You can call me Reverend Lizzie father, Lizzie or just Lizzie and I'm an Episcopal priest. And if you've never heard of the Episcopal Church, we're very old. Actually. We've been around since the Reformation. Basically, we trace our roots back to the Church of England. We are a denomination that is pretty uniquely both Catholic and Protestant. So if you've ever been to Catholic mass, you would find an Episcopal service to be almost word for word the same. We have some distinctions in our history that make us distinctly Protestant. And of course, as you are hearing my very feminine voice we ordain women and ordained queer women, which I am. And so I grew up in the southeast, my I'm now rooted in Austin, Texas, where I'm the founding planter of Jubilee, Episcopal Church. And as the planter I got to pick the name. So I think we'll get into why Jubilee matters as this conversation unfolds. But I just want to say, first of all, I'm so delighted to be here. And second of all, like I am going to speak as a priest, it would be inauthentic for me to try and talk about anything without it being of an about God for me, and as I understand God, through Christian theology, and through my experience as a priest, but I offer that out of my authenticity and my experience and expression and invite anyone listening to to take or leave what is useful to you. And I hope that in a country where Christian hegemony and Christian nationalism is so terrifyingly present, and so many places that I think a lot of folks because I have theological training, I don't necessarily see people seeing the roots of those things, even in practices in places that are not explicitly Christian, I hope in me speaking authentically out of my experience, and faith that it is laboratory for anyone listening, and I'm not here trying to convert anybody. So it's literally not my goal.

    KC 3:15

    It's not mine either. In fact, people are sometimes surprised when they find that although I talk about being deconstructed from evangelicalism, I still very much practice a Christian faith and actually pretty devout in it. So I like to think that I'd left behind most of the cultural baggage that I don't believe to be biblical anyways. But I do my best to create a safe place for anyone and everyone that wants to come and learn about mental health from me. And so certainly don't think that I can promise to be safe for everybody's personal experience. But know that this is not a place that I don't think this is going to make your religious trauma worse.

    Rev. Lizzie 3:55

    I hope not honestly, like I genuinely hope to offer some healing and some liberation, if that if that is available and possible for you. Well, I

    KC 4:03

    love what we're going to talk about, because we're going to talk about something that is, I think, going to be liberating for both people of the Christian faith and people who are not of the Christian faith, because it really is this way that the Bible got used to say some things that are really hurtful and harmful. That like turns out like if we really look at who we believe the Christian God to be between you and I like we don't believe he's saying those things anyways. Right? So regardless of if you believe or not, I think everyone can benefit from taking a couple of concepts we're going to talk about and just getting rid of them. And then there's one concept, a biblical concept we are going to talk about that I think is missing from a lot of faith communities. And I would love to loan out to anybody who is not a part of the Christian faith community, but is on their own journey of finding meaning. So let's get into it. Father, Lizzie, we're going to start with the faith In this phrase, cleanliness is next to godliness. Do you want to kick us off because you know that I can info dump about it.

    Rev. Lizzie 5:07

    I mean, I'm so ready for you to info dump. I just I love to blow people's minds by saying this isn't anywhere in Scripture. And like, you know, the Bible's real long, real dense, it is at youngest, 2000 years old and at oldest 5000 years old. And that's just when it was written down from an oral tradition that had been passed down. So you can find almost anything in the Bible. I mean, like, this is a thing that just to what you were saying, like scriptural concepts, like part of what's challenging about like, faith in the public square is like to engage a sacred text meaningful, you have to understand how complicated it is, but also be willing to, like, enter into the fray of like studying that scripture and hearing God speak to you. But this phrase, cleanliness is next to godliness. Nowhere in that giant 2000 Plus page Bible,

    KC 5:49

    it's such an easy one to take, because like, there are some problematic things set in the Bible for sure. That like we have to wrestle with and figure out what the hell to do with and it's just like, kind of a breath of fresh air when you're like, This one is not ours, not ours. You know, I will definitely, it was certainly one of our own. Oh, for sure where the phrase came from, but interestingly enough, the phrase didn't even originate to mean when it gets mean met today, like it's always meant today to shame someone who is being messy, who isn't clean enough, who you know, like I get this sometimes on my videos where it talks about having a messy home or having, you know, mental health issues that make it difficult to get your dishes done at every once in a while. It doesn't happen as much anymore, because I think I've shamed these people out of my comment section, but they'll come in, they'll say, Well, cleanliness is next to godliness, and the really shaming thing that it's not saying, but it is saying is that being messy as a sin, having dirty dishes as a moral failing before God,

    Rev. Lizzie 6:53

    which is just wild on so many levels, because I mean, to me to start at the root of this is like, Is the goal to be God? Or is the goal to be disciples of God to be followers of God, right, because there's lots of aspects of godliness, omniscience, meaning, like all knowledge on the lessons I'm never going to have, and I can aspire, I can aspire to have those things. Sure. And I am setting myself up for failure and or setting myself up to be a controlling, cruel, very unhappy person. And so I mean, even just the phrase itself, godliness. Cleanliness is next to godliness. And like, I don't know if godliness is the goal, my friends, I mean, I, you know, holiness, for sure. But I'm not trying to be God. And there are so many things like sin, you know, I find it to be very liberatory to believe in sin. And I think this is helpful to like, get out right at the beginning, because I think sometimes people hear sitting there like, oh, it's me being dirty, or me being bad, or me, you know, it's something that is essential to my character that makes me unworthy of Love, dignity, respect, or belonging. And I remember actually, when I was in seminary being very weighed down with the fact that I was a sinner, and I was going to be a priest, because I was like, Oh, my God, like, I am not worthy of this. And I had a priest say to me, Lizzy, you're really not special for being a sinner, sweetheart. Sin is just a condition of being a person in a world that is imperfect in a world where we can make the most ethical, pure moral choices possible and available to us and people are still suffering. And I don't think having dirty dishes, it's the root of that evil.

    KC 8:25

    Well, and I'll say this, like, you know, I think that that's an interesting concept to even begin with, because, you know, a lot of people when they talk about growing up in church and hearing that you're a sinner, you're a senator, and they find that very shaming, they find that, you know, analogous to, you're wrong, you're dirty, you're bad, You are of your own self, completely unlovable. And I really sympathize with how that must have felt. And I don't have any necessarily like answers or anything to that, except to say that I find it interesting. And I think one of the reasons why my Christian faith has been such a comfort to me is because I came to the table thinking I was unworthy. You know, like, I was in rehab, I had really fucked up my life and 16 short years, like in record time, I had fucked everything up, I was in a lot of pain. I could not seem to do anything. I just I mistreated people that I really cared about. And I had done things that I was really ashamed of, and I felt broken and unworthy. But I thought that I was unique in that, right, like, I thought I was just uniquely broken and unworthy. And everybody else, you know, wasn't. And so when I heard everyone's a sinner, that sin is just something you have because the world is broken. To me that was such a great comfort because it was it Oh, I'm not bad. I'm just human. Like, this wasn't something that like I was so much worse than everyone else. will say that I just couldn't succeed in life. This wasn't like I'm so uniquely unlovable. It was like, Oh, you mean all humans are broken, like all humans are selfish. Like all humans have made choices to put themselves over other people in a way that is deeply shameful. That to me was so liberating, because I already thought I was a piece of shit. So like, the message of people would try to come to me and say, No, Casey, you're not broken. You're not unworthy, you are worthy of love. And I know people were trying to be loving, they thought that that would combat that feeling of being broken and unworthy. But it never ever, like fixed that or penetrated that because I just always felt like,

    Rev. Lizzie 10:46

    that's a lie. Yeah, it feels deceptive. It feels deceptive to your experience and your own, like internal script.

    KC 10:51

    Yeah. And so when someone said, or when I understood from, you know, I, my own reading of the Bible, you know, me saying, like, I'm broken and unworthy of love, and the response to that being? Well, yeah, but everybody is, and God knows that. And that has never been a barrier to him loving you. And if he loves you, that love in and of itself makes you worthy. And that was my experience with the Christian faith. And it's sometimes I like to share that because I think sometimes it may be lend some understanding on you know, if you have an understanding of the Christian faith, and I've had people be like, I don't even see how you could ever be Christian. And it's like, well, that but that's how I came to it. Right. I also came to it like reading the New Testament and rehab, not growing up in church to not being told to burn my Harry Potter book. So like, very different entry. Right? Um, so that being said, my experience was that God is anti shame. Yes. And so cleanliness is next to godliness. Is such a shaming principle like this idea that will you if you just feel bad enough about your things you'll do you'll you'll do different. So if you would, I would love to info dump on you on what I have discovered.

    Rev. Lizzie 12:03

    I am so ready. I'm so ready for it. So

    KC 12:06

    where did the phrase cleanliness is next to godliness come from? Well, friends, thank you for asking. It came from a sermon by John Wesley, who is the founder of Methodism, which is another branch of Protestant Christianity. In 1791. Right, he delivered a sermon that was called on dress, okay. And what the sermon was about was about how we dress specifically, it was about this scripture, First Peter, chapter three, verses three through four, I'm gonna read the New King James Version, do not let your adornment be merely outward arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden Person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Now, I think this is really interesting off the bat, right? Because it's like, what what? Cleanliness? Okay, what does this have to do? So that's what he wanted to talk about. So Wesley wants to give a sermon about how you should not focus on an external dressing of yourself in a way that's about putting on an in this context, fine. Apparel is expensive apparel, okay, we're talking about this idea that if you put on the Dior and the Gucci, and that this and that, that, like, that's what makes you, you know, worthy and acceptable, and like you have it all together, right? Like I am. And we see this in the Christian Church, which is, it's not always Gucci, but it's like the pastor's wife that looks all put together, right? And we kind of all look the same. There's like a vibe about us, that all looks the same, right? Or you think like the Duggar family, where it's like, yes, we wear the long skirts, and we wear our hair, the dress code, right? There's like a dress code, whether formal or informal, that is supposed to signify your godliness. Yeah.

    Rev. Lizzie 13:59

    And signify your godliness by signifying something about what God thinks about your body. Sorry, I don't mean to ask. No, that's great. That's a significant Yeah.

    KC 14:08

    So he's specifically talking in his context to Hey, the whole like, showing up to church wearing expensive clothing to show off how you must be more liked and favored by God, because look at all of the ways he's blessed you and let me express that, like, knock that off. That's not how a Christian should behave. It's about who you are on the inside. Right. So that's a great point to make. And what's funny is, I think that that's close to the point that I make in my content about like, it's not about what the outside looks like. It's about you know, the way that you treat other people, but he was afraid or not afraid, but like anything when we make points, he had a disclaimer that he wanted to make because often when we're talking to someone, well, we don't want them to take it this way. And the disclaimer that he wanted to use is that when I say don't focus so much on your opinion Hence, what I'm not saying is don't take care of your body. When I say, dressing up the outside to look, you know a certain way is not holiness. I don't mean that it's somehow holy to neglect your appearance. Right. So what he says is, but before we enter on the subject, let it be observed that slovenliness is no part of religion, that neither is this, nor any text of Scripture that neither this nor any text of Scripture condemns neatness of a peril. Certainly, this is a duty, not a sin. Cleanliness is indeed next to godliness. So what Wesley meant was, I'm going to talk to you about how you shouldn't be putting so much focus on your appearance and the way your body looks, you should be focusing on the heart, but I want to make sure you don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not saying don't shower. I'm not saying that you'll then be holier if you don't shower, like don't take this, I have to prove myself and just put it in a different slot of like, well, then I just won't shower. So now the dirtiest person who shows up to church must be the holiest like, and slovenliness. In this context, he's not talking about like, laziness. He's like sloppiness. So I'm not saying don't shower and purposefully put on, you know, messy clothes, because that's somehow

    Rev. Lizzie 16:23

    holy, right? Like, you're more spiritual than physical or something, right? Like,

    KC 16:27

    it's your duty to care for your body and to put on clothes that you know, whatever. So first of all, point number one, cleanliness in this context did not mean like a clean home, it meant hygiene. He was literally just trying to say, I'm not saying don't be hygienic. So chapter two of this that's really interesting is that that didn't even like blow up this face like you. But I don't know this phrase because of John Wesley, right? We know that you were moving lips, my dude. We know this phrase, because the Ivory soap company then took the phrase from Wesley sermon and used it in a marketing campaign to sell Christianity

    Rev. Lizzie 17:09

    sells Oh,

    KC 17:12

    well, what's funny is that soap companies specifically marketed their products in religious terms for that reason, like they go, purity, cleanliness, I mean, up until the 1870s, people just use hot water to bathe. So remember, the whole thing about marketing is you have to give people a problem before you can give them a solution. So they had to basically tell you that being dirty, was bad and wrong and shameful and sinful, and so by our soap, because cleanliness is next to godliness. So in the 1880s, Ivory soap used, cleanliness is next to godliness as a marketing campaign, and that's why your grandmother shames you,

    Rev. Lizzie 17:50

    oh my gosh, there's just like so much to unpack with that. I mean, what I value about what John Wesley was trying to do there, and he does in other places, too, and I think is deeply troops, scripture, and deeply true, if God is that God does care about the mundane realities of our bodily life, and it is not I think, sometimes in lots of religious expressions and experiences, but I can only really speak from my experience. So I have seen in Christianity sort of what I could see John Wesley trying to combat there is this like, Well, I'm a spiritual being, and therefore what is on my body does not matter to me and or what is on my body must reflect my deep spiritual wisdom or piety or devotion. And you can see places in scripture where that is referenced. I think the Apostle Paul is often misinterpreted and quoted to talk about, you know, better to marry than to burn comes to mind, right? Like he's sort of talking about, like how you have to just spiritually transcend your bodily needs, but the reality of the scope of Scripture and I think certainly if God's provision and care that we see in the Old Testament or the Torah, it's not either but but specifically in Torah is that God is is cares about the intimate details of our life, and of our bodily reality, not because God wants to shame us, but because God created us in God's own image out of desire and joy, and there is no dimension of our life that is too small for God to care about. And that is, in some ways terrifying, right? Like the immense Creator of the universe knows how many, you know, dirty mugs I have in my dishwasher downstairs. But nor is she shaming me for that, right. And instead, like a lot of the laws and the practices around bodily care and hygiene, which we find in the book of Leviticus, which is where my church name Jubilee comes from. They're not about shaming they are about the practicality of how do we care for ourselves knowing that we are not only our own and that part of what I think hygiene is its personal care, but it's personal care also knowing that we are interconnected with each other like no decision for ourselves is ever only for ourselves because we don't exist in a vacuum and in Christianity, we talk about being the body of Christ body meaning like the corporate the group, but that is is embodied in our bodies. And so God's care for our bodies in hygiene and care and cleanliness is never ever about shame. It's about community and connection. And I think that is a sort of unlocking key for me. When I think about the popularity of this phrase. I'm curious what I know you've done a lot of like deconstructing around this. So like, how have you thought about godliness or holiness or pursuing a spiritual life? And this like incredible work you do around liberating people from

    KC 20:27

    shame and cleanliness? Well, it's interesting, because when I first started, I actually got an email from a pastor. And he said, You know, I really, I'm so drawn to your work. And it makes sense to me on like, a guttural level, like an instinctual level. But I'm having trouble contending with like passages in the Bible about laziness, like, how do I talk to my congregation about like, care tasks are morally neutral while contending with you know scripture about laziness and things like that. And so, one of the things that I think is such a huge shift for me is, especially in things that talk about the body is looking at, there are people that will position what God says about those things as commands, God commands versus God cares. And I think that when we see this idea of, you know, God commands that you wash, and if you don't, you're wrong, you're bad, you're sitting, you're like, How dare you these God verses that God cares, he wants you to wash, not because he made a command, and he really cares that he also thinks you deserve a clean and comfortable body. And so when you don't wash, he's not angry, he's not upset. I think that he, like a mother or a father is like turns his face inward, in a sense, like worries about you. And not in a pity sense. But in a, he knows what that means. He knows that that you're going through a hard time, it's hard for me to believe that when you're going through a hard time that makes it hard for you to shower, he gives a shit about the shower. It's not the shower. It's not like, not showering, right. Like, I also tended to like one of the biggest the sermon series that I heard when I was converted was the book of Hosea. And the way that the teacher that was teaching that book, he talks about this man who is commanded to marry a sex worker, and she marries him for the stability, but like, continues to go out and do sex work and continues to get out. And, and he keeps saying to her, you don't have to do sex work anymore. Like I will do these things. And that's the narrative isn't that she really loves the work. It's the like, I'm not I don't trust yet that this is stable. And this belief of like you couldn't possibly really, like want to love me and care for me. And so one of the things that the teacher talked about was that it was supposed to be this like metaphor of like when we're frightened. And we don't believe that we're loved. That God doesn't come to us with judgment. And the phrase that I'll never forget seared in my brain is he says, he Woo's us like a lover. It's gentle, and it's kind. And it resonated with me, because when I was in rehab when I was 16, and I was struggling to get sober, and every, like, I wanted to want to not get high so badly, I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to like white knuckle it, I knew that as long as I woke up and wanted to get high, it would only be a matter of time before I would, but I could not make myself stop wanting that. And not in the sense of like, I don't want to do drugs anymore. But in like the literal visceral like, nothing sounds like it's going to work. And like, I'm still thinking about cocaine all the time. And if I was offered it, I probably wouldn't be able to say no, just because it is so much more of an isolating experience than anything else. And every day I would wake up and I would go sit on this bench and look over this frickin cow pasture and watch the sunrise and I did not believe in God. But I wanted so desperately for there to be a God. Because maybe if there was a God, that was like, all powerful, I think that's my only chance. Because like, I have tried to change this thing in me over and over and over. And I do not have the power. And I am doubting that, like modern medicine does. And so at this point, I'm really thinking, My Hail Mary here is maybe there's a God, right. And every day I did this for like, over a year, every day, there was a little bit more of a sense that something or someone was meeting with me, and they didn't say anything. But every day that feeling of something, or someone is meeting me here in my brokenness, and I'm kind of a fuckup. And yet, they have nothing to say they don't need to address any of it. Like truly, like note, don't need to address any of it. And so then I go to church, and I hear this and I'm like, Okay, with that sounds like my story. And so, I always came in with this belief that the God of my understanding was always tender to me, and my brokenness was always happy to see me and my brokenness, like never felt frustrated at me. And so anytime I encountered that, like style of Christianity, I was always just like, Man, that is not my experience. That's not my experience in personal moments. That's not my experience when I read the New Testament like and every time some He would want to argue something I would be like, especially when they would like theology bros, right?

    Rev. Lizzie 25:05

    Yes. I'm familiar. They'd be like, well,

    KC 25:09

    you know, because the Bible, you have to do this because the Bible says this, like, it's very clear, this is what we have to do. Because the Bible says this, I was so connected to this day, so confused at people that have debates, whether it's about, you know, abortion, or gender roles, or, you know, meat or whatever it is taking parts of the Bible that says like, it's very clear, it says XYZ. And going, like literally the first thing you learn about Jesus in like, Sunday school is that the Bible is really clear that you're supposed to stone people that commit adultery. And then Jesus came upon a woman who was about to be stoned, and was like, What are y'all doing? And they all said, We're gonna stoner because she was caught in adultery. And he was like, and they were like, cuz the Bible is really clear, right? Like, that's their literal like, because it's clear, like, this is what the commandment says. And he says, All right, well, the first one of you that has never done anything wrong, can throw the first stone. And they all just stand there until they all walk away. I have always been so confused, like, how can anyone assert a moral command or superiority based on because this is what the Bible says, when like, the whole point was Jesus showed up and was like, Yeah, I get that. But anybody, like with some compassion and mercy could tell that like, maybe we shouldn't do this. I am

    Rev. Lizzie 26:33

    Pacey. As you're talking, I'm struck by several things. And first is just harkening a little bit back to your naming of Hosea. And that really, you healed something for me and your narrative of that, because that is one of, I think, the most difficult books of the Bible to engage and to engage as a feminist and to engage as a woman. And it is, I think, so ripe for misinterpretation, and I just genuinely think God, that preacher was able to draw that story out in such a flourishing way and to show like God's wooing of us and love us, and we have a prayer that we say, in the Episcopal Church, and we say that Jubilee every Sunday that says, it's at the conclusion of our prayers of the people. So in the service, you know, you read a little Bible, you have a sermon, then we have the people pray, and there's sort of a structure to that because we love a structure in the Episcopal Church. And then we have communion. But so there's, this is a point in the service that is meant to be you know, we sort of have a list of things we pray for, we pray for the government, we pray for people in pain, we pray for the oppressed for refugees for people, and we pray for specific people who asked me to be on the prayer list so that their names are named in our community. And there's an open space for people to pray. And at the end of all of that, I sort of knit the prayers together and thread them together with this particular prayer that says, For you, our gracious a lover of souls, and I just love that line. Because what I hear you naming is just grace, like the deepest love and gift of God is God's grace. And that is, I think, and there's actually lots of deep theological connections I've come in today sort of having reread Rowan Williams essay, the body's grace, it's one of my favorites, and where he talks about how we are connected to each other through intimacy, but also in community, the deepest truth of that is when we are open to the vulnerability, when we are open to looking foolish in front of each other. And we are open to receiving being perceived like we are trusting like that our fucked up Ness can be held and loved by God and by other people. That is grace. That is God's grace embodied and living among us. And I think to your question that, you know, it's a question I share, I don't think I have a total answer for what I mean, if I had an answer for why my beloved and I mean, this genuinely my beloved siblings and Christ can be such jerks. Man, I could marry Christianity and capitalism all over again and monetize that I don't have an answer. I mean, I think the short answer is sin. The longer I think reconstruction that I find helpful is that I think lots of traditions and sort of looking historically have taken a belief in the Bible that that is the sole source of God. But in my tradition, we don't actually believe that we believe that Scripture is the living word of God. And I take that very seriously. I took vows twice because I was ordained as a deacon and a priest before a bishop saying that I believe holy scriptures contain all things necessary for salvation. So I say that as a preface for like, I take the Bible very seriously. I read it every day. It is a profoundly sacred documents me it is the living word of God, I encounter God in it, and to contain God within the pages. The cover of a Bible is to try and control and contain God because God is bigger than scripture. And so in the Episcopal Church, we have something called a three legged stool, which if you sort of visualize that three legs, if you take one leg out, it collapses. And Wesley does this too. He has the Wesleyan quadrilateral, which I also appreciate I grew up Catholic and Methodist, so big fan, but we believe that Scripture is one leg and then the other leg is reason John Wesley would add experience so I do too. So reason and experience how we Think about things, how we research how we do anthropological cultural studies how we there are new discoveries about Bible literally all the time. It takes kind of centuries for those to sort of the church is a big old institution, it takes a long time to change, which can be frustrating, but it's also kind of our superpower is that we don't see urgency as a virtue even as sometimes there is like an urgent need to respond. We hold you know, the urgency of trusting God as paramount, but we don't always have to, like we trust that we're in God's time, I guess is a better way to put it. So but reason and experience and then the third pillar is tradition. So what has been done before and I think a lot of times, like I even think about the phrase like Trad wife or Trad Catholic like tradition is something that I think can be quite disparaged. But the reality is, I think, with the emergence of like, love of cottage core things and like love of Jane Austen persists forever, like I'm cottage core, girly Loki, like we like to know, and I think have a deep craving a deep desire to know that we're not the first to face these things. And in a post internet age, or like, you know, early internet days, when everything feels completely unprecedented, I find the study of Scripture, very liberating, because I'll read the Psalms, the imprecatory Psalms, which are poems saying, basically, like, Screw you, God, I'm so upset. Why did you do this to me? How can there be such suffering in the world? Why are children dying? Why has my child I mean, like, deep, like, the deepest pains, you can imagine are in Scripture. And it's like, wow, I'm not the first. And I'm not the only one. And I think the temptation for beloved Theo Bros. and I do mean, beloved, to say, well, this is what the Bible says, Let me neatly package it into something that I can control and exact upon another human being, is a fear of grace. It is a fear of vulnerability. And I mean that a fear of connection to each other, because that's terrifying. Being a person or another people is a terrifying thing, actually.

    KC 31:58

    It's also messy, like my experience with the God of the Bible. And so many of the stories and so many of the scriptures is that like, the one thing that I know is that God is moved by your pain, he is moved by pain, he is moved by your yearning. And that to me is like the meta narrative of the New Testament, which is like these people were out and but they yearn so you know, what they're in these people were not enough. But you know what, God cares about their pain. So fuck it, they're in these people, right? Like, it's like, over and over and over. And like, I'm always so like, the, the song that has always kind of been at the center of the mission of my whole platform is God's talking about one of his prophets, like somebody that he sends in his name. And he says, I'm going to like butcher it because I don't It's been a while since I've like laid my eyes on the actual words, but he says, A bruised reed, he will not break a smoldering flame, he will not quench. And so A bruised reed by the way, read talked about like a like a plant, right? And A bruised reed is so usually read stands straight up. And A bruised reed is like kind of bent. And so but the idea, and then a, you know, a smoldering like a flame, it's really small. That, to me is like the most important thing that the Bible says. And I think every single thing that you read in the Bible should be put through the lenses of the prophet of God, A bruised reed, he will not break and a smoldering flame, he will not clench, like he will not put out a fire that's about to go out, you will not break a reed that is already bruised. Like, that's it.

    Rev. Lizzie 33:33

    Yeah. And what you're doing right now, just to name is that all of us have what's called a Canon within a Canon ca n o n, meaning like a group of readings are a group of scriptures that we hold as the most sacred and the most important through which we interpret everything else. And everybody everywhere has this, if you read the Bible, like there's just because it's like I said, it's so big, it's so vast, we have so many different translations. I am someone who has devoted my entire life to the study and living of Scripture, and I cannot contain I don't have every word of it memorized, right. And so there are things that we pull from that we find to be true. And we find them to be true, because they repeated over and over. We find them to be true because of that, that three legged school because our reason and experience says hey, this is true if God God showed up on that bench day in and day out. And for me, God has shown up in the deepest and most painful moments of my life and been nothing but love and tenderness and a promise that she wouldn't leave me and God has also very consistently told me I'm going to take your idols away from you. That is a truth that I have experienced over and over is that the things that I want to make into God gods like no, you don't get to keep those painful, but it is always ultimately been liberating. And so when we have we all have a Canon within a canon and I think it is not a cheap grace, nor a shallow encounter with God, to know that God is first and foremost loving because God did not need to make human beings God is not lonely without us. God has an LACC God is full and enough God Self. That's actually a fundamental doctrine in Judaism and Christianity. That's the belief of the Trinity Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is that God is God with God. God doesn't mean anybody else. But God desired to make us. God loves us. And God made us and so God is not going to birth us and birth creation to just abandon it when we end up being people and not God. So

    KC 35:22

    I said, at the beginning of the podcast, you had two topic, two things we were going to talk about that idea is just get rid of an idea you should maybe adopt. And now we've talked for the entire podcast about the first idea. So listen, the other thing we're going to talk about is purity culture, and the shame that we feel around the body and sex. Here's what I'm going to suggest. I'm going to suggest for time sake, that you come back to talk about that one. But let's wrap up talking about a concept that I wish more people of the Christian faith would adopt and emphasize and something I want to hold out as something you are welcome to borrow even from outside the faith, and that is the idea of Jubilee. So Can she can you talk to us about Jubilee?

    Rev. Lizzie 36:01

    Yes. And I will just offer that it is always a beautiful and risky thing to talk about the Old Testament as we understand it. In Christianity, the Bible is understood in Judaism. So if you're really passionate about this, I encourage you to talk to a rabbi to talk to your Jewish friends, just because this is a sacred text to lots of people. And so I again, I'm speaking from my Christian context, but Jubilee comes from Leviticus chapter 25. And it is a command and this is it as a care of God, that is also a commandment that every 50 years, so every seven, seven years, every 50 years, there is like a super nova Sabbath year. And so what is the Sabbath year a Sabbath year was every seven years God was like take a break from the land rest, Sabbath, meaning rest, cessation of work, trust and relish and rest and God's abundance. But the Jubilee Year was like a super version of that, because God promised that God would create a harvest so rich in the 49th year that it would feed people in that 49th year in the 50th year, so much so that they did not have to plant anything, they did not have to pull any vegetables up from the ground, and the harvest would last a third year, that 51st year, so much so that as they were planting again, they could steal off of the fruits of that 49th year. So that's God promised this profligate this extravagant harvest. And part of God's commandment with this is one that people feast that they eat the good foods, and they feast until their bellies are full, and they seek out everyone who does not have enough to eat and feed them. Another dimension of the commandment of the Jubilee year is that all debts are released. And in fact, the entire structure of being indebted to one another is meant to revolve around this concept that every 50 years all debts are free, completely released. So you're not trying to like, you know, extort people or exploit them by saying, well open Jubilee or yours coming up in three years. So I need to like really, you know, charge your super high interest rates right now, like no gods, like don't do that. And all people who are enslaved are to be set free. And so it is a year my old testament Professor Ellen Davis, when she was teaching us about this at Duke was like, this is the most profound vision of justice that exists in Scripture, because it is a reliance on God a trusting on God as the true gardener and as the harvester, but also that God's vision for all people is to experience this freedom. And I find particularly the conversation around not only trusting God's harvest, but also this release this freedom of debt to be something that when people say that they take the Bible, literally, I'm like, please take Leviticus chapter 25. Literally, what would our world look like if every mortgage, every medical debt of every student debt was guaranteed to be released every 50 years? I mean, it is like debt is the way that people stay in poverty. And it is because we have these machinations within our society within capitalism that try to keep people in debt. And God says, Guess what, like debt is not actually a Christian virtue, it is not actually a godly virtue. And that's why we you know, if your Presbyterian or another says, you know, forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors, we say, Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Like, God is ultimately not interested in holding something over our heads to threaten us with what we owe God, God is interested in freedom.

    KC 39:16

    So how would you tell sort of like the average person, like what would it look like to begin to implement parts of what we learn from a jubilee year into our lives this idea of justice and joy? Oh,

    Rev. Lizzie 39:32

    my gosh, I'm so glad you asked this question. So the whole reason my church has named Jubilee is one because I really want us to live into this and to because I think it is very tempting. And I mean, it's not tempting, not in a shame way. Like it is a real temptation right now to give into cynicism and despair. And to say it's just not worth it. And to say the world is terrible, it's never going to get better. I think about that with climate despair. I think about that with the political landscape right now. I think about that with the wars going on in this world. Although it is so understandably tempting to be like, none of this is worth it. And I think it's also understandably tempting to just think that we just have to work, work, work, work, work, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for justice, and be super pure about pure from injustice, and exhaust ourselves and never feel any joy because other people are suffering. And the deepest reality is that if we are going to pursue justice, we have to be rooted in God's joy. And so I think the ways that we can embody Jubilee in our everyday life is one too if you have debts from other people consider what it would look like to release them or to live in such a way that you are not dependent on that debt. I think also, if you live with a lot of debt, to know that you don't need to carry shame around that because it is God's deepest desire for you to be free and not not free in some sort of like prosperity gospel way like you have to earn that like That's God's desire is for all of us to be set free. And I think the other deepest thing is that we have a prayer in the Episcopal church that we say in the evenings it says, Keep watched your Lord and those who work or watch or weep this night and give your angels charge over those who sleep 10 The sick Lord Christ, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, sue the suffering, pity, the afflicted shield, the joyous and all for your love sake. Amen. And I love that because it's a litany of like when we are weary when we are afflicted, when we are suffering, when we're dying, when we're all these things that we ask God to help us with. And that's important, but it ends with shield, the joyous. And I think even when we are suffering, and we are dying, it is still worth it, to ask God to shield our joy to amplify our joy. It's the most vulnerable human emotion and to know that that is precious and good, even when you think you're not worth it. You

    KC 41:38

    are and I love the idea of marrying abundance, with a passion for setting the oppressed free that in God's eyes, those are intricately entwined and can't be separated. And I think a lot of the times there is this question of either have to feel guilty about joy that I do feel or abundance that I do have in my life that I can't do that and work towards the freedom of the oppressed. And I love the idea that the Jubilee year is about both it's not just about one or the other. So anyways, well this was such a great conversation and I hope you'll come back soon as we can talk about purity culture, where can people find you online if they want to follow you?

    Rev. Lizzie 42:17

    Oh my gosh, Casey, I just adore you and I love you so much. This was such a treat. Thank you. I am at Rev dot Lizzy on Tiktok and Instagram. If you want to come check out my church Jubilee Episcopal Church. We are in the northwest corner of Austin almost into Cedar Park and I also do a podcast every week with my dear friend mother peaches aka Reverend Lord Panfilo called and also with you where we are sort of taking the like topics, deconstructing them within Christianity and then reconstructing them. So it's like kind of what we've done here if it if that's helpful to you.

    KC 42:46

    That's what we do every week. That's awesome. Well, thank you so much, and I hope you have a lovely day.

    Rev. Lizzie 42:49

    I hope you do too. Bye.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
75: Building Resilience is Better than Finding Solutions with Dr. Patrice Berry

Resilience. You’ve heard the word, I’m sure, but do you know what it means and how it plays out in real-life situations? Building resilience through pain and difficulties is today’s topic, and Dr. Patrice Berry is here to help us understand. She is a licensed clinical psychologist in Virginia who enjoys creating educational content on social media to provide additional education and information to people she can’t see in her local office. Join us!

 Show Highlights:

●      How Dr. Patrice sees resilience in her work with trauma survivors

●      How Dr. Patrice defines resilience

●      Why resilience can be both an innate ability and a learned skill/tool

●      Why resilience comes from a growth mindset of honoring pain and seeing light through pain

●      What it means to balance pain and trauma

●      How a supportive network helps build resilience by making someone know they are seen, heard, understood, and not alone

●      Dr. Patrice’s take on the oft-used statement: “Children are resilient.”

●      Why children need to experience difficulties, disappointments, mistakes, and pain (not intentionally-caused pain)

●      The role of resilience in being the difference between surviving and thriving

●      How to find joy—even in the midst of surviving

●      How Dr. Patrice teaches the resilience-building skill of “doing the opposite”

●      How to give yourself accommodations

●      The relationship between resilience and persistence

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Patrice Berry: TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and (book) Turning Crisis into Clarity: How to Survive or Thrive in the Midst of Uncertainty

Book mentioned by Dr. Patrice: Trauma-Proofing Your Kids by Peter Levine

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, Casey Davis. And today we're going to talk about resilience. It's a word that you've probably heard a lot, you probably know what it means. But it's one of those words where you know what it means until somebody asks you to define it. And here in the studio today is Dr. Patrice Berry. And Patrice, I'm gonna let you introduce yourself, tell us what we need to know about you. Before we jump into this conversation.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 0:31

    Thank you so much. And it's a pleasure to be here. I am a licensed clinical psychologist in Virginia. And I also enjoy creating educational content on social media as a way to just provide education to individuals that I could never see in my office. Awesome.

    KC 0:49

    Okay, so tell me a little bit about I want to ask you to define resilience. But before I do that, tell me about your like relationship professionally to how you use resilience in your

    Dr. Patrice Berry 1:01

    work. I work a lot with trauma survivors, and the act of resilience, the process of coming through adversity, and not only coming through it, but also learning and growing from it. It's something that I like to let my clients know is even an option. Because when they're sitting across from me, in my office, they're often feeling broken and just miserable. They're at a very, very low point. And in that moment, I see their resilience. Because sometimes I think we look at Oh, resilience means that you're, quote unquote, strong, when I think it takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable, and go to therapy, to realize you need help and support versus hiding and masking that, and not really getting that help and support that could be useful. That's

    KC 1:54

    so huge, because I mean, okay, before we get into the definition, I'm just thinking about, like, the times in my life when I've been going through something really hard, and I just like lay in my bed and sob. And I don't know that I would have considered that me being resilient. But when I think about the amount of people I've met, that truly don't have the skills or courage to allow themselves to fall apart, and sob, like, that does make sense. Crying

    Dr. Patrice Berry 2:18

    is one of my favorite coping skills. Now, if I'm doing it every night, if it's at a point where it's impacting my functioning, that is very different. But sometimes some things happen in life where I just need to cry, or in therapy, because I'll have people apologizing for crying in session. And my little joke with with my clients is, like, I get paid extra when they cry, but I don't. And so that's always because I like to make humor in that moment, because they're often feeling a lot of shame, and feeling a lot of guilt. And really, I'm like, I would rather you cry with me than hold it together in therapy, the place that's supposed to be safe emotionally for you, and letting them know that I can handle that emotion. Because often I've found that people are in the midst of all that pain, that other people want that pain to go away, and they won't hold space for it.

    KC 3:12

    So as a part of being resilient, the ability to fall apart when it's safe to do so. Because we do talk a lot about it being the ability to trudge forward, the ability to move on the ability to, you know, put something on the backburner for a minute so that you can still function but I don't know that we talk enough about it also being the ability to fall apart. So how would you define resilience? Let's start there. And

    Dr. Patrice Berry 3:38

    really leaning on a lot of just research and other definitions. So this isn't my personal definition. But it's that process of adapting well, in the face of adversity, tragedy, stress, and learning and growing from it.

    KC 3:54

    Hmm. And that's a skill that like, once you learn it through one trauma or tragedy is like applicable to everything else in your life. So you're not having to like relearn how to go through every trauma. And would you say that resilience is innate in some people? Or is it always learned?

    Dr. Patrice Berry 4:14

    And that's I think there's a complex relationship between resilience, and indeed, those innate or learned factors, because I think it's a combination of both. Now, there are some people where their natural ability to regulate their emotions, that's a strength for them. And yet someone where that might be something that they're not as skilled at, they can learn skills and tools to be more resilient. So I don't think it's something you have or you don't have. There are certain factors, even economic or societal factors that can make it easier to bounce back after a situation or different privilege that really can help. And yet, I would say even someone in Maybe that comes from a very, that doesn't have as much support that there are other things that might make it more difficult. But I could still find ways to build resilience within that client.

    KC 5:12

    Yeah, cuz it seems like it's not just emotional regulation, although that is a part of it. But it's also like a lot of the cognitive structures, like the beliefs that we have about ourselves and our ability to challenge those beliefs or the police about others. And then, like the ability to be, like, honoring to pain, but also be optimistic about the world, like, you know, we don't want to be overly optimistic and have toxic positivity. But we also don't want to be like, so cynical, like so into rejecting positivity, that we become cynical and depressed and desperate, and we don't have any optimism at all interesting.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 5:51

    And I think about it as having a growth mindset. I know that was something that people talk a lot about with emotional intelligence, or with different topics like that, but being able to go through something, and have a balance with it. So in the midst of that pain, I still honor that. And then I can also see that light in the midst of the pain or once I get through it, maybe it's changed me in a way that might be I have to cope, I have to manage, I have to learn to live with this grief. And yet, I might also have a new passion for supporting people that are actively grieving, or there might be something positive that comes out in the midst of that pain,

    KC 6:34

    it kind of like the visual I get is like being on a boat in a storm, and how you know, sometimes the boat, like I used to be really afraid when I was on a sailboat because like how badly they tipped to one side. And I'm like, surely this is going down. Right. But at the same time, like when you think about a boat in a storm, like there's so much water coming over the top of it, there's so much battering of that boat like It's like there is no way to get through it without getting battered. And yet, there is a way to like, not sink, like you might be badly damaged. But you don't sink.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 7:10

    I love that. And that really an experienced sailor is likely going to embrace some of that uncertainty, or they're going to know okay, at what point do I need to ask the crew to help out or at what point do I need to adjust? Because I think sometimes when you go through tragedy, or when you go through a negative event, our brains go into autopilot. And what feels right might not be what builds resilience, were in the midst of that pain, what I really want to do is just lay in bed all day. And there's a part of me that acknowledges that and then also, okay, I still have to get up and feed myself and take care of myself and finding ways to do that in a way that honors that pain. And then also doesn't keep me because if I listen to that pain too much, it's going to keep me back and hold me down. It

    KC 8:06

    sounds very much like a balancing act like I don't want to ignore my pain, but I can't let my pain always be the driver. And when you're teaching a client this like, it seems like there's quite a bit of research out there about how to ditch resilience, like it's kind of a, to an extent, it's kind of like a warm and fuzzy concept. But it seems like there's some real data about what kinds of things build resilience and what kinds of things don't.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 8:31

    And I think starting with building skills and tools to manage emotions. And something that I do with the clients that I work with is honoring the negative ones, the sad ones that anger, acknowledging, though, because sometimes people they only want to feel and understandably, understandably, it makes sense. And yet the lives that we live, you are going to experience sadness, you're going to experience and being able to have the tools to manage those emotions when they come. I think also having a supportive network. So having some supportive people, whether that's the family I was I came into, or my chosen family, or my friends just being able to have some additional support. Because I truly feel like we were made to live in community. We aren't meant to be isolated and all on our own and to figure it all out ourselves. I'm mom to a six year old. And one of the best things that I found was connecting with other parents that were honest about their struggles. It wasn't that parent that was like, Oh, I make breakfast every morning or I don't know like the parent that's like oh yeah, my kid eats breakfast bars every morning too or I don't like just being able to connect on just what what we're struggling with and being authentic in those relationships.

    KC 9:56

    It's interesting how much of resilience has to do with what you do? Whoo, during times that aren't hard, right? Like, I think about our boat metaphor, and it's like, okay, like, how am I servicing my boat when the waters are calm? How am I attending to the crew and the waters are calm and my mending my sails and my taking inventory and things like that. And this idea of resilience being a community trait or a family trait, and not just an individualist trait is really interesting to me. Because I feel like in Western culture, there's so much emphasis on you as a person individually and like, How can I be strong? And how can I, you know, take care and function through these really hard things, versus this idea of, I mean, I really would have never thought if you would have asked me like, how do I build resilience to the idea of being vulnerable with a mom about the fact that our kids just eat granola bars, like, I that wouldn't have come to mind. And yet, that's so true. Because that moment of connectedness makes a big difference when you are crying in your bed.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 10:57

    Because I think we all struggle, and sometimes on social media, if we're only posting the winds if people are only seeing the ups, and now I don't. So I don't personally post my downs necessarily, but being able to find safe community, because we all longed to be seen and heard and understood. And in the midst of that pain, some of the lies or the distorted thinking can happen where you're thinking, I can't do this. I'm all on my own. I'm the only one struggling like this, without realizing it's not just me. Other people also struggle like this. Other people also keep you know, a, I keep spare deodorant in my office, because sometimes I forget in the morning to put deodorant on, I have a spare dress here in my office, because I might, you know, do something that damages my outfit or, but just knowing that it's not only me that that there's nothing wrong with making adjustments that helps support my life.

    KC 12:02

    I want to talk about a phrase that I've always heard, which is something that gets repeated a lot when a family goes through difficulty or when a child goes through trauma, which is well, children are resilient. And I'm curious what thoughts you have on that phrase? Is it true? Not true? Is it more complicated than that?

    Dr. Patrice Berry 12:22

    One of the things that I think we forget, so when a child experiences early childhood trauma, especially pre language, sometimes it can be stored in the body in a way that we might not realize until later. So that child might seem okay. Until about puberty, and then all of a sudden, they're having behaviors and the family's like, Where's this coming from? And then when I sit down with them, we find out that there was a significant thing that happened earlier on that, really, they didn't really show any issues for a long period of time. And now, we're seeing an increase in certain behaviors. And I think we forget that in kids, when they're not okay, it's going to show up in their behaviors. And that can sometimes be a sign of, okay, I might need some extra support, I might need some extra help. And I do think that how the family responds after or in the midst of, because I've had some people that keep secrets from kids. And then once the kid finds out the truth, now their whole life is just like they're having to Rhea develop their sense of identity and, and that can really cause problems later on. And so finding ways to support kids based on their their age based on their temperament, just how they're made. And then also just providing those supports. And then if I do have a child that struggles a little more being open to getting support, something that I've realized that like, just as I turned 40 Is I likely have undiagnosed ADHD. And back when I was growing up, that was something that my mom would have never sought support for. She would have never, because I think in the past, and maybe still now, I think people sometimes view if there's something quote unquote, wrong, or if there's something going on, a lot of people start to think, is there something I did or what's going on. And now we're in the process of getting our six year old evaluated to, because there are some things coming up. And so even as a licensed psychologist, like as somebody that works with kids and teens, I still like my child needs a therapist. And that that's okay, and that that can build resilience versus waiting until he's in middle school, and maybe failing and struggling and then I finally do that assessment and finally get them support. But as poor self esteem is done. It's

    KC 14:49

    really interesting when you talked about the difference between maybe like your parents generations, you know, it's something wrong with me and let's not talk about it versus Hey, my kids struggling let's get into support because I think Maybe that's like the difference because sometimes when I hear people say like children are resilient, it's a way of saying so like, you know, if you have a friend going through a divorce, and like, it's a good thing that divorce is happening, like they will be happier, they will be healthier, separated, and they have a child. And of course, as a parent, you're like, how is this going to affect my child is going to wreck them? Is it going to traumatize them? Are they going to, you know, turn out to be a drug addict now, because you know, we mommy and daddy couldn't stay together. And when we're talking in those situations, like if I have a friend, and I'm saying like, listen, children are resilient, but this is also a friend who I know is talking about emotions with their kid who is going to get their kid, a therapist who is going to have those open communications with them. And I think the way in which that's true is like children can learn resilience that like, every human goes through difficulties and traumas. And there, we can still live happy home life. So like your child's not doomed, because this thing happened to them. Everybody, I always joke like everybody has traumas that affected their lives. Sometimes we get them young sometimes Oh, like it's happening. And like, the human condition, has the capability of learning resilience and still creating a beautiful life. And to that degree, yes, like even children can move through this and create good lives, that's different than saying that a parent going well, I'm not going to get them help, I'm not going to get them this, we're not going to talk about it, children are resilient, they'll be fine.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 16:31

    And that child is not going to be fine. They're going to stuff those emotions, it's going to come out later. Because in my experience, situations like that, that child ends up feeling like their emotions aren't okay, and that they have to be okay, so that the parent feels okay. Or that they if there's something going on in them that the parent doesn't have the capacity to support them, which can bring up all kinds of issues down the road. And so building resilience and families as a community, that's something that I'm really passionate about. Because in our world, I've seen people try to protect their kids from uncertainty, and wanting them to be happy all the time, versus saying I need to help might prepare my child that things aren't always going to go their way that there are going to be some difficulties. And I want them to feel safe enough that if something's not okay, that they'll come and tell me that they'll tell a teacher that they'll come and that we can support and that we'll be able to manage it, that their life isn't going to be perfect, there are going to be things that happen. And there's a great book, it's by Peter Levine, and I believe trauma proofing your kids. That's something that I often recommend to parents that are struggling to let their kids feel pain. Now as a parent, I don't want to intentionally cause pain. So I do so in my family. We're breaking generational patterns and generational trauma. And so you definitely want to make sure that you're creating a safe environment. And yet at the same time, I know that there are going to be difficulties that come up. Yeah,

    KC 18:10

    well, creating pain and protecting from pain are totally different. And I think that when we're talking about children being resilient, as an encouragement to the to the parent that is connecting their kid to resources to and we're just kind of saying like, hey, the story is not written like you're not doomed, just because you went through a hard thing is very different than when people use it as a thought stopping cliche, which is something we talk about on my podcast a lot these phrases that are just meant to shut everything down and put your head in the sand and not look at it anymore, which I think are all really interesting. My one of my daughters did preschool at this place that put a lot of emphasis on resilience. And they didn't call it that. But you could tell that that's what it was. And it's funny how simple it can be for little kids. I always thought that perfectionism was something that happened because of trauma. And I have now learned that truly some children come out of the womb with perfectionism, like hardwired. And so you're looking around the room at these little preschoolers. And one of the things that they would do is that anytime a child said, I'm not good at this, or I don't know how they had this concept where they said, like, we want to teach you the magic word. And the magic word is yet. So anytime they said, I'm not good at this, instead of saying, Yes, you are. Yeah, I like it, right, which is really kind of suppressing and validating. They'd say, well, what's the magic word? I'm not good at it yet. And I was like, this is brilliant, because I spend so much of my time as a parent, you know, because we feel so bad when we hear I'm so bad at this. I'll never be good. I love it. It's so beautiful. And it's like, well, maybe there's a better way and I just love that growth mindset of it's not good yet. Like let's leave some possibilities open for that. And that was just such a simple way of them doing that.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 19:57

    My other favorite one is mistakes. how we learn. And that's something that I say to myself, I say to my child, I also openly acknowledge that when something happens when I get something wrong with my child, because I might spill something, or I might do something and he sees it, it's like, oh, the stakes are high, we learned that I'm not beating myself up, like, oh, how can I do this? I'm such a, because I think we can tell a kid one thing, but if I'm modeling something else, for my own emotions, they're going to see that that difference, and they're going to be more likely to do what I'm doing, versus what I'm telling them. They should do.

    KC 20:34

    Yeah. So talk to me a little bit about the difference between surviving and thriving and the role that resilience has. This

    Dr. Patrice Berry 20:44

    is such a great question. And I have a book turning crisis into clarity how to survive or thrive in the midst of uncertainty, the

    KC 20:52

    midst, that's a huge part of it, because everybody wants to talk about how to fix it and move on. But what about the midst of it,

    Dr. Patrice Berry 21:00

    because there's some things that just are, and I'm not going to be able to change it, I'm going to have to adjust to this pain. So a personal one in our life is our kid doing intruder drills at school, and our school is an elementary school. And so they notify us when they're coming. And we handle it. So we manage our own just like, hey, oh, by the way, y'all might do this, what do you normally do during it, and as a parent, so if I hear the schools on lockdown, or anything like that, it can bring up a lot of things where it's like, I'm just gonna homeschool. And I'm just going to keep them safe at home. But I know every person is different. And what works best for our household is being able to have things the way that they currently are, which does leave things open to that uncertainty. So surviving, and I don't judge. So if my client is just getting through it, they're still in the midst. So to me, you can't thrive until your storm is over. Like, like if you're still in the midst of a bad situation, if you're not safe yet. Because I think to thrive, you need some some safety. And there are things that we pick up, when we're surviving, that it can be hard to let go in order to thrive. And I work with people, especially some veterans, that might have difficulty in larger spaces. And what we do is we try to gradually get them more comfortable. And it's in a supportive way where it's so that trauma so that feeling doesn't dominate their choices. And yet, in that moment of them surviving, I totally understand why they are where they are. And their goal is often to try to get back, maybe never getting back to pre trauma functioning, but trying to get the sense of their life back where the pain isn't regulating what they can and can't do. And if that's my client's goal, to me, that's a way to teach them how to thrive. And there are strategies and tools that work and instilling some of that hope. Because sometimes, when you're in a dark situation, it can be hard to see is there a way out. And that's where people are looking for therapists, making sure if they do have complex trauma are a lot of things that have happened, making sure that that the therapist is skilled and managing it because I've heard horror stories of people, the therapist not being able to hold space for the amount of pain. So people that have had just trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma, that it being too much for the therapist, because there's a big difference between someone that's trauma informed and someone that skilled at working with trauma. And so I think finding that right fit can help. I'm

    KC 23:46

    also wondering like, what the role of joy is, and resilience because as you were talking about maybe having a client who was a veteran can't go to big open spaces, and I'm thinking okay, so, you know, they can't go to a movie theater yet. But how much time do we spend trying to get them to the movie theater? versus how much time are we spending talking about how they can enjoy a movie in their home? Can they invite one friend over get a bigger TV? Can you afford a bigger TV? Can we get a lazy? Like let's get some popcorn like and not in a corny way, but like, how do we make sure that we're also helping clients make moments of joy in the midst of surviving and not postponing all this joy for that one day when we're not just scraping by anymore? And I

    Dr. Patrice Berry 24:33

    think finding that joy in the midst of it, right as I'm surviving, and maybe not quite at a point where I'm ready for the next thing. I think that can also help give some of that hope and just make the now a little bit more more enjoyable. I think anyone could benefit from that.

    KC 24:57

    So I asked you when we were meeting before we Recorded like what people are most surprised by when they start to learn about building resilience? And I loved your answer, because you talked about how often when you're first starting, building safety requires you to do the opposite of what feels safe in the moment. And so I'm wondering if you can talk about that for a bit. Because it's, it's interesting because I do a lot of talking about honor your body, honor your need, if you want to rest, rest, if you want to, you know, mail it in, mail it in if you want to order pizza order pizza. And I think that that is such an important part of learning to care for ourselves, especially if we're in a place where we're kind of putting down a lot of shame and things like that, and learning self kindness. And there's a really important part in that conversation of talking about building the skill of doing the opposite, that isn't driven by shame, you know, what I mean? Like that is still driven by self kindness. So talk to me about that. And

    Dr. Patrice Berry 25:56

    this truly comes from, as a therapist, I kind of practice things first, before I ever, you know, introduce it to a client. But in dialectical behavior therapy, there's a skill called act opposite, that sometimes if I am just in a really, really dark depression, now, there will be some days where I just stay in bed all day. And then there can also be a way where in the midst of it, if I'm just feeling like staying in bed all day, but maybe I can, instead of staying in bed, maybe I can go sit on the couch, that that just doing the opposite of how I'm feeling with in my, because it talks about zone of proximal development, that zone of can I do this, because Because going outside for a walk that might be too far that day, that might not be anything that the person is ready for. But if we're talking about bed versus couch, opening the windows, because I really just want to be in the dark, and just stay there. And yet just opening the windows, that that can just be a small step, that helps me feel a little better. Something that I've realized is sometimes when my clients listen completely to the depression, or listen to the anxiety, and don't act opposite, they often feel about the same or worse. But when they act opposite, when they do the opposite of how they feel, they often feel a little less. So not that it's not, you know, I'm not leaping off breathing, and I'm not. Rainbows aren't shooting out of places. But I'm just helps feel just a little bit more better, just a little bit more of that joy or happy feeling. And when they come back and tell me it, I am so proud of them no matter what they do. So even if it was even if they weren't able to just encouraging that, that sometimes that can build resilience, and how

    KC 27:47

    do I know what to listen to that day? Like I find that happening? Where it's like, okay, let's say that I'm in a funk that day, right? For whatever reason, we'll just say, fill in the blank. And I've got back to back meetings, and I'm having to decide, okay, I want to cancel all these meetings and lay down is should I do that? Because that's listening to myself, and I need a mental health day. And I need to pull back from, you know, the tyranny of productivity. And like, you know, that that would be like, that would be the growth thing for me to do, right? Or do I need to act opposite right now? Do I need to go take a short walk and go through these meetings? And like, how do I know in that moment, what the right choice is for me.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 28:29

    And I do think it'll vary based on the person's circumstance, because there are people that financially might not be able, let's say they get paid based on the meetings they have, they might have to do those meetings, often when people are doing this. And when we're teaching the ACT opposite skill, they often do it for other people, but not themselves. So if their child needs something, they do it, even if they don't feel like it. Or if their partner needs something, and they don't feel like it. Sometimes they still do it, but they don't give that to themselves. And so balancing some of that self care, that sometimes a part of self care, is also giving, listening to myself and realizing is this coming from a healthy part? Or is it from a less healthy part? And how will I feel after because maybe what I do is, maybe I cancel the later meetings, something that I do is I don't schedule meetings after like, 7pm because my brain I can't do that. I'm not a good therapist before 9am And after 7pm Like I'm just not and honoring that and being able to just say, Okay, I'm just gonna take this one little I'm do this one little thing for me, and how do they feel afterwards? Okay, so

    KC 29:48

    two things you said that I really catalogued. One was getting out of that black and white thinking like, oh, maybe there are more choices, then cancel them all and go to bed or push yourself there. All of them, right? Because I could cancel some of them. One of them, you know, one of them take a nap, finish early, whatever. And even in between that, like, one time I had where like my brain was just off that day. And I was like, What do I do? And instead of, you know, do I go to this meeting? Or do I not I went, you know, I think, though, like I was recording a podcast, I think that if I could turn my camera off, that like that would make it so much easier because of the amount of energy that goes into making eye contact and emoting and doing those things. And what I really wanted to do was, like, stare at nothing, and not have to think about whether I was like smiling, because then I could put all my energy into engaging the guest well, and I was like, why don't I just ask? And I did, I was like, Hey, is it okay? If I just turned my camera off? Because I'm like, I feel like my battery is so low. And I think sometimes it's hard for us to we're so perfectionistic about what's the right choice that we forget, there's a gray area. And then the other thing that you said that I loved was thinking about, like, how will I feel after this, because if it's a like I've learned for me, sometimes if it's a fatigue issue, like I have some chronic fatigue, and I go, Okay, if I push myself through all these meetings, I'm going to collapse, like, I'll get through the meetings, but then my kids will come home and I will have nothing left for them and I will be frustrated, and I will be angry and I will be snapping. Or if I had sometimes it's where it's like I know if I stay in bed all day, I'll feel like oh, about it at the end. versus, you know, if I push myself through this, sometimes it's like actually getting being on my feet will help me not feel as fatigued, like depending on the day and what's going on or with my ADHD, it's like, well, if I push myself through these meetings today, then I won't have to reschedule them. So I won't be as stressed. Like, I'll be so grateful I got it done.

    Dr. Patrice Berry 31:53

    Exactly. Because for I like that you said that it's doesn't have to be either or. And I heard that I'm accommodating myself that I'm just asking for those accommodations, where it's like, okay, I'm having an off day, which to me, what that does is that gives your guests the opportunity. Because if you had done that today, I would have turned my camera off too. And it would have been fine. And so I think communicating those things. I think that it just it lets us be human, and then also gives the other person permission. Because I would remember that that Oh, because I think sometimes we think oh, everybody's out here doing all these different things. And there is that toxic productivity, there really is where sometimes it feels good to get things done, which doesn't have to be bad, but I also have to balance rest as well.

    KC 32:43

    Yeah. And I think that, you know, I say a lot that shame is the enemy of functioning, which is like if I spend so much time trying to decide what the right choice is. And feeling as though you know, let's say that I do pick one. And then I feel blah, at the end of the day. It's like, okay, that's just information, we can be like curious about that, instead of like, well, I made the wrong choice. I'm going backwards. I'm not using my skills like so much of the time, I feel like healing or self improvement. We put it on this very like black and white linear scale where we're either like doing well, or we're doing poorly. And I think that like when I think about growing up and resilience, that was probably one of them, the biggest impacts in terms of like, shifting my thinking of building resilience was like not being so perfectionistic about getting it right when it came to like self improvement, because that kept me in that high anxiety. And then big fall out if I got it wrong. And

    Dr. Patrice Berry 33:45

    for me, so I was raised by a single mom. And everybody looked at me and thought I was incredibly resilient. And yet I was just a really good people pleaser. I was really good chameleon. And people didn't know and so I wish that I had had a safe space and nice, a great therapist that I could have met with to develop some of these skills earlier on. So I had to learn a lot as an adult as I was training to be a therapist that I really wish I had had much earlier. And so yes, kids can be resilient and resilient people sometimes go to therapy, resilient people take their medication resilient people because I think sometimes we think resilience is strong, which means you can be that individual you you can stand on your own. And I don't think we were meant to live life that way.

    KC 34:34

    That's great. Well, that's a really great note to end on. Because there is this view that resilience means strong. When really like resilience could you like what other word would you use if you had to give it to someone

    Dr. Patrice Berry 34:51

    so I think you can be I think it's adding that and or that yet so I can be resilient and cry. I can be resist Lilian and go to therapy. Or I can have a moment because something can happen. That's so just horrific in my life where I might not be as resilient in that moment. And I might need extra help and support to survive it. And then over time, I might get to the place where I'm more resilient, that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You are you aren't? Am I walking in a way that's bringing me closer to my goals? That's where I'm am I okay, with with how I am not comparing myself to other people.

    KC 35:32

    It's almost like it's just persistence. Like, can I figure out a way to keep going, that is sustainable, right, because if I, if I under do it, I'm going to kind of like slow down into the depression, or the mental health or the trauma and I'm not going to function at all. But I could also be overdoing it with the people pleasing and hyper productivity, and everything has to be perfect. Everything has to be and then I'll burn out. It's like neither one of those things is sustainable. And so like true resilience really is finding a way forward to where you can always keep going regardless of what's happening and how bad it is. That's actually sustainable. And sometimes you slow down and sometimes you speed up but you go forward in a sustainable way. I love it too. Well, Patrice, thank you so much for your time. Can you tell everybody where they can find you online if they want to know more and where your book is?

    Dr. Patrice Berry 36:27

    Thank you. I am at Dr. Patrice berry on tick tock, Instagram and YouTube. And my book is on Amazon and Kindle audiobook and then also paperback

    KC 36:39

    right and what's the name of it one

    Dr. Patrice Berry 36:40

    more time for the audience, turning crisis into clarity how to survive or thrive in the midst of uncertainty.

    KC 36:47

    Awesome. Well have a great rest of your day. You too.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
74: Boundary Stories, Part 1: The Dad I Didn’t Cut Off

The thing about boundaries is that they are much more complex than most people assume. The world of boundary-setting is rarely colored with clearly defined black-and-white choices. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend Bethany about her relationship with her father and how she handled boundaries in ways that felt authentic to her. We are discussing how boundaries come into play in the relationships we have and the decision-making process we use. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

●      A little background on Bethany’s dad, their relationship, and how she grew up not feeling wanted and approved by him

●      How Bethany’s relationship with her dad got worse as she became an adult and encountered her personal addiction issues

●      How Bethany learned hard lessons about communicating with her dad

●      Why Bethany decided to maintain her relationship with her dad—even though he gave her every reason not to

●      How Bethany set hard boundaries by not engaging with him when he was drinking and verbally abusive to her

●      How extra complexities came into their relationship when his health declined and he needed her more and more

●      Why Bethany’s decisions to engage and re-engage were never about believing he would change

●      Why the boundary decisions we make are less about what is right or wrong and more about how we can remain an authentic, whole person

●      How Bethany handled his terminal illness in ways that left her with no regrets

Resources and Links:

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC Davis 0:00

    Hey.

    Okay, Bethany, first of all, thank you for being here. And the reason why I wanted you to tell your story is because I talk a lot about boundaries on my Tiktok. And boundaries aren't what most people think they are, we usually think of boundaries. As you know, if you don't do this, I'm going to do this. And that can be what boundaries look like. But there's just a lot of pop psychology. And I think that you have a really great story about you and your dad about boundaries, that shows the nuances and the complexities that come when we get out of talking about boundaries as this sort of esoteric, like, hard line thing about like, well, you just, you know, don't put up with that, or Oh, never abandon that person, and look at them as stories of real people in real relationships that are neither good nor bad. So I have this flowchart that I use, I talk to people about, like this decision making process. And it was similar to the decision making process that you went through with your own dad. And so I thought we could just kind of start at the beginning as a way of telling that story. Okay. Okay. So the first question in this relationship decision tree is, is this behavior acceptable to you know, so let's talk about your dad's behavior. Like, why is this the story we're telling? So I think one thing that's important to note is that my dad was in Vietnam. He was drafted when he was 18. And he was on the ground in the jungle with a machine gun. And I think it had a very real impact on the man he became. So my parents divorced when I was five, he was not a nice man. I don't know the details. I suspect there was some physical abuse. I loved my dad, I just adored him. When they got divorced. When I was nine, we moved out of state, my dad remarried, she was not a nice woman, she had a daughter and a stepsister, and essentially my dad, and he admitted this, that he that was his family. And I was just an add on basically. Now I know that he loved me, but I didn't fit the mold. my stepsister was beautiful, blond hair, big blue eyes, pretty lips, she was skinny, like the whole thing. And I was just kind of a chunk my whole life. You know, what's interesting is I always felt like he called me fat. I don't think he ever outright said I was fat. But here's what I discovered when he just kind of fast forward to. He was in nursing home recently. And he was talking about one of the nurses and he was like, which one that he was like, you know, the fat one. And I was like, Oh, okay. Yes, that's it. Like, it was clear that I never fit the mold. But I, I mean, the truth is, I just adored him. So we had a very strange relationship. He always thought I was just too sensitive. I always got my feelings hurt. You know, we went on a cruise. He took me under, he was very generous. He bought me a car when I was 16. We went on a cruise, you know, he gave us all 60th Birthday cruises. And you know, I was alcoholic out of the gate.

    Unknown Speaker 2:58

    I was drinking at the bar. He didn't know if you're gonna sneaking it. And his comment to me was quit whoring around the bar, you know, 16 years old. So this is the way that he talked to me now. He also had very redeeming qualities. He was really funny, really smart, really successful. And like, I loved him, and I just always wanted him to be proud of me. And it just seemed like he was very, very critical. I remember when I was in high school, I said, Man, I would win the lottery wrong. Like, there would be nothing I could do. I'm for real. I just thought, oh my gosh, like, you know, be so proud of something like when I got a puppy for my 16th birthday, oh, man, it's all I ever wanted was this puppy, this Golden Retriever puppy. And I called him and I said, Dad, guess what? I got a puppy. And you said, Don't you think you're a little old for a puppy?

    Bethany 3:42

    I mean, it was just kind of just, it was almost like, it was chipped away very slowly. Again, I knew he loved me. And he did other things. For me. He showed his love by buying me things and not not a lot of things. But big things like certain things were very important to him. I had a real good case of alcoholism and drug addiction and went to treatment when I was 20. And this is when it really started to deteriorate. Although I don't know I think probably in high school. It did too. Because I felt so discarded by his family. And he like I said he admitted it. When I was in treatment. He came to the family program. He was like, Yeah, I did. I was like, oh, okay, so I went to treatment. And he was mean. And I ended up so this is when I really started kind of taking breaks from having any communication with him. He was really mean to me. My mom pay for treatment. I was in like year long treatment. I got out I was working at Starbucks, like trying to do the deal. And I had some health insurance and had a cavity I needed $80 To get my cavity filled. And I just couldn't ask my mom for another penny. And so I called him and he berated me for 30 minutes. He gave me the money, but he berated me about my life and how you know, I'm 30 years old and I'm working at Starbucks and he was just like, Ah, I was trying so hard to like, live a different life and, and I discovered at that time because I had started doing releases

    Deep Work with myself and I thought, okay, I get it. When I asked him for something, he thinks I owe him something or he thinks I've given him permission to give me feedback in my life. That point, I never asked him for another thing. Not a penny, not a favor, nothing. So that was a good lesson for me. But so throughout the course of the next several years, you know, he would be mean to me, and I would take a break. And then it's interesting because our mutual friend Heidi, she was like, man, come on, call your dad. I mean, seriously, like, call your dad, I didn't invite him to my wedding because I wasn't speaking to him. So I did, I called him and, and I had been married at that time, we were about to start trying to have a baby. And so he was kind of in my life at that time. And, and so then he started coming to visit and we, you know, reestablished our relationship at this point. He's divorced. And then this is when his drinking escalated. So he was a, my guess is, If I could describe it, I would say he was a very high functioning alcoholic, like he was brilliant. He retired at the age of 52. He did all the things, you know, right. And then he was able to, like retire to Florida. And it got bad quick. And so when he would, you know, go on these benders and be ugly to me, I would take breaks. But I will say, over the last 10 years, it got to a point that was unbearable.

    KC Davis 6:23

    And so when it's interesting when you talk about Heidi being like, call your dad call your dad, was there a point at which she understood why it was you were not calling him? Yeah, she was like, Man, I'm so sorry. I just thought you had like the classic daddy issues. She was like, Bethany. This is legit. Like verbal abuse? Yeah. It's funny. So I feel like I did the opposite. I was like, cut that son of a bitch off and never talked to him again. And then you and then I gave him around. Yeah, you figure it out. Like oh, like you. I just telling you stories about when I was little and how I just like adored him. And you're like, oh, yeah, I feel like there's so much more nuance and human complexity to relationships than we like to think of like, we want to think that everything is so black and white. Everything is either forgive, reconcile, you know, reestablish or it's cut them off. Never speak to them again. And I think one of the things that your story does beautifully, is sort of dive into this complexity of maybe it is not either, or maybe it's both. Maybe it's and maybe it's sometimes this sometimes that so can you share with us like some of the things that went into your decision to maintain that relationship? Sure. Can I play message for you real quick, just because I think it's hard to really capture. So when my dad was not drinking, he was a binge drinker? Because I think this is all part of to answer your question. And when he was not drinking, he was nice, he was decent. So but then when he would drink, he would go off. And so here's a message. Now the only reason I saved these messages is because at one point, my husband was afraid that we would be in trouble from Adult Protective Services legitimately. So because I did get a call from them. And so I wanted to document like, Hey, this is the relationship. So that's one reason I saved these but Well, you're a coward. And your mother is a coward. And I can't speak to anybody that just wiped her dough. How and when, and where I beat your mother when she was pregnant, I think, spread the message widely. And I think it's a bull ship. Want to know.

    Bethany 8:41

    That day, he left me about 15 messages like that. We're talking about like, what kinds of factors for you went into the decision about when and how to engage with him. And you think your first point was that a lot of his abusive behavior was contained to his like alcoholic binges? Right when he was kind of rude and Curt, just his general nature. But when he drank he was like that. And so it was, you know, you talk earlier about you know, you said, Oh, this was so hard in it. It was so hard to figure out what to do. But So my rule was, and this was unspoken, it was like, I'll be in a relationship with you. But you have to be nice. I mean, I knew I couldn't stop his drinking. I had you know, certainly had a boundary he couldn't drink in front of me or my son. But like if you want to like drink away alcoholic Lee, that's fine, but you may not speak to me like that. I will not engage in relationship with you when you're being abusive. So what would that look like when he would do something like that leave you that voicemail? I would send him a text and say hey, I love you. You may not speak to me like that. And then he would argue back and argue back and I would just keep setting the boundary like unfinished with this conversation. I will not engage in then it would be and you know, his pride was so much like the way that we can

    KC Davis 10:00

    nected I didn't, you know, here's the truth is like, I had a hard time with that. Because internally for me, I understand alcoholism, and I understand that he, like was doing that against his own will. And so I had some compassion that that part of him was something more than him being just being a jerk that like he was under this spell, if you will, of something bigger than him. But you don't get to talk to me like that. And so like i Something inside of me said like, this is important, like, I don't want to, like just totally walk away from him. And so I think it was that time when he did that. And I got this call this random call from an unknown number. And it was this lady who said, Hey, I'm your dad's housekeeper. And he was in Florida, and I'm in Texas, and I just got to his house, and he's unresponsive on the floor, and I had to call 911. And so this started the kind of the end, like the last few years where this happened several times, like he would go to the hospital, I'd go down to Florida, and I would go to his bedside. And, you know, I would say, Dad, you know, I love you, and I'd show up for him. And then he would be nice for a while, and then he would drink again. And that would happen. I mean, this happens so many times. And and I think mostly what happened at this point was, this is where I started going down to Florida ending up at his bedside. And so at one point, you know, when he would come visit, it was so I don't even have the words for it, it was so stressful. Because I was always on alert. I was just waiting. And this was him sober to just waiting for me. I just was like, so I was bracing myself it was so I was like, terrified. And then at one point, he wanted to come back pretty quickly. And I told him, No. And then I felt guilty about it. And so I called him back and I said, hey, what if you just come for like, you know, like, a long weekend, that was me trying to have some sort of boundary that didn't go well, he came, it was fine. But then he called again, and was hateful to me. And then he sent me a three page letter about my disgusting behavior. And for the first half of the letter was about me, in my addiction, because I'm 20 years sober, the things I did, it was all true, I did behave like that. And the second half was about the boundaries that I said, and how he did not like them, and how hurt he was from them. So for it sounds like for a long time, you would engage until his behavior became unacceptable, then you would disengage what was the longest period that you guys were disengaged from a year, maybe a year and a half. I mean, in earlier parts of my life, it was four years, five years, but in the most like the last 10 years, I would say about a year. So then, as you move later into life, something shifts because he starts to actually need you. And so talk about the, like, extra complexity that that brings in because you go from this, you know, it's all just your behavior, right? You show up this way, I'm done. And I'm done until I don't want to be done anymore. Like, it's really that simple, right? There was no like rule was just like until I, you know, feel ready to engage with you again. Well, and usually what that looked like was he needed me in some way. Or he would, you know, he'd go like a month or two, and he'd be like, Hey, how you doing? I haven't heard from you in a while. You know, it's like, like, nothing happened. Yeah. And the truth is half the time, I bet he was in a blackout. He didn't remember. Yeah. So as it gets to the end of his life, though, you start having to actually care for him. And so how does that make it more complex? To sort of have those boundaries? Well, what's interesting is what I did come to is I didn't have to care for him. But I wanted to talk about that. I don't know I, when you say it again, yeah. You said when you had to care for him, I didn't have to care for him. And I was clear about that. But I wanted to, because, listen, he was such an unpleasant man. I was the only person he had in the world. He had a handful of friends who also kept him at a distance. He was an unpleasant man. And I have compassion for the fact that he was doing the best he could. And I'll tell you, most of my life, I didn't understand that. When I was a kid, my mom used to say, Honey, like I can go to my dad's house, and it'd be the summer and I'd be like, in the bathroom, sobbing, crying. And she said, Sweetie, that's not about you. That's about him. I couldn't figure that out. But having done some deep spiritual and emotional work myself, what I understand is what my dad says to me or about me, it's not about me, that's about him. So I was able to, you know, make that line. But I, my point is, is that I had some compassion for him, and I loved him. And I just like, I didn't want him. I mean, he was like on a decline. I mean, ultimately, he did die of alcoholism from pancreatitis and cirrhosis of liver alcohol induced, and I wasn't going to let him go down like that. I was like, I'm not going to go to my grave, knowing that, like, I didn't show up for him. So I think whenever we have these conversations about relationships and boundaries and harm and mistreatment, there's so many shoulds and shouldn't, right, and one of the things that I when I listened to your story, I think most people, you know, the story that they think of is like and then I cut them off and never spoke to him again, because I deserve better. But one of the things that I hear

    hearing your story or or that are so powerful to me, number one, your decisions to engage in reengage, were never about believing that he would be different. No, like you were clear, like, I'm reengaging, he is the same person, he will have the same behavior. And I will probably need to disengage again at some point. It's easy in hindsight, but in the moment, it's funny, because I never knew like, what's the right thing to do? It was so hard. It was so it felt to me, like it was black and white. But I'm so thankful for the people in my life who helped me see that it was okay to you know, set a boundary. And then when he was nice, let him back in, you know, yeah. Because I think that's so much of the crazy making is the, I let him back in because what would be different, and then you, you know, your heart is broken, and I let him back things would be different, a heart is broken. And that's different than you going, he's gonna be the same person. And he's my dad, and I want to do it. And then the other part was, you know, towards the end, you talked a lot about, you talked about how I didn't have to care for him. Like I, I was not obligated to care for this person that had mistreated me so badly, but that you just wanted to Well, yeah, he's my dad. And I mean, I, you know, what I know is that like, when I was little, like, I just loved him. I mean, obviously, I still loved him and love him. But I mean, like, he was my daddy, there's so few people that I feel like can hold that space for somebody of like, you know, we want to push people, and we almost want to over moralize the other way of like, well, if you had any self respect, well, if you had boundaries, well, you know, you can't let someone talk to you that way. Like you should do that, whatever. And I think people forget that these are like real life, people in our lives that are gray. Even as horrible as the behavior sounds right? Like, at the end of the day, it is that like man is my dad. Well, and you know, it's interesting that you say that, because people who didn't really know the complexity of it, or, you know, it's like, I have this friend, a mom from school. And I, you know, when she first heard about the story, she's like, Oh, come on, you've talked to your dad. And then by the end, she's like, do not talk to him. And it was all very black and white. And there were very few people who, you know, walked the path with me of this gray area. Were kind of a you and Heidi particularly, and I have other friends, too, that like allowed me be in this place where I was uncertain. And I mean, the part that you helped me with the most is it was just so brilliant. Because I said, you know, in the thick of it, I said what I mean, how do I not be a martyr, and like, still love him? And you said, Well, you can still manage his health care. And you can still talk to the facility and make talk to the doctors and make sure he's cared for. And that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with him right now.

    Yeah, and you did, you went through a period of time where you didn't visit him, you didn't take him out to lunch, you didn't really even speak to him directly. But you were still really involved in his care, making sure that they were caring for him that his meds were balanced, that his clothes were washed, you know, all of those sort of things. And I think that's also a great example of how you can't give a lot of like generalized advice. Because there are these, you'll find these areas and almost reminds me of like a fine string. And it feels like you have to be on one side or the other. And like, regardless of how find that little thread, you can get in there and pull apart those little fibers and find these like creative ways to like split the wicket. You know what I mean? Like these creative ways to honor both sides of I do not have to submit to abuse and mistreatment. I am not obligated to care for the people that mistreat me and

    my dad, I want to and I can't leave him there. And I'm not obligated to not leave him there. I don't want to write and how can I find ways to do both of those things at the same time, if you want to? Well, and it sounds so clear cut when you say that it did not feel clear cut in the moment. It was you know, when you're in it, you can't really see some stuff just fumbling through. I felt like I was fumbling through but I am just so grateful. I had a support system of people who could really like genuinely and authentically helped me like go to the places of like really figuring out what was happening and what I what how can I stay true to myself and how can I stay true to my family? My husband and my son and and how can I still love my dad? Hmm. And I'll be honest, it was brutal. Yeah, I will say I have no regrets. Not a one. I sat by his bedside for three days the last three days of his life and I and he was unresponsive and I and I talked to him and I have this memory of him. I'm taking me the movie nine to five and I eight bucks a Lemonheads and like you know, ruined my tongue from sucking on them and I said Hey Dad, let's watch a nine to five and I put it on in the room and I crawled in bed with him.

    Bethany 20:00

    When I talked to him, and I mean, I'll tell you what, in spite of that relationship, like, for me, it had a good ending. I am not even a little bit mad at him. I know that he's free. I mean, for people who hear that message, I know they're like, Oh, no. I mean, dude, the guy was doing the best he could. And he loved me the only way he knew how, one of the things that, you know, when we talk about these decisions that are so hard to make, they're so great. They're so complex. And what do I do? Do I? Do I engage or disengage? I think one of the important factors there that I observed in your journey with this, is that so much of that decision is less about, is it right? Or is it wrong? And more about what can I authentically do, and remain a whole person because, you know, you're someone who I mean, you got, what, 20 years of sobriety, you have a really strong background of good therapy and good healing, you have a good support system, you have like a stable family, you have like you had the coping skills and the support system that you needed to be able to engage such a difficult, sometimes abusive person, and you yourself not deteriorate as a result, like it would have been different choices. I think, had Heidi and I seen you deteriorating. Like if every time you got to that point of okay, mistreatment is happening, I'm going to step back, if we saw that, like you weren't coping through those, like it destroyed you for days, or like you weren't functioning in your home, or you weren't being able to show up for your kid or like, I think that we as your friends probably would have had very different feedback for you. And that's not like a moral good, moral bad, like, oh, you should be able to do this. If you're strong. I feel like people are just in different spaces, people have different privileges, people have different support systems. And so much of it is less about should I or shouldn't I? And more about what do I have to work with today? What do I have to work with in this season? Like what emotional and supportive resources do I have to work with, because I know for me like one of my boundaries, and I think you're the same as that, like, I cannot set myself on fire to keep somebody else warm. And it doesn't mean that I won't move heaven and earth to keep you warm. If I love you, and I care about you. And I can in many ways, see past bad behavior to your humanity, but I can't set myself on fire to keep you warm. And I think one of the powerful things about your story is even though it felt like it was kind of this, like stumbling in the dark, you know, part of the ability to engage in disengage when you did was recognizing, honestly, when you did and didn't have kind of like the resources at bay to be able to handle whatever he was kind of thrown at you, for sure. And also, you said the words like right and wrong. I think there were so many times I just wanted somebody to tell me what the right thing to do was, nobody could do that. I had to figure it out. And what I had to figure if and when it finally came to us that there was no right or wrong. There wasn't a right answer. It wasn't the right thing to do. To cut them off. It wasn't the wrong thing to do. It was what I could live with. How could I sleep at night? How can I, you know, at one point, I was on speakerphone with him in the car and my son was in the backseat, I hung up and my son said, Mom, does he always talk to you like that? Or just like you have this guy around my kid. And I don't want my son to think this is how we treat people. And this is how your parents talk to you. And I was just like, oh, no, sir. So there were just so many things. And I mean, the truth is, I mean, I was I mean, I was functioning, but I was a hot mess at times, you know, I cried a lot. And I cried about things that really didn't have to do with my dad. Like everything. There were times when I was so sensitive that my son having a disagreement with a friend can bring me to tears, and I was just in a super sensitive spot. Yeah. And so I just don't want to make the impression that, you know, Oh, I did it. Right. And I had all the answers, because the truth is, it felt like I was fumbling along the whole time. Yeah, we spent so much time worried about doing it right and getting it right. And I think what's powerful is listening to you say in hindsight, there was very little right or wrong, there were moments of going, it was really just like moments of trying your best to operate from your values. And those aren't right, because like, there's this value of I can't let my son be around this. There's this value of this as my dad and I don't want him to die alone. And there's this value of like, I'm a child of God and I don't want to submit to abuse. Like I can't do that. There's this value of like, he's got nobody else and I feel compassion and there's this value of, you know, I have to show up for my family and I have to care for myself and there's this value of you know, I want to you know, give of myself and help my dad and it's like sometimes it can feel so different

    KC Davis 25:00

    Whole, like those values are all in conflict. And like there's this perfect way to do that dance. When in reality, it's a lot of just kind of stumbling around and doing the best you can and recognizing that the best thing you can hope for is to be able to put your head on your pillow at night and go, Okay, I'm alright with it. And I'm so glad that you got that I did. I'm so grateful to thank you. This was such a wonderful, raw look at boundaries that I don't feel like people get to hear and I really appreciate you being vulnerable and talking about it. Thank you and I appreciate you being there for me the whole way

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
73: When You Have the Problem Dog with Jacqui Zakar

Are you at the end of your rope dealing with a dog who always seems to be the problem? I’ve been there, and I can say that there is hope! Today’s episode is a nice wrap-up as the final part of our series on dog training. Jacqui Zakar joins us from her home in Australia for today’s discussion about coping when your dog is “the problem.” Jacqui is a dog trainer I follow on TikTok, and I know she brings a lot of great advice and expertise to this important topic. Join us!

 Show Highlights:

●      Why Jacqui understands from personal experience what it’s like to have a reactive dog that’s labeled as “that dog”

●      What Jacqui identifies as the most common misconception around dog training

●      Why Jacqui wants parents to take a closer look at the relationship between their dog and their child

●      Why socialization for your puppy is NOT the only answer to behavior problems

●      Why we sometimes have to adjust our expectations of life with “this dog” because of their individuality

●      Why Jacqui starts her training by assessing how a dog deals with different types of pressure

●      Why training should focus on small steps and ONE thing at a time

●      What to do when you’re at the end of your rope with a problem dog

●      Why the best question to ask when getting a dog is, “Which dog will fit best into my lifestyle?”

●      What KC discovered about her dog through using aversive methods (with a trainer) and teaching boundaries

●      How to use a “welfare lens” in understanding long-term stress vs. a stressful moment in your dog’s training

 Resources and Links:

Connect with Jacqui Zakar: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, Casey Davis. And all the way from Australia today is Jackie, who is another dog trainer that I have followed, I think probably the first dog trader that I followed on tick tock, and this is sort of a nice little end cap to the two part dog series that I did recently. Oh, there's a nice wheeze there. I don't know if I have asthma. I didn't realize I was wheezing this morning, in case you heard that at home. Jackie, thank you so much for being here.

    Jacqui 0:35

    Thank you so much for having me. I've been looking forward to this so much. So

    KC 0:38

    I really loved the idea that you sent over when we messaged and you said, you know, I'd like to talk about like, the shame happens when you have the problem dog. And I thought that would be such a perfect note to end on. Because, you know, I talked to a lot of dog trainers we talked about, you know, how can you take care of a dog when you're struggling? And how can you you know, what kind of things should you train for. And then I talked with my dog trainer about how we approach dog training and, and I felt like, you know, I bet after that there are people that listened that looked over at their dog that they love that they just have not been able to train or that just came to them rough or has always had issues. They have that dog that is dog aggressive, or that dog that doesn't like people or that dog that bit someone or that dog that's been abused. And they're going well, that sounds good and nice. And so I'm curious, you know, why was that the topic you wanted to talk about? Probably

    Jacqui 1:34

    one of the reasons was, I think I'm a little bit of an anomaly when it comes to the dog training world. Because I actually started quite late in life. I'm 51. And I've been training for only eight years. So I've worked in a lot of industries, my background, a Bachelor of psych, I've worked in mental health, I've worked in emergency phone counseling and emergency care and stuff. I've also worked in the pharmaceutical industry and some other industries. But I got into dog training because I owned reactive dog be male, beautiful German shepherd with actually really lovely genetics. And I'm very aware that it was the things that I did that kind of created the reactivity. And it was only later that I realized that and my journey with trainers and learning about that is really what led me into dog training, even though I was already a bit of a hobbyist. But the more I learned about it, the more I realized there's just so much so many conflicting messages when you're trying to understand your dog and understand how to help them. But I also can really empathize with the experience that dog owners have. Whereas a lot of dog trainers have been like training since they come out of the womb, and they're just Daugman and like they're just really good with dogs and don't always understand what it's like to not just have a reactive dog, but be the owner that is at the park and your dogs pretty good off leash, and then all of a sudden they attack a dog. And then I actually remember a lady yelling at me once it was the second time my German Shepherd attacked a dog, and I thought he'd be okay. And I remember her yelling at me saying you're that German Shepherd owner that people are talking about. And I was like, oh my god, like, Oh, wow. And I loved my dog. But I realized people are talking about my dog and me and I'm that person at the park with the aggressive dog that's attacking other dogs. But I was also the owner that would yell Don't worry, he's friendly until the day he wasn't I was the owner that would step out of my front door afraid that somebody be walking their dog past the house, because I knew that he was going to lunge and he was going to bark, and so done a lot of the things that I see a lot of owners shamed for. And I understand I wasn't being irresponsible, I just didn't understand, I didn't really understand why it was happening, why this behavior had popped up all of a sudden, and I didn't really know how to help him and some of the trainers that we had some odd advice, some were really helpful. One became my first mentor. And he's probably one of the most successful rehab cases I did when I was a early trainer, I had an off leash reliable around other dogs to the point that dogs could approach him and sniff them. And I'm not saying that that's achievable, because he was just that dog that that was achievable. And I learned the strategies to help him do that. But whenever I see an owner struggling or whenever they're embarrassed, or whenever they're kind of apologizing to me for their dog's behavior, I tell them don't worry. I said, having a reactive dog having a fearful dog or just having a dog with behavioral issues will teach you more about dog behavior and dogs than any other dog you own. And it's like, I know it's a struggle and I know there's tears and I know there's days when you're like, oh my god, is this going to ever get any better but you learn so much and I really want kind of owners Dealing with that to know that you will learn so much. But you've got to be conscious of what you're learning with my dogs Ali, it was only after he passed away that I kind of looked back because it was such an emotional roller coaster that I looked back and I went, oh my god, like he was dog reactive, but he was so good with people. He was just beautiful with people with children with adults, never jumped on anyone was polite love to get affection from anyone was very gentle. But I was so hung up in the shame and always trying to do the right thing and always been hyper vigilant and everything, I was always concentrating on his bad points, and what the struggle was. And I missed a lot of the beauty of of who he was into after he passed away. So I really try and point out to clients like, yeah, you know, your dog struggling with this, and they're struggling with that. But wow, how cool is this? Like, let's really use this, you know what I mean? And it's like, what people find their strengths and build those up. And sometimes that can really help with their weaknesses. And I know you're coping with that a little bit, because I know your dog's a little bit sensitive and fearful.

    KC 6:12

    Yeah. And, you know, I had always was funny, we took my dog to Christmas, and I did my best, my family was great about it, you know, telling them, okay, don't I'm gonna let the dog out, please don't touch the dog, please ignore the dog, let her come to you. She does not like the top of her head pet. And overall, everybody was really, really respectful of that. And to the degree that people, you know, tried to pet her or tried to reach a little too. It was like very human behavior. Like she's an adorable dog, you know, extent that people are doing the best they can. And you know, at one point, somebody tried to pet her reach for it. She'd like, you know, coward back and they were like, gosh, you know, do you think she was abused. And I would have said the exact same thing before I had her. But like, I got her eight weeks from the woman who was fostering her and the siblings. And like, I know, she was not abused. And I don't think I appreciated that. Just like people, dogs have temperaments. Like, they're not blank slates of perfectly balanced emotional behavior, you know, they have temperament, you can be nervous by temperament. And, you know, when we found that out, when we got her, you know, I was so grateful for your work, because I had learned enough about dog behavior to start to recognize that she was a nervous dog. Because the way she was showing us at as a tiny puppy could have so easily been ignored. Because she's kind of a fawn girl, you know, she's okay, I'll go on this walk. But I'm gonna look around the whole time, and I'm going to then get scared of what to go home. And like, it's easy to see how that stuff could have turned into some dangerous reactivity when she hits 100 pounds, right. But there is this shame of like, Oh, I've done the wrong thing, or I didn't know what I was looking for. And it sounds like your experience was so important. Because one of the things that I remarked on one of my other episodes to somebody was, you know, sometimes the disconnect between the average dog owner, and the trainer that they're working with, is that the trainers whole life is dogs, and they can accomplish with a dog, you know, as a trainer, is completely based on how interested they are, how much time they have, how much passion they have, how much you know, whereas it doesn't matter that you can train a dog really well, right, because as the average dog owner, I have two children, I have a career, I have a family, I have a house, I have a cat I have. So like, one of the things that I appreciate about My trainer was he was able to say like, you know, here's the things you can do as you go along the day, and the behavior I want you to reward as you see it. But as far as like structured training, it was like five minutes a day, you know, maybe 20 minutes when we got up to some other activities. But there's kind of this disconnect of, I think sometimes you forget what it's like to just be an average dog owner and what you're capable of and what it feels like. And so do you think that that helped you a lot that you're so you really remember that

    Jacqui 9:16

    100% Because I love geeking out on theory and you know, training concepts and I have to be careful not to over explain myself to clients sometimes because my ADHD isn't so hyperactive, but the activity at that site probably shows up when I'm talking about dogs. So I've got to really check myself because I'll go off on tangents. And when I meet clients who I kind of will profile as hobbyists like they really like training their dog, they're teaching them everything. And I usually say you're doing way too much. I will say to them in another session, I said we really need to stay on topic because I know you're into it. And you're going to ask me questions just outside of what we're talking about. And we'll be here for four hours and I have two other clients I have to say So yes, I love talking about it. But there's so many things you touched on that I could talk about that I'll go off on those tangents. But the first thing you mentioned, which I think is such a common misconception is it's not in, it's not all in how you raise them. And you hear that a lot like, and I see shame on social media with that, when I post videos of body language around children, those videos get a lot of hate, like they get a lot of trolls, which you wouldn't think they would. It's like I'm trying to educate on how to keep children safe. And like, let's look at the dog's body language, I

    KC 10:31

    just want explain to the audience that's listening. These are the videos. And this is the first content, I found a view but you often will put up videos that you find online of people who are videotaping like their children with their dog. And it's usually the people, the parent thinking like, Oh, what a sweet moment, my kids hugging my dog, look how protective My dog is on my child. And you will sort of give commentary about like, Okay, here's what this dog's body language is actually saying. And here's how this is going to potentially be a dangerous interaction. Exactly.

    Jacqui 10:59

    And you've always got the nice music over the top and everything and the comments like almost invariably will be all they're going to be best friends for life, big protector, like dogs love children. And I think I've been called Karen on those videos more times than any other videos that it's not that I want to jump into people's videos, I don't want to shame the owners. And I always make that clear, I'm not trying to shame this parent, because you don't know what you don't know. And dog's body language. And behavior isn't as easy to read as people think like the subtleties are very easy to miss. So my intention is always like, this video could potentially save a child from being bitten. And if I can just plant plant a seed in a few people's heads, but usually they go quite well. And they usually, like performed quite well. And I would make a lot more of them if I didn't get so much from them. Because after a few days, I'll start getting the comments of a you don't know what you're talking about, that dog will die for that child, like I've grown up with 25 bully breeds, and they will walk my child to school every day, like the things that people say, and everybody wants to think they love their dog, they know their dog, and the defensiveness and the inability for people to just like question, just question what they might be seeing for a moment. So yet anyway, I'm going off on tangents. But that's why I don't post many of those. But I do think they're important. And I'm trying to find a way I'd love to create an ebook or even a free online course to provide the parents with this is what to look out for. This is what to train, this is how you can avoid it. But I can't use those videos, obviously. So I'm trying to figure out a way to do it. But to get back to what you're saying. A lot of the things that they'll say in those comments are, it's all how you raise them, this parents like doesn't know what they're doing. If you train a dog, right and raise it right, you'll never have any problems. But it's not in all how you raise them, the dog that you have in front of you as a combination of genetics, breed, and environment and how those things interact with each other. So and you would have seen that in your own dog have you see fear or aggression in a very young puppy, like a puppy that's younger than about four months, that's genetic, unless there's been something very specific that's happened in the letter that's using genetic fear. So that can go a couple of ways. But the reality is, you're probably always going to have a sensitive dog, that what you need to be able to do is kind of recognize it, and just make that dog the best that they can be, I've got quite an anxious dog. And she's confident for who she is that only because I knew she was an anxious dog. Because if you put your dog in situations, by exposing them to too much or overwhelming them, or trying to tell them to just get through it, you could create real problems, which is what I did with my own dog.

    KC 13:56

    And you could do it even trying to do all the right things. Because before I started working with a trainer one on one, I was just following a lot of trainers online. And one of the things that I heard over and over and over was, it's so important to socialize your puppy. It's so important. There's this period of this developmental period that if like you don't get your puppy out into the world during that period, they're going to be a fearful dog. And like so here I have this puppy, you already seems a little fearful, and we're smack in the middle of that. And so the first thing I did that first week was like, take her out to a couple of places. And I didn't understand enough of the nuance of number one, how slow that needed to be. So I'm just like going into Home Depot and letting her watch stuff and you know, now I can look back at those videos and see like, Oh, she was pretty frightened during that. And then the other part of it, you know, when I finally got with the trainer who said like listen, yes, it's true that like there's that period and if you have a dog that is not already nervous that exposure can be really beneficial if you do it really slow, but it's not like if you don't socialize the dog during that period, you can never social Eyes them and with your dog, you know, I really believe that the better approach is to really focus on some confidence building in the home. And then we will do a very slow rollout later, like we will get her to a place where she can go on walks and things but don't feel because I really did feel like Oh, my God all is lost if I don't get my puppy out and about during this one specific period of time. So

    Jacqui 15:25

    I actually saw that post that you put up about that. And I appreciated seeing that post because, look, I'm one of those trainers that harps on about what socialization is and the critical period and everything. And I do try and talk about the nuances not just throw these things at your dog and go, Hey, listen, here's that. And here's this is how you do it. Like, unfortunately, I don't know what it's like in the States. But here a lot of the puppy schools, they're not run by trainers or behavior experts, they usually kind of vet clinics and the receptionist's will run them and no hate to them. I'm sure a lot of them are fine. Their message is usually you've got to expose your dog to 100 dogs at 100 people before they're six months old. And now we'll move on to let's talk about play. It's like no, no, no, it's more important than the exposures themselves is how you do it, I always send and I can I can recommend a checklist. And I'm going to be one sent it to you a checklist that I always send to anybody who asked me about puppy socialization by a very well known and loved behaviors to pass away a few years ago by the name of Dr. Sophia Yin. And she has a socialization checklist, which you can find online. It's a free PDF. And it's just a fantastic resource. But it talks about it lists all the types of things your puppy really needs to be exposed to. But she also discusses how to do it. And she's got a little checklist of the key is you want your dog to be calm, and you really want to monitor their body language and you want to see curiosity, you want to see them using their nose and looking at you want to see their back legs moving. If you don't see a puppy his back leg moving and they're stretching, that's fear, because they're trying to hold space because they might need to reverse

    KC 17:07

    that is so helpful to know like, and it reminds me of the the videos about the dog and kids behavior because those were so helpful to me. And then people also often post the ones where they talk about like, here's a dog that's being pet by an owner and the dog does not want to be pet here's the appeasement licking and here's their yawning, they're doing this. And I've seen so many of those that I remember at one point being like, can someone post what to look like? Because I don't know what it's supposed to. I mean, because my dog, you know, will do Wei li all the time, whether you can see the whites of her eyes, and I'm like, Okay, well, she's kind of a nervous dog. But if she also just a dog that has eyes like that same with my kids, you know, it was really helpful when I started posted some videos and I kind of like blurred out my kids face of like, okay, here's how it's coming with, like the kid dog interactions. And to get that feedback of like, this is the body language that we need. And I feel like seeing that like as much as it's really helpful to see like, okay, these are sort of like the warning signs that a dog is uncomfortable, because it's kind of like an art and a science like to be able to read that seeing those examples of if you ever do a course, like I hope you'll include both because it was so helpful to see like, oh, that's what it looks like. And I think that if I had had that information that you're talking about where it's like, okay, when you socialize your dog, here's what you need to see, because I never saw curiosity in my puppy when we went out. That's awesome. Yeah, I want to go back to this idea of you know, someone who's listening, then they've got the problem thought they're like, Okay, well, I'm past that already messed that up, right, I've got this problem dog, or maybe you just rescued a dog. And, you know, they come with some issues, that it's a very stressful environment to be in a shelter for any period of time. Or maybe they were rescued from a home that was stressful. And I really appreciated what you said about you know, it's not, you know, a dog just like a person. Like, they might just have issues the rest of their life. And it doesn't mean that we can't find the happiest life that they can live because there is like a shame of oh, if I had because I've seen the comments like train your dog, like if you had a better just because a dog's lunging on a leash. Right? That's, that's why they're on a leash because I know they're gonna lunge at you. And I remember one time I was curious about like, dog training, and there was like this online test about dog trainers have to take and I took it just for shits and giggles. And one of the questions really stood out to me, and it was like, okay, so you go to someone's house, and they have adopted this dog, and they tell you, you know, that they really want to turn the dog into a therapy animal that they can take into hospitals to visit the patients and you go and you observe that the dog is a very nervous dog. What do you do and like the it was like ABCDE right? And the first four options were like different training approaches. It was like get the dog out as much as possible so that you can like social Is it two things Number two, take a very slow approach of things in the home that you can set up. So it's like different, right? And then the last option was inform the owner that this might not be the dog for that job, that like, the owner might just have to readjust their expectations for this dog. And it was such a powerful question, because I was like, you know, people don't talk enough about that, like, you know, you have this dream of what you want your life with your dog to look like, Oh, we're gonna go jogging together, I'm going to take the dog everywhere, the dogs going to have perfect recall. And we're going to be that cool couple at the park with the dog off leash, because it comes every time I'm going to have that dog that while I'm walking down the street, I can say down and it goes down and it impresses all my friends, I'm going to have that dog that you know, is going to be an emotional support animal to me and is going to do this or do that I'm going to have the dog that, you know, like you have all these expectations of what you want your life with that dog to look like. And I don't feel like enough trainers talk about when you meet your dog that like they are their own little person slash animal. And like sometimes we have to adjust our expectations when we have a fearful dog or a reactive dogs.

    Jacqui 21:13

    Exactly, because you can't squeeze them into that little box that you want to fit them into. They are individuals and they do have their quirks and they do have their personality traits. And another big misconception is if all if you get a German Shepherd, they're going to be a big confident protector. No, I've seen some really fearful championship. It's like I've seen some Border Collies that don't want to chase things they're afraid of sheet like that's there's a very well known content creator in Australia with the red healer, I think we don't really get the red healers in the States. And when either cat or dog and he's afraid of cattle, and I think it's just hilarious like, people want to see breed, and they want to think if you teach this dog this, it will be able to do it. And if you can't teach them that, then it must be your fault. But it's not I think you and my we just got a chihuahua puppy a few months ago, because my daughter is 11. And it's like her first puppy. And I've kept saying to her, like, you know, we have to wait and see who he is. And then we're gonna decide what it does he want to do that sport, does he want to do that activity? Will he need this kind of training? Like who is he? And I think we need to think about let's get to know our dog like, who are they? What are they like? How do they respond? And one of the things that I'm always doing in my first sessions, or before the first sessions even is I'm assessing how dogs deal with pressure, like you want to see how does the dog deal with people in their space. So spatial pressure, just people dogs things in this space? How does a dog deal with just lots of people or being spoken to or being asked to do things, which is social pressure, environmental pressure, like it will tell you a lot about a dog like because how social a dog with humans or dogs is actually quite genetic, like you don't go off to the dog park and create a social dog. In some cases, that's probably the worst thing you could do with a lot of dogs. So many dogs, that dog park sitting there like, Please get me out of here. I don't want to be here. Like I think people can learn to read their dogs and find out who they are rather than almost feeling bad themselves that they're not creating the dog that they dreamed of. So that must be their fault. I forget about that. I think everybody wants to be doing something, taking their dog to the park, training them taking them to daycare doing all this stuff, they really don't need a lot of this stuff. They need some basic kind of things to be a fulfilled dog. But whenever I start working with a client who's got a nervous dog or an aggressive dog, because most of what I'm doing is behavioral issues. Phase one of training is decompression. We're not putting any pressure on this dog, forget about the park, I don't want you taking your dog around people, they don't need to see dogs, I want your dog to just have their nervous system just settle down, just be calm. You know what I mean? Then you're going to kind of put them in a state where they can learn something. And we can it's almost like if you remove stress and you remove pressure, because a lot of dogs are dealing with stresses all day long. And it's not their fault, but a lot of owners are thinking oh my dog's reactive to dogs. So I better show them more dogs. I got to get them used to dogs, I got to put them around dogs. And I kind of like if you're a counselor or a therapist, when you're dealing with somebody with substance abuse issues. You're not going to tell them just go to the pub just be around lots of people around lots of really drunk people and get used to it you'll feel much better that will help you get over your substance abuse issue. It's not it's going to put you on hyper like because first we need to like settle your nervous system and remove everything that's sensitizing you and stressing you out. Then we need to teach you just like therapy. Some strategies like some breathing exercises like it Observe your thoughts.

    KC 25:01

    And we have to do those things in safe environments first, that's one of the big things that I learned was like safe environments first. And you know, being a mom has given me some interesting insight too, I feel like like, I've got two kids, they're three and five, you know, and like, this is true of any kids. But it's especially true if you have neurodivergent kids where like, you learn that, okay, I could do eight things in a day. And it's no big deal. But like, my children can do one thing that seems simple, they can go to a birthday party, they can go to school, they can go to one thing, and then you see that ripple in their behavior all day long, they're exhausted, or they crash and burn, or they have a meltdown. And it's like, wow, that thing seems really simple to me, a human being that's been alive for 37 years with a completely different neuro type. But for them, the energy expenditure to do that one thing, like, that's all they needed to handle today, and I feel like when I was trying to understand my dog, that like helped me because like, we just put in a dog door, and she's learning how to use the dog door. But she's also you can tell frightened of the noise that it makes. And I mean, she's not like cowering in the corner, but like, we just know that like, okay, she, it's gonna take her a long time to get used to that and to associate that with something positive. But like, she can't do anything else that like for several days, we don't need to be doing training, we don't need to be going out. We don't need to be like, you know, her nerves. Like that's it like that really is enough of a challenge for her nervous system and her skills and her whatever is just being around that dog door. Yeah, 100%.

    Jacqui 26:42

    And I think that's really key. When you're trying to train anything, it's like, do as little as possible, as much as you need, but end on a high, like find that peak, where you can see they're like, I love this, there's a saying, I think it's trying to buy that pet Stewart in Australia, I think he might have coined it. If I've got it wrong. I apologize to the trainer who coined it, but they say no more, one more time when you're training, like, and I always recommend to five minute training sessions a day. And if you're nailing it, and you're busy, and it's a minute, and sometimes I'll walk outside with my dog, I'll do two repetitions. And I'm like, That is awesome. Yes, here's your meal, like find that rep where they're the best. Because when you see your dog do something, and they overcome something or they overcome a challenge, it's natural to go, oh my god, that's amazing. Let's do it again. And then you try to do it again. And it's not so good. And you're like, Ah, I just want to get that really good rep again, and then your dog gets frustrated and you get frustrated and the last experience of that behavior, that thing they're learning was negative. So it's really, really hard to see something really good and feel that elation and get that dopamine and go finished, because that will be the experience on and on a height. So work smarter, not harder. I've had so many clients that are training 45 minutes an hour, and they're walking their dog for an hour and a half and their dog goes to doggy daycare, and they go to the dog park and they do all this stuff. And I'm like we are cutting 80% of that out because I think what a lot of people miss is or let me break down I think for a dog to be fulfilled. They need mental exercise. You can do that through training. And you can do that like scent games, whatever physical exercise, obviously they need play, they need freedom to be a dog to just exhibit natural behaviors put their nose down, explore activate that seeking system, but they also need rest. And the thing with dogs is you need to teach a lot of dogs how to rest I own a military working line Belgian Malinois, who comes from military lines. And a lot of people say you can't have them as pets because they're nuts. And she's nuts. But in the most beautiful way, I had to teach her how to relax. I had to train her and off switch. And she does it very, very well because I have a small child myself, and I can't have a crazy working on Belgian Malinois running around the house. But I think if owners can give themselves a break and realize that you don't need to be walking training stimulating lane, we're talking to your dog 24 hours a day, you'd probably cut about at least half if not more time out of your day that you're stressing about fulfilling your dog and your dog is going to be happier. for it. It's just be clearer, know how to do these things to fulfill them work smarter, not harder. But less is more I too, sometimes I train my dog for one minute. So when I take it, I took it to the park this afternoon and we were there for 15 minutes. We sat down for a while I threw the ball a few times. She slipped around. She went home and she is the highest energy breed on the planet. Arguably That's all she needs. And we played a couple of times today. That's it. That's all in everybody's.

    KC 29:56

    So let me ask you this. This is where I want to end is with this little scenario. Do I often will come across people that have a dog that is difficult, you know, usually on social media, you just kind of flipping through, and I've known a couple. And they end up kind of like turning their world in knots to keep this dog in their home because they love the dog. So we're talking, okay, I have a dog that can't ever see my other dog. And so I have to keep this one and this one in that house. And this one and this one, I have a dog that has been someone and now it can't be around my kids. And so we do the kids have to be here, the dog has to be there. I have a dog that can't stand people. And so I have to have a really elaborate, you know, thing where if the postman comes, or I have a dog that has separation anxiety, that's so severe, I cannot leave my house without them for a while I belong to a Facebook group of separation anxiety, because my dog had a little bit of it, but it was like, for three years, I haven't gone anywhere, you know. And so there's this part of me that goes, get rid of this dog, like, what are you doing? Nothing is worth this, you know what I mean? But I as I sort of looked through, and I watched people, because, you know, when I started looking at things for nervous dogs, I started seeing all these things. I feel like there's almost too, and this is an overgeneralization. But there was like two kinds of people, there was somebody that, you know, what they're really looking for both of them are really looking for permission. But it was like, about half of them seemed like they really wanted permission for someone to say like, it's okay, if this is not working, like if this dog is not working in your home, if like, if you're miserable, if you can't live a normal life, like it's okay for you to find this dog somewhere else, they're going to be happy and you're going to be happy or whatever. But then of the other half seemed like what they were looking for was permission. That like, it's okay, if you love your dog, and you want to keep your dog and yeah, you've got to do a song and dance about, you know, all these things. But like, if you love your dog, and you know, what they were struggling with was people like me, and that judgment of just get rid of the dog. I'm curious, like, how do you assess like, kind of where an owner is when they contact you? And they're in that kind of spot? And like, what do you say to people when you know, you can tell? Okay, I've got the problem dog that like people are recommending I do something with or, you know, okay, I have the problem dog that I feel like I have to go to the bitter end

    Jacqui 32:19

    here. Yeah, that's I mean, obviously, there's so much nuance in that, because you've got different trainers, and what methods and all that kind of stuff, which is a whole different conversation. But if it's somebody that's really tried a lot, or they're really struggling, or if it really isn't just a good fit. And I mean, and you nailed a couple of the scenarios that can really be that situation, which is a multi household fighting, when you've got triggers in your house, like the issue is in your house, it's not when you walk out the door, and this door or your border collie wants to chase cars, you know, the issue is in your house, that's incredibly stressful. And I think once dogs have had a few too many fights, they can create a grudge, the relationship between the dogs can be damaged to the point where you can't you can't change it, it's going to be management, or one of those dogs is going to have to leave the home, I think as a trainer, I never go into it thinking oh, they're going to have to get rid of this dog, I'm going to have to talk them into it. Like if I've had some situations where I'm like, this is not going to end well in less time manage these two dogs, like every moment of the day could be the moment where one of them kills the other one. And I'll have some pretty hard conversations with clients about that. But I do it in a very non judgmental way. And I think as I talk to them, you just start to understand where they're at. You can tell I'm a big believer in you have options, I'm if there's one thing I'll give myself credit for is I would never try and squeeze a dog into an ideology. Like you've got to tailor to the dogs in front of you. And something I've done in my career is I've really tried to understand different methods, I can give you 100% force free positive reinforcement program, and I'm good at it. I can also do it the other way where we mix like that. I'll pretty much lay it out for clients. Once we've done the assessment, I'll be like, Look, this is what I see. This is the personality of the dogs. This is your lifestyle. And rather than say, are you willing to put in this much time and management every day for your dogs? I'll tell them look, you're really busy. You know, this is really stressful, you've got small children, you cannot be focused on everything all day. So that means you're going to have a lot of management to keep these dogs in the home and I'll say to them, you can do it but this is what you're going to need to consider and these are the factors you're going to have to think about or this is the other option, which is you could take the pressure off yourself and rehome this dog or rehome that dog is stressed the dogs are under the stress that you're under which the dogs pick up on to I said you don't need to feel guilty about making that choice because the reality is the dog would probably be more fulfilled and happy as everybody would be if you made that decision. And you can give yourself a pat on the back that that was a tough choice to make, but you did it for everybody involved. But I will also say, especially when it comes to children, when I can see it serious or saved, I will say to them, the reality is you do need to have management in place so that every moment you have to assume that this will be that moment, this will be that moment where that child gets bitten, what's your strategy, sometimes I'll say to clients, if I have a crystal ball, and I can tell you that tomorrow, that dog is going to be in the kitchen because the baby gate was left open, and the toddler is going to come running in and you've got food in your hand, and the dog is gonna bite the child for reach over the bed or whatever it is, I've got a crystal ball, I can see that is going to happen. And you're going to ring me and say, Oh my God, I wish I could go back and change it. I wish I'd had the dog in the crate. I'm like, I can see that. And I'm giving you an opportunity to go back in time. We're back in time, what's your strategy? And the thing is you have to plan every single day like this is my crystal ball moment. And I've come back in time, depending on the situation, I guess that's pretty harsh and extreme in some ways. But I think and I did this with my mental health clients, when I've worked with quite severely mentally ill people at times, sometimes we want to avoid those really hard scenarios, we want to think oh, never, he'd never do that, or that won't happen, that's not going to happen. And that in some ways that makes it worse, because you're bubbling under the surface. You just don't want to acknowledge it that that could happen. And I did that with my clients. I'm like, let's just spend three minutes and we're going to talk about it. What is the worst case scenario, everything goes wrong? What is it and we talk about it? And I'm like, Okay, we've done that. Now, what's our plan? So that doesn't happen? Because it's now you've got a strategy. Now you can plan for something because you've really thought about it. And if you plan for it, and you think Oh, my God, that happening? It could really happen, then I think you've made the decision, you know, and I don't think it's so scary because you've gone there and you realize it's better for you for your children, potentially, and for the dog. But for a lot of people they're like, Well, no, I think I can manage that. I think that's doable. And it won't necessarily be that serious. But yeah, so I think as a trainer, I think it's kind of important to take them there. I think if you're a trainer that's like oh no, you don't have to rehome them, you can do it. You just need to do another five sessions. Or you know, I mean, Mike, the first dog I ever owned when I was 21 years old was a Great Dane, I didn't have a driver's license, I didn't have a car. And I lived in the fifth floor apartment. And I've got a Great Dane. I don't know what I was thinking I rehome that dog. And I don't feel guilty about it, because she went to a place with an older couple that had had great danes all their life, and they lived on a farm. So whenever somebody shames somebody for rehome in them, like how did you get rid of your dog? Like, you know, that's your family. It's like no, the dogs happier. I'm happier. Dogs are very adaptable. It's like if I came to your house, and I was the only person that fit your dog for a week and play with your dog, your dogs coming home with me. Right, very adaptable.

    KC 38:17

    Well, it does seem like you know, the risk factor for harm is like a really big component because it is a different if you know when you're talking about like, you want to present the client with the worst case scenario, because the worst case scenario of my child gets bitten in the face is a totally different situation then, okay, worst case scenario, I don't go anywhere without my dog or I don't leave for more than 10 minutes, or I don't have friends over at my home. And that I think has gives people the opportunity to go, Okay, what kind of lifestyle do I have? Because some people go well, I don't leave my house. Anyways, I work from home. And you know, I'm not very social. And this dog is my life. And I want to bend over backwards. I want to turn myself and my lifestyle into pretzels, so that I can you know, live with this dog. And that seems like the kind of person that we were talking about the beginning where we said, you know, sometimes you've got the difficult dog, and sometimes it just came pre loaded that way. Like that's just their temperament. Sometimes you did the best you can and you don't you know, you're not a professional dog trainer. So maybe you missed a couple of things or okay, if you could go back in time, but you can't here you are. And there's no need to feel shame about not having, you know, the perfectly trained dog. Exactly.

    Jacqui 39:35

    But other people do the best that they can I think you don't know what you don't know. I think it's if you are in that situation and you do make the choice to rehome your dog because it is negatively impacting your life and it doesn't have to be the most dramatic situation of your child's at risk. Like that's the nuance of dogs and people in relationships. Like there's so much variability. I think if you do that, and you don't learn ProNet experience and you get another Border Collie, because you wanted it to be like this and you don't bother to find out about how to source, a well bred genetically sound Border Collie or know how to look at the puppies or don't mind I've got clients that deliberately go and get the oldest senior dog at the rescue center because they have the time and the resources that it doesn't matter what issues that dog has. So I think if you don't learn from it, and you still want that perfect dog, then yeah, like, you need a talking to dogs aren't there's this Disney dog myth that dogs are loving, and they'll be perfect. And that will protect your children and they'll you know, all of this stuff, I think the best thing people can learn as dogs are individuals, and they also respond to the environment. They're in like a lot of people and I don't want to go over time, but a lot of people will say to me, what's a good breed for a child? Like what's a child friendly breed? And I say that is the wrong question. Because it's which dog will fit into my lifestyle, and, you know, be a good breed for my lifestyle, because you can get German Shepherd people say protective of children within not no dogs are protective of children. But if you work all day, and you've got a courtyard, and you don't have the time to put in training for a German Shepherd and the exercise, then it doesn't matter how much people say that that breed is good with children, that breed is not going to be good with your child because it's going to be frustrated and it's going to be pent up and it's going to be you know, that threshold is going to be low. So I think people need to think about the dog coming into their life and their lifestyle rather than the dog they want and squeezing it in. And if you don't

    KC 41:53

    like the answer is a well balanced dog like the best dog for a child is a well balanced dog and who what kind of dog can you facilitate being well balanced? Yeah,

    Jacqui 42:02

    happy I mean, in like we've talked about got to be able to assess that dog and be prepared for the fact that you are getting an individual even if you get a well bred dog genetics aren't guaranteed. You know what I mean? My Belgian Malinois Hallo was incredibly well bred, purpose bred. She's very sensitive, she's very sensitive genetically. So that means that I have to be careful that I don't put too much pressure on her. But apart from that, she's pretty sound but there are things I have to adapt to allow for that. I've got to make sure that new people don't rush into her space and lean over her and crowd her because she's a Belgian Malinois. And she's sensitive. And that's a good combination when they feel threatened. Not that she's ever bitten anyone or anything, but she hasn't bitten anyone because I'm conscious of that. I knew what I was getting. But I had to wait and see, like, how do I need to tweak what I'm doing in my lifestyle? And if there's any major issues, I have to assess, can I fix this? And can I find professionals that have the knowledge to help me with this, and we will assess as we move forward together, like I would never walk into a household and say, yep, we're going to fix this, because it's the owners capabilities, skill, resources, knowledge, motivation to even do it. And I don't judge owners that they're like, Look, I'm not really that into training, as long as they could do the bare minimum. Great. So I'm assessing how much they can do. But if I feel like this is not a good fit, I'll be like, I'll never try and talk somebody into giving their dog away. But I want them to understand what it will take, like, and can you do that? The good news is, it's usually less time than people think it's just you've got to be more strategic in what you do. That's what it comes down to.

    KC 43:47

    Well, and I'll end with this. I feel like we got really lucky with our puppy. She's a mutt, but she's 50%. One breed. So there was at least a little bit of something you could research about. And she was fostered in a home from litter. So it's like, okay, at least I know, there's not, too, you know, there's not going to be like a lot of shelter, trauma or anything like that. And, you know, she ended up having a nervous temperament. But what's been funny is that it's worked. Like, as I look back, I'm grateful that, you know, she doesn't have a super high prey drive. And she's a little nervous. And obviously, you know, nervousness can turn into reactivity and things like that. So we're managing the nervousness, but it's interesting because like, I have a cat, and every time and the dog and the cat live on separate sides of the playpen, but every time they've come in contact, you know, the cat gets big, the dog runs away. And, you know, I also have a young child that runs to stem and what's been interesting is looking back and going, you know, like, we actually are a pretty good household. For a dog that's a little nervous, like we can be predictable. We can be really loving. We have a huge yard for exercise without having to go to parks, we can do a playpen space. As you know, it would actually not work for us to have a dog that chases the cat or that chases the child. And we still had to. I mean, she's got a lot of hurting dogs. So we've still had to train her not to hurt and chase. We're actually we've taught her how she's allowed to hurt and chase exactly, because they love it. I mean, at first we were outlays Chase, but like, the child runs to the dog and then runs away and goes chase me chase me. So we had to teach them, okay, you are allowed to chase but you're not allowed to make contact, right? There needs to be space between you. But it's been interesting, as I've listened to you talk to go, you know, there is no perfect dog. And sometimes it's truly like luck of the draw. Like we could be doing all the right things. But if we had ended up with a dog whose nervousness or reactivity manifested differently, or who had a really high prey drive, we might be in a completely different situation right now. And people would not be looking at me going, Wow, what a great trade way she's trained her dog like so much of it is just luck and temperament and chance. And sometimes you do all the right things, and your dog is still struggling.

    Jacqui 46:08

    So you really fired tick tock up when you got, you got your dog trainers were taught. I hate to say I found it so entertaining, because I knew I knew how it was. And I loved that. You knew what you were talking about. And you wouldn't allow to be pushed over by the naysayers that came for you when all your stuff blew up. And I think you've heard a lot of respect with a lot of the trainers on Tik Tok, we talk about you all the time.

    KC 46:41

    Well, it's interesting, because people really didn't like that I was using some aversive methods with our dog. And a lot of people even said like, this is a nervous dog. Like why on earth would you use an aversive method with a dog that's obviously going to have a big reaction to it. And we worked really hard with finding the right level of pressure and aversion that didn't send her into like a total fight or flight. But here's what I found. When I would talk to people that work, like philosophically against aversives. The only way that they had to teach a dog not to do something was that sort of like, oh, teach them the opposite. So if you don't want the dog to jump on people, you have to teach them to let go sit down on a mat and reward them for that. And so what that would end up doing for our dog because like the couple of times we tried that, because she's already nervous, and she wants to please so badly. It turned her into this like very hyper vigilance. I can't not look at you, am I doing it? Right? Because she was becoming more high strong. When in every situation, there was this one, yeah, this one prescribed behavior that you need to be doing. Whereas when I could use an aversive to teach, not that behavior, not just Yes, this one so that you can't do anything else. But it was like not that behavior, you can do anything else. And she learned very quickly because aversive methods teach pretty quickly. Oh, I can't jump but I can literally do anything else. So she actually got to relax, because it wasn't this. Am I doing it? Right? Am I doing? It was like no, no, as soon as she got the clarity,

    Jacqui 48:17

    because you gave her degrees of freedom. So she does better

    KC 48:22

    and is more well balanced, when all she has to like learn is okay. Not that because she knows and she gets rewarded for doing literally anything else. And I think that that has made her a lot more relaxed. And people always asked like, Oh, my God, how did you make her so great around your children. And I'm like, I'm not going to tell you because I get hate mail for it. But it was exactly.

    Jacqui 48:46

    Your teaching boundaries and boundaries brings clarity. And like you say, she can predict the outcomes of situations. And the last thing you want when you're anxious is to not know what's happening next. So if you know this equals this, but I can do anything else, I don't have to do anything else, but I can do anything else, you're actually given her freedom, you know, and predictability and that's good for anxiety.

    KC 49:12

    And it kind of reminded me of sleep training. Like I'm very much an attachment parent, but I sleep trained and people hate that. And but one of the things that comes up in that is like that was one week of stress, like one week of stress is not going to counteract every other good thing. And that was the other thing was like okay, yeah, you know what, you're right. I sprayed my dog in the face twice with watered down vinegar water when she got too close to my kid when she got too close to their face. But there was 99% Positive reinforcement about all these other things. And was that a hard day for her? Yes, but it was literally one day. It literally took two times for her to get complete clarity and ever since then she has been able to play with our kids and we still supervise and now Are we just reward to reinforce, you know, when she lays down or when she's good and when she's this, but it's like, ultimately, I feel like I did the Kinder thing in the long run. Exactly.

    Jacqui 50:09

    It's my treasures. For long term welfare. I think a lot of trainers are very in the moment. And we cannot cause stress to an animal in the moment. But if asked, not causing stress in that moment means the environment and the situation's they're put on causes them stress long term, that's not welfare. That's not good welfare, I think it comes down to, but we caused it. But training isn't. I mean, it is about science. But it's not so much about science, it's not so much about methods, it's about cost benefit of what you're doing. In that situation. If you didn't have small children, and you lived in a house, you probably wouldn't need to use a spray bottle to stop your dog from doing something when the cost of not doing that could be a child gets injured, I'm sorry. But momentary discomfort from the dog for the dog is better than potential discomfort for my child, and everybody lives a happier life. I mean, that's, I could talk about that for three hours. And I know that you've been pretty deep with that with trainers and socials. But that's really what it comes down to. And I'm okay what trying to say the size doesn't say otherwise.

    KC 51:17

    And just for clarity for the audience, because I don't want anyone to like run off and be like, Great, I'm gonna start spraying my dog, I worked with a trainer. And I literally, it was like a one hour session and a four page document that I had to learn like all the ins and outs of how we were going to use reversals without causing it to backfire. Because that can happen. I'm glad

    Jacqui 51:36

    you said that. Because that is incredibly important. It's not you don't want to teach with a versus you want to use them very carefully and strategically. And you do need to use them with a trainer because nobody is going to do it properly if they're not working with a trainer. So that's really

    KC 51:49

    important. Because the risk is you don't want the dog to associate your child with this aversive experience. And there's a lot of tap dancing, you have to do. Oh

    Jacqui 52:01

    yeah, you got to know what you're doing for sure. And that's not to say that you should run off and find a compulsion trainer that's not going to bring throw tanks to your house. No, no, you want positive reinforcement based trainers that will potentially use it versus if they think it might be beneficial to your situation and they can demonstrate well adjusted dogs you know, in their clientele. Okay,

    KC 52:23

    well we ran up over time which I knew we were going to do because I knew that if you know don't be sorry it's me too. I know waiting time I get with somebody else that has ADHD I'm like yeah, we're gonna go along today especially if it's like something we both are interested in but Jackie tell people where they can find you online if they want to follow you

    Jacqui 52:40

    so I'm on tick tock Instagram and Facebook I think I'm just dog since on tick tock but I'm dog sense training and behavior. WW dot dog sense.com.au in Australia, but yeah, I do online and I do in person as well. But your socials are pretty easy to find me,

    KC 53:01

    I think. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time today.

    Jacqui 53:05

    Listen, thank you so much. I'm gonna be so many content ideas. I'm going to have to start making some videos tomorrow.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
72: “Breast is Best” is the Worst with Mallory Whitmore

If you are a parent or have spent time with expectant and new parents, you’ve probably heard the phrase, “Breast is best.” The phrase is used to promote breastfeeding as a superior way to feed a baby, and it has terrorized many new parents along the way. My guest is Mallory Whitmore, “The Formula Mom,” who is a passionate advocate for formula-feeding parents. Join us for the discussion! 

Show Highlights:

●      How and when “breast is best” originated and became a popular slogan

●      The tragic and manipulative history of formula marketing

●      How “Breast is best” has come to symbolize superior parenting choices and not merely nutrition

●      How breastfeeding is often the first failure in parenthood and one that causes extreme mom guilt

●      Mallory’s take on the question: Is breast best?

●      Why most parenting choices are a cost/benefit decision

●      The truth about the data behind “Breast is Best”---and why the research is skewed

●      KC’s personal experience of struggling to breastfeed and switching to formula

●      Why the fundamental issue here is a woman’s bodily autonomy, something most people support in every other circumstance

●      Why the “lacti-vism” movement is wrong in assigning moral superiority to the act of breastfeeding

●      The realities of life around breastfeeding on the job and a lack of empathy

●      Why Mallory’s mission is to support and empower formula moms to combat the shame—not to convince people not to breastfeed

 Resources and Links:

Connect with Mallory: Instagram, TikTok, and Milk Drunk

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host Casey Davis and I am here with Mallory Whitmore, also known as the formula mom on tick tock. I am also here with mouse who has a 15 year old Chihuahua, my mother's dog who I am dog sitting at the moment and I will be cradling her in my arms for this entire episode. So if you hear any sniffling, that's her, she's on the way out. Mallory, thank you so much for being here having me. We're going to talk about breast is best and how it is the worst? Let's start with if you're not a parent who's listening to this, or if you've never heard this term before, this is a term that is used to promote breastfeeding amongst parents. So can we just start with like, where did this term this term has personally terrorized me. But where did the term come from? Yeah,

    Mallory Whitmore 0:53

    that's a great question. So breast asbestos is typically associated with the rise of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative, they go hand in hand, the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative was put forth in the early 2000s, in order to increase breastfeeding rates among parents within the hospital setting after birth, knowing that the number of parents who initiate breastfeeding in the hospital will affect how many are still breastfeeding at six months or three months or a year, the breast is best phrase came in as a way to make sure parents were aware that breastfeeding and formula feeding are not entirely identical. There's a pretty spotty unethical history of baby formula marketing, particularly in developing countries. But also here in the US where formula companies really did a lot of work to convince parents that formula was a nutritionally superior choice to breastfeeding, it obviously is advantageous for them from a profit standpoint for parents to believe that and so they leaned in to that very heavily. There was a lot of decades where the breastfeeding rate was really, really low, or the formula feeding rate was really, really high. And parents on the whole held a lot of misconceptions about the benefits of breastfeeding. So breast is best was born from a place of trying to encourage parents to breastfeed and promote the benefits of breastfeeding as an alternative to formula feeding, which was the default, particularly in the 70s 80s. And into the 90s. And,

    KC 2:37

    you know, the stories that I heard about, like formula marketing were horrific, like they would go into underserved neighborhoods where there was a lot of poverty. And they would give out free samples of formula just long enough for a mother's breast milk to completely dry up. And now it's like they were hooked, they had to purchase the formula. And they did a lot of pushing a formula in rural areas in countries where someone did not have access to clean water. And so a lot of babies were made sick or even died. Because if you don't have access to clean water, then you're making formula with dirty water and babies were getting sick. Absolutely.

    Mallory Whitmore 3:21

    Yeah, it's a really unfortunate history. And certainly some of the stigma that we see today around formula and formula companies is justified because of that history. And breast is best started as a great way to try to counteract and undo some of that narrative around the superiority of formula. But since then, it has sort of taken on a mind of its own and come to mean something much different for a lot of families.

    KC 3:52

    What's interesting to me is the phrase itself, breast is best, which obviously, it's shortened. Because it makes a nice little alliteration. But it originally like the phrase in its fullness is breast milk is best, meaning like breast milk is nutritionally superior than formula if you were to put them both side by side and a lab and look at you know, protein versus this versus that versus whatever. But I feel like it has come to mean, breast feeding is best as a parenting choice.

    Mallory Whitmore 4:26

    Absolutely. And occasionally, you'll hear folks that will argue from a scientific standpoint that breast feeding is best because there's an exchange of microbes from skin to skin and things like that. But ultimately, you're right. What people by and large want to say is that breast milk is best from a nutrition standpoint, from a giving your baby the best start at life standpoint, which, you know, we can talk about whether that's accurate or not. But yes, it's been co opted by particularly in mom spaces on the internet to mean breastfeeding as a parenting choice. And everything that comes along with breastfeeding as a parenting choice, which also tends to include things like baby wearing, and attachment parenting, it's closely tied to like the natural birth movement, it's all wrapped up in one that a certain segment of folks really will argue is the best, the ultimate ideal for everyone. So,

    KC 5:30

    you know, I, as someone has two kids I, breast fed, I am pumped exclusively and I formula fed. And I will never forget, like, in both cases, there was a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding. And I, the decision to switch to formula was agonizing. Like, I truly felt like I was failing, like, I was failing myself, like, I was failing my kids, like, what mother, and here's the thing, I mean, like three, five years down the line, I now My oldest is five, like, I am no stranger to like, mom guilt, and but I also have had like five years of realizing that like life is life, and you do the best you can and like, you're gonna fail in a million ways. And at the end of the day, like, you just need to be good enough mom. But like, you don't have that experience, when you're straight out of the postpartum or like this is the first failure for many women. And men, I guess, ready parents who are breastfeeding, like, this is the first failure of like you You spent all this time reading blogs and books and researching, and I'm going to do everything the right way for my baby. And this is the first experience with I am not giving my baby the best. And what a piece of shit that makes me. So let me ask you that. So is breast best.

    Mallory Whitmore 6:55

    Personally, I don't think that anything can be best for every single person. And so from that standpoint alone, no, I don't think breast is best. I think breast is best for some families. I think breast is best. In some cases, I don't think breast is best. On the whole on a macro level, I think that there are certain benefits of breast milk that are amazing, and that are things that formula can't replicate. And I think that it would be great if every baby in the world had access to those benefits, but not at the expense of what some families have to go through in order to provide those benefits. And that really is born out of my own experience where I realized now My oldest is seven that I sacrificed so much, and that she lost so much of me and our relationship on account of those benefits. It cost her and it cost me more to provide that breast milk than it benefited her. So for me breast was not best, what was best was choosing to use formula. And that choice allowing me to be an engaged and supportive and loving parent. Because when I was breastfeeding and pumping, I couldn't be that way. I was detached I was dissociated. And I felt threatened every time she cried. I had like a threat response because she needed me again and I had to pump again. And so for us breast wasn't best, and for a lot of people breast isn't best. That doesn't mean that breast milk is not nutritionally ideal. It just means that the benefits of breast milk do not outweigh the consequences that sometimes occur when you ask someone to breastfeed.

    KC 8:43

    I think that's what I really dislike about the phrase breast as best is that like there are so few things that truly are best in every circumstance, especially when it comes to parenting. Literally every decision is a cost benefit decision.

    Mallory Whitmore 8:59

    Right? Absolutely. Yes.

    KC 9:02

    So like, you know, think about car seats. Like it is absolutely the safest in terms of like when you get in a crash for your kids to be rear facing as long as possible. That is true. We know that. However, that does not take into account that not all cars can fit a car seat rear facing behind the driver's seat safely. When the kid gets to a certain you know height. It doesn't take into account what kind of car seat a person has, and whether it taps out at a lower weight because that's the one they could afford. It does not take into account a child who is autistic and is losing their minds because they cannot get the sensory input from facing forward in the way that they want it for whatever reason it does not take into account some of these like real life nuances. And I don't know Know that I've heard people talk about the benefits of formula. It's always like, here's the benefits of breast milk. But you know, what, if you can't pull it off formulas, okay, when it's like, there are a lot of benefits to formula,

    Mallory Whitmore 10:12

    there are so many benefits, so many benefits. And not just for the person who had previously been breastfeeding or who felt pressured to breastfeed, there are benefits for the entire family, there are benefits for the baby. It's yeah, I agree with you that a lot of the time it's framed as benefits of breastfeeding versus risks of formula, when in reality, there are benefits and risks to both.

    KC 10:42

    And what are some of these quote unquote risks and benefits that people talk about? Because I feel like some of them when it comes to breast milk, it's so overblown, like, I have read that, and I personally loathed the term obesity, but that's the term used, which is only reason I'm using it, but like, Okay, your child is more at risk for obesity and heart disease and gastrointestinal issues, that they're going to have a lower IQ, if you formula feet, I mean, all sorts of things. What is your experience with the actual data behind those

    Mallory Whitmore 11:15

    claims? Yeah, first, I like to remind parents who are digging into this and are wondering if they're doing their baby a disservice by switching to formula that it's basically impossible to have really good evidence based research around this topic. The gold standard for scientific research is the randomized control trial. And it's simply not ethical to craft a study where you force half the people to breastfeed, and you force half of the people to formula feed. As a result, the research that we have about breastfeeding outcomes relies on folks who opt into breastfeeding and those who opt into formula feeding. And we know on a macro level, that there are differences in those groups. Generally speaking, people who breastfeed tend to be higher income, largely because they can take off the work in order to breastfeed for a year, they tend to be or

    KC 12:13

    they have a higher paying job, that is more likely to give them their protected benefits around like a place to pump at when they're at work.

    Mallory Whitmore 12:21

    Absolutely, they tend to have a higher education level, they tend to have more support, they tend to have access to better health care, they tend to not live in food deserts, they tend to not be on the women, infant children support program, government support program. And so so much of the time these studies will try to delineate benefits that are seen infants in these two groups, and assign them to the breastfeeding of the formula without adequately dealing with all of these confounding factors that also influence outcomes like intelligence, overall health, obesity, number of infections. In all

    KC 13:03

    cases, it seems like people who breastfeed and not every single time, and not every single one, but if you took a big group of them 1000s and 1000s, or whatever, hundreds and hundreds, you're going to find a larger percentage of people that have economic social class race privilege, than people who are not breastfeeding. And when you think of it that way, to say that people the more privileged you are, the fewer health problems you have, is not that like groundbreaking of a statement. No, like, you know, and, you know, I read was it crib sheet or expecting better one of the books by Emily auster, where she like, goes through all of the studies on breast milk, and like, translates like what they're saying, and I will never forget, like it was all of these numbers and figures about like gastrointestinal problems. And she was like, basically, what they found was that babies who were on breast milk, were having one fewer instance of diarrhea every six months. And I remember reading that and I was like, so sleep deprived, so depressed, so like, haggard, and like, miserable. And, you know, my baby had a hard time latching and couldn't tell what she was drinking. And she was little and it was like, that's what I'm killing myself for. Yep. Talk about the like, twice as with the numbers, twice as likely to

    Mallory Whitmore 14:39

    Yes, yes. Oh, my gosh, this kills me. Oh, so there's a framing of breast milk benefits that parents tend to see in books on message boards, even from their pediatricians, or their OBS, where they'll talk about the increase in likelihood of a certain outcome happening if you use form Well, and they'll say things like your baby is twice as likely to get an ear infection. And as a parent, that sounds horrible, doubling your baby's risk sounds terrible. But what these folks don't tell you is what the absolute risk looks like, that's the relative risk, your risk goes up by two, or by double the absolute risk, you've changed from 2% to 4%. So yes, you've doubled your baby's risk of getting an ear infection. And also, this is due to the fact that you're bottle feeding, not because there's formula in the bottle. But even so, even if you've doubled your risk, you've only gone for 2% to 4%, there's still a 96% likelihood that your baby will not get an ear infection, no matter how you feed them. But we tend to not hear that absolute risk positioning, because it's not compelling, right. And I have literally had people say to me, Well, you can't tell that to folks, because then they won't breastfeed. And I'm like, You have betrayed yourself, you have told me that you want folks to be manipulated by the data in order to breastfeed, and that if we tell them the truth, they might make a choice that you don't want them to make. That's not ethical. And so that's a big thing that I do on my platform is really dig into what is the absolute risk here, because if you're going, in some cases, from like a point 05, risk, 2.08 risk, that's not a meaningful increase in risk for the benefit that some families feel switching to formula, it's just not,

    KC 16:40

    I went to some breastfeeding support, glide classes when I had a baby. And first of all, when I had my first baby, she would not latch and we could not figure out why she wouldn't stay on the breast for more than like three seconds. And so I was told, as I was sent home, right? Bleeding, bruised, sleep deprived, that I needed to do something called triple feeding, oh, they said, Well, what we want you to do is we want you to put her on the breast, the left side for 15 minutes, and then put her on the right side, the right breast for 15 minutes, that I want you to pump for 15 minutes, then feed her three ounces of like the breast milk that you get, then I want you to feed her topper off with however many ounces of formula. Okay, so if you're listening to that at home, let's add that time up right there. Okay, 1515, that's 30. But that's just at the breast, that's not the extra, let's say 10 minutes of like, getting the baby up, sitting down, getting comfortable getting situated, whatever. So we're at what, 40 minutes now, then you want me to pump 15 and 15. Okay, so there's another 30 plus at least 15 minutes to set up and break down your pump supplies. So we're at 4050, sort of our hour, I can't do math, I can't either, we're a little over an hour at this point, then you want me to feed the baby three ounces of formula. Okay, let's say that takes another 15 minutes. So I'm sitting at an hour, 20 hour 30. Because you also have a newborn that might need to be rocked, or handled or put back to sleep or picked back up or whatever it is right. And usually what I would do is before I got the baby up, I would wake up, I would pump so that when the baby was up, you could just bam, bam, bam, feed in succession, and then you put him back to sleep, right, but an hour and a half. I don't know if people at home are aware of how often they tell you to feed your baby overnight, every

    Mallory Whitmore 18:43

    two to three hours, every two hours. It's

    KC 18:48

    not by the way for you listening. It's not every two hours, from the time the baby goes to sleep. It's every two hours from the start of the last feed.

    Mallory Whitmore 19:01

    Yes, people don't realize that it's from the start of the last feed, not the end. That's 30 minutes for me to sleep. Yeah, or to wash your pump parts before that starts again or to get

    KC 19:13

    the baby to sleep, or do whatever, right. So that's between 30 minutes and an hour and a half for me to sleep. Now, I am so exhausted. And it's like it literally took me one night before I was like, I'm not doing this. I will just pump the breast milk. And it's insanity. It was insanity that we would ever tell someone to do that. And so my point was is I went to a breastfeeding class when I had my second and there was this woman there this mother who wanted to breastfeed and was trying to breastfeed and she had an even more like intense thing that she had been given by her pediatrician which was to pump the breast milk and then put the breast milk into little baggie like an IV bag. And then there's this little bitty tube that would come through the bag and she would tape it onto her nipple. This baby had like some medical reasons why it was difficult to breastfeed so that way, when the baby was latched on to the nipple, she was not only pulling the breast milk from the breast, but there was extra milk coming into this little tube, right? Except, like, babies aren't still. So like, every time the baby moves, she she would be holding the baby with one hand, holding the bag in the air with the other end. Like it was just this, it was so so so difficult. And then after that, she would have to top off with formula. And I remember staring and listen, if you're listening. I'm sure she's not. But like, if her dying wish was to breastfeed, like, I support that I will hold the bag for you. But I remember like, I couldn't help but wonder like, has anyone in this woman's life just pulled her aside and been like, Hey, you

    Mallory Whitmore 21:01

    don't have to do

    KC 21:01

    this. It's okay. You don't have to do this. This is crazy making like, and she had two other kids. Oh,

    Mallory Whitmore 21:09

    gosh, that's so hard. So it's

    KC 21:14

    just wild to me that like nobody told me. And when I told about when I talked to my friends about like, I'm thinking of stopping breastfeeding. Everyone was supportive. Nobody shamed me. But I only had one friend, that was excited for me. Everyone was like, It's okay. It's okay. They gave me permission. But I had one friend in particular that I call it and she goes, Oh, Casey, I'm so excited for you. Your life is about to get so much

    Mallory Whitmore 21:39

    better. Oh, everybody deserves that friend. And it did.

    KC 21:43

    I could go places. I got more sleep. I had a spouse that could help me feed overnight. So I didn't have to always be the one to wake up. Like it was incredible. But there's really this issue. And I always sort of called it lacked of ism. And I use that in a derogatory sense, like people who are activists, this idea that like, and it's not, I'm not criticizing people that breastfeed I'm not criticizing people that promote breastfeeding. But like I do have a lot of criticisms of this movement that does so many harmful things. And I can you sure one of the things you said when we were talking before this podcast, that really was something that I had not considered, which I'm sort of embarrassed about is you talked about, like, the main or most important issue with the breast is best being coercive when it came to a mother's bodily autonomy.

    Mallory Whitmore 22:34

    Yeah. And that's interesting, because generally, we have an idea in our heads of the issues that fall into the bodily autonomy space, it tends to do with abortion or termination of pregnancy, it tends to do with like domestic partner violence and wanting to have control and self determination about what we do with our bodies

    KC 22:56

    has to do with medical commitment, you know, you can't make me get a medical procedure.

    Mallory Whitmore 23:01

    And generally speaking, everybody, no matter where you fall on the spectrum, politically believes in some way that people should be able to do with their own body what they want to do. A for some reason, though, breastfeeding is often not included in that conversation. And so often what parents feel, and they're vulnerable, they've just had a giant medical event hormones are everywhere, they haven't slept in this very, very vulnerable time, is someone coming in and saying, You need to use your body in this particular way, even if you don't want to. And there is basically no other instance, where that's an acceptable thing to say to someone where it's acceptable to say, the betterment of this person is worth more this person being your newborn is worth more than your right to choose how you use your body. And that's just that's not a conversation that we tolerate elsewhere. And when I started to think about breastfeeding, and breastfeeding pressure, in the vein of bodily autonomy, it changed something in me, it became less about everybody should get to do what they want, which they should, and more about, there's a fundamental issue here with how we honor and respect new parents, as it relates to how they feed their baby. Because if we are pressuring, if we're manipulating, if we're withholding the truth, so that they make a certain choice with their body that they don't want to make or wouldn't make, if they had all the information, that's not ethical. It's not and it is

    KC 24:43

    coercive like it is, you know, that in a perfect world, nobody would be that way. But like, there are horror stories of nurses and, you know, lactation consultants and doctor like coming into those As post recovery rooms and asking mothers, why are you not breastfeeding? Don't you know, breast is best? You know, and the mom being like, I have breast cancer. Yes. Right. And it's like, it's not that it's this idea that like, you have to have a good enough reason. That's what really terrorized me because it was like, I know it's okay to quit, but only if I have a good enough reason. And I was constantly seeking this validation for is this good enough? Is this have I suffered enough? Have I suffered enough? Is this enough? Is this supposed to be and I mean, the truth is, is like most people would agree like breast cancer is an okay enough, but we get down to like, do I have to disclose my disability to every single person? Do I have to do do you have to say I'm autistic? And I can't take the sensory input? Do you have to say I'm a sexual assault survivor? And I don't want a baby on my breast? Do you have to say like all of these various things, I have back pain and being hunched over like, this is painful for me. It truly is this like one place where we're still so backwards. So misogynistic, so patriarchal, like, it's no wonder that fast forward, and we have generations and generations of mothers who believe that sacrificing their own well being is part of the job description, because we start out with that message.

    Mallory Whitmore 26:23

    Absolutely. And I think so much of that comes from the lack of ism ideology, that breastfeeding is not just a choice, but the morally right choice, the good choice. And something that you say constantly that I love that really changed. The way that I talk about breast affordable feeding, is that how you feed your baby is morally neutral. I love that so much. When I saw you say that on Tik Tok, I was like, Casey Davis is a genius. This is exactly right. This is exactly right. And that's what the lack of movement gets wrong is that they assign this moral superiority to the the act of breastfeeding. And that is what forces parents to try to come up with some reason that feels even more morally better, for why they're not going to do it. They want, you know, so often parents feel like they have to, to have a reason that justifies being a bad mom, you know, quote, air quotes, or a bad parent for choosing formula. And the fact of the matter is, they don't wanting to choose formula is enough reason to choose formula. And even if you do have a reason that's related to your health, or your baby's health, or what works for your family, or your finances, or the realities of your job, I want to get to a point where parents don't feel like they have to share those pieces of themselves in order for people to validate that formula is a good choice for them. Because often those reasons are really personal and really vulnerable. Because at the end of the day, anything dealing with your breasts is going to be vulnerable and personal. There's no way for it not to be when you're, you know, looking at a body part that even on its own is stigmatized, and you know, can induce shame and all of that. Yeah.

    KC 28:23

    And I think that that's one of my biggest criticisms about people that I would consider, like activists or whatever is it's like at any cost. And there's this flippancy and this shame. And they always have an answer for every I mean, this is real, like these are genuine comments. I've gotten online about you know, if you really wanted to make it work, you would, you know, you're feeding your baby poison. You know, everyone is able and you bring up these issues of like classism, you bring up these you know, not everybody can get a safe place to breasts, to pump at work, and it's like, well, there are protections you should be allowed to you just tell your boss that you're in, it's like, I'm sorry, have y'all really never worked retail Have y'all never worked fast food. They don't give a shit. They will fire you. And then you want to come in with? Well, but it's illegal to fire you for Okay, what do y'all think hap like? This is what drives me nuts. Like what do you think happens when somebody breaks an employment law? Genuine? Do you think a fairy appears and goes, you know, like little buddy faux food down came a fairy, you said, Little manager of McDonald's, you're not allowed to do that. Take it back right now. That's not what happens. What happens? You get fired and you go home and then what? Yeah,

    Mallory Whitmore 29:35

    do these people have the money to pay for a lawyer to fight it? Do you have the time? No. Something that I think a lot of people don't consider as well in this vein, is that if you are an hourly employee, your pump breaks just like your lunch breaks just like any other breaks are not paid. When I had our second child. I was an hourly employee working part time, and I had a great job. I loved it. it. But if I had stopped to pump three times a day, I would have lost at least an hour's worth of income, you multiply that over the course of a week over the course of a month over the course of baby's first year, people talk so much about the cost of formula, oh, you know, it might cost $1,000 to formula feed your baby, the amount that we spent on formula was less than the lost wages, I would have accrued. Had I pumped, it was cheaper for our family to formula feed, because the way my job worked, and because I wouldn't have gotten paid for those breaks. And that's true of everybody who's an hourly worker. And also a lot of hourly workers will qualify for WIC benefits, and they'll get formula either entirely or partially subsidized. Yeah.

    KC 30:48

    And even if you're, you know, you can report your workplace and is that in the other and I mean, worst case, you have the time and money to fight it. And then you get rehired to what to have your boss treat you like shit. Also, that's even if they were ever forthright about it. Like, usually what happens is like, if you're inconveniencing someone and you're working retail, or you're working in the food industry, you're just going to get fired, or you're not going to get the good shifts anymore, and they're not going to come out and say that that's why and when someone doesn't come out and say it, it's very difficult to prove that that's why they'll just have another reason. I mean, these are like real life stories that happen. It's not as simple as well, you're allowed to have it. And so you could and so yeah, I mean, when you're a lawyer, it's easy to do it, because you just shut the door to your private office. It's not as easy when you're working at JoAnn Fabrics. And the only rooms there that aren't the main store is the break room, the storage closet, or the bathroom and the bathroom rose. Yeah. So it's not as easy as people like to make no,

    Mallory Whitmore 31:58

    and honestly, I think that is the crux of it. There's a lack of empathy. And a lot of these lack of ism spaces. There's an unwillingness or inability to consider that other people might have factors in their life that these people don't that make breastfeeding not possible or not workable. There's just a lack of understanding that there may be things that these people can't consider that they don't personally experience. But that are real, that would lead someone to make a different choice than they do. It's an empathy gap, in my opinion, and

    KC 32:37

    there's kind of this emotional intelligence piece that's missing where like, like if you're wanting to breastfeed, and that's really important to you, for whatever reason, like, then pointing out, you can do it. Like you can do it. There are protections, there are ways there are there's free support, there's low cost support, there's online support, like pointing out all the ways that someone can meet their goal is a great thing to do. It's not the same thing as pointing out all of these things to someone saying I want to stop Absolutely. And going well, but there's low costs. What do you mean it costs money? There's low cost support. What do you mean, it's, it's what you have protections like that's different?

    Mallory Whitmore 33:20

    Yes. I often feel like that, like these folks who are so breast as best who are so anti formula, are spending their time and energy in the wrong place. People who don't even want to breastfeed, yes, there's a difference between supporting breastfeeding parents and parents who want to breastfeed, and antagonizing people who don't. And so often, all the time and energy goes to antagonizing the people who've already made up their mind, and not actually helping and supporting the people who are committed to breastfeeding. Sometimes I think that me as the formula mom that I do more to help encourage folks and whatever. Because, you know, I'm just staying in my lane. Like, I'm not going to go and tell somebody not to breastfeed. I don't know why anyone feels like it's their problem to tell someone not to formula feed.

    KC 34:15

    Well, it's interesting because you know, you're on a mission to empower formula moms to combat the shaming of formula, all of this kind of stuff. But one of the things that happens in conversations about breastfeeding and formula feeding, and it's happened to me as well when I've made videos about how like you know, feeding your baby is morally neutral and like breastfeeding doesn't make that big of a difference when it comes to a nutritional standpoint. And I've even said before like looking back of all of the parenting decisions I've made, whether or not I did breast milk or formula or like let me say it this way. Switching to formula is the least important parenting decision I've made so far. Like it felt like the most important and it's like such as nothing burger have a decision now like it had no impact on my kids, I think, absolutely. But one of the things that happens when you start to talk about this stuff is that breastfeeding parents will start to say, I feel shamed. You know, here's this thing that I worked so hard for that i Blood Sweat Tears off, like I gave up so much for this. And you're saying it doesn't matter? You're saying that comparatively, like, it doesn't matter. And that's always a really interesting response to me.

    Mallory Whitmore 35:25

    Yeah, I agree. I think for anything that's hard, whether it's breastfeeding, or writing a book or running a marathon, the only way to get through it, is to believe that there's some outsized benefit on the other side, that makes the work of doing it worthwhile. I think sometimes for parents who choose to breastfeed, that they feel like that has to be something external, that there has to be some sort of external objective, something that they can grab on to and say, This is why I'm doing this. Because at the end of the day, you might start doing it because somebody guilts you into doing it, but you're only going to continue, if you think, in your heart of hearts, that you are bettering your baby because of it. Or you just like it, or you just like it, I can't relate to that, truly, that thought never crossed my mind.

    KC 36:24

    But I do know, I do know so many parents that really, really like it. And that's the thing is, it's like, if you did this really hard thing, and you it's never the ones that are like this was easy for me. And I liked it like they're never upset. It's always the ones that are like I fought through really fought for this. And now you're saying that I fought for nothing. And it's like, well, if you fought for something, based on information that isn't true, I'm not the one you should be mad at, like me pointing out that you fought for one less instance of diarrhea in six months. And that doesn't actually matter in the grand scheme of things. If that takes the wind out of your breastfeeding sales, that is not on me, that's on whoever sold you the bill of goods, that it was this big, huge deal that was gonna make this big, huge difference. Like, if that takes that away from you. That's not me. And here's the thing that being said, like, and I kind of relate to it on that aspect of like, I had an epidural with my first baby. And I did not have one with my second, I decided that I wanted to do a non medicated birth. And I had reasons for it. And actually, one of my reasons was I wanted to breastfeed, I had reasons why I thought it was going to be more beneficial to what I wanted through the experience for myself. And for my kid, I don't have any belief that that is a better way of doing it. I don't have any belief that it is a superior way of doing it. I think it worked for me very specifically, in my circumstances. And it was so so, so, so hard. And I am so overwhelmingly proud of myself. And it doesn't make any difference in the outcome for my like, kids. Turns out like they're both like no difference at all. And I'm so proud of myself. And I think when you mentioned running a marathon, that to me was like the perfect example. Because sometimes people I would say like, I'm really proud of myself, and they'd be like, you don't get an award for pain. Yeah, there's no award. And I'm like,

    Mallory Whitmore 38:26

    I'm not asking for an award. Yeah,

    KC 38:29

    I'm not asking for one. Second of all, yeah, there is it's called a marathon. Do you know how many men voluntarily decide to shit their pants on the Boston Street? Because they decided that they wanted to do some ridiculous feats of strength and endurance that no human was built for. That shit is painful, and hurts. And it's hard work. And then you get a medal at the end. Nobody's asked them to do that. They didn't need to do that. And there was maybe no benefit, except they wanted to see if they could and you know what, good on you. That's fine. You still get medals for that. And so like, you can be proud of yourself if you wanted to breastfeed. And you did. And you worked so hard at it, because like, nobody can take that away from you. And you you mentioned to me also, like there is this aspect of like, it's not to say that breastfeeding parents don't have

    Mallory Whitmore 39:20

    barriers. Yes, absolutely. And I think where we end up sometimes in this sort of deadlock between breastfeeding parents and formula feeding parents, it sometimes feels like a who has it worse situation where formula feeding parents say, I feel shamed. I feel stigma. I have to lie to my pediatrician. I don't know anybody who's formula feeding. On the other side, you've got breastfeeding parents who are like my mother in law asked me to cover up I don't my pediatrician doesn't know anything about breastfeeding.

    KC 39:52

    We get shamed for extended breastfeeding, but your kids do over that.

    Mallory Whitmore 39:57

    Yes, like I don't feel comfortable. Doing this in public, I always have to remove myself. And so I think really the reality is that both groups of people need more support. And when we get into this dialogue into this conflict about who's support, who needs more support, it defeats the purpose everybody

    KC 40:20

    needs. And if that support comes in the form of just saying, You're morally better, it's like, I'm not going to actually fix any of the problems. I'm not going to actually address any of the systemic barriers, socially, societally to like, why it's difficult to breastfeed, and like you're getting yelled at in public. I'm just going to tell you that like, You're so much better than those other moms who like took the easy way out. It's like, we just galvanize the injustice as a badge, instead of actually addressing societal issues. Yeah,

    Mallory Whitmore 40:53

    because at the end of the day, the goal, in my mind is not that everyone breastfeeds and it's certainly not that everyone formula feats. The goal is that everyone can feed the way that they want to ideally, and the way that works for them with the support that they need. That's the goal.

    KC 41:10

    Well, now I really appreciate everything that you bring to this conversation and everything you bring to the internet in general, where can people find you if they want to

    Mallory Whitmore 41:18

    follow you? Yeah, so I'm on Tik Tok at the formula mom, but I'm primarily over on Instagram also at the formula mom. I also write for milk trump.com on a variety of feeding and baby related topics. So that's where you can find

    KC 41:31

    me. Awesome. Well, this has been a great conversation, and I hope you have a great day. Thank you. You too.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
71: A Hot Fat Guy Takes on Toxic Masculinity with Alex Frankel

Today’s topic is exciting: toxic masculinity, which might be better termed “functional masculinity.” I’m joined by Alex Frankel, who grew up in San Francisco clearly understanding that the definition of hotness was dictated by beautiful people in popular magazines. During his entire childhood, he felt trapped in his fat body and hated how he looked. He finally realized that being hot was more than perfect abs and bulging biceps but more of an attitude. Alex is now a successful plus-size model, and he’s a body-acceptance advocate and role model for fat guys all around the world. He created the Hot Fat Guy Club to dispel the myths around diet, culture, fatphobia, and other fat people stereotypes. His goal was to create a welcoming community where people are celebrated and not shamed for their body types. Why do I love this topic? It’s because men are not often talked about in the body positivity movement. Join us for a new perspective from a Hot Fat Guy!

 Show Highlights:

●      An overview of Dr. Ronald Levant’s Seven Tenets of Traditional Masculine Ideology

●      Where the problem of masculinity originates because of deeply entrenched patriarchy, traditional masculine values, programming, and gender policing

●      Fascinating trends in how young boys and girls segregate themselves until puberty hits

●      Why Alex believes a lack of empathy and respect for other human beings are core issues with today’s masculinity

●      How we are taught the power differential by society around relationships and rejection

●      How programmed traditional masculinity can be dormant until it flares up later in life

●      The link between church and religious propaganda and traditional masculinity

●      Why men have been programmed by traditional masculinity around vulnerability and feeling shame in showing emotions

●      Three things to note around weaponized vulnerability, emotional safety, and caring feelings

●      An example about the inability to express or understand emotions

Resources and Links:

 Connect with Alex Frankel and the Hot Fat Guy Club: TikTok and Instagram

Mentioned in this episode: Therapy Chat podcast and The Tough Standard: The Hard Truths About Masculinity and Violence by Ronald F. Levant and Shana Pryor

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And I'm excited about today's episode because we're going to talk about masculinity. We're going to talk about toxic masculinity we're going to talk about you know, I always try to stay away from the term healthy because I don't like the duality of like healthy, unhealthy, but let's just say functional masculinity, like an idea of masculinity doesn't harm you and the people around you so I'm gonna go with functional masculinity. And my guest today is Alex Frankel, Alex grew up in San Francisco where the definition of hotness was considered Oh was dictated by beautiful people in popular magazines and TV shows his entire childhood he felt trapped in his fat body and hated how he looked. That was when he realized that what do you been taught, I mean, I just like can't even read and I'm not even going to edit it out. Because it's important people know that I never have my shit together. hotness was more than perfect abs and bulging biceps. It's an attitude and that's what he had fast forward to. Now Alex is a successful plus size model, body acceptance, advocate and role model to fat guys all around the world. He created the hot fat guy club to dispel the myths around diet, culture, fat phobia and other fat people stereotypes. He wanted a community where people are celebrated, not shamed for their body type all are welcome. And I want to read this little thing here about the hot fat guy club because I love it. And it says the hot fat guy Club is a movement to challenge the way the world looks at men and people of all sizes, empowering us to be loud and proud and authentically ourselves. The hot fat guy Club is a community that spreads love acceptance and growth while of course showing off what makes us all individually and undeniably hot. We are real men with real emotions. We live our lives unapologetically, we support each other. We are sexy, and we know it. Oh, Alex. I love everything about it. I think that men are often not talked about enough in the body positivity movement.

    Alex 1:52

    Well, that ties directly into what we're hoping to talk about later on today is whether or not men actually like women. In my opinion, one of the most glaring reasons why men have been left out of the body positivity movement is the fact that the number one tentative traditional masculinity ideology is the resistance of all things feminine. Who were the primary leaders of the body positivity movement,

    KC 2:12

    women, and not only that, but it was women of color. Exactly.

    Alex 2:15

    Well, that also plays into the seventh tenet of traditional masculinity ideology, which is disdain or hatred for gender, racial or sexual identity minorities.

    KC 2:25

    So can you run down the tenants for me? Yeah,

    Alex 2:27

    so this is a skill created by a psychologist named Dr. Ronald Levant. He's my Jesus. He basically invented psychology for men in the 70s and 80s. Starting at the Boston University fatherhood Institute, I've adapted a lot of his language into my work primarily because I think the term toxic masculinity as an umbrella term for the sad state of men in the world currently is a terrible term because the world already engages in so much shaming of men constantly. When we say toxic masculinity. It's such a catch all for so many things, that there's no real alternative for what that might be. And I think it's really important to classify it more so as traditional masculinity ideology versus toxic because it's a societal issue, not just a individual issue. So the Seven Pillars of traditional masculinity are number one, the resistance of all things feminine. Number two, the restriction of the expression of vulnerable and caring emotions 345 and six are toughness, dominance, self reliance, and a super high interest in sex like Playboy norm, you know, I've got to have 100 girlfriends in addition to the my wife that I cheat on constantly kind of thing. And lastly is disdain and hatred for gender, racial and sexual identity minorities. How much of that sounds familiar? Oh, gosh.

    KC 3:44

    I mean, it's interesting about the word toxic because you're right, that toxic is an individualist term. And so many times it means you're a piece of shit like you're toxic piece of

    Alex 3:59

    shit, right? I've been trying to shut my brain off with reality TV lately, because I've had the worst seven weeks imaginable. And I hate reality TV, but like big add on 90 day fiance, perfect example of, you know, one person being a toxic person, right? But like Big Ed is not an example of all men, right? It's we can see toxic traits and individual people, but it is a holistic issue. That's the problem where boys and men are forced to fit into this role from a young age. And it's younger than we even think it is. When you really dive into how deeply entrenched patriarchy and traditional masculinity values are not just in like full blown adults like you and I and like the usual culprits that you would expect to be kind of selling this idea to the world. I was a preschool teacher for almost a decade and there is so much unconscious, yeah, programming and gender policing that takes place between your peers when you're In like a preschool environment because, you know, kids mimic their parents. So when they see these gender roles play out in the home, it's policed even more in school. There's an incredible podcast, Laura Regan, who has a podcast called therapy chat. That's how I found Ronald Lavon was he did a podcast with her and his writing partner, Shana Pryor, where they talked about their new book, The tough standard, the hard truths about masculinity. And one of the things they talk about is like emotion, socialization and gender socialization, and how you know, there's all these there's been all these studies done on little babies that have just been born and whether or not assigned male or assigned female at birth, children are more emotive and assigned male at birth, children are vastly more than female. And there's like an inflection point at around 18 months, between 18 months and three years where girls skyrocket in terms of like actual visible emotions. And boys take a nosedive. What happens between 18 months and three years? Oh,

    KC 5:58

    lots of things. But I don't know what the right answer is. They're going to school? Ah, yeah. Yep. That's when they start that, let me ask you this, because my brain is my wheels are turning around this idea of toxic versus traditional. Because one of the things that came up when I saw I recently made a tic toc where I talked about well, actually, a year ago, I made a Tic Toc, where I said, you know, a lot of men don't like women, they are taught not to like women. And the reason is, because they're taught that being a man is just rejecting all the things feminine, right? You run like a girl, Don't be a pussy, don't cry, all these things. And so it's absurd to think that you would grow up your whole life hearing that those feminine traits are beneath you and to be despised, and that that's the worst thing you could ever be. And then all of a sudden turn around as an adult and go and now I'm supposed to love and cherish and respect this other person that has all those traits. And we'll get into that. But I just wanted to give that recap to know that somebody asked me like, you know, how would I know if the man that I was with liked women, or if he was just pursuing me sexually or wanted me to fill a role in his life, and so many men answered and gave what I consider to be red flags of toxic men. And what I thought was so interesting is that so few men answered what I was asking, which is like, I know that a man that talks about alpha male or a man that talks about submissive women, like I know that, but I think what happens is that like, I'm not trying to figure out who the bad dog owners are and who the good dog owners are, like, I want to know, does he think of a woman as an equal complex human with emotions and thoughts and feelings? And there are men out there that are good kind men that still see women as not as complex, not as nuanced, not as intelligent, not as and so I can't even like get my thoughts together. But it's like, it's not the difference between a good man and a bad man. It's not the difference between I hate women, and I know it and I'm consciously thinking that and like I'm reading a book right now. It's called the marriage portrait. And one of the things in it, this character who's a Ducati mares, and he's so kind to her, and he gives her gifts, and he lets her have her freedom. And he'll settle up and be like, I just love that you love to paint, you know, whatever, whatever. But the moment she crosses him, or challenges his authority, he's like, What the fuck are you doing? This is not how this works. And that was like, This is what I'm talking about. Like, it's not the difference between mean men and kind men. It's not the different like, obviously, Andrew Tate is an asshole. Like, like, yes, he's engaging in that traditional masculinity, but he's also toxic and an asshole. I hate that we boil this down to you know, the issue is whether you're a good person or a bad person, because you can be a kind man, empathetic man and be like shackled by this idea of traditional masculinity and not be able to engage in respectful, like relationships with women, not because you are wanting to mistreat them, but

    Alex 8:49

    you've been conditioned to be that way. Yes. Okay. So I have a lot of thoughts on this. And again, it starts a lot earlier than you think. Right? When we go to school, when little boys go to school. It is one of the most gender segregated places on the planet intentionally or unintentionally is not what we're talking about, right? It is the reality of what the situation is, when I was at the preschools I worked at, like, it was a very common thing. The boys would play with blocks, you know, the boys would play with the boys the girls would play with the girls boys would be playing with the blocks and or like and you know, the girls would be playing at the sensory table, or they would be doing clay or dolls or this, like everyone would do their thing. And like the boys would play with dolls too. But it was always a group of girls doing this group of boys doing that. And that happens at such a an early age and continues so consistently throughout school age that the boys play with the boys, the girls play with the girls. And again, I'm making a lot of really broad generalizations here, right. And the groups don't really reintegrate until puberty until they're sexually interested in each other. Exactly. So they begin to like teenage boys and like I can speak from my own experience. Like, I didn't know how to talk to a girl like a person when I was 12 years old, I thought it was this like, you know, I remember I had a crush on this girl, my Ada dooshka. Nova mentioned sixth grade. And I thought the way to get her to like this is like I haven't this memory is like really going deep. I couldn't have told you the name two days ago. But I remember like talking to my mom and one of her friends of like, the way to get my editor like me is to give her $5 Every day, right? You know, so boys have no clue how to interact with women until all of a sudden their you know, sex drive kicks in when they're 13. And then they see women as sexual objects and not people

    KC 10:39

    is that early gender segregation, or sex segregation? Do you think that that is instinctual? Or do you think that that is programmed

    Alex 10:48

    that I don't have a good answer for? I don't know. Yeah, I think it's probably a little bit of both. Because dealing with a really young young children, it doesn't matter as much like they're all going to interact and integrate together. It's like as you get out of pre K preschool, and then you get into like, kindergarten, first grade, especially elementary school is really when the cliques in the group start building up. But what's so fascinating is like, essentially, unless you have a sister, right, you're not going to see women as people when you're a teenager. And I think for a lot of people, they never grow out of that, you know, there's so much media and there's such a an environment of like, women should be submissive, they should serve their man, they shouldn't be homemakers, they should pop out as many babies as possible. And that's the role that women have in society. But it's so interesting, when you go even further back in history, and you look at like, the real reason, women's role in society was turned into what it was, and especially how like, the patriarchal society is purely based on maintenance of power and knowing whose children are whose, which is crazy. There's an author whose name I can't remember, but he wrote a book called sex at dawn, I'm polyamorous, I'm in an open relationship. You know, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of communication. And one of the things that he talks about in the book is how in hunter gatherer society, women were the most valuable people in society, because they accounted for 85% of the calories that any tribe any group of people would eat, and everything changed with the advent of agriculture, because now you weren't living in essentially this like agrarian egalitarian society. Now you needed to know whose kids were who's in order to plow the fields, and you had property and you had all of these things to push down, you know, now, like, it matters whose daughter is whose or whose child is whose and it's this horrible, fucked up, like, you know, you see where it came from, and look at where we've ended up now. And it's like, Oh, my God, we made every wrong fucking choice.

    KC 12:49

    Yeah. And when you say, like, teenage boys don't see teenage girls as real people. I think that's also the piece where I think about like dog ownership, because like, it doesn't mean you hate them, or that you want bad things to happen to them or that you intend to mistreat them. Just like, my dog is not a person, I don't allow them to behave like people. Like there's this aspect of like, I love my dog, I'm good to my dog. I never mistreat or abuse my dog, you know, I do nice things for my dog, but it's a fucking dog. And like, I'm not going to let it sit with my children. In the same way in our household, I'm not going to let it do certain behaviors, like at the end of the day, like if someone's got to go, it's going to be the dog. And that's kind of what I feel like it's missing from that this conversation a lot of the time is that like, it's not about mistreatment, per se, or being abusive, per se, or being outwardly misogynistic. It's like this fundamental viewpoint of like, is the woman in front of me an NPC? Or is she somehow like below the complexity that I exist in?

    Alex 13:58

    That's a really interesting question, because I think you see the lack of understanding that men have here's a story for you, because I think this sums up the way that I think a lot of men don't understand what women have been saying, especially in the last like five years after the me to movement and kind of where we are kind of looking at this like horrible patriarchal society that were stuck in in late stage capitalism and you know, the repeal of Roe v Wade being this huge moment of like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is wrong. This is totally wrong. It was a huge reason why I'm starting a fat guy club is because in my opinion, men have to start taking a lot more responsibility for the only way men can be saved is by being saved by other men. Women have tried for centuries to save men and have failed at no fault of their own but purely because resistance of all things feminine is the number one, you know, traditional masculinity ideology pillar. And as one of the things that was so interesting to me during the metoo movement, which illuminated to me a lot how clueless my male friends are, because at the end of the day, I think it boils down to an empathy issue and I remember there was a hashtag on Twitter of like, if all men disappeared for 24 hours, how would your life change and I personally think that the majority of men do not have the ability to imagine themselves in the shoes of a woman, and how much harder and more dangerous their life is purely because of their a woman. So my father died on September 10. And I don't drink if I'm drinking, I'm not doing okay. So that day really long, terrible day I ended up getting a hotel room that night in Sausalito, because I was in California and I'm sitting at a bar and I am six feet tall and I weigh 300 pounds and I look like this right and I am sitting at this bar disassociating off into the distance on my second gin and tonic and there's a singer songwriter at the bar and this guy comes over and we make accidental eye contact and if that like level of accidental eye contact where it's like ah shit we have to acknowledge each other's you know? Yes. And like I don't even want to talk to my fucking wife right now. I just want to be alone to process everything that has just happened to me in the last 24 hours right? And this guy comes up to me and you know, we make this accidental eye contact me does it like you know, the dancey dance when you accidentally you know, acknowledge another human being and you're like, Ah, shit, do I have to go talk to you like, so he comes over and he tries to DAP me up. And I was like, I don't want to talk to you go away. could not have been more clear on that boundary. Right? And of course, this guy flew right over his head. He was like, how you doing? Man? I'm like, not good. I don't want to talk to you. Go away. Doesn't take the hint. Yet again. He's like, No, come on me and tell me what's going on? And I was like, No, I don't want to tell you. I don't even want to talk to my fucking wife right now. Go away three times. I've been abundantly and this is me six foot tall. 300 pound man telling him this right? He keeps going. And finally I'm like, Alright, fine. You really want to fucking No, my dad just died six hours ago, happy. He does the, you know the like, oh, feel you. And I was like, before you say another word I don't want to talk to you get the fuck away from me. I am not a violent person. I'm an angry person. But I'm not a violent person. I was gonna smash that gin and tonic in his face as hard as I could if I had to tell him one more time. And he tries to say something again, I was like, No, I'm gonna break your face open. If you say another word to me, I cannot be more clear that I don't want to talk to you go away. And finally he takes the hint. And he leaves. There's a woman sitting across the bar has been watching this entire interaction. And her jaw is on the fucking floor. And like me, being who I am the only thing that I can think of a myth. And you know, walking away from that whole situation is like, Who the fuck does this guy think he is? And what if I was a woman in that situation? Would he actually have listened to me or gotten or gone away. And it truly is a lack of empathy and respect that I think is the core of the issue as to one why men hate women so much. And to they it's illuminated even more as an issue now, because the way the internet works, the way algorithms work and the manosphere. And there is this internet ecosystem ripe with landmines for if you've had one grievance with a woman, they can immediately turn it into every single woman that exists on the planet, all it takes is that one woman was shitty to you, all women are shitty, and all women are shitty forever, and you should be terrible than them for your entire life. And you should control them and they're not human beings. They're just holes to be fucked, like no. One person being shitty to you means that was a shitty person. It does not mean every single person with a vagina on the planet is the same as that. And I think that's one of the core issues that we're facing right now is especially in SEL and red pill culture is giving these men that already struggled with empathy already struggle, maybe with social skills, don't necessarily have a community of people behind them or other positive male role models to actually show them not even how to treat a woman but how to treat another fucking person. Right? And I think it's there's so many reasons that it's a problem, but it's a lack of positive male role models problem, you know, it's a lack of empathy problem, it's a lack of just the ability to see another person's struggle as real or as a human being problem.

    KC 19:09

    Well, the empathy thing is huge. And it's the entitlement I think, because I actually was having this thought the other day, like when I was preteen, right, like I wanted so badly to have a boyfriend and to be liked by the boys. And I just wasn't like I was kind of awkward. I had acne like, I was very popular, like I ran in the popular crowd, but I'd nobody ever had a crush on me. And I remember like sitting in my room at night and kind of like feeling sorry for myself and thinking about like, the popular girls in my circle that had boyfriends that like weren't very nice to their boyfriends. And I remember thinking like, I would be so nice to them, like I would be such a good girlfriend like they never like me and I will be such a good girlfriend. But the thing is, and I hear men talk that way like they always go for the assholes and I would be so nice and I but the difference and so like, it's interesting. So it's like, oh, I actually relate to that. I I remember thinking like they keep choosing the Mean Girls, but I would be so kind and I'd be so loyal. And I'd never cheat to differences. I never felt entitled to a man liking me. And so that sort of like, it's so unfair because I would be so good to them. It never had a chance to fester into anger at men. Because it was like, oh, man, this like, sucks. For me. There's this thing that I really want, like I, you know, I really wish I could have this thing, but like, none of them picked me. And I was thinking about this the other day where it's like men who start in that same place of like, Oh, shucks, like, I'd be so good to Brenda and look at her football boyfriend being so mean to her. It's like, how did they get from that to and so they never liked me. And if they never liked them, so fuck them and fuck brand and fuck all women. They never see how good I it's like there's this anger and entitlement of like, No, I'm supposed to get her. And that just never happened for me or any girl that I know that had that same like base experience?

    Alex 20:54

    Well, I have to say, unfortunately for you, you've never had the experience of being a white man in America. Born with that entitlement of Oh, give me everything. Yeah, I think a huge part of that, which is really interesting. I've never actually heard that perspective of it. Because I think a huge, huge, huge part of that is I had a similar experience growing up, right? Like I, for me, the primary experience, let me go back even further, something that I think about a lot in my work with hot pack club and just like my own evolution as a human being is all of the forks in the road where I could have gone down the Insell rabbit hole. And I actively chose not to because of the people that I was surrounded by and the you know, role models, both within my peers and my, you know, the people that were older than me, whatever. Just like I grew up in San Francisco, surrounded by gay people all the time. I'm a theater kid, like, you know, I exist in very diverse communities for my whole life, which is a reason I am who I am today. And when I was a sophomore in high school, I had a crush on this girl. Her name was Katie, and they were in our like lunch group, we would hang out in this one teacher's room to eat lunch every day. And it was one of the few places in school where I like legitimately felt safe isn't the word but as close to it as possible, because also, I was the fat kid who played football and did theater. So I never, I didn't fit into any box and I was ragingly depressed and suicidal. So like, I also did not have any social skills. So I had like, built up this whole thing with Katie in my mind, and I was like, Oh, I'm gonna make this big grand gesture with a Valentine Graham on Valentine's Day and asked her out, and it was the most humiliating moment in my entire life. Because she got it before I got to the lunchroom that day. And I showed up and everyone was sitting everyone in that group was sitting, reading it laughing their asses off. And then when I walked in the room literally pointing and laughing at like, Haha, yeah, right fat ass, like any woman, whatever love you, let alone touch you kind of thing, right. And if that moment happened to me in 2023, and I fast forward 10 years into the person that I am, I'm gonna go to YouTube, I'm going to find Andrew Tate, or I'm going to find some Insell bullshit, that's going to say that that experience is every experience you ever going to have with every woman unless you're fat ass loses 200 pounds, and you get a million dollars in a boot Gotti and you have done all these gut like, you know, the things that are like, this is what you have to do to be a man. And this is what you have to do to get women. None of that is fucking true,

    KC 23:23

    is that reaction though, like every child is going to have that moment of rejection of romantic rejection. And I think that like you're onto something about like it is the reaction to that rejection that sets that course of, you know, am I going to become sad, you know, and everyone kind of turns it inward. I guess I'm not good enough. But what makes the difference between, you know, covering that up with maybe the issue is that I am good enough. And they're just stupid. They're just too stupid to know, a good thing when they see it, right?

    Alex 23:54

    I mean, that's kind of how I got through my late 20s. I went through this really terrible breakup in 2017 2016 and 2017. And it was, I was the secret guy throughout college. Like all these women would have sex with me, but none of them would ever want anybody to find out because of shame, or whatever. And also, it was like a semi professional environment to because it was like a theater conservatory but like, we're all fucking everybody. Everybody knew everything about everybody. We don't have to make this a whole shameful thing. And it was funny because I based I'd like forgotten about that for years until I

    KC 24:29

    was theater. Kids are always fucking everybody. So

    Alex 24:31

    funny story. One of those many secret girlfriends there was this woman who I was in love with my senior year of college. We were doing this terrible opera by Gertrude Stein about the libretto was by Gertrude Stein, the music was by Virgil Thompson and it was bad and it was corset day in rehearsal and corset day also happened to be my birthday. So it's when all the female cast members that had to wear a corset they got their rehearsal corset so they could rehearse singing in it because singing Of course, it's fucking hard and And the girl that I was, you know, dating, but in her mind was just secretly hooking up with looked amazing and said corset, and I completely zoned out in rehearsal staring at her at one point. And our director, who was also the head of the opera program at school was like Frankl stop staring at your girlfriend, and just monkey brain totally took over in that moment. I was like, She's not my girlfriend, we're just fucking in front of the whole, it was so bad. I'm so sorry. You know who you are, you're probably not listening to this. But you know who you know who you are. And I am so sorry.

    KC 25:31

    So and one thing about that moment is like, when I think about how, from a young age, I received this message that like, being liked by a man raises my value that like, my value is proven by a man's attention by a man wanting me by a man, you know, picking me and so when a man doesn't want me, that power differential that I'm sort of taught by society is different than like, if you're a man, and you're taught, yeah, man, like, it's the man that brings that woman value. It's the man that picks that woman and, you know, brings her up, and there is sort of this backwards, like, I'm better if I have that arm candy. But if you're rejected when you've always been told, like, but I'm the one that picks you. Like, that's a very different reaction than, like being told that I'm supposed to be bestowed upon the attention of a man, because there's this entitlement aspect of it. Like what do you mean, you don't want my help? Or you know,

    Alex 26:33

    my rate, I went to a club to go dancing with some friends last weekend. And they're these two, two women, and we're relatively new friends. And they've never experienced me in a club setting before. And it's very Papa Bear energy of like, the way my ADHD brain works is I'm involved in every single conversation in the room as soon as I walk into the room, and it is such a gift and a curse, because I know everything that's going on around me at all times. And it's I'm so tired all the time. And my radar for creepy men is great. And I'm always on the lookout for them. And they were like, Wow, you're so vigilant. And I was like, yes. Because especially in this setting, it's like, you know, people are entitled, and people are shitty, and especially when they get fucked up, like, people do dumb things. And I've seen my favorite thing to do is to make fun of dumb men who are peacocking doing the whole entitled, bro thing of like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna wear my Patagonia vest and buy you a bunch of cocktails. And yeah, that's gonna work, right? No, it's not gonna work. Now. 20 thoughts coming out? Same time.

    KC 27:35

    How do you do you think that there are things that women can? So like, you know, so go back to talking about like, when I asked the internet, like, hey, you know, what is the litmus test? How would you know? And I think that there are those obvious red flags. Like, obviously, if they talk about a woman being submissive to that, and certainly like women are still getting in relationships with those men. So maybe there are women that don't understand that those are like violent red flags. But I think that there are more subtle red flags to be able to discern, because like, it's almost like this programmed traditional masculinity. It's like a sleeper cell, like you could be in a relationship with a man for years. And all of a sudden, and it often happens when you have kids, all of a sudden, it's like this switch and you're going, Why what is happening, what has shifted,

    Alex 28:19

    I think a lot of people are afraid to have actually like really real conversations about what they want before they get into, Okay, first things first, I love children. I was a preschool teacher for 10 years, that job if anything taught me that, you know, I have the ability to love someone else's child as if they were my own flesh and blood, do not want my own children for a number of reasons. Adoption is definitely something that's on the table for me in the future, but do not want my own children. And I think a lot of people are too focused on the end result the white picket fence, the kids the this to that versus the actual minutiae of what it fucking takes to get there. I saw it so often, in actually just saw an infographic about this yesterday that I saved that I haven't been able to dive into yet. But I guess apparently, hating your children is another like pillar of white supremacy, which honestly makes sense based on some of the wealthy families that I've worked for in New York City who, you know, whose billions uphold white supremacy.

    KC 29:17

    You hate them once they become their own people, once they're not a status symbol for you, or a part of your

    Alex 29:23

    Oh, no. In New York, their status symbols the moment they come out? Well, that's

    KC 29:26

    what I mean. Like, they start out as a status symbol, but the moment they start to have their own personality, their own wants their own autonomy. It's like, Oh,

    Alex 29:32

    I hate you. They'd have their own personality from the second they come out though. That's the thing. Yeah.

    KC 29:35

    But it can't be bullied as well, at some point or projected upon.

    Alex 29:39

    That's an issue that I see. You know, I think parenting is the hardest job in the world that none of us have any training for. Right. And I saw it a lot. Donald Trump's kids make sense to me now after working with the families that I worked with, because like, yeah, they're assholes. But they are so desperate for love and approval from their father, then they're never ever, ever, ever, ever going to get but they've been trying to get for their entire lives and so many of these parents, just in my own experience of working with these ultra wealthy people in New York, and I think just parents in general, I think there's a confusion that the moment that child comes out of the womb, they are 100% themselves, they are the exact same person that they are going to be when they are 35 years old. The difference is context and skills. Like I had this one student, I'm not going to use their name, we'll call them the Tasmanian devil. I fucking loved that child, so much most difficult student I ever had to work with. I always left that lesson beyond exhausted, it was my last lesson of the day for a reason. And that was the kid where I was like, Oh, you are there is 100% of a personality in there, you are such a wild, smart, brilliant person, you just don't fucking know anything, because you're three. And that is something that I find a lot of people don't give credit to is like kids, young children, especially are a lot smarter than we think they are. It's just that they don't know anything, because they've only been in existence for three years, four years, five years. Well, that

    KC 31:04

    casting of a role like so I got sober when I was 16. Oh, thank you. And I converted to Christianity when I was 19. And I was coming out of like, literally a year and a half of being institutionalized and brainwashed in a high control environment. And so it just felt natural to slip right into another high control environment and to the evangelical church. And I've since left the evangelical church, and very much have a different kind of faith. But one of the things that I observed, like early on, which I think is everywhere, but it's sometimes exacerbated by the presence of the Church, which if the church influences it, then that becomes like for the most part mainstream US culture anyways, is that the pairing up the picking of a spouse, it was like a job recruitment. Like it wasn't I found this person and they're so fucking interesting. And I feel drawn to them. And I just want to sit and talk to them for hours. It was like I have a job description. And the first person that meets the job description that seems like they can perform the role. That's what I'm going with. And so you would get some people would get lucky and that they really liked their person. Yeah, yeah, some but the majority of them what they were attracted to in each other was being picked was getting the job was excitement about doing the job because you're raised to like, I want to do the job, I want to do the job and now I got the job and you mistake and then there's that sexual part of it of like I'm going to do to do this next. And so you mistake the enjoyment of getting hired getting the job doing the job, you know, getting the wedding doing it. And then you kind of feel like you're playing house like you mistake all of that for liking the person that you're with and liking being married or liking being partnered and then like, life is so long is that you fast forward and then you go okay, so there's this like, super traditional masculine Romain, right. And this woman who is like hyper feminine, almost, and like they don't like each other, like they have an end sometimes it would become that they disliked each other. But then like, best case scenario, they didn't dislike each other, but like, it was clearly like a working arrangement. Like I fulfill this role, you fulfill that role. And we're good roommates, that fuck sometimes. And so which is funny because like, no wonder people talk about marriage being hard, but like from the get go, which is funny cuz I met my husband in church and we fell in love immediately. And like, we always looked around with this like, puzzlement of like, are we the only people that like each other? And I mean, like each other and I mean, like 10 years in so excited to come home and just be next to each other. And I think what breaks my heart is that like, it seems like men are not raised to even know what it feels like to like a woman

    Alex 33:41

    moreso than or what they provide to them physical and

    KC 33:45

    a woman has kind of conditioned that that's the best value she could have or whatever would also happen is that you'd get people who would make these business arrangements thinking they were in love fast forward and then there'll be so many affairs because what would happen was one of them would meet someone that they were actually attracted to and the fucking fireworks were going off and and because you've hyper spiritualize everything your whole like all your emotions are like the voice of God, right? It's like I think God wants me to be with this person. This is so real. This is so and you're like, buddy, that's what you were supposed to have that

    Alex 34:15

    or the shame was unbearable. Okay, that's where do I start here?

    KC 34:19

    But why would you want more from a woman because you've never been taught to believe that they they're intelligent complex be I will never forget being in seminary and how much I loved the rigorousness of the thinking and the logic and having my favorite professor say to me, and he thought he was complimenting me. The thing is Casey, is that like, you have a very much like an engineering brain that which is just like code for logical brain. And he was like, I mean, you've got like a really masculine mind. And it was this sort of combination of like, you're not like other girls. And also it was like, Do you not think women have minds like this? Yeah,

    Alex 34:54

    yeah. It's so insane to me that when I was growing up, I grew up in California and my Dad was an old angry Jew from the Bronx, like we went to my mother converted to Judaism, when they got married, whatever, we went to synagogue until I was like five or 10 years old and stopped going, and I grew up as an only child. I have half siblings, but they're like, my mother's age because my dad was 60 when he had me, and one of the things that my dad always taught me growing up was religion was the greatest piece of propaganda in history. You know, it's just an effort of mind control. And like, my mom would send me to live with her sister who had five kids so that I could get the experience of like living in a big family, right? Because my mom was the oldest of five, she wanted me to have that experience. Okay, she wanted a five week vacation every summer. We're like, Yeah, I'm a lot. I get it. And I remember, they lived in Virginia, in Fredericksburg, Virginia. So like, not even that deep into the south, right? And I remember going to church with them. And being, you know, like, really drawn into it when I was a kid, like, oh, I can play I can sing in the band. And I can do this. And like, yeah, I can work caution tape on my guitar. And then when I got into middle school, I was like, Whoa, this is my why are you crying about the stigmata right now? It's July, like what you are not Daniel Day Lewis, buddy. Like what is happening here. And I remember I started to just like, make connections for things of like what was going on in the church. And I remember seeing, you know, as a little kid, like, every, I've been fat my entire life, everyone has always given me shit about my weight. And everyone has always, you know, told me lose weight, do this, you're not going to have any XYZ thing in your life that you want. And I was always hyper aware of all that stuff. And I remember going to the church. And there were all these people that were like, you know, like, they're praying for these people. It's like, oh, so and so's about to have a triple gastric bypass surgery. And then they're like sitting in the back eating an entire bucket of KFC by themselves. And I'm just like, there's a disconnect of like, you think God is going to solve all of your problems. And that's not the case. Like there is a place where you have to also be realistic with yourself of like, you know, if God isn't every one of us, then I'm the one that has to solve my problems. Like there's a commitment I like, I'm not, you know, this is I'm trying to be careful with my language in this, but like, this is my observation as an 11 year old when I was in seventh grade, my opinions are different now. Right? But it just showed me of like, Oh, these people are serious about this. They just don't want to feel responsibility for anything in their lives. Especially at that level, it was so interesting watching these, like terrible men exist under the guise of being a good Christian and weigh in with all of these terrible things that they were doing to everyone and all these people just going along with it, because that was the status quo. And you know, as we're starting to see more and more people leaving the church in the United States. And just as that kind of proliferates itself, it's interesting that we have not also seen a shift in what masculinity looks like is or what how men act as a result of that, because you could get away with this like, shitty lazy behavior when the Bible was on your side. But now all these people leaving the church, it's like, okay, well, what's your justification for acting in the same way?

    KC 38:02

    Do you think that's part of that, like soda entitlement? Like if you look around, and you see like white male privilege and male privilege and people getting things and acting with impunity and having this power dynamic, and so you sort of come to think like that's going to be your birthright? And when that's not manifesting at 13 years old, 14 years old, 15 years old, especially with your romantic pursuits, do you think that that's part of where that entitlement comes from? And that anger comes from is like, I'm not like, I've been watching this my whole life, like, where's mine? Yeah. Okay. I thought of another question too, when going back to like, okay, yeah, there are dickheads. And then there are like men who are kind. And then like, of those kind men, some are still balls deep in traditional masculinity. And I wonder, like, we talk a lot about how men hurt women when they're engaging in traditional masculinity, and rightly so because that hurt ranges from hurt feelings, to physical violence to murder. And so that obviously, is the most important thing to listen to the voices of people who are affected by that. And I can't help but find myself wondering how many men that have empathy but have been so programmed by traditional masculinity, especially around the inability to be vulnerable, the inability to show any emotion that doesn't make you immediately feel shame because I think people don't understand like when we talk about men not being able to express feelings, it's not like you can't just decide one day to express them like when it gets that programmed, you actually feel shame anytime you express an emotion that's not anger.

    Alex 39:36

    It took me nearly a decade to be able to get out of panic mode and be an even now I still struggle with it and like not be fully swept up in the tornado of emotions that I don't understand. And I think a lot of a lot of men the whole you know, girls are hard boys are easy saying why are boys easy? Because you're fucking lazy because You've been told that boys are easy, but they're not. If anything, boys are harder, because it's like raising a nuclear weapon.

    KC 40:06

    Oh, my husband was so stoked when we found out we were having girls. And I was like, why? And he was like I have, I am a man, I've been a boy. And it is so easy. Like, I'm not saying like, it's harder, it's easier, like I just woof is what he said was like navigating, creating a good man through what our society like expects of men. And I just can't think like, we talked about the loneliness epidemic of men. And so many men want to say it's because they're not getting laid, and it's like, or like how many men who desperately want connection, they can't get it from their guy friends, because you know, but like, are partnering with a woman and can't ever get a connection that like feeds their soul because they have to choose between bottling everything up and feeling no warmth, or being vulnerable and immediately feeling shame about it. It's like a lose lose situation.

    Alex 40:58

    Okay, three sticky notes that we're going to put in our brains right now. Because there's three really important points that I want to address with this one, the confirmation bias of like, when you open yourself up and give, you know, show your vulnerable feelings to a woman for the first time and whether or not that woman is a bad person or not right like and they weaponize those vulnerabilities against you. So it's sticky note number one sticky note number two is male vulnerability and being able to like actually have emotional safety with your male friends. And number three is where are men able to actually like be vulnerable, caring feeling things? So going backwards? Like the two most common places where men are able to, like actually express and safely you know, emote their feelings? Or either,

    Unknown Speaker 41:41

    I guess Can I guess? Yeah, go for it.

    Alex 41:43

    There's two. No, that's a good one. But no,

    KC 41:45

    I was watching a sports game with my husband the other day. And I noted to him, I was like, it makes me sad that like, you guys had to create sports leagues to experience like passionate emotion and a safe way to be able to touch each other in a way that wasn't shamed. To be able to get excited and flap your hands in a way that didn't make you girly. Like you don't get to do it anywhere else. Yeah, yeah,

    Alex 42:10

    that's a thing. So it's dogs and their moms. That's it. For most men, at least dogs and their moms. That's it. So again, like my father died on September 10, my mentor died three weeks after, and he and I were super close. And one of the things that I learned about myself throughout that experience is, is I have very large emotions. And I am a larger than life person to begin with, right? I'm a fucking opera singer. Like, that's my, that's my shit. And I made two trips to California after my father broke his hip went first when my father broke his hip, and we had to get his house ready for all the things. And then the second one, we realized he had a four inch tumor. And as long as you know, racing against the clock, and Kelly came with me, my partner came with me for the first trip. And I was so thrilled and glad that she was there. For the first one, I really needed her support. And I was really having a hard time. That was like my big emotional churn that first trip. And in the second trip, Kelly had to stay home. And I was super grateful that she did, because I did just need to be alone for that experience. And there were so many people that came out of the woodwork that I you know, had been really close with that were really close friends or I hadn't seen they were acquaintances that I hadn't spoken to for a decade, and so many people made themselves available to me in that time. And what I realized about myself in that moment is when you know, the worst thing in the world is happening to me, I do just need to be alone to be able to safely experience and process all those emotions without having to censor myself to You know, I also didn't need Kelly to watch my father die, right. And like, you know, there's that level of like, I have to just be able to, like, be at my absolute worst right now without worrying how I'm going to look to another person. And if that's even a thought that's in the back of my mind, where I know with Kelly, I am emotionally safe 100% of the time, like, you know, and I found a unicorn and Kelly, she's perfect. And you know, we're able to like deal with the worst things ever by like laughing our way through them. And you know, I am lucky to have found that a lot of other people are not and I think it's this happens to me a lot. When I talk on tech talk about you know, how to be vulnerable, how to share your feelings and how to actually like the key to a healthy relationship is being able to and it's really hard to actually know what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, where you're feeling it things like that. It's even more difficult to express that to someone, especially if you've had the experience of you tell your girlfriend Oh, I feel XYZ thing. And then they weaponize that vulnerability against you. That is a really traumatic experience and would make sense why you would then hold that shit in here and never share it with anyone ever again. You can't let one shitty person change you forever, right? We're all going to have bad people do bad things to us. There's no way we can prevent that from happening entirely. But it's the you know, Brene Brown says it beautifully. Like there are some people who deserve your vulnerability and there are other people who don't and when people tell you that they don't deserve it, you fucking listen to them, and you've cut them out of your life. You Isn't

    KC 45:00

    this also just another example though of not seeing women as like real human beings? Because like, first of all, most men are having their first experience of like rejection and a woman, mistreating them at when they're preteens or teenagers. She's fucking 14. Like, it's there's this disconnect of like, you're 20 you're 30 or 40. And it's like, yeah, women and it's like you mean the 14 year old girl who also didn't know what the fuck she was doing right? Or even if it's your 20 and your 20 year old girlfriend, she really weapon and it's like, okay, like, but you're 45 Now, dude, like, what is keeping you from going? You know what, maybe she wasn't evil. Maybe she wasn't bad. Like, maybe she was just 19.

    Alex 45:42

    So this plays into another big thing that Dr. levant talks about that is fascinating to me called the normative male alexithymia hypothesis. Do you know what alexithymia is,

    KC 45:51

    is that when you go up and down, it's the ability to

    Alex 45:55

    express and understand emotions, essentially, the inability to express or understand emotions. And when Dr. Lavon I love this story, he tell I'll tell you this podcast is fucking mind blowing. He tells the story about a patient that he had, who was about to have a baby. And this guy felt nothing about it. And his wife sent him to work with this guy. And what he ended up having to do with him is this guy was so out of touch with his emotions, like he didn't have emotions, period. And he had to teach him what emotions felt like where they would manifest in his body. And basically give him like a diagram of all of these things. And when a feeling comes up in your body, write it down on a note card, and then we'll go through and we'll you know, we'll roleplay the whole thing. And there was another story where in the Boston University fatherhood Institute, mind you, this is in the ad. Okay, so this is like the beginning of the involved father, this father comes in, and he was super angry, and he was furious. And they're like, why are you so mad? He was like, I had a plan with my son today. And he canceled on me last minute. And you know, he shouldn't have done that. And it was you shouldn't have done that. He was so angry. It was like, alright, let's roleplay this, I'm your son, your you. Let's go through it. And he, in order to attract all these men to the institute, he had all this really fancy expensive camera equipment. And this is the most part of it is they treated all of this, like teaching men how to have emotions. Like it was a football team. Like they were watching the film from practice the day before. So they would roleplay these things, and then watch the video back of what was happening. And after hours of working with this guy, the closest thing he was able to get to what emotion he was feeling was, I guess I was disappointed. So compare that exact same experience. You're a mother, how would you feel you know, you're gonna go see a concert with your child and then they canceled on you last minute took a friend of theirs. Instead, how many different emotions would you feel in the process of that? Right? And you're able to see like, Well, at first, I was sad because I was really excited of doing it. Then I was mad because she canceled last minute. And then you know, I was worried like, Did I do something wrong? Baba Baba Mala. Meanwhile, this guy was I guess I was disappointed. So where's the disconnect there? Like, why is the mother so able to have all of these different emotions that they're allowed to not even that they're allowed to feel that they're aware of right, and how that plays into one situation. And this guy is clueless. So it comes into the normative male alexithymia hypothesis, which is that men not only do not know what their emotions are, but they don't understand what they feel like how to process them anyway. And part of that is because of how we are socialized from such a young age men aren't allowed to have feelings, we're not allowed to cry. We're not allowed to be scared of things, you know, we have grow up and be tough and be a man. Well,

    KC 48:40

    it's emotional castration at a really young age. And I will say, this is like, you know, it obviously harms men to go through that clearly. And when you really get down though, with a lot of men about like, do we want to change this or not? What is not talked about enough? It's like, if we change it, you will lose power, you having the power and the entitlement, and all of this is based on the emotional castration. And so you cannot forego that and lean into full humanity without also giving up the power and privilege that comes with the patriarchy. And the truth is, like many men are not willing to give up the power. No.

    Alex 49:20

    Which is stupid, because you know, we've destroyed the world, and it's time for women to rule the world.

    KC 49:26

    Alex, I feel like we could talk for another like three hours. We'll have to do another episode soon, but we'll have to do another one. Yes, I'm gonna have you back up. Can you tell people where they can find you? Yeah,

    Alex 49:34

    so you can find me on Tik Tok at Alex Frankel, the lion haired both Tiktok and Instagram. You can find the hot fat guy club on Elon Musk's shitty app Instagram, Tik Tok. We're still pre launch but we have merch coming for your hot fat guy Club T shirts for Black Friday and then memberships founding memberships with Carhartt membership jackets coming soon as well.

    KC 49:56

    That's awesome. Alex, thank you so much. This has been a great conversation and There's so much more to cover so we'll have to do it again awesome

    Alex 50:02

    yeah can't wait thank you so much Casey that's so great finally getting to do this thanks

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
70: How to Coach Your Executive Functioning with Hannah Choi

Many people struggle with executive functioning skills, which are the mental skills that we use every day to learn, work, and manage tasks in daily life. My guest is Hannah Choi from Beyond Booksmart. She is an executive function coach who hosts Focus Forward: An Executive Function Podcast. She has over 20 years of experience working with students of all ages but currently focuses her coaching on college students and adults. Hannah was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and has spent her life trying to figure out systems to make things easier and less awful for those with executive functioning challenges. Join us to learn more from Hannah!

Show Highlights:

 ●      An overview of Beyond Booksmart and what they offer through their coaching programs

●      How Hannah explains executive function skills

●      Why executive function skills are greatly impacted by our stress levels

●      How working memory is impaired by executive function challenges

●      The importance of figuring out the WHY of your struggle

●      How Hannah works with someone with time blindness by using a BVA (budgeted vs. actual) tool

●      Why you need to give yourself compassion as you identify your struggle and find workable solutions

Resources and Links:

Connect with Hannah Choi and Beyond Booksmart: Website and the Focus Forward Podcast

 Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. This is Struggle Care I'm your host, KC Davis. I'm here with Hannah Choi, and we are talking executive functioning today. So Hannah, before we get started, give us a little intro, a little background, why are you interested in executive functioning?

    Hannah Choi 0:20

    That's a great question. So it's funny, I think I can actually explain it better by starting with a recent thing that happened, I recently discovered, or through a variety of things that happened that I have ADHD. And so I was recently diagnosed. And so now when I look back on my life through that lens, I can absolutely see why I became so interested in executive function skills and supporting people who struggle with EF challenges, because I can just relate so so well. And so I have spent so much of my life trying to figure out systems that just make things easier and less awful. And then my sister was working for a company that does executive function coaching beyond booksmart, which is where I work now. And she was like, you know, I think this would actually be a really good fit for you. And so I started coaching people with executive function challenges, and through that whole process is how I discovered oh, wait a second. I'm like relating to these stories, a lot more than that's not coincidence. There's something else going on here. So yeah, so now I get to support people with similar challenges. And I get to do so much learning about different, you know, different ways of supporting myself and other people. And I'm just such a nerd about it. I just love it so much. Well,

    KC 1:38

    I'm excited to get into our conversation today. And I have a few things I want to ask you about, I definitely want to ask you about executive functioning coaching, I did an episode A while back about just like coaching in general, like the coaching industry is such the wild, wild west, you have the life coaches and the relationship coaches. And I think that one of the things that I've seen a lot lately is an influx of ADHD coaches and executive functioning coaches. And your company has been doing this for a long time, and does a lot of coaching for adults, but also children who are having academic issues and health and things like that. So I want to ask you some questions about like, what you think good executive functioning coaching looks like and what its goals are and what it's sort of intended to do and not to do. And then I also want to ask you, what, like the ways in which you help people understand what executive functioning is, because it's a really complex thing, but we're often not, I mean, like you and I aren't talking in the realm of like academics, and we're not giving papers and things. And so we're talking to just like regular everyday people and sort of breaking down that really complex subject. So those are kind of like the two main things. And then I thought we could get into some practical things at the end, if anybody just wants some practical tips. So let's start with coaching. Tell me a little bit about what that looks like. Like if I were to come to you as an adult and say, like, what is beyond booksmart? Do and like, what would if I just signed up? What would it look like? Well,

    Hannah Choi 2:59

    the thing that I love the most about coaching, and I think that this is probably a universal approach to coaching, I mean, at least I hope it is, is that as a coach, I really try and all of my colleagues to our main goal is to meet clients where they are and so we never like give extra worksheets or extra homework. And a lot of people will say that, like, you know, how much time commitment? Is this going to be? You know, am I going to have to, are you going to like, give me a workbook that I have to work through. And what's so beautiful about it is that we take people exactly where they are right where they are and say what are some things that we can do to support you where you are, I don't think that lasting change will happen unless you are able to do that. And so a good coach is going to meet that person exactly where they are without judgment without any unrealistic expectations and try to see that person for exactly who they are, where they are, what they need, what their pain points are, and what might give them some small wins to help build them build their like confidence back. So many of the clients that I have met with and my colleagues to their confidence has really been shot because they're like, Why do I suck at all this stuff? Like, why is this so hard for me? And so it's just so important, like there should be no shame involved, and no guilt and no unrealistic expectations. So it's a really, it should be I believe, it should be a really gentle approach with some challenge, like Yeah, I'm gonna push you a little bit and I'm going to ask you to try new things. It might feel a little uncomfortable, but it's going to be a really safe place. And it's okay, if you tell me you know what, that was awful. And I never want to do that again, or oh, this like kind of worked. But this part didn't work so we can work through it together. So a coach is like really a partner.

    KC 4:48

    Yeah. And one of the things that you're talking about, which I think is important, like when somebody there's different types of coaching styles and approaches and if you think about a coach I mean That's it's everything from again, people go to coaches for executive functioning, they go to coaches for relationship advice, they go to coaching for life advice, they go for career coaching, I'm working with a dog trainer right now. And like, that's coaching, like, that's somebody who's, you know, kind of knows what they're doing there. And there's really kind of almost two different camps. And they're not like opposing camps, I'm just like, two different ways of doing it, you have some coaching programs that are very structured, where it's like, okay, you know, like, I have a good friend that does a program for like relationships, and she was a relationship therapist for a long time. And then she decided, you know, I really want to do this as a more structured approach is more of like a coaching approach. And she because after going through years, and years and years of seeing clients, she's like, I'm just seeing like, the same issues, the same dynamics, I'm explaining the same things over and over. And so she kind of like took all that information and went, Okay, there's like eight different skills that people in this situation need. And so she created this curriculum, where it's like, yeah, we work together for six months, we move through these eight skills, she has various like exercises, and reflection questions and things like that. And that's very much agenda based coaching model, which is totally fine. But I don't know that everybody knows, that's one model of doing it. And then the other model of doing it is like what you're describing, where you don't have a preset path for someone to go through, you don't have preset exercises, or any of these things. That's where someone comes to you and goes, here's the issue that I'm experiencing, like, this is what I need to work on first, right? So if I come and say, I'm having trouble getting my laundry done, or I'm having trouble getting my homework done, you know, we start with whatever's kind of on fire in my life. And that's the basis for like, what skill we're going to start with first. Yep.

    Hannah Choi 6:39

    And I think I love that she developed that. And I think what that is probably the most effective for is people who are really ready, they're really ready. They know what they want to work on, they're ready to make that commitment. And many of the clients that I work with, they know there's something that doesn't feel good, they don't know what they need. And so I think there is a difference there. And so I love that there is something for everybody. And that's such a huge part of finding, what will work for you is taking the time to figure out like where am I in this process? Like how ready Am I to make change? Or am I more in sort of like a research, you know, like a fact finding mission sort of thing? You know, like, Am I just more about like discovery, or am I ready, I've discovered and now I'm ready. And so when I also think

    KC 7:24

    that there's this aspect of like, what like insight also, and not like, Oh, you have such insight, and so you're better. But like if I know exactly what the pain points are, and it's like, these are my pain points. It's doing my homework and doing my laundry and ABC like, that's what I want to do. I want to address those things. And I have maybe some insight on what the issues are and what needs to happen. And that's where I want to go, I really want to go with that approach of I want to bring it to the table. And that's what we address. But I also think like if you're someone who's like, Man, I don't really know what like, I just know, I want to get better at these skills. But I don't necessarily know, I might want to take a structured approach. Let me just run me through the whole thing, right? Like, it's one of these seven skills, or it's one of these seven things I'm also thinking about, you know, I'm also in recovery. And when I think about like the sobriety world, it's similar, like you can get a recovery coach that will have a like an approach like you're describing where it's like, we're gonna meet on a weekly basis, and it's what you bring, you know, what, what are you struggling with this week? What do you want to talk about this week, and then you can get a recovery coach, and the same with even like 12 Step sponsors, right? Who goes, Okay, actually, here's what it is like, there are 12 steps, and I'm going to take you through this kind of regimented approach. And by the end, we will have filled in all the gaps of what you need to move forward. And so I think there's this aspect of like, Okay, I'm ready. I don't need to do like a ton, like, I'm ready. And I'm pretty confident that it's like these things that I want to address. I'm either not ready to address anything outside of that, or I know I don't need to address things outside of that. I just want to go with that. Right. And some of its personality. Like I would think that, you know, if you're someone who is for example, like you're autistic and you really struggle with like a pervasive drive for autonomy, and you do not like demands and you do not like Right, like you're not going to want to go with someone who's like, Okay, now here's your homework. If you're someone who maybe has a lot of trauma around school, maybe you don't want to go with like, Okay, here's lesson one. Here's lesson two. And would you find there's a lot of overlap between people who are very hesitant or like maybe burned by a school approach when they come to coaching. Yes,

    Hannah Choi 9:31

    I see a huge look of relief on my clients, especially younger clients. I work with a lot of college students and I see a really big sigh of relief on their faces. When I say you are driving the bus here like this is you're the one who can make the decisions here and I'm going to do what you want to do and we're going to work on what you want to work on and so much of their life up until then has been do this do that you know and so structure And a lot of kids come in with learning disabilities or with ADHD or with autism. And so their life has been, you know, structured plus extra frustrating. And so learning that autonomy and learning that they can make those choices, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. And I love giving that to them. I love providing that space for them. It's exciting. It takes a while, but it's really exciting. And yeah, something that you said before made me think about so one of the executive function skills that is super, super helpful in life. I mean, they all are. But one of them that I find especially helpful is cognitive flexibility, which is like the idea of thinking flexibly. And when you can think flexibly, it's much easier to see that there's another way of doing something. And so if you are a person who tends to lean towards more rigid thinking, it can be harder to even imagine that something could be different from how it is now. And so a lot of we work on with clients is understanding that your future can look different than your present. And this effort that you're going to put in is worth it because you can we help them see this future that could be different. And so that cognitive flexibility is just so important. And it doesn't I don't think it gets supported enough in younger kids. Yeah,

    KC 11:13

    let's pause for just a second here from some sponsors, and we'll come back. Okay, so here's what I thought we could do if we can, like, get in a time machine and go back to when I started college. And because I imagine you get a lot of clients that are just starting college, because that's kind of like where shit starts to hit the fan sometimes. Exactly. It really does. And so like I would have come to you and I would have been like, Okay, I can't study, I do not know what I've never studied in my life. And it's never been a problem before now, because I would just listen to the lectures and do this. And and I've never really done any homework before. Now, because I just finished in class or I had study hall or I had my parents breathing down my neck, like first question is like, how do you explain to someone who maybe has never heard the term executive functioning? Like, what are they struggling with? What's going wrong? Like, do you have any easy definitions are metaphors that you use?

    Hannah Choi 12:08

    Yeah, a lot of people think that executive functioning is something to do with executives, and the word executive actually comes from execute. So they are the skills that help us execute our day. So they help us get through our day. So you can kind of think of it as like maybe the conductor of an orchestra, or you know, that like the boss of something, the boss of your brain. And so all these executive function skills just help us get through the day, like you and I both have clothes on. So we have some functioning executives, you know, some our executive function, that area of our brain is working, because you know, we showed up on time, and we have clothes on. And so first learning the area that you struggle in, and then learning how to address that with maybe some strategies or some tools that is the place to start. And I've lost track of you asked,

    KC 12:58

    I'm laughing that you said most of us think of executives because of executive functioning. But like when you think about it, executives don't see anything. Right? Right. Like they're like, oh, big picture, let's think let's meetings. Let's do this. And like, in reality, if we were to compare executive functioning to a role, it wouldn't be the executive, it would be the executive assistant.

    Hannah Choi 13:21

    Yes, it would be. Right. Right.

    KC 13:23

    Like there's always an executive assistant that's like this very, like she's not a secretary. She's not a receptionist, like she is this very sort of like, I mean, secretaries and receptionists can work on a high level, but like, she's like, a specific role for this executive that is, you know, he comes up with the idea. And then like, whatever little bitty steps that it actually takes to execute that idea are often passed off to the executive assistant or to whatever associate is underneath, right, like people who are not this prestigious role of executive. And it's just funny to me that like, oh, it's actually the executive assistant that's actually doing the executive functioning for this person, right? Like, okay, well draft that paperwork and schedule that meeting and call that person and you know, all these like little bitty I remember when I was in college, I did a theater degree, and I did a lot of costume design. And I got hired to do to be an assistant costume designer, and they sat me down and they were like, let me explain to you like the role of assistant costume designer, this is not about your ideas. This is not about your design. This is not like your job is to be like the functioning brain for this costume designer. You follow her around and you take your pen and paper and as she throws ideas out, you write them down. As she does this. You make sure that you follow up on that if she says we need to talk to somebody, you make sure you make that phone call and then three times a day you make sure she eats I'm not kidding, like and I ended up being really good at it, which is ironic. I'm great at functioning for other people for other people. Yes. Right because it was And then people would actually joke Her name was Katie, that I was her brain. And people would ask her questions, she was like, I don't know, ask my brain. She's like, I'm here to flow. I'm here to design and be creative, and all of these things. So I always think of that now, when we think about executive functioning is like that time I was someone's brain, you

    Hannah Choi 15:17

    were and that's such a great analogy, like if we go back to like what you were saying before. So if you can imagine that there's a person who's in charge of planning, and a person who's in charge of seeing other people's perspectives, and if a person who's in charge of thinking flexibly and organizing and paying attention, and so all of these executive function skills that we have going on in our brain, like maybe the person who's in charge of attention is not, you know, having their best day. And so that executive function skill is, you know, like, not on that day. And so, and then if you think about it, like we, our our executive function skills are directly impacted by our stress levels. And so you can imagine, if you are working in a very stressful environment, and you're in charge of paying attention, it's gonna be really hard to pay attention, because you're super stressed out, or, you know, maybe you have ADHD, or you have, you know, some diagnosis that makes it harder to do whatever, you know, whatever that is. So I love that analogy was really great. I

    KC 16:14

    was noticing in your bio, that you have listed what your executive functioning strengths are, and then what your executive functioning weaknesses are. And you mentioned that working memory is one of the ones that you struggle with. Yes. So can you give us like a layman's definition? I'm curious, I have like a metaphor that I love to use, but I'm like, I'm like collecting little explanations and metaphor. So tell me how you would explain to someone what like working memory is, or tell me how you would be able to know if someone like if I was your client, and I don't know, working memory, so I'm not gonna say I have problems with working memory? Like, what kind of things would you be listening for that would sort of like ding that in your head of like, this person might have working memory issues. Yeah.

    Hannah Choi 16:55

    So while working memory is the ability to take some information that you've been given whatever it is, and hold on to it long enough to do something with it, right. So you need to hold on to it long enough to file it away into long term memory. Or like, for me, I have to write it down, I have sort of like a rule, it's not a rule, it's a strategy, you either have to if you struggle with working memory, you have two choices, write it down or act on it. And it is really hard in the moment when you're like, I don't want to write it down. And I don't want to act on it, I want to just remember, but it doesn't happen. And I've actually spent a lot of my recent life forgiving myself for having a bad memory. And one thing that really attracted me to you is this whole idea of the fact that you know, care tasks are morally neutral. And I have been working very hard on teaching myself and others that executive function skills are also morally neutral. The fact that I have a poor working memory does not define me, it does not give me my value, it does not make me a bad friend, or partner or employee. And that is just hugely important. And so in order to succeed in life and feel good about myself, I have to use strategies to make up to compensate for my poor working memory, I don't have a choice, I don't have that third option of saying, I just want to remember. And so I can either beat myself up about it, that I've forgotten something, or I can forgive myself and say next time, I'm going to remember this, and I'm going to write it down, or I'm going to take action on it. And I do that multiple times throughout the day.

    KC 18:32

    Let me ask you this question. Just so my working memory doesn't forget this thing in my head. Why is it like, is it a part of the problem that like, I remember being in school, and every day, the teacher would give homework, and I would never write it down. And then of course, you know, you get home and you don't remember to do your homework. But the part that was so maddening was that like, every day, she would say what the homework was, and I would think to myself, will surely all remember that. Like, I'll definitely remember that. Like, I get the like, oh, I don't have good working memory, but like what is it that makes me so convinced every time that like this thing seems important enough that I won't forget it?

    Hannah Choi 19:12

    I'm not really sure. It may be the evidence that we have that we do remember things you know, we don't we haven't forgotten everything, you know, and so there are things that we remember. So we maybe we think, Oh, I'll remember that. I remembered that so I'll remember this, um, but I really think we need to consider what are we really interested in that thing I like I don't know about you. But for me, if I am really interested in it, then I'm going to remember it more. If it's something in the moment, I think I'm interested in or think oh, this is important, or I think I should be interested in this, then I'm probably not actually interested in it. So it is harder to remember. And also, you know, like at the end of class you are you've just sat down for an hour you have just showed extremely good self control for an hour. You have paid attention for an hour. You have processed information you have thought flexibly you've thought about Other people's perspectives, you've been using your memory. So for that hour, you are exhausted, your brain is exhausted even though you might not feel it. And so if your working memory is already challenged, now you're adding tiredness or distress or whatever to it. So yeah, and the moment you think, yeah, I am going to remember this. And yeah, right. Yeah, just really

    KC 20:21

    overestimating my abilities in that moment. Yeah, I always, I always used to tell people that like working memory, or like, your browser tabs, you know, like, you could be doing something here. And then Okay, time to do something else. And it's like, if you're not done with that thing, like, I'll leave the tab open, right? Like somebody one time told me about, like a journal article. And I was like, oh, I want to read that for my book. And I like pulled it up. But I didn't have time to read it. So I just left the tab open. And then it was time to put jump on a podcast, I pulled the podcast out, right. And I was also working on a Word doc. So that was up. And so I had these like multiple things open on my like Chrome browser, right? And so I don't have to, like consciously be thinking like these four things, I can just like, look at this little browser tab. And so you know, when I'm done with something, I can X out of the browser tab, and then the other ones are still there. And for me, like, I can only have one browser tab open at a time, right? So if I'm going to read this article, and I don't have time, and I'm like, well, I'll come back to it like, but as soon as I open up the tab to jump on the podcast with Hannah, it doesn't just fold the other tab neatly next to it. Like it just disappears. Do you don't I mean, like, Oh, whoops. And I remember asking, like a good friend of mine, like how she cuz I think that's the other part about executive functioning is like, you don't sometimes appreciate that not everybody is operating that way, especially if you have enough like compensatory strategies that you're kind of like getting by. And I asked her, like, when you're just like going through your day, you know, like doing work or taking care of kids or whatever. Like, what's that, like it blew my mind to hear like it is like I have several browser tabs open. And I can flip between them in my mind remembering these various things until I realized I don't need that tab and I x out of it. And I was like yours don't just disappear just like no, she's like, it's like a Rolodex in my head. And I was like, This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable. And what's funny is she's also neurodivergent. But she just doesn't struggle with working memory issues.

    Hannah Choi 22:19

    Right? Yeah. And that's something that's so important to remember is that whether you are neurodivergent or not, you are going to have areas that you're just great at, and some that you really suck at. And like, you know, like you said, that doesn't make you a good person or a bad person. It's just your brain. It is how your brain is built. And then like you said, you find you figure out compensatory strategies that support you in those areas, and they're not always going to work. And some days, you're going to be terrible at it. Regardless, even if you are like I wrote it down, and I still forgot, you know, it just happens. But I know I'm the same way like wait that you don't struggle with this, whatever it is, yeah.

    KC 22:56

    Okay, let's do a quick break. And we'll come right back. Okay, we're back with Hannah and talking about executive functioning. Let me ask you this. What do you think like if we were to sort of talk about some practical strategies that people at home could use? In your experience? What are some of the more powerful ones that like, people come back? And they're like, Oh, my God, like, I can't believe like, I would never have thought like, what a big difference that makes

    Hannah Choi 23:24

    the one of the ones that I always recommend, that isn't even an actual strategy, where you're sort of creating anything tangible is just allowing yourself to take some time to try to figure out why. And keep asking why don't just answer the why. And then go with that. Ask why to the answer. And see if you can distill it down to the true reason you're struggling with it, I really think that the only way that we're going to find a strategy that really will work in the long run and help make actual lasting change that feels good and makes us feel really good about ourselves is if we take the time to truly truly figure out why we're struggling and it can be really hard, you know, any kind of internal work like that any kind of self reflection can often lead us to places we don't want to go, but it is and I've seen it in my clients and I've seen it in myself Absolutely. Is that when we can get to that true meaning of why we're struggling then we can say Okay, then let's try this strategy then let's try

    KC 24:25

    that and you give me an example of like, what does that look like to ask yourself why to the question and to get down like down to the how do I how do I know if I'm down to the essence of it or whatever?

    Hannah Choi 24:35

    Yeah, yeah, right. So I had a client are actually still working with her and she is in college. And she when I first met with her, one of the things that she wanted to work on was organization. She has a very messy room and she really felt like she needed to figure that out. And but whenever I brought it up and asked her if she would like to talk about it today, she always avoided it. And so one day I said, you know Let's try to figure out why. Like, why are you avoiding it? And why do you want to be organized? And so I asked her why. And she was like, Well, you know, I just want to, you know, have my space cleaner. But what we got down to was, she felt like she needed to because her siblings and her mom are also are very organized. And she felt this kind of like societal expectation that you're supposed to be the super organized person. And you know, like you said, I think she was attaching the cleanliness of her room to her value her worth. And so we had this really difficult conversation where we got that was the that was what her Why was was that she was associating with her value and her worth as a person. And so when we were able to get to that we were able to say to help her figure out well, first of all, that isn't your that isn't what your value is? And what are the things about organization that you do like and that you think you might be open to tackling. And so she didn't like knowing which clothes were clean and which clothes were dirty. She like she wasn't sure. And it slowed her down in the morning, we're like, Okay, well, that's an actual tangible thing that we can work on. Now, now that you have learned that it's okay for your room to be messy. Let's figure out a system that we can, you know, make your getting dressed in the morning less stressful, so she wouldn't have been able to do that if we didn't take that time.

    KC 26:22

    Yeah. And people were also surprised to learn that, like, you know, you can figure out you can make dressing in the morning easy and still be messy. Yeah, yeah, like, and that's what I think is so powerful about I mean, you know, I talk all the time about things being functional, because it is really difficult if you're a kid with executive functioning problems growing up, and you get all these messages about what's wrong with you. And there's so many moral things that get detached, like being lazy or irresponsible or immature. And so oftentimes, like when we do go, whether it's to a coach, or a therapist or program, or anywhere where you're trying to get or even a self help book, right, trying to get your shit together, I really do agree with you that the first and most important strategy for lack of a better term is to really get honest with ourselves about like, what matters to us, because it really matters to our functioning, because it actually matters to us. And what's mattering to us because we've been told our whole life, it's supposed to matter. Because sometimes someone says they really want a clean room, and they are really, really struggling to get a clean room and you get down to the bottom of it, you're like, oh, it's because like, there are some executive functioning problems here. And we need strategies for these problems. But sometimes when somebody is trying strategy after strategy after strategy is not working, it's because they don't actually care. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I mean, that and I like yeah, man, like, you're never gonna be motivated to do something, you don't care about it, you just aren't think you're supposed to care. And there's not enough force behind, I'm supposed to care, right? And so many of those things, we can just let go of like, okay, like, it's okay to be messy, we can find strategies to make things easier as a messy person, right? Or it's okay to not, you know, it's okay to not want to get straight A's, honestly, like, it's okay, we can find strategies to help you complete enough work to get by and give you time to do really, really deep dives, and do well in the classes that are actually interesting to you. Like, what a bombshell realization that like, I don't actually have to do excellent in all my classes, there might be some classes I'm really interested in, that I would actually enjoy putting extra effort into, but I won't have the time to do that, or the headspace to do that. The capacity to do that. If I don't allow myself to look at some of these other classes and go, you know, what I don't actually don't care about like quadratic equations. I don't want to fail the class. Obviously, I want to get my degree, but like, How can I just get by here? You know what I mean? How can I just remember to do the homework and do enough homework? And I was constantly doing math in my head about how much of this can I get right to pass? How many of these assignments can I not do to still pass? Which is like a dangerous game, but is?

    Hannah Choi 29:03

    Yes, it is a dangerous game, but sometimes it is what you need in that moment. Yeah. So much of what I work on with myself. Absolutely. And my clients is breaking that kind of thinking and accepting and loving ourselves, even when we have to do things differently than we feel like we should or differently than our friends differently than society does. And there's so much work in executive function coaching about figuring out what works for you and just for you, and it might be really different than your parents expect you or your partner expects you to do, or even yourself expects you to know and that's why it's so important to have those conversations where we get really deep down into like, what is going on what's driving that thinking?

    KC 29:49

    Okay, here's my next question. I would talk about practical things. One of the things that was always really difficult for me in college was time management when it came to assignment. It's because I couldn't ever tell when I was looking at an assignment, how long is this thing going to take me? And so unless there's this pressure of the deadline being really close, I couldn't get started on it. And then there were a couple of times when I found myself, Oh God, I'm up till 4am. Because I Anway, like underestimated or overestimated, like how much time this was gonna take me. So how do you help somebody that might be experiencing some time blindness, that is, you know, struggling to get things done? Or or to start early enough? Like what are some strategies or even just like some paradigm shifts, or different ways of thinking perspective shifts?

    Hannah Choi 30:35

    Yeah, so something that's a really, really common challenge, I would say, pretty much every client I've ever worked with has struggled with that in some form or another, it's super, super common. So there are a few things that you can do, they do all take work, there's no magic wand unfortunately, but couldn't tackling the time blindness is a really is some really important work that you can do and learning if you are an overestimate or or an underestimate, or so some people have like really strong anxiety about the do the work. So they will overestimate how long things will take. And then other people really do rely on that urgency and will underestimate and then we also wait until the last minute. So there's a tool that I really love to use is called a BVA budgeted versus actual and that's where you make a guess, based on whatever evidence that you already have about how long you think something might take. And then you do the thing. And then you time yourself. And hopefully you remember to stop the timer. That's always my challenge. Like I always forget to stop the timer. So then I'm like, I have no idea. But if you can do that, and it doesn't have to be with a big project doesn't have to be with writing a paper or doing a work presentation. It can be with loading the dishwasher like make a guess like how long do you think it takes you to load the dishwasher? And then getting ready in the morning?

    KC 31:48

    Yeah, are getting ready. That's always my thing is like, I don't need to know how long it's going to take me to write the paper, I need to know how long does it take me from the decision to write the paper to where I can start typing because let me clear my desk. And let me get my computer up. And let me go get a drink. And I end up like fiddling about with these prep stages, whether it's getting my kids ready for school, getting ready to run a paper getting ready to clean even I find myself like getting ready to get ready. And that's the part that always throws me off is like I don't have a good mental budget for how early I never forget, like having kids like your whole life. You have this like general idea about if you need to leave at five, you need to start getting ready at x, right? And then I had kids, and it took me at least six months to realize that like whatever time I thought I was going to need to get out the door, I needed to add 30 minutes

    Hannah Choi 32:42

    to it. Yes, yes. So what you just said is so perfect. It took you six months, you took six months of making an observation, and then you came up with a really great strategy. And so that's what I meant, like, this is not something that that you're going to figure out right away. And so you have to as a person who struggles with this, I'm gonna challenge you have to get rid of that expectation that you're going to fix it right away. Because I guarantee you you won't Hannah,

    KC 33:03

    I have to interrupt because like, I don't know why. But you saying that like really hit me like a ton of bricks and have a really emotional way. Because I don't think I've ever heard someone with that reframe of like, because in my head, it's always like, it took me six months of being an idiot. It took me six months of failing. It took me six months. Oh, like but I think that's what we all feel is like, why did it have to take me that long? Why am I so hard headed and you just responding with this. So you spent six months observing, you spent six months taking data, you took six months testing this hypothesis, right? Like was such a really powerful shift in perspective that it genuinely made me emotional, I kind of teared up and I think that genuinely can meet here. Well, I also think it's just such a great real time example of the benefit of an executive functioning coach, or even a good therapy, like whoever you're going to write like, that's the benefit is like it because it's not just the observation, it was like the moral neutrality of your observation and was like, Oh, you spent six months making observations. And now we finally have the data that we need, right?

    Hannah Choi 34:10

    Like any strategy that really works like yeah, it's not going to work every time. Sometimes you're going to need more, sometimes you're going to need less. But you know, you have to give yourself at least that amount of time and you wouldn't, and so that will last that will serve you for so long, because it is based on solid, solid evidence research.

    KC 34:29

    Well, I think that's a really good note to end on. Because I think that was really powerful. And I appreciate that. I mean, just that idea that yeah, it couldn't have taken you any shorter time. Like it's normal to have to go through an extended period of gathering information, making observations. Yep.

    Hannah Choi 34:44

    And you have to have compassion. Just have compassion with yourself. It's hard. We're all doing our best with what we have. And it takes a while to get more of what we need to do the things in the way that we want to do them. And by the end of the six months of that research, like it might even look different than You expected or you know, whatever the decision you come to might look different than what you thought it would be. And that's okay. And I love that you found that out. And then

    KC 35:08

    that 30 minutes will be sufficient until your kid gets to the next stage, or do you have the second kid, right, and then it won't work anymore. And then you'll have to do more research. I think that's also the really powerful thing. It's like that ebb and flow of I feel like I'm on top of that I figured it out about now it's not working anymore. Now I'm floundering. I'm drowning, I'm okay. Oh, now I feel like I'm on top of it. It's like, that is not a cycle of success and failure. That's just a cycle of life. Like that is a normal flow of finding something that works. And then life changing. And then, you know, kind of having to go through that making observations period, and then kind of figuring and so that's a really powerful shift to I think,

    Hannah Choi 35:42

    we do these three community webinars. And it's all about failure. And well, not really failure, but it managing what we see as failure. And for me, whenever I hear the word failure, I automatically think opportunity. And I think that's such a great another, like really nice reframe that maybe your listeners can take away like every time you think I failed. No, here's an opportunity to figure out something that might work. Well, I

    KC 36:06

    can't thank you enough for taking the time. And can you tell people where they can find more information about executive functioning coaching that y'all do?

    Hannah Choi 36:14

    Yeah, sure. Well, you can find us at beyond booksmart.com. And I actually host a podcast all about executive functioning skills. It's called focus forward. And you can find that on any of the podcast apps out there focus forward and executive function podcast and the free webinars that we host we do one about every four to six weeks. They're just community education, webinars all about executive functioning, and I host them it's a lot of fun. We have some of our coaches on and they share their insights. But if you are, you know, if you're interested in researching other companies, you can just type in executive function coaching, and there's so many wonderful options out there. So I really encourage you to find the coach that works really well for you. And you know, the if the company if you go with a larger company, there's the find the one that works really well for you, because that's where you're going to find the most success. Awesome.

    KC 37:01

    Well, thank you, Hannah, and I hope you have a great day. Thank you so much.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
69: Religion without Patriarchy with Rev Karla

Today’s topic is about the religious trauma that many people encounter as they grow up, patriarchy, and the way religion tends to weaponize mental health. I’ve had my various issues with religion, but I want this episode to be helpful to those who consider themselves religious and those who do not. I’m joined by Karla, who is an Interfaith Interspiritual minister who refers to herself as “spiritual, but not religious.” Join us!

Show Highlights:

●      How Rev. Karla came into her “deconstructing religion” phase

●      How a journey of religious deconstruction puts a person into a kind of freefall

●      What it means to go into the “spiritual wilderness”

●      Why Rev. Karla calls herself an unchurched, non-conforming Christian

●      Why we should question authority, religion, and the patriarchy

●      How we are intuitively connected to our inner wisdom and what is happening around us

●      Why we need spiritual autonomy

●      Thoughts on the Netflix documentary, Escaping Twin Flames

●      How some religions weaponize any mental health issues as indicators that faith, spiritual grounding, and leadership potential are lacking

●      Why sexual exploitation almost always shows up when patriarchy is in full force

●      The correlation between mental health and religious trauma

Resources and Links:

Connect with Rev. Karla: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook,

and Spirituality Matters podcast

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You

can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on

our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient balls of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And we're going to talk today about religion. But before you log off, we're going to be going over some things about religious trauma, some issues with religion. And as always, I like to try and talk about religion in a way that is helpful both to people who consider themselves religious and to people who do not. So I'm here today with Karla, as I think your official title is, thank you for being here.

    Karla 0:34

    It's an honor to be looking forward to this.

    KC 0:36

    So tell me a little bit about yourself and your background. We're going to talk about patriarchy. Today we're going to talk about religion weaponizing mental health. So tell me about yourself and tell me why you are the right person to talk about this. Well,

    Karla 0:51

    somehow I found myself on Tik Tok as a Boomer and you know, content started going crazy as I was talking about things that people that resonated with people when it came to this whole phenomenon called deconstructing, and I didn't even know that phrase until I got to social media. I always called it untangling from the my religious beliefs that no longer served my highest good because I just felt like where I was in my life, they were not only limiting me, they were suffocating me. And I was ready to let go of some of that rigid dogma. And once I went into social media and started teaching and writing, I realized that this is not just a singular thing. It's a movement. And I always even early on, in my deconstructing phase, I knew that there were people that I could help I wasn't quite sure how I had no idea what because I put on a wig and I dance around social media that that would resonate with people, but it does, you learn how to pick up trends and and go with it. But for me, I was raised Southern Baptist. And so coming from that to a place where I'm now an ordained interfaith Interspiritual minister is a big chasm to big major book ends. And I've only been ordained since 2017. So you can imagine the journey that I've been on since the time I deconstructed from basically evangelical Christianity, and inner spiritual interfaith means that we respect all religions and Interspiritual says that spirituality can and does exist outside of the construct the the actual framework of a religion. And so that's an important part of my message. People say, Wait, you left the church, but you're still a reverend? Well, there's many ways that you can be a reverend, it's that indoctrinated thinking that we think it can only be inside one type of framework of church. So I think that's an important part of my journey as well. But I think that what really resonates with people in my message is that I'm giving them permission to rethink spirituality without letting go of it. Oftentimes, when you start to feel like you're changing, and you're evolving and awakening, even and your religious framework no longer serves you in that way, you feel like you're moving away from it, those indoctrinated beliefs can often lead you to believe that because you're leaving those framework, you don't have the option to look at life through a spiritual lens, which you absolutely do. So that's what I do. I help people navigate religious trauma and also understand how much of our lives are impacted by patriarchy, we have no idea how much we are constantly coming up against those values and beliefs, how much we still hold on to them, even when we think that we're rejecting a lot of the things that that harmed us or that are harmful to society, we are still holding on to some of those. And once we are able to face them, then we really start to see some monumental shifts in people's thinking, and in their healing journey away from those beliefs that that harm, though, I

    KC 3:55

    think what's interesting is when I think about my own journey of like, I didn't grow up religious, I went to a Catholic school, I didn't become spiritual, really, until I was in rehab. And then I had a conversion to Christianity when I was 19, and was in a pretty dogmatic evangelical church for a few years before going to Southern Baptist seminary and then deconstructing from there. And you know, they're sort of these obvious ways of deconstructing some people deconstruct all the way out of the faith. And then I'm no longer a Christian. I'm no longer religious at all. Some people will deconstruct from maybe like fundamentalism, which if you're not familiar with that phrase, it's basically referring to the more strict sort of legalistic very literal interpretations. If you know who like the Duggars are, that's like, probably the most fundamentalist you can imagine. And then there's this idea of okay, I have deconstructed just into a different like denomination, or I've deconstructed to where I no longer think that like, you know, my role is the right religion or this, that and the other. I feel like I've deconstructed this really interesting place. Sometimes people are surprised to hear that I consider myself a Christian and surprise for me to say I probably would consider myself a pretty devout one. And there's this interesting conversation when people ask me about like, Well, what do I think now? And I say, Well, I can tell you about my experience with the God of my understanding. And I can tell you about my experience with the Bible. And I can tell you what I believe to be true. And then a lot of people will say, you know, what, don't you believe that? Like, all religions are right. And that's this interesting question. Because my response, and I'd never really realized that this was an option was like, Hey, I picked the one that I think is right. Like, it's like, those two things really exist at the same time, which is like, I'm not, I mean, I think everyone believes what they believe, because they believe it's the closest to the truth there is because otherwise, we're believing something else, right. And so I still have these like, pretty devoutly held beliefs that are meaningful to me. And I have such respect for other denominations and other religions and other faiths and other ways. I have such admiration for people of other faiths. And I have no need for anyone of any other faith to believe my faith or think differently about their faith. And so truly, like, summed up by like, like, honestly, like, I'm rocking with the God that brought me to the party, you know what I mean? I'm gonna go home with the one that brought me to dance with the one that brought you whatever that phrase is, because that's just what happened to me as wonderful. But I don't know, I could be wrong, I'm going to operate as if there's at least a chance I'm wrong.

    Karla 6:39

    Yeah, I love that. Rockin with the God who brought me I love. But I also think that you brought up a really important part right at the very beginning of that, which, by the way, I love it, the whole journey of your faith evolve, because I forgot that you had gone to seminary, but the whole thing about holding on to your Christian identity without having to hold on to some of the tenets of the faith. And for a long time. I too had I struggled with that. I mean, the question that I carry with me all the time. And I also talk a lot about this in my book, which is what am I going to do about Jesus because you and you realize that something's changing, that relationship was so fundamental to who you were, and your identity and your belief system, that it was a requirement that you actually had to answer certain questions a specific way in order to be considered a valid, validated Christian. So being able to win, navigate it. And I also want to pause for a minute to recognize something else that you said, when you which is so important for people when they're deconstructing because there are people who just deconstruct from certain elements of the faith, but then find community and inspiration and connection still inside church. I don't proselytize for people to leave church, I don't do that I am unchurched. I never thought that when I started this instructing journey, I did not know. That's where I would land, I did not know that I would end up on a spiritual but not religious journey, I allow the journey to take me where I was gonna go, I thought to I was going to end up at some seminary that was going to be Christian centric. Instead, I ended up in an interfaith seminary. That's really

    KC 8:19

    what the heart of the deconstructing journey is about, right, which is, and this is why it's so powerful, because when you're in the clutches of really dogmatic religion, the path is laid out for you, and you know where it's going. And when you begin to deconstruct, there's this freefall of if I truly go on this journey, I don't know what will be left, what will be left, if I just stand here, under like, if I stand out in the rain of truth, what will it wash away? What will still be left standing? What will I have and not have? Where will I be? And that is terrifying, if you are someone who has been clinging to sort of the certainty of religious tenets, right? Because what if I deconstruct all the way out of the faith completely, and I become atheist? What if I just deconstruct and make a lateral move to some other different denomination? What do I do with Jesus? What do I do with this? What do I do with church? And where do I go right? And you don't know which of those you're going to be? If you are like genuinely deconstructing, and you just but here's what's so crazy. The faith that required to deconstruct is so much more an experience of real faith in whatever I was drawing on when I had this, like laid out every question answered every tenant in stone. Does that make sense? Oh,

    Karla 9:38

    it makes so much sense. And what you're describing there is I call the spiritual wilderness and once you accept the fact that you're going to let go of the known let go of the how to be a Christian because so many of us we were indoctrinated to believe that there were a subset of rules that we had to follow to be labeled that good Christian and you let that go there. You live in this pair. Radox of Well, I think I want to let that go. But why do I feel guilty but yet I'm drawn to this. So once you accept that and learn to understand that there's wisdom in the curious and living in the curious and living with wonder in living in the mystery, instead of all that the rigid dogmatic things that for some of us became suffocating other people find that enriching and fulfilling. But for those of us who are on this different type of deconstructing journey, it takes us into these deep places where rules just don't those rules don't come with us. It doesn't mean that we might not return to some elements of it. And I like you hold onto my Christian identity because of how it served me for so many years. And because what it instilled in me was this desire to continually seek divine wisdom did I let go of the masculinized, this anthropomorphic, patriarchal God? Yes, I did. But I still have this desire to seek wisdom and seek connection and understand of this divine mystery. Because where we are in our human evolving, we still just know just a tiny percentage of if we look at how our understanding has evolved over time, when you look at worship hundreds of years ago, or 1000s of years ago, and where we are now it's continues to change and thank God that it does, we're not only no longer throwing people into volcanoes, in hopes of appeasing the volcano gods, we don't do those things anymore. And so we are constantly moving towards this mystery. And so I do hold on to that Christian but I call myself an unchurched, non conforming Christian and non conforming is it gets me a lot of trouble. Sometimes when I explained it that that means that I will not adhere to the rigid dogma that suffocated my right as a person as a person who identifies as cisgender heterosexual woman, it limited my ability to understand the divine through something other than just the framework that was set out for me. And it also honors those who use their religion for a social justice movements such as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, who had a sermon in the 50s, about being a nonconformist. And so there's history there that actually is rooted in Christianity that talks about the importance of making sure that even when you are inside a religion, you're not afraid to question it, and push back on the things that harm people and harm large classes of people. Because let's face it, Christianity has been at the root of some of the most horrific oppression that's happened in our society

    KC 12:47

    both on a systemic basis, and on an individual basis. Yeah, I always tell people that are thinking about deconstructing that there's nothing to be afraid of. Because if there is no God, there is nothing to be afraid of, from deconstructing from all of this stuff. And if there is a God, then there is nothing to be afraid of, like, from deconstructing from all this stuff. Because at the end of that journey, right, if there is no God, it doesn't matter. You can throw away anything that is not serving you. And if there is a God like really, and truly is one, do you not think he will hold you? Do you not think you can walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and he will be there? Do you think you could make enough theological mistakes that if there was a God, he'd be like, you know, I was going to have you I was going to hold you I was going to look out for you. But man, you decided instead of believing in one B of this theological statement, you decided to go with one C? And I just I can't do that like that just seems so silly. If they're like it might be a God of the universe.

    Karla 13:50

    And if you think you said that you went to a Catholic school with you went on to study in a more framework that was more evangelical, but it sounds like that a lot of that dogmatic thinking it was like I don't want to I don't want to imply that somehow that was easier for you than someone who was raised and gobbled that down spoon fed from the pulpit their entire life, but I admire how you were able to look at that and say This makes no sense to me. It took me years. I mean, in a lot of times, I think it is generational because I am a boomer I was raised in the 60s and the 70s were very much that structure where children were seen and not heard. I have family members who are part of my caregivers who were taken out of the educational system to care for family to work the farm you know very much in one generation away from houses with no plumbing with no electricity I took baths in tubs you know the tubs with the well water so you know we're literally one generation away from the people who very much set inside that patriarchal system that said you do not question authority. You do not question anyone in authority even when they They are blatantly wrong, even when you know that and then when and I don't mean to be triggering to your listeners. But when you compound that with any type of abuse, which was part of my history, and so many people's stories, that is a hard thing to heal from and deconstruct from because not only are you not feeling safe with the people around you, you don't have any kind of resources whatsoever to question their actions, or the way they run the household, the way they run the schools, the way they run the government, whatever that is. So that patriarchal structure, which we're starting to see crumble now with Gen Z, and the millennials who question everything to the point where you're like, yeah, why do we do it that way? Why are things set up this way, you're starting to see that the system cannot support the generations who are saying, I do not want to live under a system where I don't have the right to question someone's actions just because of tradition, or because of a system that just protects one group of people, which is primarily in our patriarchal structures is the man.

    KC 16:07

    And that's the part that needs to be deconstructed. Like, I will say that a lot of times what happens is that people will deconstruct from the theology, but they won't deconstruct from patriarchy, they won't deconstruct from the hierarchies, they won't deconstruct from these things. And they'll go to other movements and just set up the same oppressive system of whether it's evangelicalism or fundamental like within that movement. So like one, I see this a lot with the new age, spirituality movement. And I don't have I think that whatever spirituality is bringing meaning to your life is valid. But for example, think about Teal Swan, which if you don't know, if you're listening, she's like, basically a cult leader in the New Age Movement. And she's done some real damage and real trauma. If you watch the documentary about twin flames, which is another cult, one of the things that you see is that people will co opt sort of New Age spiritual terms to draw you in, because maybe you've deconstructed from a fundamentalist religion, but you still want meaning you still want community, you still want, you know, spirituality, and you'll get drawn in by those terms. And then all of a sudden, you find yourself under the thumb of someone who's just set up the same type of oppressive hierarchy and patriarchy where if you question that person, your faith is what's questioned your health is what's questioned whether it's your mental health or your spirituality or your whatever, right? Like, well, you're just not in tune with the spirit of the universe, if you can't just take feedback. And it's like, I don't know, I think maybe you're abusing me right now.

    Karla 17:40

    Exactly. I'm glad you brought up twin flames as well, I was highly triggered watching that. But you brought something up that really is a sensitive and sometimes conflicting situation for me, because so many, I could easily be the people's Guru, I could see how easily people would start to look at me as the next person that they're going to follow. Because when people deconstruct what you said, is just like, I just want to capture it all. And let people hear that because they're not just deconstructing, they're looking for the next leader. And part of that comes out of an inherent nature that you just want to emotionally check out of your life. Let somebody else take care of all the details of running government running everything else, and just tell me, I'm going to be okay, yeah, I'd like that. Yeah. Tell me what to believe. Tell me what the afterlife is. Tell me where I'm going and tell me the steps to get there. And I'm so careful about doing that. Do I finally do it in the book? Yes, I finally do it. But I am so careful about making sure that people aren't looking at me as the only place that they're getting answers about their deconstructing journey. If I could have a spiritual care session with all my followers, the one thing I would tell them because this happens 95% of the time, so if you and I are,

    KC 18:57

    it's funny, because I know you mean like tick tock followers, when we talk about call to then start being like, what I would tell my followers and I'm like, there. It's not like Carla has people like sitting around her feet at a compound somewhere. But it is funny that the language is the same. Oh my

    Karla 19:11

    gosh, that's so true. But just like the one thing I love about when I did spiritual care sessions, i The person within 90 seconds, two minutes at tops, they have the answer to what's happening, I just need to give them a mirror that we often get here the noise because we are just dealing with so much stuff. But if we understood that we are intuitively connected to our own inner wisdom, and that way and what's happening around us so it's learning how to not let that go to reclaim our spirituality. It's always been about without using the word individualism because I know that has so many other world repercussions, but it really is about our inherent right to hold on to our individual spirituality first and foremost, that is as unique to us as our fingerprints. Once we figure that out, then we should Looking for community,

    KC 20:01

    it's I mean, its autonomy, right? Like it's that right to spiritual autonomy, which is not exclusive of the importance of spiritual community and accountability and interconnectedness. But I think that that exactly, you've really hit the nail on the head, because having been in a couple of high control groups, which is like the scientific name for cults, that's what it is, it's somebody really violating your spiritual autonomy and telling you through fear and intimidation and shame and social pressure, what to believe and what to do and scaring you into certain types of behavior, and that what deconstructing is, isn't it, it's the rediscovering of your spiritual autonomy, you may or may not leave the faith community that you're in or change it or look at it differently. But whether that moves on the chessboard or not, there's this spiritual autonomy that we learn to trust because that I mean, that is what the high control groups really prey on whether you're in a religious high control group or a 12 step high control group or a new age spiritual high control group or a mental health high control group, it thrives on that idea that you don't know you better than I know you watching twin

    Karla 21:10

    flames was very triggering for me. And it angered me because of that the buzzwords that they were using, and how they remind me of the words I'm using it, but I can see why all of a sudden, I'm being I'm in this weird place where I'm not religious. But I also don't want to be identified with anybody who's using the same manipulative tactics and using these new buzzwords around it to try to get people to, to be obligated to and bound by this cult, like it is a cult. That's what they are following. So you know, I'm always looking at how I can use that language without sounding like them, or them. And it is a really weird place. It's a really weird place to be. And the

    KC 21:57

    twin flames documentary, I just realized people probably don't always know what we're talking about. It's on. I think, Netflix, I think there's another one on Amazon Prime. But it's basically the charlatan couple that basically talks about how you have one soulmate in the world, and it's your twin flame. And if you follow their program and give them money, they guarantee that you'll find that person, and then they just start assigning people to each other and saying that's your twin flame and selling them they can't leave the relationship no matter what. And it's bananas, y'all gotta go check it out. But it is definitely high control group definitely called and definitely what we're talking about where there's this patriarchal setup for sure

    Karla 22:33

    the leaders of those are still it is a husband and wife. And even I think sometimes people are confused about patriarchy in that way, because you see it through you, it's easy to see when it's through a man, a male structure, you can see the man at top, you see it in our own government, when you see how much it's skewed towards the leadership is skewed still towards men, if we had a more if our government representation should be more diverse, that to represent all of the entirety of its citizens. So any kind of structure, if it's going to be less patriarchal, that's how you start to dismantle some of those systems. But even in when you're talking about this cult, which it clearly is, and you have this man who's the leader, but you also have this woman, then you start to see how women and people who have been oppressed by patriarchal systems, internalize those systems, because in that series, you clearly see how he uses dehumanizing language, aggressive behavior to bring her under submission, he has no problem whatsoever to make sure that everyone understands that he is the authority in that relationship. However, she in turn, then by virtue of the rewards that she's getting from this system is willing to what they call carry water to go up as far as she can in the system to dump water on the rest of the followers because she's getting financially rewarded by her proximity to that person in power. So if you pluck out what we just described in twin flames, and then you look at how that is set up in other systems, you start to see why inside a high control religious systems, whether that's in a fundamentalist Christian Church, where they basically say, if you don't look like love, like believe, like we do, you're not invited. They don't want you in the pews. That's a very different look than some of the others. You see women who support that even though they will never they're never viewed as having the same value as men. Men are God ordained leaders. That's the language that's used, but yet you have women who support that, you start to see why their proximity to power gives them power in that structure that they enjoy. So they're okay with the notion that I am inferior, my feminine attribute and you know, I want to be clear and sensitive to people when you're using feminine and male we're not talking about gender and sexual identity here we realize that there's gender fluidity But when we're talking about these structures, they're only recognizing men and women there, they don't care about trying to help people, or honor people's pronouns or their gender or sexual identity. So I'm talking specifically about this structure, you start to see how they Yeah, they very much are just perpetuating that system. And they're fine with being what they call the weaker sex, they're fine with believing that they don't they lack the mental capacity and the emotional load to be leaders, they're fine with that. And they will do their part to make sure women come under submission and in authority in obedience to that authority, they will do their part to correct women, chastise them and continue to keep them in line because they're getting rewarded by the hierarchical structure. And they feel like it's part of their salvation duty as a good Christian to do that. So you start to think about oh, okay, that makes sense to me. But also, then how is it impacting me? Where have I internalized that? Where do I believe that about myself? Where do I believe like, how long have I been told, I'm too emotional, I just last month, I got a man came into my doing a video about, I don't remember something. And he came in to tell me that he would like to have a conversation with me, but I was too emotional. And I was too angry. And I'm talking like I am now I can talk with confidence. I can talk with passion. But what he doesn't like is the fact that he's not going to talk over me and I will finish my sentences. And there's an energy that you give off when you are comfortable with who you are. And you can stand in that truth. Well, he immediately was trying to bring on a patriarchal narrative over me to say I will talk with you, but I'm going to control how you're going to behave in that. Well, that didn't go over well, as you can imagine.

    KC 26:54

    That's kind of like we've alluded this earlier. But that weaponization of mental health, it slides right in there. Because if you're emotional because you're a woman, and you know, emotions are unreasonable. And it's not the stoic logic on point, I mean, that butts right up to that weaponization of mental health too, because anything wrong with your mental health is weak is, you know, too sensitive, is too fragile, is too unstable, and is a result of you not being strong enough, or healthy enough in your faith. Whether that's, you know, Judeo Christian faith, or whether that's a new age, faith, or whether that's your mental health and sobriety, or whatever you have you is this, it's used to kneecap you. For

    Karla 27:41

    sure, that's a really good point, because it's like, it's twofold, where you are going to minimize or emphasize the fact that I'm an emotional person to affirm the fact that I lacked the ability to be in a leadership role. And then you're also going to then say that that has something to do with my lack of spiritual grounding. And then if by any chance you're you're seeking any kind of mental support, or emotional support through therapeutic means, then that absolutely means you lack faith. And not only is this harmful for women, this is so harmful for men who don't realize how much of their the problems that they deal with when it comes to their own inability to deal with their own emotions, that often lead to quite a bit of use is that they're denying the fact that they need mental therapy that they probably could do with medication to help stabilize some of what's happening with them, but they can not allow themselves to even go down that road at for the risk, or they risk their leadership being seen as a person in authority. So in their world, it's more important to become more aggressive, and to be more to be seen as a possible abuser. Because in that system, as sad as this is, they're protected, they are protected. The statistics are there look at the report that the Southern Baptist Convention just released this past summer of the hundreds and hundreds of pastors and church leaders who they have been protecting over the years who have legitimately abused members of their staff and members of the congregation and the Southern Baptist Convention left them in leadership. So this goes far beyond just any denominational problem where we all often hear it, you know, focused on some of what's happened in the Catholic Church. This goes in to nondenominational and Protestant churches, a nation Well, worldwide, I'm sure,

    KC 29:41

    and you're gonna find it. I mean, so I talked about it before this podcast, but for several years, probably like five years I belong to a high control group that was a 12 step group, and it was all run by one man at the top. He sponsored, I think five people, those five people sponsored 25 people, those 25 people sponsored 45 people that literally that was who was in the group, and it was very dogmatic, it is very controlling. And it had all of the hallmarks of a high control group. And it ran my life for five years. And shortly after I left, one of the things that came out was that several of the women that the top man was sponsoring one of them was being sexually abused by him. And that is one of the things that comes out a lot in some 12 Step groups. And sometimes people will look at that and be like, see, no one should go to a 12 step group. I don't believe that. I believe that 12 Step groups are on the hole very helpful for people. But the reason why I like to zoom out for a second is go well, no, anytime you're going to find high control groups, patriarchal structures, and things like this, I believe you will always find sexual crime, sexual ethics broken. I don't know why they are so part and parcel. But if you look at the Catholic Church, you see it. If you look at the Southern Baptist Church, you see it, if you look at the high control group, tall ship group that I belong to, you saw it and one of the things that I found really interesting about it, we look at a lot of cults and you see it, like eventually the head guy is screwing everyone and controlling the reproductive health of all the members. One of the things I thought was interesting with the twin flames documentary is it starts out as Oh, you're gonna take our course and you'll definitely find your soulmate. And then like people didn't find their soulmate. So then all of a sudden, they were like, well, actually, we're gonna sign you soulmate. And they started assigning people in the group, even they would assign men and women together, even women and women together who like weren't gay, maybe like no buts, guys, you're actually a man not transition, because men and women must be men and women, and then it moved to this other iteration of, and now we're all going to have babies. And these are going to be the golden children. And they will be special children just like okay, well, now they have a problem, because they just matched up a bunch of women together. So then they start talking about, well, we just need to get sperm donors. And so they start hooking up sperm donors, and then the guy who's running the call comes out and is like, no, no, we will make the decision about who can be the sperm donors for these golden children. And the documentary kind of ends at that. And I look over at my friend, we're not here, and she and I were both in our control group. And we're like, what do you want to bet at some point, this guy comes out and says that he's the only one that can be the sperm donor for all of these golden children. He's the only one that can have sex with all these women in his cult. And I mean, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's always, they always dance together, right. And the sexual exploitation almost always shows up when patriarchy is in full force, whether it's government, religion, New Age, spirituality, 12 Step groups like it's not a problem necessarily with church or government or new age, spirituality or recovery. It's a problem with patriarchy, and with high control and with power,

    Karla 32:47

    very true. And also that twin flames documentary reminded me of the story of Keith Renier. And I cannot remember the name of that documentary, I'm really bad about remembering different details. There's also a follower, I don't know, if you cite, if you have a place where you cite sources on your podcast, their name is escaping me, but I follow them. And each week, they do a summary of the cases that have come out of abuse nationwide, hundreds of cases. And by far, the leading source is from religion, and the entire year. Now I could be wrong, but I'm not, it's not going to be too far off in the entire year of 23 of all the 1000s of cases that they have the data on, and it's all verifiable data, there is either one or none, that's a drag queen. So this whole notion, this deflection that happens that says that the source of our problems is over there, when really it's a case of smoke and mirrors. And you're almost always looking within to say Who are we protecting? And here's

    KC 33:52

    the other thing, the issue isn't individual abusers, because there might be someone out there that dresses and drag, that's an abuser. Now, the fact that dress in drag has no relation to the fact that our abuser, like abusers just exist, right. But the reason why you see so much more of it coming out of religion is because of the high control systems that are designed to protect abusers. Abusers will always exist. It's a broken thing that happens in with very broken people that choose to do immoral things. Right. The bigger issue and I don't mean bigger as and more important, I just mean literally, more widespread bigger is the systems that keep those abusers safe, that perpetuate abusers that silence victims that make victims feel as though it's their fault that like that's why you see so much more coming out of religion is because when they're constructed like hierarchical high control groups, it's protecting people and it's silencing people. And it's that's my soapbox on that.

    Karla 34:57

    Oh, for sure. And I think because we were talking to about one of the things you said at the beginning, and we've touched on it a little bit is the whole correlation between mental health and religious trauma. One of the things that is very disturbing, but why it's so important to recognize that there are traumatic events that happen inside organized religion. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a high control religion for this to happen. Any place where there is a rigid patriarchal structure, which you can also find in progressive churches. Now, this isn't me saying I'm completely anti church, I will offer spiritual counseling to people that the goal is to help them get back to navigate back to church, the point is that we have to understand the structure in which it's built so that you're going back into something that's healthy, and that where the systems of control don't exist. But when you find these rigid structures, and where people have experienced some kind of religious trauma, the chances of them being re victimized, or if they have been a victim of abuse somewhere in their past their the chances are highly likely that they will be re victimized inside one of these structures. Because the perpetrators are the abusers. They know how to do it, and they know how to target their victims. So whether that is something that is more or less on the passive side that has nothing to do with physical abuse. So let's say the mental abuse and the emotional abuse of women inside a structure that says that you are less than that, because of who you are, you're not allowed to be seen to be valued as a total person, or you have no agency over your body or the decisions that you make, those are somehow taken away from you. Or it is something more horrific and tragic, like the actual physical abuse of a child or a young adult or someone else, these things are very, very real. So allowing people to understand that this patriarchy also this patriarchal thinking, also can make you more susceptible to abuse, but also the fact that you don't believe that you deserve relief, that you somehow have been a victim of it because of something that you've done wrong. And so you can leave those systems thinking that just like you said, you're not just deconstructing from your religious beliefs, but deconstructing from patriarchy. If we don't understand how patriarchy has silenced our voices, we often end up right back in those troubling situations where not just that we're in a high control group, where we have the chance or risk of being abused again. So we know there's a lot to unpack here, these conversations with me tend to get really heavy, really quickly. And I'm trying to laugh to kind of elevate that. But I think it is important, especially for people who are dealing with any kind of issue that they're trying to live your people or want to reclaim their lives in some way, shape, or form and spirituality. In my mind, spirituality is more of a reflection and an integration of the human condition, this hyper focus on salvation that turns us away from the pain of the world, including our own pain. So that in and of itself can be problematic if we start to understand that spirituality is more about how we show up in the world, how we show up in our lives, how we can elevate help elevate the human condition, leave this world a better place, because we were in it, then literally can find heaven on earth, which if you deconstruct Jesus's teachings from some of those things that were related to how people want to manipulate them to confirm their faith, it sounds more about what Jesus was talking about, how do we have heaven on earth? Well, we do that by creating dismantling these systems of oppression that enraged him. Don't forget, he's the one who physically went in there and flipped the money exchange tables because of corrupt systems. We have the roadmap that said spiritual autonomy is ours. And we should reclaim our spirituality so that we can live the life that we are that feels right for us move towards the people then who believe like we do, and not to to overpower others but to live in harmony, live in harmony with the way other people are finding spirituality the way other people are finding their spiritual truth.

    KC 39:28

    I'm just realizing that we have not actually said the name of your book yet. So will you tell people what the name of your book is and where they can find it?

    Karla 39:34

    Well, it's interesting because I don't know. I'm in my second edit, so I'm hot in it. That's the reason why I didn't even plan on honestly, I did not plan on mentioning it. But I'm like, I'm hours away from having to hit my deadline for submitting the second round of edits. Okay,

    KC 39:50

    well, then where can they find you on social media? They can follow you and wait for the book to come out. Absolutely.

    Karla 39:54

    Rev. carla.com. Carla with a K. And I'm Rev. Carla Allen. tick tock and Instagram and Facebook. So yeah, you can find me and I do have a podcast spirituality matters with Rev Karla that I dabble in every once in a while.

    KC 40:09

    Well, thank you so much for your time and this has been such a great conversation. This

    Karla 40:13

    has been wonderful. Thank you. It's been an honor

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
68: Emotionally Intelligent Dog Training with Andrew Gleason

As we continue with the topic of responsible dog ownership for those with mental health challenges, I’m joined today by Andrew Gleason of Dog Savvy Training. He’s my personal dog trainer, and I love his approach. Join us to learn more about training and teaching your four-legged “wild child.”

Show Highlights:

●      How Andrew came into the work he does today

●      Why most obedience training is a way to control misbehavior—and falls short

●      Why most dog behaviors fall into two categories of suppression or reaction

●      How Andrew breaks down a simple issue like leash-walking

●      How learning for all mammals comes down to constructional model learning and emotional model learning

●      How to support your dog’s learning

●       What “force-free training” entails with a more holistic approach

●      How Andrew attempts to take a healthy approach to limitations, boundaries, and respect

●      How common training techniques don’t communicate learning

●      How Andrew uses aversions and optimism to teach a dog about the freedom of choice

●      An overview of Andrew’s company, Dog SavvyTraining, and their scope of both in-person and virtual training

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Andrew Gleason and Dog Savvy

Training: Website

and Facebook

Connect with KC: Website,

TikTok, Instagram,

and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep

House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You

can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on

our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:04

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis And I want to welcome you to a special episode with Andrew Gleason from dog savvy training. Andrew is my personal dog trainer that I train my dog with. And so Andrew, thank you for being here.

    Andrew Gleason 0:21

    Absolutely. Thank you for the introduction. Of course, we're

    KC 0:23

    doing a week of dog talk, kind of on the podcast this week. Okay, talk to a bunch of other trainers who have talked about things from the perspective of like, if you're somebody that struggles with mental health or disabilities, like what should you think about before you get a dog? And how should you train a dog towards things that you might like, strengthen weaknesses. And so that's been really those have been really fun conversations, but I really was excited to kind of talk to you, I'm going to ask you some of the same questions. But I also just love your whole approach to dog training. And it's different than what I've seen before. So can you tell us first like, what's a little bit of your background? Like what has brought you to being the kind of trainer that you are?

    Andrew Gleason 1:02

    So well, I'll do the CliffsNotes. I really got interested in relationships with dogs and dog trainers when I was very, very young, I loved my family's dogs, and was just fascinated with relationship with them. And the differences between humans and almost like had some really burning questions. Some things didn't make sense. Like, for example, I got bitten in the face one time by a neighbor's dog, and coming home crying bloody my dad was like, oh, yeah, you should probably shouldn't stick your face in the dog's, you know, head that, you know, now. And that right there, like was like, Well, I don't understand why like, what difference does that make? You know, and that kind of sparked the next almost 30 years of just asking questions, you know, and I grew up in I say, air, quote, grew up in a very traditional style type of training, I learned from some amazing trainers that were service dog trainers and pet dog trainers and hunting dog trainers. And so I have a different kind of diverse background, then a lot of different trainers, a lot of other trainers, but there always seemed to be to me some shortcomings that were just taken as this is the way we do things. And you know, after most 15 or 20 years, I just was kind of came to the end of myself, and I was like, I just don't think this is good enough. I think we could be doing better. I think we could be doing

    KC 2:29

    what were some of the things in particular that you felt like weren't quite connecting for you, for somebody that's listening that's maybe like, I don't really think about how they train dogs. Well,

    Andrew Gleason 2:39

    you know, so I would separate it in, you know, the popular training, which I often to refer to as like conventional or traditional training, but to somebody that doesn't know anything about training, that doesn't mean anything, right. So what I would say to further describe that is command base or obedience based programs. So when anybody goes and looks at a dog trainers website, you're gonna see different services they offer. And those programs generally include some variation or list of commands that they teach a set down away a place caught a here, all these things. And so what happens is, simply put, the time it takes for somebody to acquire the skill level to produce those behaviors reliable enough to function with a meaningful impact in their everyday life is extremely difficult. And what I found, and I'm not the only one who so I'm not speaking just, I mean, certainly I'm speaking my own experience. But this is not a unique experience in the dog training community. Again, tradition is very powerful. Oh, this is what we do. This is how we do things, right. But we find that in a lot of different industries, it's hard to think outside of the box. But just to give you an example, you know, I have a very high skill level of dog training. I've been training for almost 30 years, I've competed in obedience. I've competed in performance Canine Sports for police dogs, I've been all over the country doing that. And even internationally, trainers that are level in those arenas, frequently have dogs that fail, they're set or they're down, or their obedience or whatever it is, and and that's routine. So if somebody at my level of expertise and proficiency and skill of training, those behaviors routinely have things fall apart under pressure, what is the likelihood that I'm going to be able to get you to that skill level, that a sit or a down would actually count or some behavior that you're trying to work against?

    KC 4:45

    I love that you said under pressure, because I feel like when you think about teaching a dog to sit and feel or think they're like, Well, that's easy. I've taught my dog to sit and it's like, well, yeah, like I feel like when you talk about the conventional way, command base It's true, you're also talking about a conventional way of teaching commands of like, well, yeah, all you have to do is like reward them when they sit and maybe punish them when they don't, whatever, right. And like everyone could teach their dog to sit, but sit like there's such a difference now that I have a dog, I'm realizing like there's a difference between like parlor tricks and like functional commands in real life. Like, it's nice and cute that I can make my dog sit. But if I can't make my dog sit, when there's a cat running by, or when, you know, my daughter falls, and I don't want the dog to go jump on her like, then what's the point of putting in the work to have the dogs? You might as well have them play dead? Like, it's like, yeah, that's cute. And that's funny, but like, isn't giving me a dog that is better adapted at like being cohesive in my lifestyle, and like knowing how to live with us, or

    Andrew Gleason 5:51

    I mean, I think that's a great point that you bring up. And that was one of the things that was stewing for so long for me that I wasn't able to articulate, even if we could produce those sets and downs and weights and watch means in place caught, which are like all the big five, right, the popular five, you know, even if we could produce that, even if I could teach somebody to produce that level of skill in those behaviors, the question is, Does it really even solve what we're trying to solve? You know, which is, you know, brings me to the point is, it's like training all of that control. And that's what I'll call like, another word control based training. Generally, when we're thinking about obedience, or when anybody is thinking about dog training, whether No, nothing is, is our culture is so ingrained in this is obedience, my dog won't listen, I need them to listen, they need to be more obedient. You don't have to know anything about dogs to think that way. about dog training, right?

    KC 6:47

    I mean, we're that way about everything right? Were that way about children were that way about compliance, compliance, compliance, compliance,

    Andrew Gleason 6:53

    100%. And what I just began to discover is, is that that's not actually what most of my clients want. That's not really what I want. I'm not saying that nobody wants that, that we shouldn't have some level of mutual respect and compliance in the relationship. But dogs don't struggle with conceptual understandings or mechanical understandings of performance behaviors. I break that down a little bit. Yes, please do. Teaching your dog to sit is very simple. The only time you have a problem getting your dog to comply with that is when they are having big feelings or an emotional internal struggle, it is not their conceptual understanding of what you're asking them to do. They know how to turn the key on the car.

    KC 7:37

    Okay, so if I teach my dog to sit by saying sit and then giving them a treat, and never tolerated about my dog understands what sit means they understand the behavior that's expected by sit. And so if they're ever not sitting, the issue isn't they don't understand the set. The issue is they don't want to, I

    Andrew Gleason 7:56

    don't want to sit there stressed. They're over excited. They're overstimulated, they can have a mix of those emotions going on at a high intensity level. Here's the crux, right? Here's the kicker, we only generally need that obedience

    KC 8:11

    when they're in high stress. Yes.

    Andrew Gleason 8:15

    And to look at obedience as a way to control for the misbehavior of the dog. It's just the wrong viewpoint.

    KC 8:24

    And so let me ask you this. I feel like the average person when when you talk about dog training conventionally, like the name that comes to mind for me is Cesar Milan. Like so many of us grew up watching the dog whisperer, her whisperer, where this guy would come in. And he'd say, like, the reason your dog does it obey you is because he doesn't think you're the alpha dog, he doesn't think you're the leader. And you have to like, put down the hammer and show him that you're the leader or whatever. And one of the things I want to get your like opinion on that, but one of the things that I've also observed because I spent a lot of time on Tik Tok, obviously, and I follow a lot of dog trainers and all different kinds. And there's this really particular personality that seems to be attracted to that, like compliance based, it's always a dude. It's always a dude that has like a very, like, I don't know, it's very, like I'm so like, it's very, like, watch this as I walked down the street, and I go down, and the dog gets down and doesn't move and you're like, Whoa, and I feel like that's also a big part of like, a laypersons understanding of dog training. And so how much did Caesar Milans thing color? The dog were or what's your reflection of the dog world at that time?

    Andrew Gleason 9:37

    That's a really great, great question. You know, so many trainers currently are, I have the fortunate luxury to be old enough to have been in the industry for a very long time and seen a number of different pendulum swings. And that's what we tend to do just human behavior, right. Oh, this isn't working. So let's go clear to the other side of the you know, field But so Cesar Milan, I think, well, first of all, let me say this amazing marketing team. Like, the videography is magic, you can make anything, look, whatever you want. And so, kudos to Caesar Milan's charisma and his marketing team, as far as the information that I think that was received in that really did influence, I would say, a large portion of professional trainers, but but more so the general public. And I think that I still encounter people with that mindset. And I don't judge anybody for how they what they know and what they don't know. But I don't generally have any pushback, trying to help them to a more healthy, more harmonious kind of approach and mindset towards relationship with another animal. You know, it certainly affected things. And I would say from a dog sample, let's just talk about panels. I don't know any animal that thrives under that type of dominance and control and perceived threat,

    KC 11:08

    not to mention the whole like Alpha Dog theory has been completely debunked in case people don't know that it was originally this study that a man did on wolves, where he was like, Oh, there's one alpha wolf that kind of is the leader, and everyone has to listen to him. And he makes challenging does that. And then like, the actual like, person that wrote the study came back later was like, oh, nevermind, like actually, that's only in like captive wolves that are in like, this weird place. And it's not that doesn't happen in nature, like they're much more community based in their packs. And even so, like domestic dogs are not wolves. And like, it wouldn't apply even if it was but like, we no longer think the Alpha theory is a thing. And you're right, like, we're at an age where we remember Cesar Milan, and also at an age where, like, when I was growing up the trainers that came in, I mean, my husband, I have talked about this, like that was the era of Well, if your dog goes to the bathroom in the house, rub their face, like stick their face in it and scream know at them, right or like put them on their back. So you know, who's whatever.

    Andrew Gleason 12:03

    Okay, see, that was like common knowledge. I mean, you know, when I first started professionally, training in 1996, I was 16 years old, that's a long time ago, and training has progressed exponentially since then, our understanding of what can actually be accomplished, the complexities of learning in the animal is far more deep than we originally knew. And our culture has shifted, right. And so taking a newspaper to their nose, you know, and swatting on their nose was absolutely common knowledge and not really thought of as like unusual or bizarre. But our dogs have become so much more part of our lives. And we form deeper and stronger connections and have a desire to do that with our dogs at the same time that that's occurring. Our lifestyles and work life home. I hate that word balance. But it's also changing at a rapid pace. It is faster paced, it is more stressful, it has different components in it than it ever has before, we are more distracted than we have been before. And when you put those two things together with a very sentient, complex social animal with more expectations, you know, this idea that we're just going to dominate and control them is a little bit short

    KC 13:21

    sighted, what are some of the negatives or some of the fallout that you have seen as a trainer from that style of, well, let's just go really heavy on commands, let's go really heavy on and here's the thing that's really interesting about this is that I talked about human psychology, right? And you're kind of like the dog psychology world. And in particular, when you think about human psychology and our education system, it's very operant learning for a lot of parts. And especially as you get into special education, right, which is, oh, well, here you have this child is autistic, and they don't know their numbers will just sit them down at it at you know, for a few hours at a table. And when they point to the right letter, you reward them, right, whether it's with a cheerio or praise or iPad time. And if they don't, we put in either some negative reinforcement or some positive punishment, whatever, like, Okay, you can't have this until you do x. And what they found was like it works, you can absolutely condition a behavior from a child, but there was negative fallout from that, right? We would get kids 1020 years later who had gone through some of these therapies going this was traumatizing going, Hey, I'm, yeah, yeah, I learned to make eye contact. But what I really learned was to suppress how painful eye contact was for me to please you. And what I find so interesting is that when you started talking about the fallout of that conventional dog training, it sounded a lot like the fallout from sort of that conventional education response, which is, yeah, dogs were learning, but what were they learning and what was happening to their emotional well being, and then what was that dysregulation of the emotional well being kind of causing that was not great. So

    Andrew Gleason 15:00

    I would say, there are two general responses that will find in a dog who is undergoing that type of training. And listen, there's a spectrum of what I just call air quote that type of training, right. And so we'll just reference Caesar kind of the Alpha more dominant approach, control bass, that can happen in varying intensities, you can be extremely dominant, right or extremely alpha with your dog, or you could just generally subscribe that you need to be in control of things, right. And that would be a little bit of a spectrum. So let's just talk about the two largest responses that dogs would give you in those scenarios under those circumstances. One is the dog's individual makeup and personality is going to either tend to suppression or reaction, and because it's hostile on the emotional system, and so I'm not saying somebody is hostile towards their dog, I'm saying that approach and the techniques generally applied, whether it's a Caesar approach, or whether it's a very heavy handed kind of punishment approach with less Caesar ish dog trainers and more science based dog trainers with punishment, the dogs will either tend to suppress behavior, or they will tend to what we would call like, go into a defense drive, and that defense drive would manifest itself as maybe barking back or, you know, fighting that. And if we think about humans, this is like, that's gonna be our general responses in humans to I'm either gonna, like verbally disagree with this, get on it real quick, or we're going to be the type of person who just kind of gets quiet and like, starts to just like, know, their place, you know, like, whoop, but I'm not going to step out like that again. But we didn't change behavior in a very healthy way for the dog. And here's the seductive part of it. The seductive part of it, if you have what's called dog, a response is the suppression the seductive part of that for the human is that the behavior that they were trying to address stopped, therefore, it's highly reinforcing to the human because their frustration or embarrassment, or anger over that particular behavior is now gone. And that's when I hear you know, things like it was great training, training was awesome. That speaking from the emotional human side of the problem, meaning I don't have any more problems with my dog, except we have a dog over here that's like it came at the cost has problems. Yeah, exactly. And that's why I always separate like, you know, any new client that I have, I really want them to and help them understand that there are two distinct sets of problems. There are the problems that your dog is struggling with. And almost invariably, they're all some type of emotional conflict that the dog isn't able to resolve themselves. Well, okay, that's what produces the frustrating behavior, that not being able to listen, the chasing the squirrel and all of these different things, right. So that's the problem the dog is having, well, that creates our human problem, whether it's embarrassment or frustration, or I just don't feel like I'm connecting with my dog, and they're not listening. And so when you get hired, it's really to solve the human problem. Like I don't want to be frustrated anymore, right.

    KC 18:16

    So can we use this example that I think will be helpful for the audience? Let's take something like leash walking, okay. Okay, so let's say that, you know, a person would say, like, my dog won't walk on a leash, they're pulling, they're not staying neck, they won't stay in a heel, they're barking at people. How would you give us a little like autopsy of in that snapshot? What are the human's problems? And what would you say the dogs problems? Yeah,

    Andrew Gleason 18:40

    so I mean, the dog could be having a number of problems. But let me just create the scenario here. More often than not, the dog is in an emotionally excited state. So we got a lot of adrenaline and dopamine and serotonin enroll in, there are lots of stimulations around, which is very distracting, you know, just behaviorally and to the dog, there could be some stress elements, because it wasn't really exposed properly in the process of socialization. So some of those things can be a little bit overwhelming. And so we have a generally, what we have is this very big mix of big feelings. And then the human is layering some type of control mechanisms over the dog to get it to do something else. And so we have this back and forth with a dog who, and I'm just going to use the term stress not necessarily as negative, but just the impact of what's going on in the nervous system is it stressed it's overworking and then in that exact moment where the dog isn't the most conflict that could be in internally, I'm also or the owner is also struggling with that behavior trying to control it. So we have a lot of conflict there both for the dog and the human and it ends up being very frustrating and not enjoyable for both but there are two problems so

    KC 19:57

    the dogs problem is Your stress, overwhelm over stimulation. And then like as the owner, my problem is the dog fiddling, right? The dogs pulling the dog won't walk the dog is lunging. So that would be my problem. That's the dog's butt. Okay?

    Andrew Gleason 20:12

    And it's not enjoyable for you, and I get a call on my dog. It's miserable. Which is so common, right? I mean, no judgment it is. And so

    KC 20:21

    I saw this tick tock video the other day of somebody who was saying, like, Okay, here's me teaching a dog how to walk on leash. And it was interesting, because he was sort of like an old school trainer. And then there was a newer trainer that do WeDidIt, where you can see that video side by side, and she said, Watch how I'm going to do this in a different way. And it was really interesting to watch these two diverging ways. So the first guy what he does, and he doesn't tell us if there's any pre work to this. So we have to assume there is no pre work, we haven't put any pre skills to this dog, just fresh dog, right, so he puts the leash on it, and he starts to walk. And he's got a real tight leash on the dog. And he's basically like walking a few feet and turning really quickly. And as he turns, he yanks on the leash the dog, like look like kind of has to go with them. And he just does that over and over and over. So I'm doing tight turns so that basically, he does it so long. And then combined with that pop that the dog kind of goes, I have to be paying attention to you 100% of the times, I don't know where you're gonna go next. And if I don't pay attention, there's this discomfort on my neck. And so, you know, obviously, you watch that, and eventually the dog kind of starts to walk on the leash or whatever. And it was interesting, because to me, that was kind of like that old school, here's my heavy hand in control, mostly that I don't know the that I get the scientific words, right, whether it's punishment, or negative reinforcement, or whatever. But then the other person said, let me show you how I do this. Because the way you're doing it is confusing to your dog. There's no pre skills here. There's no whatever. And so she took her dog and she had like a handful of treats. And she just started walking with her dog as the dog like walked with the treats or whatever. And so it's like, Oh, that's interesting. It's almost like the to kind of like polar opposite approach is very different, right? And what I think is interesting, and I want to hear your thoughts on that. But then I also want to talk about what you mentioned, the pendulum swing, so thoughts on that, like, oh, yeah, we leash the dog up, and we just walk and we pop him when he doesn't do it. And we, you know, whatever. Okay, so

    Andrew Gleason 22:19

    let me back up to our previous conversation and mentioned something that's relevant to this, when we're talking about any type of learning whether it's human, or, I mean, we're animals, right? We're mammals. So we need to separate that into two different categories. One of which, and gent like, in talking to you, I'll use a little bit of lingo, but when I'm working with my clients to kind of use any trainer, complicated jargon lingo, but this is relevant, because it'll make a distinction, we have what's called constructional model learning. And then we also have what's called Emotional model, learning. constructional was what I was referencing earlier, when I said, like, understanding the conceptual like tasks of a set or a down, you know, and the biggest human, the easiest human example that I use often is understanding how we learned how to drive a car, like I knew where the gas and brake pedal and how to turn the key and the wheel, and the blinkers. And all of those things, I knew exactly how that worked well, before I knew how to drive. But as soon as you get in the car, and it's moving, and you're behind the driver's wheel, that conceptual like understanding of the mechanics begins to be tested under emotional pressure. So going back to the walking is that generally the dog can grasp the concept of it, but he's having problems with the emotional model learning to be driving in five o'clock downtown Austin traffic, right. And that's where we tend to jump to with the dog because that's where our problems are. So we jump to the where the dog is having the largest problem, because that's really only where my problem is. And in both scenarios, that's where the training was happening, where the dog is having the most problems, because that's generally again, where the human problem starts, that we tend to try to solve our problems. And but our problems only really occur when the dog is in the most conflicts, we need to back up and like you said, pre skills. And so you know, whether it's using food to teach a walk, or using what we call social pressure, which is all the terms and stuff, both of those are going to have fundamental flaws in them. And I think lots of methods would have some weaknesses, some have strengths, and some have weaknesses. Let's talk about the one that's turning because that's extremely popular. You're gonna see that all over online. That's one in particular, that requires a pretty high skill level of timing and execution, and understanding what the dog's responses are to each one that most trainers just are. It's outside of their awareness how much skill and timing that that requires. The other thing is is like well, what was the animal learning in that right? Well, great, I got my dog to finally walk next to me. Well, it's really concerned that something is going to change and get uncomfortable real fast.

    KC 25:11

    Yeah, almost like teaching hyper vigilance. Yeah, that's exactly.

    Andrew Gleason 25:14

    But here again, that's a really great illustration of that, if the dog is no longer doing the things that they were frustrated about, our tendency is to say, oh, man, I feel so much better my dog is, you know, listening, right. And so and on the other hand, like using food to teach a walk, you could get, and this is my experience, my approach, where I feel like that's a better approach, but still has a really critical component that's difficult to deal with is that if you use food to produce a well behaved walk, you now have to fade that food out of the picture, and still maintain the performance that you've got with the food.

    KC 25:57

    Yeah, not to mention the fact that like, with my dog, at least, she won't take food at a certain stress level. So like, I could do that in my living room all day long. And then like the first time I took her into the front yard, she wouldn't take food. Yep. So it's like, what do I do now? Yep.

    Andrew Gleason 26:12

    Now you've lost your biggest leverage in learning and supporting learning and helping them learn. And that's also really common. And just to, you know, for everybody listening to give you some idea of what's happening when you see that occur is that internally, the dog has an I forget what you call window of tolerance, you call it a window of tolerance, yeah, has exited their window of tolerance and is stressed. Again, I use stress generally, right? That could be excitement, or that could be distress, or it could be both has left their window of tolerance to the point where they are refusing food that can occur with us, too. If we were under enough pressure, enough excitement, enough distress, somebody just died or whatever. There are points in our day in our lives where we would refuse food. And so to just give you some kind of idea to place yourself in your dogs, it doesn't matter if the dogs not like being aggressive. It means that something internally is going on to where they can't manage that and they are now food inhibited. Or we want to work on that. Yeah,

    KC 27:15

    it was so eye opening to me when I like the first time I took my dog on a walk. And she was in my eyes fine for several blocks. And then all of a sudden, she saw something she spoke, she turned she tuck tail. She ran home pulling all the way and I happen to have videoed it and showed it to you. And it was really eye opening for you to say like, Okay, so for you when you describe it was I didn't have a problem. And then I had a problem because she was pulling home even though I was thinking it was her Oh, she had a problem. And her problem started blocks ago, her problem started literally when you took her out the front door, and she became overwhelmed. And she wouldn't take food from me. But she wasn't giving me any behaviors that were problematic to me, or that even read to me. Like if she had been like cowering and shaking, oh, I've been like, oh, no, let's go inside. But I didn't see those. And so like, some of that is just like, being able to understand, like reading a dog's signs, right. But that was eye opening when you were like, you know, we can't just focus on solving your problem, we have to tend to what her problems are first? Absolutely. And that's when we started talking pre skills.

    Andrew Gleason 28:23

    Yeah, absolutely. And you know, what I have found is the fastest best way to solve the human end of the of the relationship problems is to target and zero techniques and methodologies that support the dogs learning and resolving their problems. Because the moment they don't have any emotional issues or conflict that's driving their ideas and attitudes and behaviors, the moment that's resolved, we don't have any issues with our dog ever.

    KC 28:53

    Okay, so what are some of the problems that we see with that suppression later, because if I'm listening to oh, they suppress the behavior, and I'm going well, that's what I want. I want you to suppress jumping up on my guests, I want you to suppress, pulling, I want you to suppress those things. But what are some of the things that I know in my term when I talk about people is I say comes out sideways. So you know, maybe I'm irritated with my friend or my partner, but I know not to be, you know, cruel to them or rude to them. So I suppress that behavior, but I don't actually deal with my internal resentment. And so it comes out what I call sideways which is I may be on passive aggressive later over something totally unrelated. So like, what are some of the things that like, so even if I was someone who's like, well, I don't care if my dog is emotionally regulated? I just care if the behavior suppressed. Why should that person still care? Because it seems like it's not just oh, your dog will be unhappy, which personally I think that should be enough. Sure. But it seems like there's this like behavioral fallout that happens. Oh man, where you see things go wrong. If

    Andrew Gleason 29:57

    I were on the phone with that person, I think I would bring and how it would impact the dog, but more particularly in how that approach will continue to impact her life in ways that are his life in ways that she's not anticipating or that they're not anticipating, which would be first of all, you're absolutely right, that's going to come out sideways. And I usually, like if we had a, you know, a boiling pot, we had a lid on top of it, we have all these holes that can the steam can comes out, well, if we just suppress this one and suppress this one and suppress this one, like it's going to that steam is going to come out somewhere. And so but that may not really necessarily be relevant to you know, okay, that's fine. Well, the impact of that is that now you're going to be chasing behaviors, and that you actually they may actually not be connecting the one with the other. So let's talk about some restless hectic behaviors, let's say about digging in the backyard, talking about chewing, whether that be shoe or your baseboards or a piece of furniture, we could talk about demand barking, let me define that a little bit barking for your attention specifically for your attention to do something and getting frustrated when you don't do the thing so that they bark at you. So those are really common behavior at leash biting, like the dogs just overwhelmed on the walk. And they just turn around and bite the leash and, and that kind of stuff. So if we stop those and punish them, lots of different ways to punish things. But I just want that to stop and I want the chewing to stop and I want the digging to stop. And so command based and control based training comes over and says okay, cool behavior happens in a vacuum, and that we can address these isolated issues as if they're totally unrelated to anything else going on underneath this. And that the reason the dog was driven to those behaviors was probably out of a place of frustration that didn't know where to go, right. boredom, restlessness, hectic, energy, anxious, whatever, right? unresolved, it's got to go somewhere emotions are energy, well, we just cut off all of the steam escapes. And now what we have is maybe we're getting even more reactive out on a walk. Or now maybe we're trying to dig under the fence and escape.

    KC 32:09

    This is where the videos of like people come home and their drywall is missing. Like the dog has taken the entire drywall out. Or like I think the the one that concerns most people outside like those things are all concerning. But I think also like when we talk about bites, like I had a trainer say to me recently, like, like the most of the people that call after a dog bite 75% of them are going I'd never in a million years would have thought my dog would have bitten, like, and we see so many, you know, maybe shows or examples where it's like, oh, he's bitten three people, and what do I do or he growls he lunges and just like you always think like, that's the dog that's gonna bite. But she said that 75% of the dogs that bite when she gets called, he's the friendliest. He's that he we never would have thought he would he's never growled at anyone he's never. And that's like one of the most severe sort of like sideways or like blow your top behaviors. Well, the

    Andrew Gleason 33:02

    other thing is the statement that he's never done it at XYZ is missing some information. I'm not saying that they're wrong, I'm just saying that it's missing a little bit of information, we generally talk about our dog's problems through the lens of our own. And I think we probably do that with our kids to some degree. But you know, if the dog, let me give you an example, if the dog doesn't have behaviors, that frustrate the owner, and that affect them negatively, whether it be embarrassment, or frustration, or worry, or whatever it is, then the response is, oh, he's a great dog. And he may well be a great dog, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have any struggles or problems of his own. And in the case that you're describing, particularly a prone to stress, right, the dog may be prone to stress, but the behaviors that are exhibited from that stress just may particularly not bother you. And so that's why they say like, Oh, he's been fine, I would have never expected meanwhile, for last three years, the dogs been really stressed out. And it's just been building up. And you know, and that's their defense mechanism. By the way, you know, they use their teeth and under pressure, different dogs will respond more quickly or less quickly to those things. So

    KC 34:13

    we've been talking a lot about some of the problems of what I would my terms of like the very heavy handed almost like Whack a Mole behavior, compulsion compliance things. So let's then talk about the pendulum swing. Because the other content that I see all over my social media, is this the term like force free training, positive reinforcement, only training, right, which is, it's admittedly very much more holistic. You have people that begin to have those conversations about relationships and trust and you know, it's okay, like, I saw one the other day where he goes, it's okay that your dog doesn't always obey you. Like they have thoughts and feelings. And I'm not saying that it's not important to do training. It's not important to Yes, I have to keep my dog out of safety. I want my dog to have a solid recall. But also, like, we don't have to, there's not this panic of like, I'm not a good dog owner because every time I asked, my dog doesn't do XYZ, and another one that I follow that talk to she, he had his four dogs in the front yard to off leash to on a long lead. And he said, here's the deal, like, you don't have to train your dog to be off leash. And some dogs may never be off leash dogs, either. Because you don't, the time it would take to make that dog an off leash dog, it's just not realistic for your lifestyle, or because you don't have those needs. And he's like, I'm a professional dog trainer, I have two dogs that can go off leash all day, I have to keep on long leads, for one reason or the other. Like, that's fine. It's fine, like your dogs are there to live with you and be happy and do this and did that. And I actually really appreciated a lot of these new ways of looking at, you know, is your dog happy? Does your dog trust you? Is it a relationship? And so I'm curious if you could talk about from your experience of being a dog trainer for so long? Like, how have you seen that pendulum all the way over? Because the other thing that happens on that side is don't use any force, right? And force is everything from a leash pop to the E collars to you know, what are like any kind of force, right? No newspaper rolls, no squirting No, all of that stuff. And so I'm curious, what are some of the pros and cons perhaps that you've seen from that shift all the way over to this very kind of almost warm and fuzzy. I don't mean that me and I really, I really appreciate so much of the force free movement, well, and I

    Andrew Gleason 36:30

    do 200% A dog training would not be where we're at today. Without that movement, the and I'll say like, the technologies that we have the training technologies, the techniques, and the methods, and just the technical understanding of certain things is improved so much because of that, I have learned so much of what I do from that kind of movement, I think, from my standpoint, and I've been trained under both and sought out both, because I'm just that person, I'm just curious. And like, I want to learn how to learn, and I want to learn why this works and why it doesn't work, and what are the shortcomings. And that's just the nature that I am very curious. So they're both exactly the same.

    KC 37:19

    Ooh, tell me more in that

    Andrew Gleason 37:21

    the fundamental approach is to change behavior, which is the outward most thing that we see. But it is all driven by thoughts and emotions.

    KC 37:37

    You know, what I thought you were gonna say, which I think is still accurate, when you said they're both the same. What first came into my head was, it centers around how the person feels? Yeah, what 100%, right. Because like, on the compulsion side, you have, I must be in charge, I must be respected, I must be the leader. I don't like these behaviors. I want these behaviors to stop these behaviors are a problem for me. And I think the error that can happen on the full other side is like, I don't ever want my dogs to feel discomfort. I want my dogs to be happy. I want them to trust me, I want them to be I want all of their

    Andrew Gleason 38:10

    which is still all about the human. Yeah, yeah, it's very human centric. And the both of the models the ideology, and the approach centers around controlling behavior, influencing and changing behavior, not saying that's wrong, I'm just saying that shallow, there are three levels of effect, but we need to think about kids, right? If I constantly meet them at a behavioral level, and try and adjust and modify and change their behavior. And that's all that like, you know, we're trying to do is implement control measures around behavior, we're gonna have problems like big problems, right. And I think, you know, we generally accept that idea with our kids. And then when we look at a dog, it's all flies out the window. And that's big, partly because our training industry is so entrenched in such conventional thought that we, it's very hard for us to think outside of our box, as it is with any other industry of training, lots of professional training, and conventional training tends to create rigid thinking, you know, and so, and that's why I say they're really the same. They look very different. They sound very different. And I

    KC 39:13

    would rather someone err on the side of being to force free than being to compulsion. Oh,

    Andrew Gleason 39:19

    absolutely. Well, there's gonna be a lot less learning fallout in that approach than the other and then we're going to have a lot more success because of that. But there are going to be some limitations because we're throwing the bathwater on both ends both of this doing that.

    KC 39:33

    So what is the baby? Like what you don't I mean, like, what's the core stuff that tends to get thrown out? So

    Andrew Gleason 39:40

    I feel like limitations and boundaries are really healthy, implemented creatively, in a healthy way, tends to produce the same healthy optimism, connection. Respect, I don't mean that like as a dirty word like you need to respect me, mutual respect, right? Like, and I think that part of our relationships with friends, family, coworkers, kids, dogs really needs to have an element of that to be complete.

    KC 40:19

    You it's interesting that you say that because I have two thoughts, and I don't want to forget them. So the first one is going to be about boundaries. The second one is going to be about the mutual respect thing is like one of the things that has been so different. And our approach to Luna, our dog is not just focusing on trying to get her to understand how we're communicating to her, but also taking steps to understand how she's communicating to us. So for example, when we're out in the backyard playing, you know, like, we want her to understand when we communicate, like, Hey, we're done, or like, you can't jump on me while we're playing. You can't run after my kids when we're playing. But at the same time, like, I've taught everyone in my family, and we just sort of this wasn't a behavior we taught, it was something we observe, and now respect that when Luna lays down with a toy, she's done. So leave her alone, don't go take the toy away from her, don't go try to make her fetch more. And we just early on observe that and said, Okay, we're gonna allow that to be her signal to us that she's done. And she even if it's just done for a few minutes, and it's been like that approach and all areas where it's like, hey, we know that when she does this behavior, she's communicating a feeling. And so how can we have respect that feeling? You know, when she's asking for space, or when she wants affection, or when she's confused about something, or when she's scared about something, or when she wants to lay down and rest. And I feel like that is a really big thing that we took from your approach, even though you never told us specifically to do that. But it was like, if we really want a symbiotic relationship, we're learning each other here, right. And then the force free trainers that I really respect are the ones that talk about like, there's a difference between being permissive. And when you're forced freeness. And having boundaries, because we still teach boundaries. And I definitely have seen people do that. But I'll go back to something else that you taught us that I think was like kind of like life changing when it comes to tools, because there's a big controversy about tools, how you use collars, or slip collars or prawn collars, or E collars or any kind of tool like that, and which was around the idea of punishment or negative reinforcement, right? Pressure that like pressure, whatever we're to call all of that, right? That tools should never be used to. I'm trying to think of a way to put this because there's like a layman's way of saying the word punishment. And then there's like, behavioral scientific way of saying punishment, do the what I mean, so I'm talking layman's terms, that tools are for clarity, not punishment. And what I mean by that is that we can use pressure or certain tools, sometimes people use that in a way that says, if the dog does what I don't want it to do, I will make disobeying me such an uncomfortable experience that they will be afraid to do it. That, to me is what I'm talking about when it's like punishment. Right? Versus I know, the way that people and animals learn is that when they have a positive experience with something, they want to do it more. And when they have an aversive experience with something they want to do it less and using an aversive not to teach. If you don't listen to me, it hurts. But instead to teach clarity around this is what I'm asking you to do. Does that make sense? I feel like it's a fine line. But like I just I don't know, you know, there's I'm sitting with my dad doesn't know a lot about dog training this morning. And we use a squirt bottle right in some of our training. And part of that that we've done from you is that as much as possible, the squirt bottle can never be like known by the dog. Does that make sense? Like we don't take it and wheeled it out. And like so we hold? Yeah, so we're sitting there and the dog is not allowed to jump up. And so I sit in a certain position when I think the jump might be coming sort of inconspicuously, and when she jumps we squirt, and that makes her get down. And then the moment she gets down, there's a reward for getting down. And then every time we see her come up and not jump, there's rewards. And so it's like 99% rewards based, but sometimes she needs that clarity of like, what exactly is it? And so we've tried to use those two. So we're sitting there, and then the dog comes up and wants to play. And so she's pushing into my dad with this toy, which is like how she asked to play and he's like, stop it, stop it. I don't want to play I don't want to play and he goes, give me the squirt bottle. And I was like, no, because in his mind it was if you're doing something I don't want you to do, I can use a squirt bottle to give you an uncomfortable experience so that you'll stop doing it and go away. And I'm having a hard time explaining that those are two very different things and have different effects. Maybe you can do better. So

    Andrew Gleason 44:54

    as you know, because you're one of my clients. That's actually a big conversation that We touch on a number of different things so that we can get real clear on what it is and what it isn't and how we're going to accomplish really good clean learning for the dog without creating a bunch of Fallout and the process, learning fallout in the process, but really simply like, so just the bushes take an isolated like, I'm going to squirt you for doing something you don't want me to do. And without other things happening around that there's really no, there's very little learning that happens. Except for learning from pain or discomfort. It's really important when we're dealing with dogs, to establish a very simple one communication system, but to we need to help the dog learn how to learn. And that means simply put, we need to be able to communicate in ways that say, Yes, I like that, keep doing that. But that isn't the whole story of how to learn, we also have to have ways to say no, I don't like that, I'd like to see less of that. And there's 100 ways to accomplish each one of those. But in my experience, in my approach, we need both and that both actually done well creates a sense of safety. And both myself, my wife and my co workers and my kids and like and my dogs and sense of safety and security and expectation and predictability, right. But we have to put a little bit more thought, you know, the I'm gonna go to the extremes here, the heavier handed the punishment side is more there's just stop the behavior, we have less concern about the fallout from that not saying that it doesn't happen. I'm not saying that there aren't things to try and counter that. And then of course, the force free side is we don't want to use any of that, because of the fallout. And just over 30 years, I'm like, Well, I don't really like either, because I don't think either is a complete full, you know, learning system for the dog, right. And that going back would be the baby out of the bathwater, right is from this side, we're just not caring for the emotional development and how it learns and the emotional fallout that can come with those type of punishments. And on the other end, the baby is the limitations and boundaries can be able to communicate clearly and develop that system for the dog in the way that the dog understands and feels optimistic about.

    KC 47:22

    And I want to tie that back to a point that we made at the beginning in case people have some confusion, because at the beginning we sort of talked about, it's not hard for a dog to learn what to do in terms of like sit lay down, rollover, blah, blah, blah. But those behaviors are in isolation. I think it's a lot harder to teach a dog to do something different when there's a lot of things. So when I'm in a quiet room, every time the dog sits, I give them piece of food that learning is easy, right? So we go under and derogatorily like the parlor tricks, kind of like the basic commands, but teaching my dog not to jump up on someone is like, there's so many other variables happening, because he doesn't speak English. Right? So if she jumps and she hears No, well, first of all, does she know what no means? And if she does, what know what, no, getting close to this person, no jumping on this person. No being happy to see this person, no king, this person, like I just did nine behaviors at once, like what's the know? Right? And then if we come in with an aversive whether it's a you know, this that of the other, let's say the squirt bottle, and she backs up? Well, now she's going okay, I get that the answer was no, but no what No, this person like is this person every time I it's a bad thing happened to me every time I'm with this person. Like there's other things that are a lot more complex for a dog to learn than just sit stand, which are like, honestly, the things that matter the most.

    Andrew Gleason 48:50

    Yeah, so what you're saying is, is like, and you're exactly right, like just saying no to the dog, or even just squirting the dog may not convey all of the information that we think it should be conveying, and that we assume that it is and the dog could be learning any number of things along with don't do this thing, right? Just it could absorb and we call that learning Fallout or we call that superstitious Association. It did learn the thing, but it also grabbed this other learning that were just really wasn't the point. Right? And that's kind of what I teach when we bring in something aversive is is that let's and I explain this with a conversation that an example of you know, person A and person B in how we interpret and emotionally respond to boundaries, right a boundary conversation and so we all have different you know, people in our lives and Person A vi communicated a boundary like say he offended me or something, or crossed a personal boundary. Maybe he didn't know, you know, that's fine. But I said, Hey, listen, that makes me a little uncomfortable. And I would appreciate if you wouldn't do that in the future. Cool. Great person is like, Oh man, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that. I feel like I know you better that's a little uncomfortable. But I certainly don't want to cross your boundaries. And thank you for telling me that right person a person B, same conversation, same boundary, I say the same thing. And they're like, Oh, my God, you hate me, you're never going to talk to me again. I don't feel good about this. And I'm really embarrassed. And I feel shame. Now, it was the same boundary, it was the same context. But the learners A and B had very different emotional responses to that. And so in my mind, it's not whether you use or don't use punishment, or that even really being the conversation that we need to have is is that first of all, how did a become an A? And how can we help a B become an A, and can we even do that, and it before I bring in any type of correction, boundary aversive for some type of behavioral learning, I really need to teach that aspect, that function of optimism that he has that beat doesn't, if I can shape a dog, and help them become really optimistic, meaning I'm going to expect pleasant outcomes from the conversation or the correction, well, then I can begin as the human, the handler, the owner, or the trainer, or whatever, then I can begin to actually have those conversations with zero emotional fallout. But there's some things that I still need to care for in that process, so that I can continue to maintain their strong optimism. But if I use that, and teach the learning system about that idea, and attitude first, I want that intact before I ever use it, to talk to them, or, quote, talk to them about a specific behavior

    KC 51:36

    that really was the game changer, I think in how we've been approaching Luna using your system versus like, what I remember growing up because like, what I remember growing up when my parents had aversives that they were using with our dogs, it was like the aversive was a tool that you use to just get the dog to stop doing something in that moment. And so you know, whether it was the little squirt or the puppet on the nose, or the choke collars or whatever. And so it didn't necessarily teach the dog which behaviors weren't wanted, it was just a way to get the dog to stop in that moment, because that was easier. Right? And so then the dog was always confused. The dog didn't really know when an aversive was going to happen. And there was like, a lot of fallout from that. And then they started associating. I don't even like this part. Now, um, dog is growling at dad because dad keeps squirting it right. And so I was really really hesitant when we got to the part in training where we were using a versus we were going to use an aversive and there were literally like so many things we did with Luna before we got to that point, which I just want to stress because I don't want anyone to like you know, listen to the podcast and be like, Alright, go fill up squirt bottle. But what's really interesting is that I have this video of Luna with my kids. I got really bad backlash on Tik Tok when I talked about using a squirt bottle as an aversive for Luna and end up taking the video down. I was like, I'm just not going to talk about this is too controversial. But I have this video of my kids three and five and my three year olds autistic. And it was really important to me that we teach boundaries for our kids and our dog. And it's this beautiful video of my youngest running and looking back at the dog and going chase me chase me chase me loves to run with this dog. And I think that pre working with you would have been like the dog is not allowed to chase. And we have to teach them a specific behavior. But with the work that we did with you with all these things that we don't even have time to get into about teaching that when we free shaped a bunch of stuff when we rewarded a bunch of stuff. When we did isolated activities that seemed like they had nothing to do with this, my daughter will run through the yard and Luna will chase her at a distance of about three feet and doesn't touch her doesn't hurt her doesn't nip at her doesn't crowd her space. And when my daughter stops, she stops. And when my daughter gets close to her, she lays down and she started behaving this way towards Laurel when she was 16 weeks old. We're talking the height of puppy hyperactivity, right. And so I posted this video and people were just in awe. And I just laughed because this one person said, I wish my like I have a well behaved dog, but I can't get them to control their hyperactivity around my kids like and then someone said, Can you teach us? Can you show us how you did this? And I just was like, no. Because you won't like it. Because the truth is, I don't let my dogs and my kids interact ever unless I'm supervising which means the puppy has been in a playpen for six months, and the only time they interact is outside when I'm there and I have treats and I have my squirt bottle and the first time that she got into my kids space. She got squirted. And then she avoided the kids because she thought well do bad things happen when I'm around my kid right? And so we had the kids start to give her treats they had we had like special high value treats and the kids just shower her with treats right So she goes, Okay, so wait, no good things happen when I'm near these kids. Good things happen when I'm near these kids. And then the second time, she ran to close and got in their space, she got another squirt. And she backed up. And then my kids came near her and gave her treats. And I kid you not, she has never been squirted around my kids again. And from that time on from that clarity of this very complex concept of kids mean good things, and I can play with these kids. But I need to have a certain posture towards the kid. We never taught her to lay down, we never taught her only three feet, like she just naturally made choices that were exactly kind of what they both needed. And that, to me was like such a life changing moment of, oh, how much time would it have taken us for our dog to get clarity around this, if we did not have the use of an aversive in a way that was still respectful, still mindful, still a lot of protection around any kind of Fallout, and it was complex, like you took us through several rules, we had to follow it even to get to that point. But that to me was like you've won me over Andrew like, I am a believer of this like way of doing things where like, the most loving thing we can do is give our dogs clarity quickly, because now she has much more freedom than she had. And much more reward and much more reward because now it's just treats all day, because we didn't stop with the kids giving the dog tree.

    Andrew Gleason 56:27

    Yeah, and you know, just to add a little bit like, I feel like using aversives is in the way that I teach you and all of my students, all my clients is really helping the dog learn about choices and freedom of choice. And in that way, I'm training the way that they're thinking not the way that they're behaving. And you can think about it like this, we're on a computer. And if I want to interact with the computer, or the software, I have to use the keyboard or the mouse or whatever, right, there's some external thing that I have to do to be able to interact and interface with the software. But the software is what I'm after I want to influence the software, I have to use the keyboard in order to do that, well, with dogs, I want to interact with the software in the hardware. And in order to do that, I need to come up with ways to influence a talk about behavior. That's not really my focus. And so when we talk about like, you know, scoring the dog for, you know, getting too close, and all of these things, it's like, I'm only using that to say, hey, I really don't prefer this behavior. And then the rewards come in and say all of these other things you're gonna get paid really well for and in that process. What just happened with the dog is is it learned about its choices, and on its own began to make free choices in ways that were more beneficial to it. And it made sense to the dog for the dogs reasons to do that, rather than for my reasons is, is I'm just a little concerned that she's too close to the dog, right, which is true, but we need to make it make sense to the dog.

    KC 57:59

    It also like, you know, having freedom and autonomy and not always having to because like it takes a lot of emotional energy to be dialed in to someone else, if you're looking for your next command, right? Or if you're looking for the next expectation of what to do, and that's exhausting. And so the other thing is like a lot of times I'll see in training these days, and this will be my last point. So I know we're I could talk about this forever. But is that you know you have it. Let's say you have a dog that jumps on someone. And you'll hear someone say, well, we can't just teach the dog what not to do. We have to teach them what to do. And so they'll say, well, so every time somebody comes in, the dog has to go to their place, and then they reward the dog for going to place. And then you actually turn that on its head and it was like, well, that's real restrictive. That's really restrictive. And wouldn't it be better if we could just with clarity in a way that protects against emotional Fallout communicate to the dog? No, actually, like you can do anything you want, except jump. And now the dog has so much more freedom so much more. And from what I know of talking to people about you know, how we think about things is that the concentration and the emotional cognitive energy it takes to go okay, don't do that. So instead do this. And now hold it, but I want to move but hold it but I want to move but hold it the emotional regulation of that. Like, that's a lot of work and to expect that of a dog that's a high level of obedience versus can I help my dog learn that there's one thing here they can't do, but that's okay, because actually all the other things are so much more rewarding. And now my dog gets to just be and not have to constantly be thinking or being hyper vigilant about following the protocol, the nine step protocol, just don't do that. One thing that's

    Andrew Gleason 59:38

    so much easier for a learner you know, when I designate an area or a context in which there's really no construct it to where there's really only one mistake here but there's 100 right answers and then I haven't predetermined any of those for you. As long as it's not this one, you're gonna get paid. It just is really so much easier for the dog whether it's, you know, two On the shoe and I put a shoe out and I kind of set it up. And of course, they're gonna go to this shoe because that's what they do and you know, do my little thing. And there's 100 Other possibilities here, you want to go play with your bone or go lay on the couch, you want to go on your crate, you want to come over here and sit next to me, you want to go eat some food, you want to go outside, and all of those things are gonna get rewarded, right? And so for the learner, it's like, oh, I don't really want to do that. Anyway, I want to do these other things. You know, that

    KC 1:00:22

    quick clarity. Like, I remember seeing this, this really is the last thing I'll say, okay, there was a tick tock of some of that said, here's the deal. And they were a force free trainers, I don't really use tools. However, I'll say this, if somebody can use a tool, well, and ethically under the guidance of someone that knows what they're doing, and they use it to get quick clarity, sometimes that's the kindest thing you can do. Because it is not kind for you to be constantly frustrated at your dog constantly yelling at your dog constantly, you know, that stress you feel when they're they've got the shoe and they're running, or they're running for like, they know that displeasure. And I think what's been cool about doing things from the beginning, where we do a lot of management, right, she has a playpen, she has a crate, she can go outside like we don't, she doesn't just like run free. And we do a lot of exercises, we taught a lot of relaxation. And we taught a lot of clarity around certain things, and we're not picky about others, is that I spend very little time being frustrated at her even though there's a lot of things she can't do. But we just don't allow her to go to those areas. And we don't you know, and there's the things that she could do wrong in her little world of the backyard, the playpen, the crate, we've taught some clarity around and so like she really seems so happy because she doesn't have to think about making mistakes all the time, or get yelled at for all these mistakes. She didn't even know were the thing. So Andrew, before we wrap up, because I'm butting right into another recording now, but can you tell people where they can find you if they you're from the Austin area? So if anyone in the Austin area who wants dog training, or you also travel some bit of a radius, so can you tell people what your company is and where they can find you?

    Andrew Gleason 1:01:55

    Yeah, absolutely. So my wife Brittany, and I own dog savvy training. We're located in the Austin, Texas area we do in home, puppy and dog training for our local service area clients, we also do and this is what you have been a part of is we do our hybrid online and virtual coaching program. And that's to anybody across the country. Both of those programs are highly successful. And one of the things that I wanted to commend you on I was like about to tear up when you were describing like how Luna is with your daughter's and everything. And you had a question and the question was is how long would this have taken to get here in another process? And I'll go ahead and answer that for you. Because I trained in that process for 20 years, you may not have gotten there. And you did it in a few weeks. And what we teach is we help everyday dog owners and dog lovers just like you with wild child overly enthusiastic about life friendly, but a handful dog right go from, you know, chaos to calm and under 30 days. And we do that really simply in a very step by step process that's easy to follow, easy to do. And I think you know, and I explained it another way, like if anybody is familiar with Montessori method and Montessori parenting, this would really resonate with you and make a lot of sense and a lot of aha moments. Now, you don't have to be familiar with Montessori to do well in our program. But if that's something that you're, you know, keen on, within your own home, many of our families have said, they just feel like their family and the way that they raise their kids, and now their dog is more congruent. And that's a value system. But again, you don't have to be Montessori 100 know anything about you don't care about that. If you want fast results with less skill, less time and less effort. And actually what you want to achieve, like you said, I don't really want my dog on a play Scott, I would like them to meet and greet Well, right. So let's just do those things. And it turns out those things are much easier and more clear and take less skill and less effort to produce

    KC 1:04:04

    and that's what we did. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Andrew. Yeah, and thank you for

    Andrew Gleason 1:04:07

    having me on. This has been really fun.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
67: Dog Care When You Struggle (From Our Team of Experts)

What do dogs have to do with struggle care? If you had lived in my shoes, you would understand. What was I thinking? I decided to celebrate all of my kids finally being in school by getting a puppy! It has been a journey of figuring out why I have a dog when I have ADHD and chronic fatigue–but we love our dog! I reached out to four different trainers to talk about the idea that it’s okay to have pets, even if you have struggles in your life. Let’s take a closer look with Ash, Aaron, Steph, and Joel at dog ownership and dog training in a way that ensures a good and mutually fulfilling partnership between our dogs and ourselves. Join us!

Show Highlights: 

●      The fact is that life changes, and it doesn’t have to be perfect to give a dog a good life. The bare minimum is okay until you can do better.

●      An emphasis on owner-focused training gives high-output results with low input; the small things count!

●      An important factor to consider is energy level management because you can’t always rely on being able to manhandle (or pick up) the dog.

●      How to approach dog ownership in regards to breed, size, temperament, habits, and maintenance

●      Why a consistent 60% effort is better than an inconsistent pattern of 100% and nothing

●      Why the same tips don’t work for every person and every dog

●      Why the most important thing is to train your dog on how to handle their energy

●      How we over moralize many aspects of dog ownership, like rescue dogs vs. breeder puppies

●      How to approach physical exercise AND mental exercise with your dog

●      How a dog’s needs can be met in ways that fit in with ANY lifestyle

●      Training priorities for a dog living with an owner with a struggle care background

●      How to know if your dog is happy

●      Enrichment activities for dogs that don’t involve the owner

●      Why dogs are community builders

 

Resources and Links:

Connect with Ash: Website,

TikTok, and Instagram

Connect with Aaron: TikTok

Connect with Steph: TikTok,

Instagram,

Facebook, and Podcast

Connect with Joel: TikTok,

Facebook,

and Instagram

Connect with KC: Website,

TikTok, Instagram,

and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep

House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You

can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on

our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to Struggle Care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And we're going to talk about dogs today what a dogs have to do with struggle care. Well, let me tell you, I decided to celebrate my kids finally all being in school by getting a puppy because I wasn't thinking, but we love our dog. And it's been such a journey. And it's definitely been a journey of figuring out how do I have a dog? When I have ADHD? When I have chronic fatigue? How do I raise this puppy to be a complimentary part of our household? And so I reached out to four different trainers to talk about dogs and struggling and this idea that, you know, it's okay to have pets, even if you have struggles in your life, and how can we look at dog ownership and dog training in a way that we can ensure that our dogs and ourselves have a good and mutually fulfilling partnership, even if we struggle, so enjoy the episode? Okay, I have with me right now, Ash Osbourne who is a another dog trainer that I follow online that I love. Who's you? I love your content. Thank you for being here.

    Ash 1:17

    Thank you. Thank you for having me.

    KC 1:19

    So tell me about your first dog.

    Ash 1:22

    My first dog. Okay, so my first dog is Cody. He's still with me. He's 16. And if I think too much about it, I cry. So I can't talk about now because he's too old. But I was 16 when I adopted him, I lived with my 20 Something boyfriend and he went and got a dog for me. I was in no way prepared to have a dog. But 0% prepared to have a dog definitely not prepared to have this dog. who if anyone knows anything about little terriers, they're not the easiest dogs. He ran away. The first day I brought him home, he ran away. I was running through the streets for hours. We lived in a house where people were in and out all the time, everybody you know, it was a big party house and he would slip the door. I kid you not probably three to four times a week, he ran away from home and was running around and everyone was chasing with St. He was having the time of his life. I'm sure he looks back on that very fondly. Me not so much.

    KC 2:22

    I love that story. Because one of the first things I asked him when we were talking before the recording was, you know, what do you say to people that are trying to think about like, you know, should I get a dog? Or like, am I giving a good enough life to my dog? Like, I think sometimes when people have an animal and they start to struggle, and they start to go, gosh, am I like doing a disservice to my animal. And I love that your first answer was like, listen, life changes. Yeah,

    Ash 2:49

    things change so much. And like I think about then, and I think about if I had let people get to me that no one really said to me, at that point, I wasn't surrounded by people who were like evangelical about dog ownership. Like nobody was like, You need to get rid of this dog. Everyone was like, yeah, he's kind of bad. Bad dog. My mom actually said to me, like, you know, he's lucky he has you because I don't think anybody else would want that mean, ugly little dog. I don't think anyone else would want him. And now you know, he's 16. We used to do barn hunt, which is a dog sport where you put your train rats to go in these little PVC tubes. And the dog goes and finds them in bales of hay. And so not only did my life change enough that I was spending the hundreds of dollars at cost to go enter these competitions where your dog gets to route around in hay for two minutes. When he got he had vestibular disease, like it's an idiopathic thing where he just has an issue with basically vertigo. And it's really bad in the car. So I bought him rats, so we could do it at home. So from the time that you know, I got him and was the world's most inexperienced didn't know what I was doing. Literally the nightmare dog owner whose dog is running loose in the street grant, I wasn't going he's friendly. I was going please catch him. Can you grab with tears streaming down my face to somebody who has these other these rats that now live their best life because then of course, now I have to invest hundreds and hundreds of dollars so that the rats can live their best lives as well so that he can play this game that he loves because he's 16 and can't be in the car anymore. Like your life can change so much so drastically, especially if you're really young when you get your first dog.

    KC 4:38

    You know, I love that that's your answer because one of the things that I wanted to ask you is, you know, if we're sitting and we're struggling, and we're looking at our animal, and we're looking at our dog in particular, like how do we know what is good enough for a dog, whether we're, I guess thinking about getting one or if we have one and we're wondering if we're doing them a disservice. Like what is good enough? Yeah,

    Ash 4:58

    I mean, I Think bare minimum is enough for now. And people get angry at me sometimes when I say that when I'm like, Are they fed? Are they watered? Did they are they not living in you know, filth that is a biohazard to them. That is good enough for now, if I can look to a month from now and say, you know, I'm having a health flare up right now the most I can do for you, is feed you water you keep you safe and clean. And that's the most I can do right now. Maybe in a month, I will be able to do more for you. And I think that when that drags on, and it's okay, now it's been a year, and there's no end in sight to this. And they're starting to be some adverse, like mental health effects on the dog, you're starting to get stir crazy, you're starting to show these anxiety behaviors in the house, then maybe we need to look at am I in a place to financially afford somebody to help me with this? You know, that's always an option. But I think if we can provide the bare minimum, and we can look forward and say maybe I can do better in the future, I think that that's an okay thing to have. It's okay to say right now, I'm doing what I can for you. And I will try to do better when I have that when I have the spoons to do that.

    KC 6:13

    Okay, so I'm here with Aaron Aang, who is a dog trainer that I follow on tick tock, I love your stuff. And I really appreciate you coming on the podcast. Thanks for having me. So the reason why I wanted you to come on and talk about dog care on a podcast about struggle care is because I really love your philosophy of training. And I feel like it is a really good philosophy for somebody who is coming to owning a dog from a place of hey, man, like life isn't perfect. And I really struggle sometimes. And I need a manageable way to train a dog. So tell me about your philosophy and training.

    Aaron 6:50

    So a big thing that I wanted to focus on, when I first started training kind of early on, I figured out that I wanted to have an owner focused training, something that I felt was missing from the industry, a lot of the people who train dogs are good at working with dogs and not as good at working with people, they kind of tend to put the dog first. And unfortunately, that's not real life, it would be nice if we all had time to take our dogs for three miles of hikes every day, but real life doesn't work that way. And so kind of coming up with a plan that focuses on making dog training easy for the owners coming up with ways where I put I say, like a high output for a very low input on our end is very important stuff like that. And also kind of stealing and like tempering the owner's expectations, especially when it comes to things with like puppies and stuff and saying, Hey, like, this is going to get tough in the future. It's nice. Now, you know, while the puppy is small and cute, but eventually they'll do some, it's going to make you very angry. And that's okay, and how do we deal with that and stuff like that. So that's kind of my focus and approach to dog training.

    KC 7:53

    One of the things that I think is interesting, because I now follow a ton of dog trainers since getting a dog is that you can definitely tell that there's like a type that becomes a dog trainer, who has really hyper focused on dogs and like, what a dog is and how a dog thinks and what and like, it's like their whole life is dogs. And their whole focus is dogs. And like, it's really like once you go down the rabbit trail of like really hyper focusing on what is like the best, most optimal way to understand a dog and the best, most optimal way to have a dog like live. Like it never ends. Like you could go and go and go and go right. And one example is just like, you know, when I want to decide like, Okay, what kind of dog food should I get? And I'm looking at the kibble, right, like, choose the kibble aisle, which kibble is best, but then you get into like actually distributing raw food and actually not even raw food, but this kind of raw food and actually it should be

    Aaron 8:46

    locally sourced organic, non GMO.

    KC 8:50

    Okay, but I think that what you do really well that I think some trainers struggle with is separating out dog as a hobby, and trainer as a job. Two different things for sure. Right. Like, I think it's great if you're that person who's going to serve, you know, I love the video where she's like, and then she's gonna get a chicken heart and an eyeball and you know, locally sourced Sam and I'm like, That's cool.

    Aaron 9:16

    That's yeah, I love that for you.

    KC 9:18

    Love that for you love that for your dog. I will not be doing that.

    Aaron 9:21

    Exactly. And yeah, I'm the same way I find that I get two types of clients. And one of them is the client that calls me in kind of treats me almost like, like a plumber or a repairman where it's like, Hey, I do not have time to deal with this. I don't have the skills. I don't have the wine. I just want you to come in and fix it. But then I also get the hobbyists that are like, Hey, I wake up and I walk my dog for three hours. And then I come home at lunch and I walk my dog for another three hours and I come home from work and just spend the rest of my day with my dog until I fall asleep on top of my dog like you know, I get those two different types of clients and they need to be treated differently. And I think that that's another thing that's often missed in my industry a lot.

    KC 9:57

    Yeah, and also like Being honest about what kind of dog owner you are or will be like. So we actually I joke on my channel about how getting my dog was really spontaneous. And it was, but we had been talking about getting a dog for a while getting a puppy for a while, and I knew I wanted a puppy. I've got little kids. And it was really important to me to kind of like shape and mold that puppies experience around children. And then I saw one on Facebook and I went got it. That part was spontaneous. My husband was like, Oh, I didn't realize this was going to be now. And what's funny is like, there are ways in which this dog has really been helpful to me and some of the things that I've struggled with. And I came into it thinking this is going to be hard. Like there are things that I struggle with with my ADHD, there are things that I struggle with chronic illness and fatigue and having little kids and being overstimulated and so like, obviously, like throwing a puppy into the mix, there are going to be challenges. But what was interesting was, I found that going outside, like I work from home, right, but taking these breaks to go outside a few times a day, I was like, wow, this is like helping,

    Aaron 11:01

    it's almost like a little reminder that you need to get up and get out a little bit. And it helped

    KC 11:06

    a lot with my fatigue, because like one of the things that's really aggravating about having chronic fatigue is that mild activity is really beneficial in lifting some of that for dinner, you can't overextend or overdo it. So I'm not like taking long walks or exercising but literally just standing in the backyard with my dog and throwing a ball or walking around and kind of like having something to do. It's been helpful with that it helps with my ADHD just because it's like fun to focus on the puppy and do new things and have new projects. And so I remember thinking like, wow, like this dogs really making my life better in a way that I didn't expect. And I

    Aaron 11:44

    loved hearing that. Because I imagine that like having chronic fatigue and ADHD together is a really rough thing to manage. Because you know, what reason do you have to get up and do just like a small amount of activity, right? Because I ADHD is like we need to be like efficient and get things done. When I feel like the when you just need to get up and do something small, that's very difficult. And dogs are really, really good at making sure that you get up and doing small things because they love it. They love it. And they take that small thing and they make it to them. It's like this huge thing. And it makes you feel really accomplished for like putting into such a small activity. And so that's one thing that I really love about dogs and always have. My name

    Steph 12:19

    I am Steph, I run a company called beta dog training, which is just north of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, and I have been in professional doctrine for seven years now the company has been around for seven years. And I focus almost exclusively on behavior and also significant behavior issues. So most of my training, even when it comes to puppies is trained from the standpoint of like how they can best live their life and how they can deal with their life or behavioral problems, if that pops up from the dogs perspective, but also human perspective. And yet, we've been at it a while. And it's one of the things that I really like is the behavior niche. I prefer the behavior, niche over sports and tricks and things. We do do sports and tricks and things but the thing that we most focus on is the best way to work with the dog in front of you and the behavior they are showing and how they can work and adapt their life and how you can work and adapt with their life but also how you can train a dog to adapt to your life. So yeah, how's your foot by the way? Didn't I see you? Okay, I talked to you. And then I saw that Tik Tok like seven hours later, and I was like, Oh, how's your dog and you were like, you know, she's getting, you're getting real big. And then like six hours later,

    you were like, my dog broke my foot.

    KC 13:31

    I gotta tell you like, I am so so grateful for going the route of like finding a trainer from day one, really leaning into teaching with a focus towards energy level management, like teaching relaxation, teach, like the fact that we use the play pet like all this stuff, because as I predicted, like she got big, so fast, and she went from Oh, if it's not working, you can just pick her up or you can just do this to like, you can't do that anymore. Like she is only six months old. And she's huge, and she's powerful. And like

    Steph 14:08

    any other part of that is like everybody kind of focuses on like, first off, I'll be able to manhandle my puppy so they focus all their training with that. So the other thing is they focus on the part of them being able to manhandle the dog and as soon as you do that, because nobody anticipates breaking a foot getting in a car accident anything and I'm like, Yes, right now you're like, Well, I can just pick her up to put her in the car. I can just pick her up to put her in a great and I'm like, but what happens if all of a sudden you get really hurt what all like my mother has had multiple spinal surgeries. So everything in my life has always been geared towards like, Okay, you physically you can do stuff right now. But by tomorrow, literally tomorrow, maybe you won't be able to

    KC 14:47

    life is changed. Like I was talking to another trainer we were talking about like, you know, how do you know when whether your lifestyle is right for a dog or if you have a dog, you know, how do I know if I'm providing right for it? And one of the things that she said that I really don't hear a lot I'm not trying to talk about she was like, I mean, the thing is, is like life is really long, like things might be hard or not ideal now, but like, you know, they could totally improve in the future, you could be in a different place in the future. But I think the opposite is also true where like, anyone can become disabled. And anyone could, you know, you could get a dog now and think, Oh, no big deal is just me and the dog, and then what have you of children in eight years, and the dog is still around, you know,

    Steph 15:23

    and people don't anticipate training for their life to change in any dramatic way. They anticipate maybe, and they always anticipated that it will be a move up, which is unfortunately just not how life goes. So people anticipate that they will be able to move to a house, that will be an acreage and the townhome they're in and in reality that might be back to an apartment. So they don't train with the anticipation of being like, well, one day I might have to be in an apartment one day, I might have kids one day, I might become disabled. One day, I might have roommates, like one day, my brother in law could pass away, they could be in a car accident, I might hurt his kids. Like, yeah, there people are like, well, I don't intend to have kids. So my dog doesn't need that. And I'm like, but you may come in contact with kids. And what bothers me is not when people are like, No, that won't happen, well, then I'll just I won't on the dock. And I'm like, I understand that. But what is your plan for if someone comes to visit, like I understand being like, my life will be A or B. But what happens if for a weekend someone is there, what is your management plan for a very temporary piece of time, and people don't have the temporary piece of time, and they don't anticipate that their life could in any way not be this state or this state and that it will always go up this way, it will never backtrack. So

    KC 16:38

    if someone has disabilities, whether their mental, physical, emotional, or they have mental health issues, and they're thinking about if they should get a dog, or you know, would a dog be helpful to them? Whether it's the service dog route, or just the pet route? What would you have someone think through both in choosing breed size, temperament, and then what would you have them focus on in training?

    Steph 17:00

    So I mean, yes, breed size, temperament, but the first thing I would do is make a list of the things in like humans that annoy you, you know, not everybody has lived with a dog, but so not everybody anticipates what things a dog may do that annoy you, but I'm like, Okay, let's say you've lived with roommates. Let's say you've lived with people what annoys you about people? Do you really hate mouth breathers? Do you hate when people make lots of noises? Do you hate when they like there's a small couch? You're sitting on the couch? And they're just all over the couch with you? Are they sitting on the other end? Like make a list of the things that in humans would annoy you? And then Yes, right. And it's like people that are just hyperactive, they went there. They want to talk to you 24/7 They want to look at you do you want to come home from work? You want to sit on the couch and vibe? And they're like, Hey, how was your day? What did you do? What do you want for dinner? Like,

    go get a border collie?

    Like what do you want out of a roommate? Because most people have an idea of what they want out of a roommate with a dog they're willing to cuz it's a dog in their head, they immediately forgive a lot of things. They're like, Oh, well, you know, my dog would never do that. Dogs don't eat loud. Dogs don't breathe loud. Dogs do things. And I'm like, first off, dogs only do things when you train them to do things. But Second off, let's pick a dog that naturally would do some of those things. Right? So yes, breed size, temperament, but a lot of those things also involve beyond that. What those habits are that you're like, Hey, I'm not interested in if you really don't like mouth breathing, chewing noises, all that stuff. brachii breeds for like brachiocephalic this moose faces like Pugs and like French reasons, they may not be for you. I got an excellent French Bulldog crush. She's adorable. She's lovely. It's staying with us right now. My God the noises she makes when she breeds she's the cutest loveliest socialist, like she's lovely. She's a lovely little dog. But when she's just walking around, she makes noises just breathing. She makes noises snoring, she makes a lot of interesting noises Well, eating and I'm like, those are some things where I'm like, that might not be a thing that people like when you're talking about shedding. It's not like Hey, first off, do you like short hair or long hair? Like with long hair, grime can build up in coats. So even if you like a long haired dog, maybe you only like them when they're well groomed. Have you pet a long haired dog that has not been well groomed? Is that something that you're willing to do? Because some people do not like bathing dogs and if you can't, can you hire a groom? If you like short haired dogs, that's super cool. But like again, they still have a bit of maintenance, but then also just the shedding. Like are you someone that is genuinely bothered you run or vacuum around your floor every day? Right? Like you like your house to be super neat and tidy. Oh my god drooling. So one of my super big I actually can't handle it. I'm a dog trainer. And I do deal with it at work.

    KC 19:47

    So I'm here with Joe Harrison, another dog trainer that I respect and follow and we're going to talk about tips for neurodivergent dog owners. Joel, thank you for being here.

    Joe Harrison 19:58

    Well, thanks for having me. I appreciate It's been a lot of fun watching you come into the world of the dog owners and be so visual with your journey. It's been fun. Thanks.

    KC 20:06

    So one of the things that you have said before that I feel like my audience would really benefit from is you talk about how so many times when you get into, especially the crowds, that are very pro dog, very into dogs, that there tends to be this message that it is morally good to value the dog over yourself, and how for a lot of people that learned that it tends to get us burnt out, and then we can't anymore. And you have said before, it's better to give your dog a consistent 60% effort than an inconsistent pattern of 100%, and then nothing and then 100% and then burning out and then feeling guilty. And then you know, doing all the things. And I'm curious if you can just talk a little bit about that things that you've seen in people and from your experience.

    Joe Harrison 20:53

    Yeah, so I find that we dogs are better than us, usually, right, they can hold themselves together, they're kinder, they're just, you know, overall, we kind of don't deserve them. And one of the things that I think that people that really understand their dogs and understand how great dogs can be as they want to give them the world, they want everything to be for them all the time. And they don't take any time for themselves. And if we pretend like so many of us neurodivergent do that tomorrow, we're just gonna wake up and be somebody completely different. And that we're going to get up early and do the meditation and go for the walk and the workout and you know, reduce the amount of our bad thing. And we're just going to knock it out of the park, right. And we're not realistic with that understanding. And so being more realistic and going, okay, I can dedicate to, you know, maybe not changing my time to get up two hours early. But maybe I can do 10 minutes to make sure that I give them that consistent time that they need to go run around before I have to leave, you know, it's very similar to making smaller changes consistently so that we'll actually do them. And then it kind of butts up against that idea of being kind to yourself as much as the dog as much as everybody else of like, it's okay to not be perfect, it's okay for your dog to want something and not get it right. It's okay to take

    KC 22:31

    my dog house in the background. I don't know if you hear that. She's literally howling from her crate downstairs because she doesn't want to be alone. And like,

    Joe Harrison 22:39

    that's okay. Sometimes we just have to go like, hey, I need a moment for me, I'm not going to be any better for you if I go down there and let your stress become my stress. So I'm going to finish my shower, getting ready my moment, whatever I need, and then I'll be with you in a moment. And that's okay.

    KC 23:01

    Have you ever had to tell? I feel like most of the time when people come to a dog trainer, the story is like, okay, the dog trainer needs to give all these exercises and all these things to do okay, you're not doing that for your dog, you got to take your dog out more. Have you ever had to tell someone? Hey, you're doing too much?

    Joe Harrison 23:15

    Oh, yeah. Because especially kind of bleeds into the way that I train where like, I want the dog to be more independent, and be able to go out and do their own thing. Right? And be able to make their own decision about what's happening in their environment. Instead of Oh, god, there's a dog coming, getting it down right now. Right? And so I am often telling people less. In fact, I think that one of the first things that I said that I commented on one of your videos, you were like, my puppy is 12 weeks old, and she can go boom, boom, boom, you know, do this and that, and this and that, and this and that. And this and that. And I was like, sounds like you're doing awesome. Are you remembering to have some fun?

    KC 24:02

    Well, I think it's so true of having ADHD that you hyper fixate, and you want to do all the things. And I also think that if you watch any content about dog training, it's just these tiny snippets of someone's day or routine that took them years to accomplish. And so it makes it seem like dog training is about, you know, the obedience drills and things like that. And there really is so much more to it. It's just not interesting. It's like it's boring stuff. And so people don't make videos about it. Yeah,

    Joe Harrison 24:30

    right. It's boring stuff. And then when we do make videos about it, you also get that well, I've had two dogs in my life, and I did this tiny little ancillary thing that didn't really matter that and like so I have the answer. So, you know, everybody has their own answers and everybody and dogs are awesome. So most of the time those little answers were, it's just using those one or two little off answers for everybody, you know, and it does make it those pieces of content, not very exciting, so they don't get made very often as we either get argumentative pushback, or like, you know, I know that if I didn't let my dog do that 30 days in a row, it would be better. But oh, man, that's a lot of work that takes me doing. Yeah.

    KC 25:16

    And you know, everybody has an opinion. And there are some things that can be kind of controversial. And you know, when we talk about being kind to your dog and being respectful of your dog, I think sometimes it's difficult to sort of see the long game like, you know, you talk about the importance of a dog being leash trained, kennel trained and tether trained. And I think for some of us, that can be hard because we think, oh, like confinement, like put them on a tether like, which if you don't know what that is tether is literally like a leash that's tied to something right, whether it's a stake in the yard, or something like that. And I was just watching Tik Tok yesterday, and this woman who had sled dogs was kind of explaining her setup. And each of her dogs, they all lived outside, they each had their own little dog house, and they were tethered on a chain. And people were kind of losing their minds about how mean it is that it's on a chain and how unfair it is. And she made this lengthy explanation of like, well, a, this is how I keep my dogs safe. It's the Alaskan wilderness be, they're fine. Like they have all their needs met with their sled dogs, they're working dogs, we go running for miles and miles. And I do think it's interesting that like, when you have a big heart for your dog, sometimes it's hard to understand how important and in the long run, how kind it is for your dog to be trained around those things. And I, you know, when we were talking before you said basically, like, you don't want to explode on your dog, because they don't have the ability to leave you alone, because you never taught them, you know, with those items, how they could be safe and confined, how they can go away from it, how they can turn off. Can you talk a little bit about that?

    Joe Harrison 26:51

    Yeah, I mean, I think so for me, I can boil almost all my training down to like one concise idea. And that's if my dog knows how to handle their energy, then they're always going to have a place to live, right? If I have a dog that understands when we go outside, we throw the ball. And that's where we get out of the energy. And then when we go inside, and I sit on the couch, you come up and you sit on the couch next to me, some dogs just get that naturally, right. And some dogs really, really, really need help through that process. One of the places where I see the biggest clash in owners and dogs consistently is that the owner will take the dog outside, throw the ball a little bit, and then the dog will come back inside. And the dog will be like, Hey, let's look let's play. Let's keep doing it. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. And it doesn't take very long for that dog to get annoying to that owner. And then that owner does stop it, you know and elevates themselves for that brief moment. And even if that is just a I'm disappointed rather than an Imad, it can still have a lot of impact on the relationship between the owner and the dog. And if instead, we took a little bit of time to go, Hey, sometimes, I'm not going to have the spoons for you. Sometimes I'm not going to be able to take you with me. Sometimes I just need you to be over there away from me, not on me, not on my guests, whatever. And if we don't teach our dogs that along the way, then when that moment finally comes along, they can't even handle it. And some folks are separating their dogs at a time where the dogs never get separated. And like I have friends over so you can't be jumping and nipping and acting like Yahoo to them. So I'm going to put you in the back room. Well that dogs never had the experience of separation or very seldom had the experience of separation for their owners. So this is a massive, massive event for the dog. When if we would have educated and trained the dog and gave them the tolerance for this all along the way. It would just be Tuesday. It's interesting

    KC 29:11

    that like, there's so much over moralizing of dog ownership, and I get it like there are people out there that are pieces of shit that like are not caring for their dogs, like dogs are sentient beings with feelings and emotions and needs and they deserve. You know, a happy life. And so like obviously mistreating a dog is a moral issue and not caring about your dog as a moral issue. But I feel like we over moralize all these other things. Like, you know, if somebody gets a puppy and they're six months in they're seven months and they're nine months in and they're going this is not getting better. This was maybe a mistake, but like they feel like there would be so much shaming if they were to be like I've made a mistake. I need to rehome my dog, right or you know Know if I think a lot about like the Adopt don't shop movement, like, people often get shamed for the idea of going and getting a dog from a breeder, like I'm not talking about like a pet store or a puppy mill. I'm talking about like a breeder, but how does that interplay with someone that has a disability? Like? Yeah, and like, what are the issues with like shelter dogs that we don't think about from a perspective of disability?

    Ash 30:25

    Yeah, I think a big part. So I have three rescues, my first three dogs were rescues. And I used to be militantly adopt don't shop, sometimes my Facebook memories will pop up. And it will be like, Oh, you want to buy a puppy while here choose which of these shelter dogs you want to kill? And I look at my dog that I bought from a breeder. And I'm like, which one did we kill pretzel? Which one, when I picked you out, which one of these dogs did I not bring home because of that, but like it was, I thought on it a lot. And I looked at rescue dogs, and I thought about it a ton. And for me, it was not even from a disability standpoint, it was from a standpoint, I'd already have this conflict within my house. One, I could not live through it again, I could not do it again. And two, I was looking into getting another large dog. And the conflict was between what my large dog and my small dogs, which was easier to manage, because small dogs are just generally easier to manage, they're smaller, you can pick them up, and fights between two large dogs could be a lot worse. And my small dogs didn't aggress back. So it was easy to like, stop those conflicts. So I decided to go to a breeder because I knew that if it didn't work, it would not be a thing for me to send that puppy back. If at any point still, it was not working with him, he would go back to a good place. And I know that and so if somebody you know, has a disability where it maybe it's progressive, maybe they don't know, they don't know if they're going to be able to continue to take care of this dog long term. And I know a lot of people would say, Oh, well then don't get the dog. If you're not 100% positive, there are no guarantees. You know, you could be perfectly able bodied you can I guarantee you're not going to get in a car accident tomorrow and possibly have to rehome your dog. So somebody has, you know, where the scales are tipped a little bit where possibly, they're not sure. Am I going to be okay for the full lifetime of this dog? Or is there going to be a point where I no longer will be able to care for them. Going to a breeder, a really good breeder is a really good bet that you're going to have a community to fall back on. Even if not just that breeder, other I talked to my puppy owner group chat. Two and a half years later, all of our puppies are no longer puppies. We talk like every single day. Right? Like if something happened to me, I know pretzels gonna be fine. He's got 20 People who love him just as much as I do. Right?

    KC 32:56

    I know that everybody knows that every ethical breeder that I've ever known, like, they have like a lifetime policy that they do not want that dog in the shelter. Like if anything happens if you die if you get sick. If you just decide you don't want the dog anymore, like they sometimes it's even contractual like you're required to bring the dog back to them so that they can rehome the dog with someone else. Yep, any ethical breeder will always take their dogs back. And then even in the rare event that

    Steph 33:25

    something does happen. So let's say that my breeder is an old man, you know, if something were to happen to him, then the breed community is there, especially if you have like I have a rare breed. So the breed community is a little bit smaller. But there's a whole it's very community based within the like ethical breeding world where there are a lot of people to support you. And it's everybody's job to keep our dogs out of shelters. And it's very collective of we are keeping our dogs, any dogs born into this community out of shelters.

    KC 34:02

    And you know, shelters are extremely traumatizing. And at on some level people know that because I think that's where some of the heartstrings get pulled about, like we need to rescue these dogs out of this traumatic environment. But where I don't think some people think, to Apply that truth is that you're not just like rescuing an animal from a traumatic environment. And then like we live happily ever after, like, you are rescuing an animal that has what amounts to post traumatic stress disorder, and you don't know to what degree that animal will be affected by that. And it might be that 75% of people out there, that's fine. Like they have the kind of lifestyle they have the kind of personality they have the kind of setup in their environment in their home that they can deal with a little bit of unknown factor, right, but I can think of so many situations where like it's really important to the health and safety of not only everyone in your family, but of that A dog that you know what its temperament is going to be, you know what its size is going to be. You know, like, if you have small children, I mean, if you have a child with a disability, if you have a disability, if you have even just like, you know, you live in an apartment, you live in a nine storey walk up or whatever, like, I just Yeah, I

    Ash 35:18

    was gonna say even you know how many people I know who were like college students, they live in an apartment, they have a limited income, they go and get a little lab puppy from the shelter. And in six months, it's a 90 pound bully mix. And now you have for the next 1516 years because those shelter bully mixes live forever, you are going to have a really hard time and I say this as someone who had a bully mix. When I was 19. And trying to rent trying to find a place to live, my life was so limited the things that I could do with my life were so limited. And now I had a life that I had dedicated to dogs, I had already decided that I wanted to do that when I got her. If I wanted to be a writer, if I wanted to go and move to LA and like go and do and had these bigger dreams, I would not have been able to do that

    KC 36:20

    with this stock because of all the breed restrictions that apartments usually have. And if you're already limited on apartments, whether by income or maybe criminal history, any of that, like Yeah, that's a big deal. I know like my husband and I went back and forth for a long time when we decided to get a dog where I insisted that we get some from a breeder and he was like, No, we have to rescue a shelter dog. And one of the things that I don't think people know is like the Adopt don't shop movement started as a movement against puppy mills were these companies would literally keep dogs in cages. And like some of the worst ones, they would literally like shit in the cage and it would just fall down to the dog underneath it. Like they run wire cages and they would pump these cute little puppies out into the stores right were sitting behind the class and charging $5,000 for it. And they weren't they often had health problems. The actual breeding dogs live miserable lives in cages like so we started saying don't shop literally don't shop as in don't go to pet shops, not don't pay money for a dog. And so somehow that got pushed into meaning adopt dogs from shelters don't buy them from breeders. But like none of the issues that we have with pet shops are issues that we have with ethical breeders that are typically like raising dogs in their homes and checking for temperament and checking for health and have these lifelong you know, bring back policies and so it's wild to me that this adopt don't shop is still this like shaming club that people use against people that want to make an informed decision to go to a breeder.

    Ash 37:58

    And it was also the slogan also came around at a very different time when the dogs in shelters were very different because we euthanized a lot more freely. So euthanasia rates have gone way down and part of that is that we are doing more people are adopting like just flat out more people are adopting dogs, but euthanasia rates have also gone way down. Also spay and more people are spaying and neutering their dogs. So we've got less stray dogs running around. But we've also gotten a lot more lenient about the behavior of the dogs that are getting adopted out there is significantly less euthanasia for which I think is a good thing that there is less euthanasia for minor behavior problems. I don't think that a dog that bark grouse lunges on a leash sometimes deserves to be euthanized. I think there can be a perfectly fine, there's very few dogs that don't do that, quite frankly. But because of that you walk into a shelter today versus even 20 years ago, you are going to see a lot of dogs that have behavior issues, you're going to see almost every single dog have no cat, no kids, no other dogs on their run carts. And that's

    KC 39:14

    if they're telling the truth. I've run into some like foster situations where people have such bleeding hearts for dogs that believe that no dog, every dog deserves a second chance that they will flat out lie about bite history attack history. It's really scary. And I do think like, it's not to say that, you know, I think there are ways to also like minimize your risk and choose the right dog if you want to go the shelter route. So I actually ended up getting a rescue dog but the reason that I was more comfortable with it is because it was a puppy that had been in a home so it had been fostered had never been in a shelter environment. She was what we thought at the time was like 50%, Rottweiler 50% Catahoula we now know that There's like some Coonhound and stuff, but she is 50%, Rottweiler. And then she's like Cata, hula, and cattle dog and like one other thing. But I will say that like, knowing what breeds I was dealing with, like, I could at least then go, like, look up, what kind of breeds those were, what kind of sizes? Those were. And it's not like I could get an exact answer for what I was gonna get temperament and size wise, but it was certainly more predictable than, you know, picking a random puppy that you have no idea what's going on there. And so I think those are also things people can think about is, you know, sometimes you can get a little bit, there's like, at least a dominant breed in there that maybe you can know more about, or you can go for, you know, one that's been fostered in a home, this one had been fostered in a home with children that were my children's age. And so I mean, I still had to risk that she was telling me the truth about the dog's behavior. But I also one time had a trainer say that, if you want to increase your odds of getting a dog that has a really like, sweet temperament, no aggression is, you know, whatever. They said, You've got to go shop at a high kill shelter. And it was very counterintuitive, because I was like, I thought we weren't like, we don't like them, you know, like, go away, we only patronize the, you know, no kill shelters. And he was like, Well, what you understand is that a high kill shelter is like the first dogs, they're going to euthanize or the dogs have behavior problems. So like, if a dog is still around, you know that there probably is a high probability that it has no aggression issues, because they are quick to put down dogs.

    Ash 41:34

    Yeah. And that's kind of along the lines of what I'm saying about how different it was people who have always adopted and I know, a lot of people who have always adopted who are like, it's way different out. I mean, even you know, 14 years ago, when I adopted my little dog, yeah, he had issues, and he actually does buy, or he did bite. But he's not like, you know, mauling people. He's not going to seriously injure you. He's just a little terrier. And they tend to be like that. But I've certainly seen dogs coming. And now I'm lucky to live near a shelter that has a good behavior program. So even though they are adopting out a lot of dogs with behavior issues, they are very honest about that. But yeah, there certainly are like, so

    KC 42:19

    if you're thinking about what a dog needs, I can tell you that as a just like regular dog owner, the messaging that trickles out to the average person is like dogs need exercise. That's really what like was my main thing is like, okay, is this dog need to walk every day? Is it a dog that needs to run? Like my only idea when you say like, pick a dog for your lifestyle is knowing that like, some dogs need a lot of exercise and other dogs don't. And in my head exercise was walking, like taking a walk or going to the park and running. And the more that I've learned about dogs, the more I realized, like, that's maybe too simplistic of a thought. So like, if I am a person out there, and I'm looking at my abilities, and I'm looking at my desires, like what do dogs need? And how do I think about whether I can do that, or want to do that?

    Aaron 43:08

    Yeah, there are two main categories that I like to break it up into. And that's physical exercise and mental exercise. So I can tell you right now that the whole exercise thing came from Cesar Millan because he was so popular in his big thing is like, Oh, I'm gonna like go rollerblading with my dog. And if you just rollerblade with your dog, that's a good way to get them to run and a tired dog is a good dog. But kind of as we evolved in dog training, what we're finding is that physical exercise isn't the only thing that matters. Some dogs prefer mental stimulation. And I would go so far as to saying like, I think that a lot of people think of German Shepherds as this high energy breed, they say, I'm doing like police work, military work. But my German Shepherd, if I give him a puzzle to solve, like a mental puzzle, they have things that are called Food puzzles, where you put some food in some kind of device, and then they have to slide some stuff around and get the food out. I let him do something like that for like an hour, and he's just wiped. Whereas if I take them out, and I do, you know, I could do two or three hours of just straight fetch with him, him running back and forth full speed at a full sprint, and he would just keep going all day, just nonstop. But what he really, really needed to get him in a, like healthy place was mental stimulation. And I think that's where a lot of people are missing the exercise portion. Because when you hear exercise, you think, hey, like we need to run or like we need to walk and walking is good, if that's what you have time for because walking does walking actually kind of covers both the mental and the physical. You do a little bit of walking, which is physical exercise. That's good. You're getting out you're stretching your legs, but the mental for them is sniffing. So make sure that if you do take your dog for a walk you are letting them sniff and stuff like that being able to sniff around is really really great mental enrichment for them. But what I will say about walks is there are typically better things to do because walks are are kind of like a general thing that covers everything. And so if your dog needs more mental stimulation, rather than physical stimulation, or your dog needs more physical stimulation that mental stimulation walks might not be the thing to do. Because like I said, they're only since it's kind of covering both things, it's not very, it doesn't accelerate at working either of those things. It just kind of generally covers them. So if that's what you have time for, that's a great thing to fall back on. But definitely think about doing things like playing fetch with your dog, getting a flirt pole to cover that physical energy, doing things that get them to run, and you're not to run is good. So that's why, you know, because for me, personally, I physically cannot run I have a physical disability that prevents me from running any sorts of long distances. So the way that I make up for that is I teach my games, my dogs a clean game of fetch, and I tend to work things like a football with them. And if you don't know what a flagpole is, if you've ever seen like a cat toy that has a toy hanging at the end of a stick, that's what a football is. Except it's dog sighs Yeah, it's huge. And I love them. Personally, I like people tag me and flirt pull videos all the time on tick tock, because I guess on the flip pole guy now, but flirt poles are great because they accelerate on low input from the human side, and high output from the dog side. And those are always the kinds of activities that I'm looking for to help people. So whether you have a physical disability, or you know, your disability extends beyond the physical, there is an activity out there for you that will probably fit your needs.

    KC 46:26

    That's so helpful that like, there's so many ways to meet a dog's needs that you can find one that works with your lifestyle, like so much of what I talk about, whether it's about doing your laundry, or self improvement, or whatever is like we tend to make plans based on like waking up being a completely different person tomorrow. What kind of training priorities should a person have? If they're coming from a struggle care background of I want to coexist peacefully with my dog? What do I need my dog to know how to do? Well, if I know I'm gonna have periods of struggle, so

    Steph 47:03

    we actually come at this from in my world, in my mind, everyone has a struggle care phase, whether they've hit it yet or not. So some people come in, and they're like, I don't need to know this, because I'm like, I just need to know sit him down, because my life is perfect. And I'm like, that's cool. One day, one day, it's gonna happen, there are people that show up that already know that they already know that there can be times where life is gonna get really out of control, or hard or not possible. So I train all dogs, you don't need to know anything about your dragon, I drain all dogs, when they come in with the background so that they have a training background of if your life completely falls apart, you have the ability to either have them adapt to change, deal with change, or be manageable in that scenario. So everything we do, we come at it from the beginning, when they're puppies, the first thing we we teach a lot of behaviors that focus on in like engagement and impulse control. So we focus a ton on impulse control. But more than anything, one of the things we do is we try and put those skills in when they're young, that mean that their life can be adapted. So stuff like crate training is right away. And I do crate training a little overboard. I want them to be able to create in a wire crate in an airline crate in a small room in a big room in your car in your garage. I want them to be able to create anywhere I moved my puppies crate every week, like you'll create over here and then you'll crate over there. And then you'll trade over there. And then you'll spend you will spend a night or two in the car in the summer because 100% I travel with my dogs I compete, we stay in the car sometimes. So like I make sure not only can you crate I send my dogs to other people's houses to crate for the night. And I go cool, stick this puppy in your room and just You're fine. Because they may have to go anywhere. I also make sure that they have a lot of place work, which is I think what your you call a behavioral down, which is just like they're on a tie back. I want my dogs to be super comfy with restraint on a tie back and people go well, I don't want my dog to go back. I'm like first off as a puppy. You do want your dog and tag second off. There are so many things through your life that you judge not even when your life goes bad. But through your life that you will need to just put your leash down and like run back to your car and grab something put your leash down and run in the Porta Potty at your kids soccer game. You know, tie your leash up to the post as you run in and get the mail that is stuff that the dog doesn't necessarily know how to do. Oh, you got real excited.

    KC 49:15

    Oh, I did because it's so funny, because I was just on Facebook yesterday. And there's this group that I'm in. It's like a neighborhood group and this mom put a Facebook post and it said, Hey, I know this is weird last minute but I'm out with my dog and I just got a phone call that my kid is sick at school and needs Imodium? Can I drop my dog at someone's house because I it was you know because hot down here it because she did not know how to be able to run into a store, get medication or be able to walk into the school drop off medication and what do I do with my dog? And I just thought of that I think it's so true. This idea that you know, you might think well I just need my dog to live in the backyard and be fine to be happy but like life is so different and so long, and we're actually preparing I'm going to travel, we're going to drive about four hours to my dad's house and stay with him. And I am so grateful that our dog is crate trained. Because I know that when we get there after she kind of sniffs around or whatever, like, I can put her in the crate, even just there in the living room, and she will be able to settle and go to sleep and have that break that stress break. And I want to be able to visit my in laws, but their house is a different kind of dog house than my dad's house, right? Like, there are lots of people there, there are older people, there's a pool for and she's not ready to go there. Because what we know is, that's the kind of house where you need to be able to go on a leash and lay down and chill, go outside of the bathroom, come back down, lay down and chill. Like that would be the appropriate behavior for interacting at that house. And it's so much cooler when you get to do those things with your dog. And even if you don't want to, like you know, this is obviously elective when you get a dog, but like, what if your parent dies, and you have to go to another city or whatever it is? Yes.

    Steph 51:01

    So the thing is like the crate training, tie back work, all that stuff I really liked because teaches your dog how to do all these things if your life changes, or if it doesn't, because you can utilize them in your own life. But the other thing it does is like if all of a sudden, I personally like dogs that are a lot. And a lot of the time that is the best thing in the world. And sometimes it is not. So the other thing is my dogs are very much velcro II, they are very large, they are very close to me. And there are some times where I'm like, Okay, no, like you just you cannot be on top of me right now, that's not a thing had the ability to put them in a crate the ability to put them on a tie back. Because yes, my older dogs that can just be like Go lay down, they will go way down when they are one they don't know that's not there. Like I'm super excited, you are finally home from work. That is not a concept, I'm even going to pretend to understand I am on top of you. And if that behavior is allowed to continue, it's going to frustrate you, it's going to frustrate them because they're really not doing anything bad or wrong. That's what you would do the other six days of the week. But that one day, you just can't do it. So do you set it up so that if they did something wrong and you get upset, or do you just go okay, cool. You're familiar with being on a timeout, you're familiar with being integrate here going to Craig? Right. The other thing is people go okay, so we also we do a bunch of skills when they're very young. That mean that yes, if your life changes, but also if your abilities change, you are okay. So stuff like treadmill training. So everybody goes, Okay, cool. I can't get out of bed this week. So there's a couple options. There are a couple options where you can pay your way out of that as long as you've set it up in advance. The other way, though, is like you don't have that much money. You can train your way out of it. You can treadmill train your dog, right and you know, does it replace a walk? No, but for the week that you can't function? Absolutely. Okay,

    KC 52:50

    Steph, this has been a great conversation. I really appreciate your contribution. Where can people find you if they want to follow you online? Where can they look up your company to you know, give us a little plug. So

    Steph 53:01

    on Tik Tok, I believe I'm beta dog training on Instagram. I'm pretty sure I'm beta trains. We are beta dog training on Facebook. And we have a podcast where we talk about dog training stuff called make it weird dog stuff and occasional nonsense. I

    KC 53:13

    love that. So here's my here's my last question for you. I expect that there's probably a lot of people out there that already have a dog. And maybe they're going through a hard time. And they're thinking to themselves, like, is my dog happy? Like, am I doing enough for my dog? Like, how do we know if our dogs are happy? Okay,

    Aaron 53:31

    I've been thinking actually about this a lot, there's one thing that you can do is if you go online, and you look up, there's something called a dog's emotional cup. And if you Google that, and you go to the Image section, it'll show you an infographic that says, Hey, these are signs that your dog's cup may be running empty. This is how you can fill your dog's cup, those kinds of things. And that's a pretty good indicator on whether your dog's happy. But when it comes to that, I say this the type of people who are concerned about whether or not their dog is happy, or the people that do not need to be concerned that their dog is happy, because bad pet parents aren't asking if their dog is happy. And that's kind of the bottom line. Right? The bad pet parents aren't ever wondering, Am I doing enough for my dog? Right? And so if you care enough to be asking that question, I can almost guarantee you with 100% certainty that your dog is happy.

    KC 54:17

    Well, those are all of my questions. Okay, good. I

    Aaron 54:20

    were they satisfactorily answered. They were

    KC 54:23

    lovely. Yeah, I think it was a great conversation. Good. I'm glad if people want to follow you on Tik Tok. Where can they find you?

    Aaron 54:31

    You can find the app inside out dog training.

    KC 54:33

    I love it. Well, Aaron, thank you so much. And this has been a great conversation. I

    Aaron 54:38

    loved it. Thanks for having me. I had a really great time. You had some really interesting questions. So I like talking about dog training from this perspective. Let's

    KC 54:46

    The last thing I want to talk about is this idea of enrichment, which is something that like a word that I feel like I didn't hear what it was related to dogs 10 years ago, maybe it was but it just wasn't I think trickling out to like the average dog owner. And this was Like, this really saved my bacon when we got a dog because, you know, I wanted her to learn to be okay in her playpen by herself, while we're kind of around doing things, but it wasn't, and I'm okay with her being a little distressed, but it was like, Okay, but what is she supposed to do in there? Like he was supposed to just sit? Here's a toy, she doesn't know how to play with those without me. So talk to me about the place for enrichment, specifically, like enrichment that doesn't involve my involvement. So

    Joe Harrison 55:31

    like, first of all, yes, it is okay for your dog to be in another room in their kennel somewhere else, with nothing to do. And in fact, the reason that that is such a scary idea for us to put the dog in the kennel and leave them in the kennel, excuse me is because that sounds terrifying to us. Right? Like, I've spent a lot of time in the mental health field for people, right. And one of the quotes I always fall back on is like, all of man's problems could be solved by simply sitting quietly alone in a dark room. And like, I think for most people, like here's a chair, I'm going to turn off the light, and I'm gonna leave the room and you're gonna sit there and there's no radio, there's no phone, there's no TV, just you and your thoughts. And that sounds terrifying, right. And so but so that that's why I think that's so difficult for us. And I think it's a lot harder for us than it is for the dogs. Now, of course, the more high energy the dog has, the less they're going to want to sit still. And yes, in through the learning process, we want to help them out. And that's where you're on the right path where enrichments come in. And the other thing that enrichments do is like, give me the ability to go put the dog over there while I go take 10 minutes, right? Like, there's so many people that bring the dog in the bathroom with them, they say can't take a shower without the dog in the bathroom. And I'm like that is on my list in no ways. Like this, my peaceful spot can't come in here and jumping on me. Right, I'm going in the bathroom. And so like if I have a dog that enjoys food most often, more often, if not our enrichments are going to be food based. But I can take a they make lots of little, almost like treat dispensers that you can leave with your dogs and I think a lot of people are familiar with like the classic Kong so little, telic, three little notches on it and make lots of sizes. Black ones are the ones for the dogs that can't ever, you know, stop chewing, although my dogs can destroy the black ones. But most people have like a car and they give it to the dog and they're like, Here you go. I don't really get it. Right, it's supposed to be great. If they miss the fact that you can take some peanut butter or pumpkin or dog food or pretty much anything that is acceptable for your dog and you can put it inside that item, take it a step further and freeze that item. Now I have frozen soft dog food inside this toy that is very difficult to destroy. And I can then put that in my kennel with my dog and they can go to town on that for 20 minutes or so give or take. More often than not the process of me leaving is the process that brings up the discomfort in the dog. So hey, Here, eat this frozen dog food for 20 minutes while I go put on my shoes, my coat, grab my keys, leave the house, jump in the car and leave. And by that time I'm gone. The dog has been dedicated to this idea for 20 minutes. They're actually a little tired now they're in the kennel. There's not much else to do. Cool. They'll move forward into take that now. Yeah, we

    KC 58:44

    do. So Luna now gets a treat every time she goes into her kennel. And there's usually a little bully stick on a holder for her. But one of the things that we did when we first got her was that we got one of those I don't think it was called brand but it was like that and we had treat dispensers. And we had snuffle mats. We had things like that, but we had this one specific one that we put peanut butter in and the only time she got that one was in the kennel. And it was the exact same thing like it gave her something to do to preoccupy her, but she also began to associate like when I go in this kennel, I get this great thing and this is the only place like this must be a great place if this is where the peanut butter comes out. And I think we did that for like two or three months until she would it was easier for her to settle and now you know it's like a treat she can eat as soon as she gets in and she's got a little usually like a bully stick or something in there. But that was really helpful to like have one designated one. That was like the real high priority one because like you said, she goes in and she not only has something to do, but she's got this really amazing food that's like spiking that dopamine and is associating with the kennel and then she kind of tires herself out and then you're right nothing to do falls asleep. And now we put her in the kennel and she almost immediately falls asleep. yeah

    Joe Harrison 1:00:00

    beautiful and it is that history of reward of going in there and getting that every time that is going to make going to the kennel with which isn't the whole shebang on kennel training but going in is usually the hardest part. And if I can get you excited about going in and because you know you're gonna get something you know it's going to be high value then you're absolutely in the right direction there. Awesome.

    KC 1:00:27

    Well, Joel, I can't thank you enough for coming in and talking about dog stuff with me. Can you tell people where they can find you online if they want to follow you if they want to look you up? Yeah,

    Joe Harrison 1:00:37

    I mean, tick tock is the easiest place just at scoop and I, which sounds like scoop Andy. But it's not good bandwidth scoop and i Seo b a n d, I, you can also find me on Facebook and Instagram. If that's where you are. I just spend all of my time on tick tock. It's a lot of people out there seem to be a little bit nicer, if you can believe it.

    KC 1:00:59

    Awesome. Well, have a great day. And thank you so much.

    Joe Harrison 1:01:02

    Thank you, KC, appreciate it.

    Ash 1:01:03

    I think that's one of the coolest things about dogs is that they are a good community builder. Like my community is all dog people. And they a lot of dog people are very community focused. So that is the cool thing about it is a lot of people are willing to like reach out and bridge that gap when dogs are involved. that otherwise wouldn't be because they can act as kind of that or that bridge.

    KC 1:01:29

    Well ash thank you so much. Can you tell people where they can find you on social media if they want to follow you? Yeah,

    Ash 1:01:34

    if you want to follow me on social media, I am ash dot and the positive pups on Tiktok and Instagram and that's positive P AWS. You can also find me on my website positive pups academy.com If you want to work with me, I have like a membership. I have online classes, stuff like that. Again, that's positive P, AWS and then pubs P ups. Awesome.

    KC 1:01:57

    Thank you so much. Thank you and to you at home. Thank you so much for listening. I hope this was helpful episode to you and give you a little teaser that I'm also going to release a bonus episode this week with my personal dog trainer. We're going to talk about emotionally intelligent dog training. I picked my dog trainer because I had known him a long time and I really appreciated that his approach to training dogs felt very similar to some of my thoughts about parenting honestly, so keep an eye out for that. I will drop that later this week.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
66: The Dark Underside of Family Vlogging, Part 2 with Catie Reay

We continue our family vlogging conversation today, discussing how often our kids get put out and displayed on the internet and how that affects them. I have Catie Reay joining me to talk about how children get exploited in family vlogging. Catie was raised in a religious cult and had to overcome childhood sexual abuse. Now, she advocates for children online, dedicating her time to helping parents navigate conversations with their children about online safety. Her viewpoint will provide everyone with food for thought. Let’s dive in! 

Show Highlights:

  • How putting children online can still have negative consequences, even if there is no abuse 

  • Catie reveals how family vlogging channels fail to protect children from abuse, sexualization, and stalking

  • The controversy surrounding family vloggers who monetize their children's content

  • Why it's exploitative to use children for creating online content as they cannot consent to being broadcast to millions of people

  • How child actors face exploitation in the entertainment industry

  • The importance of considering children's privacy and emotional well-being when creating and consuming parenting content

  • How creating digital scrapbooks for children without proper consent can potentially result in long-term emotional distress  

  • How children get forced to sign NDAs by their parents to prevent them from speaking publicly about their experiences

  • The challenges of balancing the demands of social media and parenthood

  • The importance of parents being proactive in adjusting their children’s digital habits to prevent them from being sexualized online

  • Why parents must protect their children’s digital footprints

Resources and Links:

Connect with KC: WebsiteTikTokInstagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

Catie Reay on Instagram and TikTok (@thetiktokadvocate)

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. My name is KC Davis and welcome to Struggle Care, the podcast where we talk about all things related to mental health and wellness and a few topics that I just find personally interesting. So we're continuing our discussion about family vlogging. And really just the idea of Sharon Ting and how much we put our kids out there on the internet and the impact that that is having on them. And so I have this week, Catie Reay, who is an advocate for children online, and Catie, tell me a little bit about your background, why this has become sort of a cause that you've taken up?

    Catie Reay 0:44

    Absolutely. Thanks for having me. Hello, everyone. I was born in a religious cults and experienced over a decade of CSA at the hand of a family member through several decades of therapy, I found freedom and I wanted to share that freedom with others to the internet. And of course, resources galore working with nonprofits galore. And speaking at conferences later found there are a lot of people out there who wants to not only navigate their own freedom, but help their children to avoid the kinds of things that they had to be raised in and heal from. So I've spent a lot of time dedicated to helping parents navigate hard conversations with their kids about safety, online safety, navigating, grooming, online exploitation, abuse, human trafficking. sextortion what it looks like to have conversations with your littles and how to heal from that on the other side, if you've experienced it yourself.

    KC 1:42

    Yeah. So you've mentioned several things in there that obviously have a pretty big overlap with this issue of how we're putting children online. And when you and I first talked, you know, I sort of brought up the Ruby Frankie case, which for anyone who's listening, that's not familiar, Ruby, Frankie was a very popular YouTube channel where she did family vlogs about her and her kids, the channel was monetized. And recently, she was actually arrested for child abuse when her children were found bound and starving. And one of the things that you said to me where that I want to use as a jumping off point is when we first talked, you actually said, it's really important to understand that the majority of family vlogging is not Ruby, Frankie, and that it's still problematic, because we tend to think of, well, if I'm not abusing my kids, well, if I'm not doing these issues here like this, there's this conversation this discourse about like, well, but it's okay for me to put my kid online because we're not doing those things. So can you talk about that for a second? Oh, absolutely.

    Catie Reay 2:46

    So Ruby Frankie's situation is unique in the circumstances that we got a front row seat to on curated information, all families log in is curated. So sorry, you're gonna hear pieces of my toddler because this is real life, and my toddler wants to wants my attention. So I'm gonna open his crackers. He's gonna go on his sweet, merry little way and then I got it. Man, you are safe. Thanks, love you. Bye. They love you. Bye. Okay, we'll see in a little bit. It was a view behind the curtain. Every family vlogging channel is curated. The intention of this curation is to sell us a product and everybody's purchasing what's being sold this perfect, loving, happy family. This peek behind the veil showed us that is not a at all what was happening inside of this family. And thank goodness that these children got taken care of and they're hopefully going to get the justice that they deserve and the protections that they should have had this entire time. And yet the family vlogging channels were that is not what's happening behind the veil. The reality is there are still lacking in serious protections that are happening. Children are being hyper sexualized, children are being sexualized, being sent sexualized, DMS there is nonconsensual, deep fake intimate image abuse being created of these children. They're being stalked. They're being doxxed. They feel unsafe and public, as someone who hears from these children of family vlogging channels. Every single day active we being subjected to these very things, begging myself and other advocates and activists to do something, please get legislation passed, please talk to our legislators, please get someone to do something in my state. So this stops happening to me, where a camera is put in their face every single moment of every single day, no matter the instance, private moments they would have never chosen to have shared publicly are shared publicly. They go viral and this child is then subjected to bullying at school. They're subjected to hyper sexualization because of the thumbnail that was intentionally chosen by me Parents, these are all pieces, like smaller pieces of a larger issue.

    KC 5:03

    So I want to play for you a clip that is of a different it's not to be frank, it's a different family vlogging channel to give people a sense of like you said, you know, they have the camera in their faces in these moments. And one of the things that I think people don't realize, because I'm talking about this over my tic tock channel is like, when we post to social media as just private individuals, we are just going about our day, right? Like 99% of us work, we go about our day, something funny happens, we video it, we're catching these moments as they happen, and then uploading them onto our Facebook or snapping our friends. So when we watch family vloggers, or child influencers, I think there's this sense that like, the same thing is happening there. And when you mentioned, you know, okay, these kids are having these like vulnerable moments and a cameras put in their face, I want to play this clip. This was a clip of a family vlogger, who is making a video about the fact that her son's dog just died. And they're really sad. They're sitting together in the car videotaping, but what this woman did was she forgot to edit out a part of the video where she's like directing her son on how to behave on camera and posts it and I think this is a really brutal, but honest thing that we have to understand what it's actually like for these kids to have a camera in their face. So if you can pray for us, we appreciate it. I love you guys. Coming composure for the video closer and closer. And closer.

    Catie Reay 6:40

    Act like you're crying

    KC 6:47

    like this? No, no, no, but go like this. For the video. Like this, put one hand up like this. No, go like this, like this. But let them see your mouth. Let them see your mouth. Okay, this child looks to be about seven or eight years old, if that may be six. And this I think rightly so like horrified this section of the internet that saw it. And people truly didn't realize that these are not just parents taking off the cuff videos of their kids as they do something. This is scripted. This is I mean, it rages me to listen to that. Because the psychological damage that that does to children, I recently posted a video of a family that had they're going on family vacation. And this isn't even a family vlogging channel necessarily it like their children are in every one of their videos, but they're going on a family vacation. And the mom is specifically says we're going on a family vacation. And we don't want our kids working the whole time. So we're only going to do a few videos, but they have an entire spreadsheet of every single shot. They're going to film of their children and themselves to create content that then gets monetized and to not even be able to go on family vacation without having to perform. And so this obviously sparked a lot of debate and a few things came up for people that I thought would be helpful for us to discuss, right? So obviously, when we talk about Ruby, Frankie, everyone's like, yes, that's horrible. Like don't abuse your kids. When we play this clip. People are like, Oh, okay, that's not okay. But what happens is that people start to do this cognitive dissidence of trying to go okay, but if the family vloggers that I follow, don't do that, then it's okay. So I wanted to kind of answer some of those objections. So one of the things that comes up is that they'll say, Well, how is this any different than being a child actor? Are you going to stop watching all TV without child actors? Because, you know, they're still kids. And, you know, if, because one of the things that I see it's like, kids cannot consent to what it means to be broadcast to millions of people. And so how do you answer that when someone says, Well, what about child actors? Is that not exploitation?

    Catie Reay 9:04

    Well, it absolutely is exploitation at its finest. That's what I was like,

    KC 9:07

    oh, have you met a child actor, they're pretty fucked up.

    Catie Reay 9:10

    Quite literally, we've seen in the history of child actors coming out of I mean, if you guys have not read, I'm glad my mom died, you absolutely should read that book. We're talking about a group of individuals who are put into such a staunchly hyper sexualized industry and expected to be something that a child cannot maintain the expectation of and they grew up with such severe addictions, coping mechanisms, and lifestyles that actually just continue the degrading process of their mental health if they

    KC 9:45

    survive. And that's with protections. People don't understand that that there are actually protections Yes, we have

    Catie Reay 9:53

    laws in place. For child actors that determine how many hours they're allowed to be on set. It requires them to still get At schooling, it requires them to still have access to public education. It determines the type of content they are allowed to be in and what is allowed of their likeness to be broadcasted. These are protections that do not exist for children and family vlogging channels, it is quite literally free rein, it is free rein, there are zero protections whatsoever. And that's why we're currently working on legislation. Washington State took up legislation. We're currently working on Maine, we are right behind with Maine. So that will be brought up in our hopefully this legislative session, if not legislative session. We're finishing up language in the bill right now. But we're hoping to see it completely sweep across the United States, particularly states where family vlogging is at its highest.

    KC 10:43

    So the next sort of objection or question that comes up from people is okay, well, I won't watch family vloggers anymore. But what about people that they aren't doing necessarily family vlogging content? What about I love when I watch parenting experts that are showing real life parenting where they're talking to their toddler, or they're talking to their kid, you know, isn't that okay? Because I just I have to admit, I see the issues of consent. But like, I just I get so much out learning from that, you know, Oh, I

    Catie Reay 11:14

    totally understand that. As a parent, I am so grateful when I can come across parenting content, and I can learn and I can grow because someone said something in a way I hadn't heard it before. And it clicked, I am so grateful for creators who make that content without using their children to do so there are skit type works where you can pretend to be yourself and your child to have identical conversations that would happen without your child being utilized in the content. There are ways to almost engage with a fake conversation with a child and answer it the way you know, they would answer it. You can do those things without your child even being on screen. I follow a lot of creators who are asking their kids questions, and all you can hear is their voice and their kids prior to filming, they simply ask their kids Hey, Are you cool with me recording this? So I can ask you a question. And the questions they're asking aren't invasive, it's not taking something from their child or putting them in harm's way. It's a question that blows parents minds and helps them navigate hard conversations with their kids to I'm grateful for parents who found a way to navigate parenting material that doesn't involve having to put their kids in their content.

    KC 12:23

    And then I always think of it as like, you know what our kids are really, really little. It's easy to think of them as just extensions of ourselves, for sure. Like another appendage? Yeah, like they don't they're not on the internet, they don't know. And we have this idea of children as like, everybody potty trains. So like, if I'm talking about potty training, if I'm talking about my kid having an accident, if I'm talking about you know these things, like it's not embarrassing to us as parents, yeah. But we don't realize what is embarrassing to a child. And one of the ways that I like to think about it is like if my husband were to start a channel about how to have a good marriage, and he was like, to what degree would I be comfortable with him using our marriage as content without my permission?

    Catie Reay 13:08

    For sure. Like, what calm? How deep? Are we going? Are we talking about what happens in the bedroom? Are we talking about exactly like, what, what degree

    KC 13:18

    and I don't want him filming our fights. But when I think about like, he just reenact them, and I'm like, okay, but like that was a real fight we had that was a real, you know what I mean? Like,

    Catie Reay 13:28

    and that was intimate, and there were actual feelings behind it. And I'm still processing some of that stuff. And just trust that it led to and it's much deeper than a lot of people think and if you are a consumer of that type of content, let alone a someone who creates that type of content, there are two different conversations to be had. But the one that intersects in the middle is maybe you didn't know, and you just haven't heard it told to you in a way like this before, that children truly cannot consent to the outcomes of being viewed by hundreds of millions of people across the globe. And the outcomes nine times out of 10 are quite literally devastating. For most of these kids, they do not grow up happy and healthy and grateful that their likeness was spread online. And I hear this objection, often, these parents are just creating a beautiful digital scrapbook for their children to look back on later, their children do not look back on this digital scrapbook. Happily, they come back and they say Please remove my likeness in perpetuity from your channel. That's what we're so that

    KC 14:29

    is the next objection that comes up is well, I won't watch the ones that are abusive. I won't watch the ones where they put their camera, their kids vulnerable moments online, but I do like this other family because they always ask their kids permission before they post anything or I like this family because their kids ask them to take something down and so they took it down or that's kind of like our next level objections like maybe these families are okay, but one of the things that I found really interesting is that if a child is reaching an age where they're asking their Parents to remove content, like the content that was there. The one that I talked about last week, it was 300 to 400 videos that these parents removed when their children requested. And I genuinely say kudos to those parents, right. I know all of us are out there doing the best we can for the most part. And I don't think that family is trying to be exploitive of their children. I don't think they don't seem like we had a family that's like, you know, forcing them to cry on camera, things like that. And I do think like, that's obviously a step in the right direction. But what hit me was that everyone acted like, what happened was, the kids liked doing the content, and then all of a sudden, it wasn't fun to do the content anymore. And so they asked to stop. But if that's what happened, why did those children want the past videos removed? Right? If the only issue was, it was fun when I was little, but it's not fun. Now, why would you want the videos to remove? Wanting all of the past videos removed tells me that what actually happened was these children finally reached an age where they were able to conceptualize what it really meant for their presence, and their likeness, and their performance, and the intimate moments of their life to be broadcast to hundreds of 1000s of people. Yeah, and so that's not I liked it, and now I don't and so it's okay, because I revoked consent that I never had consent. I never had informed consent, I did not realize. And I think that should be the lesson is that if kids are reaching an age where they're saying, now that I get it, now that I can actually understand what putting this video out in the world means I don't want it anymore. We shouldn't just be like, well, it's Hurray, as soon as you revoke consent, like, why are we thinking back and going, Oh, well, that should tell us that children under this age cannot conceptualize this.

    Catie Reay 16:48

    I think something that is super important in situations like that is listening to those children, because they're not going to you've got two stories, you have the parents and it's they didn't have fun anymore. And so we're you know, taking a step in a different direction and starting a new chapter. And then you have the voices of those who requested their likeness be removed, and their story is going to sound different. There's a reason you're not publicly hearing from the children of family vlogging channels currently, and it's because the vast majority of them and this fact is going to shake so many of you to your core. I hope you hold on to this. And I hope it keeps you awake at night. So you understand exactly what's happening. The vast majority of minor children and family vlogging channels have been forced to sign NDAs by their parents, via the family lawyer that runs their YouTube channel. So they don't tell people what's happening. And you may say, Oh, my God, well, that makes no sense because an NDA signed by a kid would never hold up in court. They don't know that their children under threat of lawsuit, they are told by their parents to tell no one every minor child who has reached out to me and said, Please, for the love of God do something and tell someone I just can't go public because I signed an NDA does not believe me or any other advocate or activist when we tell them that won't hold up in court. They don't believe us, number one, number two, they're still living in that household. They're still relying on those people for food and water and basic necessities, they have to continue to go along with it until they're able to maintain their own independence. I need you to understand how serious that

    KC 18:19

    is. Yeah, I don't think people realize that like, because that's the other objection that comes up is, but their kids seem like they love it. Or parents saying, Oh, our kids love it. Our kids seem like or, you know, well, they're not saying, you know, the family that I was referring to when they took the videos down? Well, those older kids eventually came back and said, nevermind, actually, we do want to do it again. Because that parent continued to make those videos with the younger kids. And I think what people don't realize is that I mean, you think about to me, it's like the two polar opposites of family vlogging we have the Ruby Frankie's where their kids aren't going to say no, because they're literally being bound up with tape and tortured all the way to the other side of this other family vlogging channel that I was discussing last week, and this week, where this guy seems like a good dad, like he talks about his mission is he wants to put positive parenthood out he wants other men to see what healthy fatherhood can look like. And he has separate bank accounts for his kids so that they're getting the money he asks them if they want to. He pulls the videos when he's asked and but it's just as hard if not harder to say no to your parent, when they're a good parent that loves you.

    Catie Reay 19:29

    And I think also the concept of dependence is created when from infancy you can create an income and you have your entire life and there is a bank account filled with hundreds of 1000s if not millions of dollars that was created as a result of your likeness being streamed online, and now you're an adult and you want to walk away from it and you don't want to do it anymore. And creating an income on your own is really hard and it's very, very difficult and the potential of going back to that lifestyle knowing that it was consistent income. So

    KC 20:03

    there's this other channel, that's another one I saw recently. And it was an influencer and her husband, and they had just had a baby. And the video is like, basically like, so you know, influence will do, like, get ready with me videos, or they'll do like going to target videos when it's little montage of snapshots. So this video they were making was like, watch me get up in the middle of the night to take care of my newborn, and you watch her get up out of bed and pick up the baby. And then the next shot, she's on the other side of the bed handing the baby to dad, then the next shot, she's making bottles. And then the next shot, you know, Dad is doing this, and then she's doing this and you know, even I am scrolling through and I see it. I'm like, Okay, what are her life? But what we don't conceptualize when we see those videos, is that like, there's a ring light on, like, how are we seeing and it's completely dark bedroom? No, she woke up, you know, baby's crying, she woke up, it's not bad to let your baby cry for a few minutes to get something done right to go to the bathroom, do whatever, but like left baby crying to set up a ring light to get back in bed to pretend to be asleep. So she can reenact getting up and getting baby then had to put the baby down, move the ring light to the other side of the bed so that now we get the shot with dad, right come over hand it to dad. I mean, like this is not just oh, here's our moments, like it, people don't

    Catie Reay 21:21

    get now and people don't understand how long each one of those segments takes to prepare to film to edit. And you're talking about if she waited till the morning to film and edit, she spent hours clipping and restoring and adjusting and making everything exactly as she wanted for just that one. It takes so much time to curate content that is like aesthetically pleasing like that it takes so much time to curate that content. And to do that, in the middle of the night with a newborn baby. I don't know how you find it in you. I'm like baby, I was. So in gorged and I was so miserable. I just wanted to like roll over and forget that something came out of my body. But that persistent, nagging pressure to make an income any way possible. And knowing that there is quite literally a formula to do it with Children Now is it really hurts my heart.

    KC 22:21

    Well, that brings me to my next objection, because you know, we're now we're stair stepping down. And so this was a couple who were already influencers, right. And so this little video is not just you know, Meg and Ohio, making a little tick tock about what it's like to get up in the middle of the night. This is the start of this child's very existence every minute of this child's existence, being a part of the family brand being, you know, videotaped. And I think what happens is there's this creep, and I even understand how this happens for parents is that in the beginning, everything your kid does, is so general, like every baby wakes up in the middle of the night, every baby is pooping their pants, every baby is vomiting on you. And so talking of even just talking about like, let's let's say you're not video, but you know, oh, today, my baby vomited on me. It doesn't feel like a violation to your child. Because that's such general, every baby does this, no one's gonna grow up and be upset that their mom said as a baby, You vomited on them, right? But the creep from every baby does this it's general to this as a person with their own personality, their own unique experiences their own very private experiences where, okay, so every kid potty trained to but like how in depth? Can you talk about that? And yes, every kid has a tantrum, but like how in depth can you talk about right? And even as a content creator, who doesn't put my kids in my channel? When I talk about parenting? Even for me, there's this evolution and this challenge of how what's the line of being general enough that I can make a comment about parenting without talking about something about my child. And so anyways, all that to say, so the next objection is, well, what if I'm not an influencer? Yeah. Going parenting, what if I just, yeah, just I'm just, you know what, I'm posting it for my friends. Or I've got 1000 followers, or, you know, I'm not putting pictures of my baby in diapers. I'm not forcing my kids to work when they don't want to. I'm just doing little dance trends and doing little this. And sometimes my kids are in the background, or sometimes they come up and ask me for a snack and they're on the camera. That's okay. So

    Catie Reay 24:27

    first, I want to go back just a little bit. We've found what helps a lot with us being able to talk about parenting, the parenting tips, parenting, the revolution of our parenting and how it's evolved over time has really come from a place of being able to just tell people things that we teach our children without the story of where it evolved from, like, you know, my kid did this thing one time and said this thing and was in this situation like that all can be completely annexed from the lesson itself, and we can talk about how our Children have responded to this lesson without uncovering them. And the objective has always been to keep our children covered. But I need you guys to know I was a Sharon ting parent. Like I posted my children's milestones online, I posted that my kids school that they went to on the first day of school, I did that stuff. I was that parent. And it wasn't until I came across creators who said, Hey, this stuff is unsafe as a result of these reasons. And I was like, Oh ha made me think a little differently. I started researching, I started researching, I started researching and then I quickly started removing my children's likeness from the internet. And then I started sharing with other parents. This is how the word gets out is we literally just game a telephone, we tell each other Hey, these are the reasons why this is not as safe as you may think it is parenting isn't this over excessive concept of filming and documenting every single moment of your children's life and all of your content exists around them. We're just people in a place who have kids, and we want people to see them. How am I going to update grandma Margie, she wants to see the milestones. Well, how I update grandma Margie is through private encrypted text messaging applications where data can't be scraped. That matters a lot to me that data can't be scraped that my kids likeness, their image can't be saved. And then shared somewhere. Email has never been something that's historically safe, even private ID social media accounts historically, or something that's never been safe. And the reality is, every single person watching this right now, I know that you do not know every single one of your Facebook friends. I know that for a fact,

    KC 26:28

    that's really what got me and I'm not as I don't go to some of the lengths you do. Like, I have like a private Instagram account that I put my kids and we have like skylight frames and things like that. But I will say like I did get to this point where you know, because I would post pictures on my Facebook where I looked one day, and it was like, and I'm not even someone that has as many friends on Facebook as a lot of people do. But I mean, I had like 700 friends and I started looking at who my friends were. And it was like, Okay, people that I used to work with that marketer from the other company that I met at a brunch one time, you know, acquaintances that I did one playdate with and their partners and I started looking at that and going I don't know these people like I'm trying to share a milestone with great aunt Margie. I don't know, if the marketer for PepsiCo that I had lunch with one time is a pedophile, for sure. You think people wear those as a sign on their head? Yeah. And I

    Catie Reay 27:27

    think when we try to have that particular conversation with parents who either like share a little share a lot, or overshare and help them recognize how many saves that they have on their videos, how many comments, vulgar comments are on their videos? And you have parents who intentionally say things like, why would you guys say stuff like that? This is an innocent, beautiful baby. No one would ever sexualize this child and then showing them like your child is actively being sexualized in your comments in stitches and duets. There are you know 780,000 saves on this video, I need you to ask yourself why what percentage of those are people who have insidious, insidious ideas and they keep coming back to the it would never be for that reason. It's you guys who needs to get your head out of the gutter to those people who are struggling with that concept. I encourage you to dig into what is happening with children's material online. If you have never heard of child sexual abuse material, you probably know it as child pornography. It is a very pervasive problem. It is a 10s of billions of dollars industry and it is quite literally fed by the free content that you are putting online. Yeah, there's an

    KC 28:41

    article that came out about eight years ago in Sydney and Australia, they had had this huge bust. It's like one of the biggest busts that ever done on child sexual abuse material online. We're talking millions and millions and millions of photos on this website. And they found that up to half literally half of these photos were taken from parents social media accounts, their Facebook accounts, their Instagram accounts, their Tik Tok accounts, and in many cases, so there's like two things that happened to those videos that get taken. Sometimes the image is taken because as is it is attractive to someone. And it's not something we would think about. We don't think about a three year old in a diaper as being sexual. We don't think about a four year old in her bikini or a six year old in her gymnastics leotard like we don't think of those things as sexual, but that absolutely does it for someone who looks at children as sexual. And so some of these images are just taken as is. But the other thing that's happening is that images of children fully clothed are taken and then doctored and deep faked because someone liked their face. Someone liked the color of their eyes. And so that's terrifying. And there is literally a

    Catie Reay 29:51

    public Instagram page with hundreds of 1000s of followers where people have deep fake cell Celebrities faces on to the bodies of children and then infantilized their faces. I need you to understand that they made a four year old Emma Roberts on a four year olds body and put it in lingerie. Hundreds of 1000s of people follow that content, hundreds of 1000s of comments saying, Yeah, that's the one. I'm fucking sorry, four years old. That's the one. That's the whole point of the conversation we're talking about when we are creating likeness of our children online access to any one and every one, they will, in fact, do with your child's likeness, what they want. And there are a lot of people out there who want to cause harm a lot.

    KC 30:49

    And the idea of it were sort of that generation, like the internet really became accessible to the masses when I was in like the sixth grade with, you know, aim Messenger, and your one little dial up and there's like three websites, but like, we're the ones who grew up on the internet. And so we don't have access to generations older than us making these decisions. Like I think that especially when the mommy blogger content like that was so meaningful to so many moms who felt isolated, didn't have support and all of a sudden parents online start talking about things that they aren't talking about in real life. They're not talking at the playdates about how hard things are, but they'll go online and because it feels a little anonymous talk about how hard parenting is. So now you have all these parents going, oh my god, someone gets it. Someone understands that nobody before us has ever had to navigate. How do I talk about my life as a parent while grappling with the realities of my child and their right to privacy, autonomy, consent and a digital footprint under their control?

    Catie Reay 31:50

    Yep, there really wasn't. I mean, our introduction, like you said into the internet was AOL chat rooms, one of the most pervasive places for grooming, hyper sexualization? Yeah, I

    KC 32:02

    don't know why we are struggling with it because we more than anybody know how grody it is on the streets.

    Catie Reay 32:09

    In the US. It was us it was us. We took literally like the full brunt of force of the internet saying, Welcome.

    KC 32:18

    I don't want to shame parents that are putting content online. There's such a lower level, absolutely

    Catie Reay 32:24

    not. I think that does need to hear it in a way they've never heard it before. They've heard it from someone who came from an angle that was either not their flavor. I'm not out here to police anybody's language or their approach on this topic. Everybody has a different approach. I like to approach it from an educational standpoint, in hopes that someone hears it in a way they've never heard it before. And they adjust the way they show up digitally. Yeah, I mean, the reality is, we can troll where what happens with our child's likeness online learning what I've learned, I said no more like I will not be responsible for my child existing or my child's likeness existing online and experiencing digital harm as a result of their digital footprint that I created for them, they had no choice in the matter, there is no way for them to have consented to exactly what was taking place when they were put on in the digital space. So I don't want to be a part of the potential harm that comes from that I'm going to save this space for them to choose in the future if they do choose because not everybody wants to be on social media. What if my kid grows up and says, You know what? No, thanks. I actually I've seen what social media has done for you. It's great. I love that you love it. I don't even have an interest in my likeness being out there. So I don't want it No, thank you. Well,

    KC 33:35

    and think about, you know, we talk so many times to young adults about think about what you put online because employers will Google your name, they'll find those things. And it's like, okay, can you imagine the feeling of trying to get a job and that employer, Google's you and finds your whole childhood? And you might be thinking, well, they're not going to not give you a job because of like, you know, you being a child, but like, what if they don't like your mom? What if they don't like the political affiliation of your family? vlogging channel? What if you don't I mean, like, what if there are things that they want to discriminate against, that they find in all of this digital footprint that you didn't have control over? Like you didn't consent to? Or

    Catie Reay 34:12

    what if they do hire you because you were hyper sexualized as a child, and now they're looking at you that way. Like, we have to understand all of the complexities of the things that people are really seeing of these children online and the ways in which that's going to impact their future.

    KC 34:27

    There's one more point that I want to bring up before I will let you go, which is that so as a large creator, I've got 1.6 million followers on Tiktok I've had a little bit of a exposure to like, how dark the Internet can be. And I consider myself someone who's pretty careful about not giving away my locations. You know, I don't show my kids faces. I try not to make anything identifiable about my children even as I'm talking. And but there's two things that happened to me like one was one time being on a live stream and talking to people and I just made a video about misogyny. And so a bunch of men that were really angry in my comments making a comment about where I lived that I had never given out. And then the second thing that happened was one time I was making a tic talk about how I had taken my kids to the beach. And it was about overcoming anxiety, because I had a lot of anxiety around taking my kids to around water. And the shot was my kids weren't in the shot. It was literally sand, water, a little bit of like a dock and a coastline. That was it. It looked like every beach in America. And someone commented, you may want to take this down, because I know where you are. And I DM to them. And I was like, how do you know where I am? And you would think, Oh, it's because they recognized something, this person lived across the country. And they said, Well, I know you live in Houston. And there's a red barn in the background on the right side. And you said you were at the beach. And so I just pulled up a map of the coastline of Houston and on Google Maps, and I started going, I saw that there was a doc and I went, then you can see the docs and I went doc, by doc by doc, looking at Google Streetview. Until I found that red barn in the background. I know exactly where you are with your children right now. And by the way, they were doing this to be helpful. Like they weren't like threatening me. They were saying like, I know, you think that this is nondescript. But I want you to know, it took me eight minutes to find out where you take your children to the beach that

    Catie Reay 36:22

    is quite literally terrifying. Like to get a message like I know exactly where you are. What I've heard, as far as those particular situations is the safest way to share what you're doing without it being a direct location is posting well after you've already left that location, which most of us do, right? Like when we're filming these pieces of this activity, and then it we draft it and we go play like and then later after we've gotten home, we have time for the editing process. That's when we're like editing and doing all these things because like they come at the beach, but I think that's so important for people to remember is the Internet is a very dark, very scary place, you are quite literally giving anyone and everyone access to you. If your profile is public. If it's not, you're making it a

    KC 37:08

    little harder. And if that's a place, you go frequently, it doesn't help you to post it later.

    Catie Reay 37:13

    Correct. If that's the place you frequent posting it, you're promising that someone's going to find you there. At some point, I like to post most of my content from my inside my bedroom, just right here, just like this, set up my bed, prop up my ring light, say my little my little thing is and then there isn't much for people to go off of as far as location wise, other than the fact that people do know that I live in Wyoming because I've done a lot of local community work, I do a lot of calls to action, calling on the community to help with local legislation sending our representatives their thoughts on the fact that we still haven't moved in certain areas. The biggest thing when it comes to keeping our kids safe online is recognizing if anyone and everyone can find us, or can have an opinion on us or can do things with our content, they can also have an opinion, do things and manipulate content of our children. And that scares me more than the idea of them doing that to my kids scares me more than the idea of them doing it to me.

    KC 38:13

    And I think one of the things that I hear from people is they'll say, Well, you can't live in fear. I can't, you know, control my life, just because there are bad people out there. And then the other objection that comes up is you know, okay, but like someone could take a picture of your kid at the park and use it somebody could be looking at your kid at the park and use it. And what I always say is that's true. And if you went to a park and someone took a picture of your child, would you ever take them back to that park? If you like to go to a park and all of a sudden the next day someone a mom posted on your little Facebook group or a dad posted on your facebook group page, just so you guys know, I was at that park and somebody took a picture of my kid and here's where I found it. You would never go back to that park. Yeah, like to me, it seems so obvious. Like I know that I know that anywhere I go. Someone could snap a photo. But I certainly I'm not saying live your life in fear. Never update your nana. I mean, like even between you and I we have different comfort levels as far as like how private how encrypted but taking any steps towards safety is a good thing. Well,

    Catie Reay 39:15

    in that park analogy, it's if somebody told you that there is a unknown predator that hangs out at this particular park takes pictures of kids while he's there. And the police have never done anything no matter how many times he's reported, you're not going to go to that park, you may go with the efforts of calling the police just to say hey, this fucker hasn't left still. Are y'all going to do anything? The reality is you're not going if you experienced it by yourself independently, just like you said, you're not going back knowing that the reporting system isn't working. Hello, we're talking about platform reporting here. It doesn't work. We've been doing it for years and they do not Don't remove content from predatory people. They do not remove accounts from predatory people who are continuously doing these things where they are taking your child's like this. And they're hyper sexualizing it and using it for insidious purposes. As someone who is down these rabbit holes for my work in advocacy and activism, I promise you, your children's likeness are being hyper sexualized and use for child sexual abuse material because I'm one of the people that binds it. And I have to contact you through your DMS and Instagram. And I have to tell you, ma'am, I regret to inform you, but your children's likeness has ended up on pornography websites, and you're mortified. And I hear your voice clips where you are literally crying, saying this can't be the case. What do I do and I walk you through the steps of calling the police and then I walk you through the steps of reporting to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and using the feature take it down so that a child's likeness who's been sexualized online can be removed from the internet in perpetuity. And then I walk you through the process of talking with the FBI for the first time so they can dig and find exactly where what accesses and what sections of the internet this has been purveying in I am on the other end of your children being hyper sexualized on the internet, I am the one that you all reach out to myself and hundreds of 1000s of others who are doing this work. And I'm telling you right now, your voice clips live in my nightmares, your voices will not leave my bones as I hear you break down about your children being sexualized on the internet. And for those of you who don't believe it could happen to you, you have a choice to adjust the way you show up digitally now. Or you will be reaching out to me and someone like me one day as well, because there are people out there who do not stop what they do. And they are really good at what they do. And it is hyper sexualizing children online and using their images For insidious purposes. That is not fear mongering, that is the world that we live in this digital space, big space was not intended for human safety. That's why our legislation is so behind right now. Our digital capacity is decades ahead of our legislative measures for safety. That's why we're working so hard every legislative session to pump at least something out like one thing, can we just get one thing to start the ball rolling. Unfortunately, we don't have anything robust enough. But we're trying we're working really hard on it. So I just want you to know parents who are in this gray area where they're struggling. They're not sure where to start, just start if you're hearing this and you're like God, I really can't do this anymore. Like I've heard this. And I feel differently. It's been shared in a way that I hadn't heard it prior. Just start by deleting. That's what I did. I started by privatizing my Facebook account and just deleting one picture after the other. And I did not realize that there were 1000s of them years of having shared by children, there were 1000s of them. And I was really grateful for the opportunity to start that process. Katie,

    KC 42:50

    I can't thank you enough for the time that you've taken to have this conversation. I know it's a heavy conversation. But I know it's going to benefit a lot of parents and in turn are going to benefit a lot of kids. Can you tell us where we can find you if we want to follow you on social media or any resources that you have for us?

    Catie Reay 43:07

    Absolutely. Thanks for having me. Case me. You guys can find me at the Tick Tock advocate on both Instagram and Tiktok

    KC 43:13

    Awesome. All right. We will put some of those things in the show notes too. And I hope you have a great rest of your day.

    Catie Reay 43:19

    Thanks, friend. You too.

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler
65: The Dark Underside of Family Vlogging, Part 1

If you have much experience with family vlogs, chances are that today’s topic has crossed your mind. My guest, Cam, is here to share her personal experience growing up as the child of one of the first well-known “Mommy bloggers.” Cam is an international advocate for children of influencers and family vloggers. She takes a stand against child exploitation, going as far as speaking to lawmakers and appearing in documentaries. Her perspective will give us all something to think about. Join us to learn more!

 Show Highlights:

●      How to understand what family vlogging is

●      Cam’s take on two high-profile cases involving family vlogs that have been in the headlines

●      Cam’s experience as a child when her life was on display through her mom’s blog

●      What happens to a child when a parent overshares about their lives

●      How controversy always causes people to “click”--and more clicks mean more money!

●      The effect of growing up with a lack of privacy that caused embarrassment and vulnerability in Cam

●      Why consent is at the heart of this issue for kids

●      Can family vlogging be done ethically?

●      Why it can be devastating to feel exposed by the people who should protect you the most

●      Cam’s advocacy efforts to keep children from being exploited online

Resources and Links:

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes.

  • KC 0:05

    Hello, you sentient ball of stardust. Welcome to struggle care. I'm your host, KC Davis. And today we are talking about the dark underbelly of family vlogging. We have a couple of salacious stories to talk to you about. We're also going to talk about some personal experience. And then we're going to wrap up talking about some things that really apply to everybody. So I have with me in studio today, Cam, who is an international advocate for children of influencers and family vloggers. She stands up against child exploitation, she has spoken to lawmakers, she has been in documentaries, and she's going to share her personal experience with us today about being the child of one of the kind of first big mommy bloggers back when that became a thing and how that affected her. So cam, thank you for being here.

    Unknown Speaker 0:53

    Thank you for having me. Hello.

    KC 0:56

    Okay, Cam, I want to start we're gonna get into your personal story. But I first want to start talking about like, what family vlogging is because I think not everyone listening might know that there's this whole niche of the internet of what's now called family vlogging. Yeah, so, I mean, how would you define family vlogging first of all,

    Cam 1:20

    family vlogging is where a parent will create their own social media account, whether it's, you know, like on YouTube, or Tik Tok, or even Instagram, and they make their child the focal point of their social media posts. So, essentially, the child is a child actor, right? But unfortunately, it's their day to day life. So you can compare it to like child reality stars, except, you know, it's they don't have any regulation of like when they stop. So like, you know, their parents could be recording them from sunup to sundown, you know, so, yeah, it's just kind of like a social media account, curated around somebody's child. And

    KC 2:04

    I see a lot of them out there that are like parents will start one for a child. And then I also see a lot of ones out there, where it's like about their family. It's almost like documentary style, about their family, right? I'm thinking of people that make videos about, you know, their van life and other kids in the van, or, you know, it's almost like the Duggars, right, like they have their TLC show, or they had their TLC show before all of their controversy. It's almost like people doing that. But instead of having like, deal with a network, they're just making their own videos and uploading them to YouTube or Tik Tok, or they're doing pictures on Instagram. And so the issue, of course, is numerous. We're going to get into it. But I wanted to kind of start by talking about one of the big headlines that came out recently about one of these blogging families. So some of you might have seen the headlines about the Ruby Frankie case. So Ruby, Frankie was one of the people behind a family vlogging channel was a YouTube channel called eight passengers. And it documented her and her husband and their six kids life. It was really popular in 2020, it had like 2.5 million subscribers and had a billion views. And I mean, they only did it for a year and a half or so. And then she moved on to do like life coaching or something with this other counselor. But the reason that she's been in the news recently is because one of her children showed up at a neighbor's house, begging for them to call the police. He had wounds on his body. He had been duct taped his hands together, and he was emaciated. And the police were called. And they came and found him and another one of those children at this woman's house, not rubies, but her like business partner, and it has launched this huge investigation into child abuse. And apparently, there's been quite a bit of it happening in their family. So that's kind of like rocked the headlines. I'm curious, like, what your take on, on that whole situation is,

    Cam 4:03

    yeah, so honestly, I am just shocked that the authorities hadn't gotten involved sooner because I remember seeing their videos like in 2018 2019 when they were kind of like, first starting out. And I vividly remember like, you know, her sending her son to a troubled teen institution, like, you know, out in the wilderness like, he's camping. He's sleeping like outside, like in the cold and stuff in a sleeping bag, rationing their food and stuff. And then I remember another video, she sent her like preschooler to school and the kid forgot her lunch. And the teacher had texted Ruby and she said, hey, you know, so and so forgot their lunch. Do you want to maybe bring that up so she can eat? You know, she's really hungry. And Ruby texted her back and said, Nope, you know, that's her responsibility you can tell her that she's just not going to eat for today. And just kind of like she would always brag about how she would use food as like a punishment and like literally starve her children. And so I think that's one thing that I always was just kind of like, I don't know, like even the teachers knew. So I just am confused why nobody ducked in for those kids. You know what I mean? Like, there's so many situations that are documented in her vlogs that are just like outright child abuse, but because she kind of positioned it in like a glamorous light for you to, you know, I don't think people really took it seriously. So I'm just like,

    KC 5:38

    shocked. Okay, there's this other one that I found and I feel like with the rise of Tik Tok, I've seen it a lot on tick tock of people making accounts. And they're just like, kind of making it as if it's like their little personal social media, but then it kind of blows up. And it's like, oh, this is something I can monetize. And then they become these like, family vlogging channels. And there was another controversy that happened a little while back with a really popular tech talker. And I'm going to play you the video. So basically, like she released this video, where she's talking about how her son's dog died. And she forgets to edit out this piece in the middle where she's like, directing him on what to do. It's about a play that can act like you're crying, like

    look at me, look at me. Look at me. Look at me, look at me. Don't look at me. And then some parents in the wondering why. So, and she literally in the video goes from like, this normal face of like, Okay, put your hand here, put your hand here and he's crying. He's like maybe seven or eight. And then she makes this like fake cry face. And it was like, how horrible would it be to be that child? Right? So I wanted that's like a couple of the more salacious ones I want to kind of back up, I want to ask about your background and your experience. Your mom was a mom, like before we had YouTube before we had like these family vlogging channels, one of the first things that kind of blew up on the internet was this idea of being a mommy blogger, where mothers would have these public blogs where they would do these like long written sort of journal entries. And they will talk about motherhood. And one of the things that was so new to the world at that time was that there weren't a lot of moms talking publicly about like how difficult motherhood was, and sort of the nitty gritty behind the scenes of the ins and outs of being that primary parent. And so a lot of people flocked to these pages, because they had never really had that kind of insight. They've never really had that kind of community before. But because it was like the first generation of mothers doing this, nobody really thought about the effect that this was going to have on their children, as these pages amassed 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of followers, and one of the things that we're seeing, and you're I think such an example of this is that those children have now grown up, and we have insight into what it is like to realize that your mother has basically documented your childhood for 1000s of strangers. So can you tell me just a little bit about how your mom started mommy blogging and what that was like. So

    Cam 8:32

    my mom started off with, you know, the mommy blogging thing on MySpace, she had her own personal account, but then she made me my own account and kind of like, you know, attached the two together, like, you know, people on your top eight and stuff like that. And so on MySpace, it was more so just kind of like, you know, like you mentioned, like, documenting, like, what motherhood was about, especially because I'm adopted. And so a lot of her posts were like about my adoption story, because it was an open adoption. And my birth mom was very active in my life. And so, on my Facebook account, it was kind of just like, I don't know, I guess so people could get to know me. And I honestly couldn't really tell you I but I had free rein of it. It was kind of just like, imagine giving a seven year old like free rein of social media, like, you know, ridiculous pictures and like, seven year old bots on social media, right? And so as my space kind of like died down, we transferred over to Facebook and on Facebook, you can like directly link like who your mom is, who your daughter is, like, who your family is, whatever, you can have your family tree. And so that's what my mom did again. And this was like, I think two years after the MySpace accounts were created. So my house kind of started to not decline but like I was constantly having broken bones and so I had to go like I had to undergo a lot of tests. so they can figure out what's going on. And so that was kind of like, a gold pot for my mom to start posting on social media. And so she would always post like, you know, here's what happened with Cam today, here's what the doctors are saying about her, or we're in the ER again, and she would like tag the location in real time. And so like, literally sometimes, like a friend of hers, or like a super distant relative, like, literally come up to the hospital, and it was just like, I don't know, you, why are you here. And, you know, it kind of started to really revolve around my disabilities. And so when I was 14, I ended up getting Mersa. And it was really severe because it didn't catch up until pretty late. And I was hospitalized for like three months. And my mom just like, was constantly posting pictures of me like, just incapacitated, like in the hospital bed, like, you know, going through treatments and stuff, or posting pictures of me like when I'm literally struggling to drink, like a nasty barium drink before I undergo like a CT scan and stuff. And yeah, so it was just really heavily revolving around a lot of like, my medical trauma. And then it really escalated when I ended up getting hit by a drunk driver. It was like, she knew it was clickbait, you know, like, she knew that there would be like, a lot of sympathy. And so, you know, like, pictures of me in the ambulance were posted pictures of me in the hospital, like right after it happened were posted. And it's like, in that moment, instead of being comforted when I'm going through literally something just so traumatic. It's just like, there's a camera put in my face and said, just kind of like that kid when his dog died. And you know, the mom is just trying to get a video for her to post, you know, instead of just comforting the child. So it was very similar in that sense.

    KC 11:53

    So at that point, how many people were reading your mom's posts? Honestly, probably

    Cam 11:58

    close to 10,000 people, and it was a public page. So she had at least 10,000 people who were like, following, right. So but like, I don't know, how many other people outside of that, you know?

    KC 12:17

    And did she make it? Was it like her personal account? Or did she make like a page that people were following?

    Cam 12:23

    It was her personal account, she just like, on Facebook, you can have things like where you can have the setting where you can post it to outside of your circle of friends. And that's kind of like what she had.

    KC 12:37

    Okay. So we sort of talked off camera about like, the issues that come up, when your parent is over sharing these things online, right? Whether there's, you know, 100 people watching, or whether there's 10,000 people watching. And you talked about the issue of being sexualized on your mom's Facebook channel. We talk about that some? Yeah.

    Cam 13:04

    So there's, I mean, one of the main reasons that I don't even legally go by my name, like on any form of social media is because if you Google my legal name, there's photos of me as a very young child in bikinis, there's a photo of me, as a nine year old, I'm trying to remember how old a fourth grader is. There's a photo of me as a nine year old with, like, you know, a hot pink cast on my leg, like, in a bath towel, like wrapped up in toilet paper. Like, I really don't know why, like, my memory has totally blocked that out. Because I don't know. But it's just like, there's photo evidence of it. Right? And that's just, like, terrifying for me to think about people finding that. And, you know, even going back to the MySpace days, like the beginning, when I was like, in second grade, there's like, questions on MySpace. And one of the questions is, I'll never forget this, it asked What color is the color of your underwear that you're wearing right now? And I'm like, seven. And I'm like, I don't know, it's like, pink with flowers, or whatever. I said to my mom, and she was like, that's not sexy enough. I'm just gonna put black and I just like, sat there. Like, I didn't even know what the word sexy meant. You know, I just was like, what? So yeah, there's a lot of instances where parents will hyper sexualized their children because they know that, like, it'll pull in an audience, whether there'll be like, Why are you posting stuff like that? Or it'll pull in an audience where it's just like, I hate to say normal people trying to defend it, but like, people just trying to be like, well, you have a weird messed up mind. You know, does that make sense? Like, yeah,

    KC 14:44

    it does. And I see this too, where parents will post these videos and it really specifically happens in the ones where it's like, the account is just about this, like seven year old or this eight year old and there'll be in a bikini or there'll be in a little dress. they'll be in. Like, one time, there was one where the little girl, it was the video of the girl. And she's like falling backwards. But they specifically made the thumbnail of it when she was like in mid fall, where it looks like her skirts coming up. And you think to yourself, like, obvious in the comment sections that there are like grown men in the comment sections being like, Ooh, how sexy Oh, you're so beautiful. And I mean, like, nobody ever wants to think that parents are purposefully trying to entice sexual predators to like, look at their children. But I think for sure happens. And I think probably what happens more likely or more often is what you're talking about where it's like, I know that this is going to be controversial, because I know that people are going to come in to the comments, and leave comments about how awful this is. And then I know other people are going to defend it. She's just a little girl. Why would you think that way. And what a lot of people don't appreciate is that the way that social media works these days, is all through an algorithm. So like, the more engagement you get on a post, the more that post gets pushed out to more people, and the more views you get, and a lot of these channels, whether they're YouTube channels, or tiktoks, or Instagram reels or pictures, like they're all monetized. So like the family is making money off of those views. And so anything they can do to make it more likely someone's going to watch or more likely someone's going to comment. And I think that you're right, that a lot of parents are sort of thinking they can toe the line and create controversy in that way. Yeah,

    Cam 16:38

    you honestly worded it exactly how I was trying to say that. But yeah, it's yeah, of course, they know that, like, controversy causes people to click, you know, so it just is like, it's the whole clickbait thing. It's just, it's gross.

    KC 16:53

    So these places aren't monetized? And what kind of issues like, you mentioned that child actors have a lot of legal protections. And I think this is one of those areas, like what is happening to all of this money that's being generated by these family channels that these children are participating in? Well,

    Cam 17:15

    you know, I can tell you firsthand that a majority 99% of these kids, and I mean, 99% of these kids don't ever see a single penny from what they have put in the work for for the entirety of their life. Like the Ruby, Frankie kids, you know, for example, the two older ones, they didn't get any money from what they put in for the entirety of their life. I have children who have DM to me, and they are inactive situations where they are literally products of family channels making money for their parents, and they have literally told me, you know, I told my parents, I don't want to do this anymore. And then they've said, Okay, well, we're gonna, like your mom and I are gonna have to get like a day job. And you know, we're gonna have to move out of our nice house, because this is the money that pays the bills. And so these kids know that they're ultimately paying the bills. And you know, they don't want to be the one that ruins the family, they don't want to be the one that makes their family have to move out of their house, they don't want to be the one that causes their family not to be able to pay the bills. So they ultimately suck it up and stick it out until they're 18. And a lot of times, they can't even do anything when they're 18. Because they don't have anything like their parents will allow them to get a job because their job is the vlogs. And they don't get paid from that. And so it just is like it spirals into financial abuse at the end of the day.

    KC 18:42

    And the amount of stuff that gets posted about kids on the internet is shocking, like I have seen no, I mean, obviously, this is an issue with like family vloggers. They talk about like their child's intimate moments and their embarrassing moments, but even just like run of the mill parents, right, like you see videos of children sitting on the toilet, you see videos of children having meltdowns, you see videos of kids, you know, in really vulnerable, I don't mean vulnerable in the sense of like, ooh, someone's going to take advantage of them. I mean, vulnerable, like emotionally vulnerable stages, like, I'm crying about my dog dying. What was the effect that that kind of lack of privacy had on your life?

    Cam 19:20

    You know, it's something that I am literally trying to figure out in therapy right now, because I still struggle so much with just such intense paranoia of like, being watched, you know, because when I was younger, I was like, 12, and I was out riding my bikes with my friends. And I got home and I go on Facebook, and I get a message and it's from a random account, and they're like, I saw you riding your bikes today and I followed you like into your neighborhood. I know what neighborhood you live in. And that scared the ever living daylights out of me. You know, and I think that has followed me into adulthood because I have a very hard time holding friendships. It's like I get it. embarrassed almost because like, I get embarrassed. And I also get paranoid because I'm like, oh my god, they could like, just type my name in and like, see so much of me that like I never wanted to be posted online in the first place. And so I have a very hard time, like, actually making genuine connections with people or allowing myself to because I get so in my head about, like, there's so much on mine that I can't take off, like, it's impossible for me to get removed. And I don't know, just like the thought of that is just like, so terrifying to me. And so it just has definitely affected like relationships I've

    KC 20:38

    had with people. Do you think that it sounds like having such a lack of privacy as a child, where anything that took place between you and the person that you were supposed to be closest to your mother, like might be put online, really kind of messes with that sense of safety within a relationship, like this new person you meet, or this new person you date or this new friend, you make, like the idea that you've had so little privacy that like, the only way for you to have privacy is to literally not share anything with anyone? Yeah, that's Do you think that that's affected, like your ability to like, start to be vulnerable with people? Absolutely.

    Cam 21:17

    And I can honestly say that, like, I'm not the only one, like I've mentioned, like, I've talked to kids who are in current situations where they are in family channels, and they literally have said the same thing. Like, I feel like I can't trust anybody, I feel like I can't talk to anybody, because like, you look up my name, even my classmates look at my name. And there's a whole YouTube channel, or there's articles that my parents have done talking about such embarrassing things, or acknowledging the sexualization that is coming to the channel by continuing to make videos in the same style. And so it puts you in, it's like, you want to make these connections, because you want to know that they're so good in the world, you want to know that, like, there's not people that are going to exploit you for literally like your most vulnerable moments, but it's just like that fear of being like, Okay, well, the people who were supposed to protect me from this type of stuff failed to do that. It's just kind of like, sometimes it feels like it's worth it to just like, not even try because like I've had quote unquote friends in the past who have literally weaponized what was posted on social media against me, like, even in my adult life, like they would Google my name or go on the Facebook page. And then like, literally send me these embarrassing or traumatic things like in a group chat. And I'm just like, What the hell is going on? Like, you know, and so it's very, like, I don't know, it's very hard. It's a very hard mental hurdle to get over.

    KC 22:49

    But it's something I think about a lot, where, when we talk about like, posting embarrassing moments, I think that as parents, what we think is embarrassing, is completely different than what a child feels is embarrassing, because when I think about, oh, I've never posted anything that like would embarrass my child. But like, I also think we don't remember how cruel children are like something as simple as you crying about your dog. Right? Like, you might not think it's embarrassing that a toddler is sitting on the toilet training, because that's normal, and there are no bits showing. And it's, you know, they made a funny face during it like, like, I've seen those where it's like, oh, it's funny, because this 18 month old was trying to potty train, like, made a funny face or said something really funny. But like, the first time a 10 year old gets a hold of that video of you, like, it will be so embarrassing, and it will get weaponized and it will be used as bullying. I mean, you yourself went through some bullying. Oh,

    Cam 23:47

    yeah. I mean, it caused me to literally drop out of high school. Like I not only was I bullied by my peers, but I also had teachers who would literally see my mom's Facebook posts and stuff. And so like, one teacher was like, so empathetic towards me and like, just very kind because I think not only did she feel bad about me, just with my health issues, I think she felt bad that it was last on such a public platform. But I had my math teacher, just relentlessly antagonize me. I mean, when I was finally cleared to go back to school, because you know, you have to be cleared from Mercer and stuff before you can go back. I walked in the class and he just is like, he's like, Oh, hey, look, who decided to show up to school today. And then he's just like, hang on a second. And he like literally takes a desk out of a group of desks because you know, teachers usually have them in like groups of twos or fours, whatever. He takes it and completely moves it to the other side of the room to isolate me and he's like, Guys, just don't talk to the infected girl. Just don't go over there. And I'm just like, I literally, that was like the first time I ever had such a severe anxiety attack. I just like completely shut down like I ran out of the room. I just I went downstairs to my English tea. just sobbing. And she like marched up there. And she, it was it was a whole thing. I mean, like, it just was so traumatizing I couldn't get myself up in the morning to go back to school, I literally would like, throw up with anxiety. Like I was making myself sick with anxiety because I just like, I was like, oh my god, like, This man has seen everything like he's gonna just make my life a living hell, I can't do it. I can't go back. And so I didn't. And you

    KC 25:24

    are getting messages from men in their, like 40s and 50s. How old were you in that started? Like Middle

    Cam 25:32

    School? I think I was like, Well, I had to event well, because I think that's when I started to really like, be more on social media, because that's when like, my friends had started to get social media. And so like, I would get messages from men being like, hey, like, I'm a friend of your mom's or like, hey, like, I saw what your mom posted. And you look good in these pictures, like, hope you're doing good. And I'm just like, I don't know, you. You know, it just is like, it's so awkward for a child that age to be receiving messages from men that they literally do not know. Like, not someone in the family, not a family friend. Just like, I don't know, if someone who thinks they're a friend of my mom's because they're on her Facebook page.

    KC 26:15

    It's almost like your mom had like digital Munchausen by proxy.

    Cam 26:20

    Yeah, that's honestly a lot. So many people. I mean, would comment that like, I'm not the digital part. But they would call it the Munchausen by proxy part. And I mean, I recently went back because I was getting like a few screenshots that I was like, Yeah, I don't really care if those are in the documentary. That's fine. And I was just scrolling through the comments. And so many people were commenting that and it just was like, because, you know, at the end of the day, did my mom make things more clickable? Of course, she did. You know, she would kind of fabricate the severity of things. And I think a lot of people could tell that. And so they would just be like, I don't really know if you know, this girl is even sick, like what's going on, like, type of thing. And, you know, also reading that as a kid is just like, it started to make me get in my head about my own disability, which I had to unlearn as an adult. So yeah, it just, I don't know, not only do those comments, like, would they ultimately like affect her, but like, they affected me as well, because I started to think as well, like, Am I crazy? Or like what's going on? I don't know. Like, I had to really unlearn a lot of internalized ableism, I think because of things being fabricated. And then obviously, because they were so clearly fabricated. They weren't believed. And so like, I didn't know what to believe it just was like, it's very confusing.

    KC 27:42

    And I think sometimes when we hear these stories about the Ruby Frankie case, or we see video clips of the mom, that's like coaching her kid, like, it seems like there's this whole category of like, bad people that engage in this. And like, we could never be like that. Or you know what, as long as we don't do it like that, but like when I don't know your mom, obviously, but like, I can totally see how a parent would start with I just, I'm talking about what it's like to be a mom of like babies, right linen, and you're not thinking it matters, and how like, because being a mom is so isolating in our society, like all of a sudden you have connections to people, and all of a sudden you have a tension. And all of a sudden you have a purpose. And all of a sudden, you're helping people with your experience being a mom and all of a sudden you have an audience and like I remember sitting alone covered in vomit and being like, what is this I feel so purposeful as I feel so you know, all this stuff. And what starts as sort of finding community and finding meaning, like really evolves into this dark thing where we start putting our kids in danger. And I can see that happening in degrees to where somebody maybe wouldn't be aware that it was happening. Yeah, I mean, like

    Cam 28:56

    it literally snow, it can snowball into an addiction to social media, which I think so many people don't think exists. But at the end of the day, it does. I mean, the notifications, the attention, the conversations, it gives you a dopamine rush, which you literally can get addicted to. And it goes from talking about like, you know, your personal experiences where you are getting support from other parents who are going through the same thing or who have gone through the same thing to making your child your content because you can't get enough of those conversations or like you think you have a bigger purpose in this situation. Like there's a lot of parents who, when So, in my advocacy with doing this, there's been so many people with who have millions of followers and I mean, millions of followers who I've had conversations with personally and they've been like, Okay, wait, yeah, like I realized that I am literally like making my kid work or I realized that like, I am using my kid to have these calm rotations with people like I'm exploiting what they're going through whether it's like, an emotional thing or like something that happened at school or medical trauma. And once they've kind of realized and like have been called in instead of being called out where we can actually have like these conversations and like, voice actual concerns, instead of being like, You're a bad parent, you don't deserve to have a child or platform type of thing. They've come to understand that like, Okay, I don't want to do this to my child, I want to continue to have these conversations, but like, as my own person instead of using my child as the talking point, and I think that you can have conversations about parenthood without posting your child, for one, I think you can do it without exploiting like, such vulnerable moments. And it's been proven that palatable to an audience because people have maintained platforms of millions of followers and have gained even hundreds of 1000s of more after they stopped posting their child. But then there's also like, so many people who are just so like, sucked into like, the social media addiction, where they just like, don't really care, or they don't really care to, like, try to have a conversation because they are like, Well, I'm not doing I'm not doing this to my kid. I'm not doing that to my kids. So I'm not like them, kind of like what you were saying. So yeah, those people are just like, kind of impossible to have a conversation about it with.

    KC 31:25

    So that kind of brings me to the next thing that I wanted to talk about, which is this question of, okay. You talked about your experience and all the negative impacts, we talked about the issues of sexualizing children and monetary exploitation and privacy. And, you know, it really, we didn't even touch on the fact that like, children can't consent to being on the internet. We talked about the bullying and the safety. And really consent is kind of at the heart of this. And so it kind of brings up this question for some people, which is, well, what if I'm not doing any of that? Like, what if I'm doing it ethically? Like, can you put your kids online, ethically, like a family vlogging channel that's ethical, and so I want to play this video and get your reaction to it. This is a family vlogging channel, they're on YouTube and Tiktok. And also, we've been really hammering, we've been really saying moms, but it's not just moms, this is actually a dad, and I want to play this video for you, and get your thoughts.

    Cam 32:19

    In the beginning of 2023, my son's asked me to delete 300 videos on our YouTube channel. And I did, we used to have over 700 videos, and now we have just over 400 The reason why I honored them is because I understand the importance of them having autonomy and consent overall, a lot of people have been spoken up this conversation about family channels in YouTube, vloggers are whatever, exploiting their children for their own profit and no gain. And that children can't give consent. I think there's a difference when children are saying, Hey, I don't want to do this anymore. And it shows and the parents are saying, Hey, we don't care, we're going to do this because this was making us money. I view this channel as a family business since 2015. We've been making videos, and I'm proud to say that my children have 1000s of dollars in their accounts, because we pay them for being a part of many of the productions that we do. But once my sons were like, Yo, I don't want to be a part of this in 2023. We had a deficit, you know, I mean, and I honestly believe that we're doing this for a reason that is noble, right. And it's honorable, not just to our family, but to the world. Because I've never wanted to be a dad until I saw proof of good fatherhood. So I want it to be proof for other people. But that doesn't go without my children's permission. So 2023 We barely posted any videos of the oldest to do on your Raya, the youngest two were definitely cool with being in the videos. And that may change at some point. So we took down those videos, and I still wanted to tell those stories in a very creative way. So I hit up my homie RJ and his wife, Emily, and we wrote these books together. These are the schematics of some of the images that we we did here.

    Yes. So when he's saying that, you know, the youngest two want to be in the videos and stuff and everything, I believe right at that moment in that video. The oldest two are literally behind the scenes watching dad have like the time of their lives with younger brother on camera with like this puppet and they go to him and the oldest two are like visibly watching what's happening behind the scenes. They're watching your little brother get all the attention with their dad. And it's just like they're not like they're, I don't know, it just feels like it's like dangling a carrot in front of like a rabbit right? Because it's just like, you are making them because they don't want to participate in the family business. You're making them sit behind the scenes and watch you like just interact with your children, like your younger children. And that just like, it feels so isolating to be the kid that's like not able to participate in like a family activity. I think that's something that maybe he doesn't realize or just won't realize, because, you know, he doesn't want to have a conversation about it. But then he pulls out like this book where he's saying that he wrote it with his kids, because he wants to have proof of their stories, right. And he wants to have these videos documented, because he wants to prove to other people that, you know, you can be a good father and like, if you want kids is like a man. Like, it's not like, you know, anything bad like you. It's cool to be a dad and stuff, which I think he's also putting in the book. So it's just like, I don't really understand why there's such a need to make not to make, because I guess he's saying they're coming to him. But I guess I just don't understand the need to put the other kids back on camera, because they want to, you know, they're saying they're coming to you saying that they want to interact with you and like, do this puppet thing that their little brother is doing? Because like, I don't know, he's showing that it's in the video, he's contradicting himself, because you don't have to make these videos to prove to people that you can be like, a good father, there's like, he literally showed it in another way, in the same video that he's trying to make an excuse of exploiting his kids on social media for a family business. Like he could make videos himself sharing stories about how you know about fatherhood, like he could continue this book series and like, had his children, like, continue to write them with him, which I think would be so much more beneficial than putting your kid in front of a camera and like, you know, just be a silly little prop for your channel, you know, yeah.

    KC 36:50

    What struck me was, he was like, you know, my kids don't want to be on camera, but I still wanted to tell their story. So I found a different way to tell their stories. And it's kind of like, it's still their story. Like, that really hit me of like, okay, and I'm sure that you asked permission. And I'm sure that they said it was okay. But like, how much of this? I guess, like this video, I think kind of gets lauded as like, oh, look, he's doing it the right way. Right. And I do agree that like, there are some things he's doing that are certainly better than others, like the fact that he's putting money in his children's account, the fact that he is honoring their request, but there are still real concerns, right. And one of the things that that you brought up to me when we were talking before we started recording is that like, he has these two older boys that have said, Hey, I was into this. I thought this was okay, now that I'm this age, I actually realized I don't want to be on camera. And he was like, okay, great, we'll take it off. But what's interesting is like he hasn't retroactively, like learned from that experience, and applied it to his younger kids.

    Cam 37:52

    Yeah. And I think that that was a really good opportunity for him to be like, Okay, well, maybe I should, like, start rolling this back, maybe I should tone it down a little bit. I'm not trying to tell anybody what to do. Because at the end of the day, parents are going to do whatever they want. But, you know, if he still wanted to feature his kids here and there, whatever. But you know, he didn't, you know, he listened to his kids deleted the videos or private to them, whatever he did, and then continued to kind of dangling in front of their face, because, okay, you're not going to participate. You're just going to sit behind the scenes, literally behind the scenes behind the camera, and watch us do all of these things with your

    KC 38:32

    little brother while I do good dad stuff with the youngest one. Yeah. And

    Speaker 1 38:38

    it's just like, and they're sitting there. And I think in the video, he even says, well, they came up to me, and they said, well, that I want to participate in these things again, well, yeah, they want to participate in having a family like function, they want to like participate in family things that you're doing with your other two, but they ultimately don't want to be on camera. They told you that, you know, and it's just like, it feels like, yes,

    KC 39:01

    their children also like so when he goes on to say like, and then my older two came back and said that they wanted it and it's like, okay, so they don't want to be they don't want their life on camera. But there is something about watching you do these videos with the younger ones that they are wanting. Like, that's a child. That's I don't want to have a tummy ache, but I do want to eat all this candy. I don't want to be sleepy in the morning. But I do want to stay up all night. It's like that's a child. And it's our job as a parent to go, Well, I can't let you make certain decisions that like are going to harm you or that you know, you don't want like I have to help you with that. And I think that you bring up a really good point, which is like he's not retroactively thinking oh my gosh, like they didn't like my younger kids might think this one day too. Like should I stop? Should I not be putting them on camera because they didn't really like children cannot grasp the concept of being broadcast to millions of people and I think that even when you're trying to not engage in some of the more obvious exploitation like you're not abusing your kids, you're not starving them. You're not like making them do retakes. You're not taking all the money like you're honoring when they say they don't want to film anymore. Like I do give him props for that. But also, like, there's got to be this feeling of betrayal. When you get to the age of being able to conceptualize, like, so many millions of people.

    Cam 40:32

    Yeah, there's a reason social media platforms have a role where you have to be 13, in order to sign up Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok Twitter for making big ones have that rule. But these parents just like, have a digital footprint from birth. And then when these kids get to the age of like, okay, Mom, I'm gonna make my own account, because all my friends have their own account done another da. And then it's just like, at that age, I think you can kind of start to conceptualize like, a large audience. I'm not saying fully, but I'm saying like, that's kind of the age when kids start to, like, really get into like, their own personal interests. And like, whether it be YouTubers or like artists or something, they can kind of conceptualize an audience when like, they're watching, like, like, I don't know, like videos where like, people are just like, Oh, my God, I'm going to VidCon and I'm gonna meet like, some of my fans, and then there's like, 1000s of people there that are only just like a fraction of their audience. I think that's kind of like, I don't know if that makes sense. Like, when they start to, like, get to that age to like, where they comprehend like, what they I think you can comprehend more than just what I'm saying, like you can comprehend like, more of like, what you're taking in? Yeah, and

    KC 41:45

    even then, I mean, how many of us, I mean, I'm in my 30s. And I'm so grateful that social media wasn't around when I was in my early teens, because like, the things that I might have said, or done, that I was just an idiot, and like, I'm so glad that every stupid thought I had ignorant thought I had at that age wasn't like, put on the internet for the world to see. Like, we still see young kids doing things on the internet and going, Oh, God like that the internet is for ever. And so like, the idea that you can expect a child to conceptualize, I mean, when we talk about consent, like the actual term in the medical field is informed consent. Consent is not really consent unless it's informed. And it's hard to believe that a child 678-910-1112 can fully be informed about the scope of what they're putting out there about the effects of what they're putting out there about how they're going to feel later about the effect that's going to have on their life. I mean, there are parents talking about their kids getting their periods online talking about their kids melting down, me

    Cam 42:57

    my first period was posted. Oh, God cam,

    KC 43:01

    I'm so sorry. Yeah, it's

    Cam 43:04

    literally like, fourth grade to like, Oh, my God, Jesus. And it's like, I don't know, like, there's so many other people who relate as well. Like, it's just insane. There's like a handful of kids who like have reached out to me because of the videos that I make on tick tock, and like, have shared, like, almost verbatim, like, what I've gone through, but like, in more of a digital sense, because there's just like, videos like for YouTube and stuff like that. And it just like, it's such like a, I don't know, it makes me sometimes dissociate, like after reading them, because not in a bad way. Like, I just kind of I'm like, oh my god, like, how is this able to, like, repeat, like, how it's just, I don't know, like, so many kids have fallen through the cracks of just like shit like this, you know, like, there's no regulations. There's no laws for this while but like, you know, all of the other kids before, even kids who are like 14 years old now and like, are still currently having to go through this. It just is like, insane. It's like talking about how they've had their periods posted or talking about like, how they're, they don't, they're having like a really bad mental health day, but their parent is still forcing them to film and it just is like, Jesus Christ like these poor kids. Just, I don't know how I spiraled into that.

    KC 44:22

    Let me ask you this. What would you have to say to regular parents and by regular I mean, they don't have a family vlogging channel, they don't have a big audience. Maybe they just have a Facebook that's public, or maybe it's not public. Maybe you just have 700 friends and who knows how close usually, you know, some of those people like what do you want parents to know? When they think about how they share about their kids online? Something

    Cam 44:47

    that I always say is like, put yourself in your child's shoes, which I know might sound ridiculous, but like if your mom for example, if you is like an adult like in Your 20s 30s 40s whatever if your parent currently was going to make a Facebook post saying exactly what you're about to post about your child, whether it be like, my kid had an accident for the first time in X amount of years, or my kid got diagnosed with XYZ done another day, and then you make a seven paragraph posts about it or whatever, or even just like casually sharing, like, my kid got diagnosed with XYZ and then like making it a post or whatever. It's like, Would you feel comfortable with your parent at your current age posting your personal information on a public platform of 700 people or 500 people or 1000? People? And the answer is probably going to be no, you probably wouldn't want your parent to do that, you probably would want to share your story yourself, you probably would want to share that personal thing yourself with people. And I think, yeah, the answer is going to be no, then you shouldn't post about your child. And I'm not saying that you can't post anything about your child, like parents are gonna post their children, they love their kids, whether it's privately publicly, whatever, but I don't think that like personal things like, you know, vulnerable moments, or like medical diagnoses, or like, you know, embarrassing, like, Oh, my God, my kid, like something at school happened today. And it was like funny to the parent, but probably not funny to the kid.

    KC 46:18

    I think that's a really great rule of thumb. Because like, so I personally made the decision to not post about any pictures of my kids or things on Facebook, because I do have 700 friends or something. And I don't really know any of them. I know lots of them really well. But a lot of them are just like those people that you met when you work that one place like whatever. So I use my Instagram. Yeah, exactly. I use my Instagram to share photos of my kids to my family and close friends. And it's private. But I think that your question is a really helpful one. Because when I think about what would I not mind my mom sharing right now in my age, like if I went to a pumpkin patch with my mom, it wouldn't bother me for her to be like Katie and I went to a pumpkin patch today. Here's a picture of us sitting in the pumpkins. And like, yeah, sure we did this today. Exactly. Right. But like, I wouldn't want my mom to share, like, Casey couldn't get out of bed today because she's struggling with health problem, and she doesn't know what's going on with it. And then she screamed at her kids like, Oh, thanks, Mom. Like

    Cam 47:20

    even like another example of like, something goofy is like, you know, here's a video of my child, like farting or something like I think even like that is something like that shouldn't be posted. Also,

    KC 47:31

    like, there are so many things that we do. Like there are a lot of mistakes that kids make, that are really cute to us as adults. Like they say something wrong, they do something wrong, and it's just like adorable. But when you're that child, all you're really experiencing, are people laughing at you not knowing what you're doing. You end up as a punchline. Yeah, exactly. And that can be really hurtful. I can enter memorialize that moment, in a way where when they grow up, they can see everybody laughing at that is can be really

    Cam 48:04

    devastating. I think I just was gonna say I think it really, it can turn into a lot of internal self harm, because reading so much of that, or being the punch line so often is kind of just like you end up making yourself the punch line too often, you end up saying really cynical things to yourself or about yourself and like trying to laugh it off. But like I don't know, it's not good for a child's mental health either. Yeah, like you

    KC 48:26

    look to your parents to be your protectors. And it can be really devastating to reach an age and realize that you feel un are so exposed and that it happened without your knowledge or consent. Let me ask you this, I want to end by asking you about some of your advocacy about some of the things that you've been able to do to start to get lawmakers to pay more attention to start to get more regulations and protections for children from being exploited online in this way. Can you talk for a bit about that?

    Cam 49:00

    Yeah. So very late last year, I was asked if I wanted to testify for a house bill 1627 In Washington State, which that was the first bill ever introduced in the country that has laws and regulations to not only protect like the monetary likeness, that are the monetary gain whenever that a child makes on social media. It also has the right to forget though, which when a child turns 18 They not only the parents who operate the channel would not only have to delete the videos, but the child could then go to platforms like YouTube or tic tock to ensure that videos like those videos are wiped from the platform like just wiped like almost like kind of like a copyright thing. Like you know, like for example, like you know, those that like monkey spinning monkey audio and tick tock that sometimes gets like an odd like a copyright strike and then those videos like go silent or whatever it would. It's kind of similar to that. And so that unfortunately I testified for that as well. I assume but that Bill unfortunately is like stuck in Washington right now. However, it was basically like copy and pasted here in Illinois in my home state of Illinois. And actually, a 16 year old was actually the one who introduced it. She was doing a school project name Shreya Shreya, was doing a school project. And she ended up seeing Chris McCarthy's belt, Chris McCarty, who runs the quick thicken kids account they've been incredible with they were the one who first introduced the bill in Washington State. And so that's kind of how I got involved was through Chris. And so anyway, the bill here in Illinois, ended up unanimously passing through the house and then ended up unanimously passing through the Senate, which was like, amazing, it's just like, it's crazy to me that like my home state, where like all of this happened to me was like the first day in the country to ever pass this bill. And then Governor Pritzker signed it, and it will officially be in effect come the first of the year, which is crazy. And then there's Maryland currently is really, really pushing for the same bill to be passed. They're in Maryland, but they are not taking the right to forget out like they are heavily keeping the right to forget and like they're speaking to lobbyists, like from speaking to lobbyists from like Google and Tik Tok and stuff like that tick tock, surprisingly, was completely on board. But you know, Google was not Google, actually, like Facebook and YouTube, they actually lobbied like against the bill in Washington, and here in Illinois, which luckily, they did not, they were not strong enough to get in the heads of senators and stuff or whatever in Illinois. So that pass. But yeah, Maryland is trying to really make sure that part of the bill is like stays because we've had multiple meetings with myself and Chris McCarty and Katie from the Tick Tock advocate account on Tiktok, just kind of like sharing our knowledge and also sharing our personal experiences to make sure that this bill that's going to be passed in Maryland protects more than just kind of like the 1% of very large family accounts. And then there's states like Texas and Pennsylvania, and California, that want to follow California is really the big one, which we're getting into their next session. So after the holidays, I imagine that it's going to be a little bit harder in California, but really, really going to try. And you

    KC 52:30

    said that a lot of these states are basically taking the wording from the bills and other states and using that, is that something that we could provide a link to for anyone listening if they wanted to kind of get these efforts going in their state?

    Cam 52:40

    Absolutely, I have, I can send you several like articles. And I can also send you the quick clicking kids account that Chris run

    KC 52:49

    perfect, we will have all that linked in the show notes here as well as a copy of the bill, if you want to take that to your lawmakers. Kim, thank you so much for doing this. I can't imagine what it's like to have your childhood so exposed and to be I think I know that sounds strong, but I think it's accurately to be betrayed in this way. And find yourself in a place where in order to protect other children, you have to continue to be vulnerable online. And I think that takes a lot of strength. Thank

    Cam 53:21

    you. I really appreciate you saying that. It's sometimes it gets really hard and it can, you know, I can get to myself very easily. So hearing that means a lie.

    KC 53:29

    I appreciate that. Well, you have a great day. And if anyone is listening, this is a great thing to get onboard with to find your local state authorities start pushing this information, start asking them to go to bat for children so that they can't be exploited by their families in this way. And so thank you for listening and Cam thank you again. Thank you

    Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Christy Haussler